


Blind Trust

by muguiwara95



Category: TharnType the Series (TV), เกลียดนักมาเป็นที่รักกันซะดีๆ | TharnType: The Series (TV) RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Insecurity, It was another character, Love, M/M, Not Mew or Gulf doing self-harm tho, Original Character(s), Panic Attacks, Self-Harm, Trust Issues, smut scenes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-28
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:21:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 36
Words: 81,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23887345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/muguiwara95/pseuds/muguiwara95
Summary: The journey to heal a broken heart is long and difficult. But it's worse to heal a trust that has been broken too many times.Mew Suppasit thought he had hit bottom when HIM practically ruined his image and career. After the scandal, it was impossible for him to trust again.What he didn't know was... A little audition to a series called TharnType could give him everything back. His career, his image...A second chance.But what was more... Was meeting a sweet boy named Gulf Kanawut.
Relationships: Mew Suppasit Jongcheveevat/Gulf Kanawut Traipipattanapong
Comments: 360
Kudos: 1129





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Just a MewGulf story that's been on my mind for a while. Please note that English is not my primarily language.
> 
> This is a work of fiction. Some things are based on real events.
> 
> Enjoy

**Gulf POV**

\- Phi, why are you doing this?

Gulf’s anguished voice sounded all around the house. It was easy to tell he was about to cry. And the reason was no other one than…

Mew Suppasit.

Gulf felt like his all world was falling apart. He never actually thought, the person he loved the most in the world would do this to him. He fought, and fought, with all his strength to hold on, but it seemed it didn’t pay off at all. And now his worst nightmare was right in front of his very own eyes.

\- What do you mean? - Mew asked with tired eyes.

Tears build up in Gulf’s eyes as he heard the defeat in his partner’s voice.

\- Why are you doing this to us? Why are you giving up? - Gulf was frustrated with his Phi.

Why wouldn’t he fight? Why was Gulf the only one fighting for this?

\- I’m just doing what I should’ve done a long time ago. Now, I’m strong enough to do it.

\- No! Don’t lie to my freaking face! - even though Gulf was an easy-going type of person, he was very passionate about the things that mattered to him. He felt his voice rising - Don’t say you’re doing this now because you feel strong! You are just doing it ‘cause you’re afraid!

\- Turn down your voice, I’m still older than you - Mew said in a low tone.

\- Being older doesn’t mean you’re in the right here. I’m upset! You won’t listen to anything I say. You’re doing this, and still, you want me to calm down?! You’re such a coward!

Gulf knew nothing he said was going to pass Mew’s walls. The older made a decision and was being stubborn about it. Turning around, the younger looked at the room they were at. Mew’s living room was a place that held a lot of good memories. Of them. Together. Laughing. Being themselves. Loving each other.

But now, it was also the place where his heart broke into hundreds of pieces.

\- Did you ever trust me Phi? - he asked defeated.

\- What kind of question is that Gulf? - Mew answered frustrated.

\- It’s a simple question. After all the time we’ve been together, did you ever fully trust me?

\- Of course I did… Of course I trust you Gulf - Mew said without looking at his eyes.

\- No. You didn’t. You want to know why? Because if you did, you wouldn’t be doing this.

Gulf had been so certain, his actions would bring down Mew’s fears and insecurities. He actually thought his love was enough. He put so much effort into their relationship. He tried to show him, every single day, how much he loved him and that he was the light of his life. But it seemed it wasn’t enough.

His love wasn’t enough.

\- Are you certain about this P’Mew? - he felt like giving up. He didn’t have any strength left in him. If Mew was giving them up, what was the point of him fighting a losing battle?

\- I… - Mew started to say.

\- Let me just tell you something - the younger interrupted him - if you do this, there is no going back. I will stop fighting for this. I will stop treating you like I’ve been doing all this time. My heart will break and there will be no way of putting it back together. If you regret it in the future, there won’t be any trust left in me to forgive you. Do you still want to do this?

They looked at each other’s eyes. One looking for something that would give him a little bit of hope. The other one, looking for the truth of the words that just been spoken out.

\- I…

Gulf held his breath.


	2. Why should I even try?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \- It’s alright Phi - Mew said with a tired voice - I knew it would be pointless to try.
> 
> \- It’s not pointless! We need to keep trying. Maybe if we go to commercial auditions and start from there…
> 
> \- Why am I even trying at this point? No one is going to offer me a part after he… - Mew couldn’t even say it.
> 
> \- Why wouldn’t they? It wasn’t your fault. Besides, you’re really talented and you love acting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please, remember this is a work of fiction based on true events. Some things might not be as they are in real life.  
> Enjoy 😊

**Several months ago**

**Mew POV**

Everyone in the BL fandom knew Mew Suppasit.

He was one of the most talented newbie actors in 2018. He landed a part in the popular series “What the Duck?” as one of the main characters.

Even though he had been in the entertainment industry for a few years, and made little cameos here and there, being Pree (his character’s name) was what made him popular in the BL world. More, after that famous proposal scene in bed.

He alongside his fellow actor (who we’re not going to name), were automatically shipped by the fans. Being in a ship couple meant a lot of things for them. Sponsorships, events, or even the chance of being in another series together. And they actually hit it off. They found a lot of things in common and had a really good time doing vlogs and lives on SNS. Fans were going crazy with their interactions.

They even got the chance to be in the second season of “What the Duck?”.

But… everything that goes up… must come down, right?.

Mew opened his eyes as he woke up from his nap. Something was making a silly noise. He tried to clear his eyes with his hand as he searched for the insulting noise. It felt like his eyes were made of sand.

\- What in the world…? - he mumbled to himself.

He continued to rattle his bed in search of his phone, probably the one making the noise. A call, he assumed.

Finally, after a good 5 minutes, Mew finally found his cellphone, even though it already had stopped ringing. Unlocking his phone, he looked at the notifications on the screen.

**2 missed calls: P’Boss.**

Sighing, Mew looked at the hour.

6:00 PM.

It was late afternoon. He napped for 2 hours. He must have been really tired if he was able to sleep 2 hours in a row. He woke up early that day to go to a couple of auditions. He was planning on taking a side character with little screen time. The first one wasn’t that bad, it was for a horror series placed in a school. He auditioned to be a teacher. The character was simple and had only a bunch of lines, it was something he could do in his sleep.

But he got cut out in the second round.

The second audition was for a BL series. It was like a remake of a very popular series. They wanted to make the whole thing from the beginning and to continue with the story. Everyone knew the series was going to be a big deal. So he put every single skill he had into his audition. And Mew had hoped he could get a part. Even a small one.

But he was pretty sure he didn’t.

Tired and frustrated, he had got into his car and went home. The past months hadn’t been nice on him. Everything was going to hell in his professional and personal life. He went from one of the most popular actors in Thailand to nobody in less than a week.

What had happened you ask?

That was a long story. One that isn’t its time to tell yet.

But, fan's opinions are something that shouldn’t be underestimated. They can give you strength and make you feel like you rule the world, or they can destroy you in a minute. Opinions are important when you live in this kind of world. Your reputation is everything. And if you go down… it’s not easy to go back up.

Mew got up from his bed and went to the bathroom to clean his face. He looked at himself in the mirror. It was obvious he was having a rough time. He had eye bags big enough to hold a dwarf on each one and looked pale as hell. His face looked thin because he couldn’t find it in him to eat. He knew everyone around him was worried about his condition. He knew.

But there was nothing he could do about it at that moment.

His phone started ringing once again, and Mew went back into his bedroom to find it. Looking at the screen he sighed when he looked who was calling.

\- Hello? - he said.

\- Mew? - answered P’Boss, his manager.

P’Boss was his manager as well as his best friend. They’ve been together for a long time now. Mew felt extremely thankful for him. When it all went south he stood by him. He had actually thought P’Boss would have been the first one to leave him as his reputation was trash at the moment. But no, he stayed and defended him against the public’s judgment. Even though Mew had told him to find another actor to represent, he had always answered the same thing:

_“If I leave, who will take care of your whiny ass?”_

His answer still made Mew smile.

\- Yes, Phi. Why are you calling?

\- I wanted to know how the auditions went - P’Boss hasn’t been there with Mew because he had family issues to resolve. He had been hesitant about leaving him, but Mew assured him that he would be fine on his own.

\- They went ok, what about your family? Is everything ok?

\- Yes, they’re ok now. What do you mean they went ok? - P’Boss didn’t allow him to change the subject - They didn’t give you a part, did they?

\- It’s alright Phi - Mew said with a tired voice - I knew it would be pointless to try.

\- It’s not pointless! We need to keep trying. Maybe if we go to commercial auditions and start from there…

\- Why am I even trying at this point? No one is going to offer me a part after he… - Mew couldn’t even say it.

\- Why wouldn’t they? It wasn’t your fault. Besides, you’re really talented and you love acting.

P’Boss was right. He did love acting. The feeling of finding himself in another person’s world, seeing everything from his eyes was exciting and fulfilling to him. He knew the first time he did it that he wanted to do it for as long as he could. But maybe, his time had come. He wasn’t as young as before. At 27, he was considered a veteran in the industry. Shows were casting younger people, with more energy and fewer problems.

\- I know, Phi. But maybe that’s not enough. Perhaps I should retire. I’ve done my best. Maybe I can finish my PhD and start working at my college as a teacher or something.

\- Mew… are you being serious?

\- I don’t know, na Phi. But I’m getting tired.

P’Boss went silent for a while. Probably thinking of a way to convince his friend to not give up hope. But it was hard to encourage someone that had so many doors closed to his face.

\- Let’s do something.

\- What now Phi? - Mew was frustrated with his insistence.

\- Try one more audition. Just one. Find a BL series casting. Go there and try it. If they refuse to give you a role, I’ll support whatever decision you make in the future regarding your career.

Mew thought about it. Was he ready to get a no into his face once again? Well, no one is ever ready for something like that. And if he did that, he could really think about what to do with his life, without thinking about what P’Boss would say.

\- Fine, I’ll do it - Mew said defeated.

\- Ok. I’ll find something for you tomorrow. For now, eat something and please, get some sleep.

\- Yes, pho…

After they hung up, he stayed in his bed for a while. One more audition. Just one, and he might be able to finally finish this. His chest felt empty at the thought of not being able to be in front of a camera again, of not hearing the words “action” and “cut” ever again.

But… some things are meant to be.

Mew took his phone once again and opened Twitter. He didn’t like to go to social media lately, but for some reason he wanted to talk to the few fans, he got left. They weren’t many of them, but the ones that stayed warmed his heart and soul with their comments.

Something caught his attention. He was tagged in a post about an upcoming BL series. _“TharnType the Series”_ he read. The comment section was flowing with his fan's comments.

_“P’Mew would be perfect for this role”_

_“He should really try it”_

_“Phi! Please come to this audition”_

_“Yes Phi, we will go with you”_

Intrigued, Mew looked up what the series was about. Apparently, TharnType was a famous novel by the same author that wrote the “Love by Chance” novel. MAME was her name. Mew remembered that series. It was really famous and had a lot of good feedback. This new series would be like a prequel, with characters of the same universe.

Mew wasn’t sure if he should try that one. Such a well-known story wouldn’t cast him to be in there. But the more he read about the story, the more he felt like it was calling for him. Maybe he could try a small character, maybe an older character. Like Tharn’s brother, or his best friend P’San.

Decision made, Mew sent a reply on Twitter.

_“Maybe I’ll try it”_

Almost immediately, a lot of comments and replies started coming to his phone.

Feeling a little bit better and calm, Mew sent a message to P’Boss.

_"Phi, don’t look up for anything. I found an audition for this week"_


	3. Another day, another audition. Day 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> P'Mew finally goes to the audition. But it's not easy for him. 
> 
> A boy seems to be looking at him. Who is he?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It seems that I have made this story more angsty than I intended. 
> 
> I hope you like it.
> 
> Remember: This is a work of fiction based on true events.
> 
> Follow me on twitter: @KlovesBl

**Mew POV**

It was morning when Mew woke up. His blurry vision was stuck on the ceiling. He was thinking if the decision he made was the right one.

Once again, he was preparing himself for failure.

He studied the plot and the characters until late the night before. He was thinking about auditioning for San’s role. He thought it was the character that suited him the most, as he was one of the oldest roles in the story. Maybe, if he was lucky enough, he could be in the series for an episode or two.

Searching for his glasses, Mew got up from the bed. When his vision finally cleared, he took his phone to see his fans's comments on Twitter. Most of them had said they would go with him to this audition, and he was grateful for that. But at the same time, it would be humiliating to fail the audition with his fans as witnesses. He was in a profound dichotomy.

_“Today’s the day”_

_“Yep. He’ll be there, right?”_

_“He said he would”_

_“Let’s wait for him at the entrance. I want to give him my support since the beginning”_

Mew smiled reading the comments. Well, at least someone was waiting for him to go.

He dressed with a pair of jeans and an oversized shirt. Looking at himself in the mirror, he could tell he was losing weight. The shirt looked way too big on him.

Bathed, dressed, and ready to go, Mew called for his manager to come and pick him up. A couple of minutes later, P’Boss called him asking Mew to come out. When they met in the car, Mew couldn’t hold back an irritated stared when he saw his manager’s smirk.

\- What has you so happy today?

\- I have a good feeling about this audition. I know something good is finally going to happen.

\- And you know this how? - Mew’s skeptical tone wasn’t missed by his friend.

\- Can’t you be a little more positive for once? There is no need to behave like a child about it. Show more happiness in your face, for dear god. Nobody would cast a gloomy actor for a romantic series.

Mew sighed and turned his stare to the window. Watching the view, he started to mentally prepare for the reaction he would get when he got there. Even though a lot of the actors that presented themselves for this audition were newbies, it was dumb to think they wouldn’t know him or his story.

Half an hour later, he and his manager arrived at the place. Mew saw a lot of faces, in which there were some of his fans. They were in a separate group in a corner of the entrance. It always broke his heart seeing them like that.

After the incident happened, the remaining of his fanbase was treated as badly as him. A lot of people lashed at them because they defended him. And, as thankful as he was for that, he also felt guilty and sad seeing them being treated like that. But every time he said something about the issue to them they would answer a variation of the same sentence:

_“Why wouldn’t we support you P’Mew? You didn’t do anything wrong”_

It still amazed him the level of faith they had in him. At that time, Mew hadn’t talked about the scandal at all. He had chosen to remain quiet and let the people express their opinions freely. He had thought that it would be pointless trying to defend himself. Sometimes, people think what they want to think, and it wouldn’t matter how much he’d try to clear the problem, their thoughts would never change. They made their decision about him and judged according to that. But his fans stood by him, without even knowing what had happened.

And for that, he would be forever thankful.

Feeling his eyes starting to water at the memory, Mew put some sunglasses on and got out of the car. P’Boss followed him closely.

\- Will you be ok if I leave you? Do you want me to stay with you? - he said.

\- No Phi, I’ll be fine on my own. And besides, I’m not alone. They’ll keep me company - Mew said pointing at his little group of fans.

\- Ok. Call me when you finish. I’ll go sort some things out.

\- Sure thing. See you later.

After they said goodbye to each other, Mew approached his fans. They all got visually excited after seeing him and a chorus of _“P’Mew”_ s was heard. That alone made him smile. His fans were the cutest, in his opinion.

\- P’Mew! You actually came! - a fan said.

\- Yes, here I am. I thought I could try a part in this series. Not keeping high hopes though.

\- P’Mew, don’t say that. I’m sure you’ll get cast. I think Tharn’s character suits you. I always imagined someone like you while reading the novel - another fan said with red cheeks.

\- I haven’t read the novel, but I think I’m a little too old for that character. I’m thinking about trying P’San or maybe Tharn’s older brother.

\- Any character you get will be equally amazing. This is a really good story and its characters are really complex - a third fan commented.

\- Thanks. I think we better get inside. Please do so, as I need to make a call. Be right behind you guys - Mew said smiling. He didn’t actually need to make a call, he just wanted some time to compose himself. And to prepare.

After his fans did as he asked, Mew looked at the sky and breathed. It was a cloudy day, just as his mood. Trying to calm his heart, he thought about all the times he had done that in the last few months. He knew what was going to happen once he got inside. He just hoped he didn’t encounter anyone he knew.

A little bit calmer, he decided to go inside the building. Putting all his walls up in place, Mew put a blank expression on his face.

When he finally got to the audition’s waiting area, Mew stopped and looked around. A lot of the faces turned and looked at him. He recognized a few of them. Some looked surprised, maybe thinking he wouldn’t actually show up. Others looked at him with a mix of disgust and judgment.

Yep… nothing had changed in a week. He was getting used to getting that look.

Mew gaze stopped at a corner and saw his little group there waiting for him. He went to them and said:

\- I’ll be right back. I just need to report myself for the audition. Wait here.

All of them agreed and wished him good luck.

Walking to a table, he talked to the young lady sitting there, probably organizing the audition.

\- Good morning khrub - he waied the girl.

\- Good morning, Phi - she answered.

\- I’m Mew Suppasit Jongcheveevat. I’m here to audition for San’s role.

\- Sure. Give me a minute - she said as she wrote something in a board, after that she grabbed a paper and handed it to him - Can you fill this up?

\- Khrub.

It only took him a minute or two to fill the paper asking for his basic information. After that, he returned it to the girl.

\- All done.

\- Thanks, Phi. Here. Put this in front of you so we know when to call you - she said while handing him a paper with the number “0020”.

\- Thank you so much - he said as he made a wai - I’ll wait there - he pointed to where his fans were sited.

\- Ok kha. Please wait for your turn.

\- Khrub.

Mew turned and went to where his fans were. He was looking at the floor, as he didn’t want to look at anyone’s face. He didn’t need more hatred that morning. As he looked up for a moment, he noticed a young boy with a weird hairstyle, sitting at a table with 4 or 5 guys. For some reason, it looked like the guys were protecting him. He didn’t look familiar to Mew, but something made him unable to look away.

\- Do you think he likes that boy? He’s been looking at him for a while - Mew heard a whisper.

He turned his head looking for the one who said that, but he realized there were a couple of people looking directly at him.

Ashamed, Mew looked at the floor once again and went to his waiting place.

He found a barstool and sited there in front of his fans, turning his back to other people.

\- Did you report Phi?

\- Yes, I did. Now I have to wait here for them to call me - he said with a forced smile.

Time went by. There were a lot of people waiting for their turn. He posed and took pictures with his fans to pass the time. Their interactions actually made him feel a little better. As he was about to get called, a fan said to him:

\- Phi, do you know that boy?

Mew looked around, not knowing who was the boy she was talking about.

\- Who?

\- That one - she pointed at a corner - number “0064”. He’s been glancing at you every once in a while.

He turned around once again, and looked at the corner she said. He found himself looking at the boy with the weird hairstyle once again. He was staring at him, and when he found out that Mew was looking at him as well, he looked away flustered.

Mew’s heart sank. The guy was probably trying to figure out where he knew him. And if he did, it was probably from the scandal.

Who didn’t?

He didn’t know why he felt so empty about that. But the thought of that boy looking at him with the same disgust as everyone else left him feeling sad and disappointed.

\- No, I don’t know him - Mew said quietly.

\- Number “0020” you’re up! - someone shouted.

\- That’s you, P’Mew! - the fan he was talking to said.

\- Su su na, Phi! - all of them said at the same time.

\- Thank you all - he said with tears in his eyes. He really didn’t deserve them.

Taking a deep breath, Mew went inside the casting room. And prayed.

Even though, he didn’t know what for: to finally get a role or to not get it.


	4. The audition. Second call.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \- Can you do a scene with P’Gulf over there as Type? - MAME asked while looking at him in the eyes.
> 
> \- Like… the confrontation scene? - he had read San’s lines the night before. They had sent the script to P’Boss for him to study.
> 
> \- Yes. The scene in the restaurant. Did you study it?
> 
> \- Khrub. Not a problem.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter came out longer than I expected 😋
> 
> I hope you like it.
> 
> Dc: This is a work of fiction based on true events.
> 
> Follow me on Twitter: @KlovesBl

**POV Mew**

It was the next day when Mew heard his phone ringing. He was getting out of the bathroom drying his hair with a towel.

Looking at the phone’s screen he saw his manager’s name and answered.

\- Hi, P’Boss khrub.

\- Mew! Oh my god, Mew! - P’Boss sounded breathless.

\- P, please take a breath… What’s wrong? Did something happen? - Mew started getting worried. P’Boss had said that he had some family issues he didn’t want to share with him. Not because they weren’t close, but because his manager didn’t want to stress Mew with his problems.

\- They called! - he finally said.

\- Who called? What are you talking about? - Mew was getting impatient.

\- The people from yesterday’s audition. They just called. They want you for the second round - his friend sounded excited.

Mew went speechless. His brain couldn’t catch up to the news. He didn’t know how to feel. The audition had gone well, but he didn’t have actually expected to be called. Maybe they had liked the way he portraited San’s character.

\- Are you still there? - Boss’s voice got him out of his thoughts.

\- Khrub, I’m here - Mew said in a low voice.

\- Aren’t you happy na?

\- Yes. Of course I am - he was happy. Of that, he was sure.

\- You don’t sound like it.

\- I’m just surprised. That’s all. When is the second audition? - Mew asked.

\- The day after tomorrow. Be prepared.

\- I always am.

He was still lost in thoughts after hanging up with his manager. He couldn’t believe he actually got called back. Did they not know who he was? Or maybe they didn’t care, as he was auditioning for a small character. He was only going to have minutes of screen-time.

**_**Should I go to the second round? Am I ready for this? Will they give me a chance to redeem myself?** _ **

He was having a mild anxiety attack. He had had those for a while now. Ever since the scandal happened.

_“Are you sure this is a good idea, P’Mew?”_

He could still hear him in his head, saying those things he had hated to hear, but still allowed in the grace of avoiding confrontation. He was a people-pleaser after all. He had never wanted to give him a reason to start a fight.

**_**Why shouldn’t I try?** _ **

He didn’t want to give that person another reason to believe he had dragged him down even deeper than he was at that moment. He was going to go to that audition. Because his family believed in him. His fans believed in him. P’Boss believed in him.

And for now, that was enough.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mew looked up at the building in front of him.

That was kind of a deja vu, being there for the second time that week.

\- P’Mew, do you want to go inside? - a fan asked.

\- Yes… sure. Let’s do this - he said with a tense smile.

Going inside the room he saw fewer people than the first day. Understandably, as a lot of the applicants were cut off the first day. Fewer people meant less weird looks at him. And he was ok with that.

His eyes couldn’t help looking for a certain weird-looking boy. He was really curious to know if he had passed the first audition. He didn’t even know what character he was auditioning for, but for his height, he could assume it was for one of the main characters. He looked young though, as a newbie.

Mew remembered the conversation he had with his fans the other day after he got out of the casting room.

_He just got out of the room, feeling satisfied with how his audition went when one of his fans got to where he was._

_\- P’Mew! How did the audition go?_

_\- It was ok. I think I did a good job khrub - he was being sincere with that. He didn’t expect much, but he did put all his skills into that audition._

_\- Did you get to meet MAME?_

_\- No. But the director was there. He seemed to know what he was doing._

_\- Do you think you’ll get a role? - another fan asked._

_\- We’ll see - he didn’t want to raise his fans’s hopes, just to see them crashing down with disappointment._

_\- P, we found you the perfect screen partner na - a fan excitedly said._

_\- What? - Mew was beyond confused. A screen partner?_

_\- Kha! We think you would look really good with him. He’s number “0064”. He was looking at you the whole time! - the girl squirmed - We asked his IG while you were auditioning._

_\- You did what? - Mew laughed awkwardly. His fans were little nuts._

_\- Yes, P. We wanted to know him. He looked so shy when we talked to him. So cute!_

_Mew paused and turned around, trying to look for the young boy they were talking about. He remembered who he was, but he thought it was ridiculous to think the boy would be looking at him._

_\- What number was it? - he asked._

_\- “0064”, P’Mew. His name is Gulf._

_Gulf… So that was the boy’s name._

Even though Mew looked around, he didn’t get to see Gulf in the room. Maybe he didn’t get another call. Mew was a little bit disappointed. He was hoping to see him once again. Something in that boy triggered him in a weird way.

Maybe it was for the best he didn’t get called back.

Just as he was about to go and sit down, the center of his thoughts came through the door wearing jeans and a striped shirt. His hair looked so much better. It was down and on aside. Mew couldn’t look away from him.

\- Hey, look! - a fan said - It’s Gulf. He got called back as well!

\- Aspirants! Please come inside the casting room - a girl screamed, getting him out of his trance.

\- Got to go, guys.

\- Good luck na, P’Mew!! - they all said.

Mew laughed. His fans were the cutest thing ever. He always found a way to smile at them. He didn’t want his mewlions to see him and be worried or sad because of him. It didn’t matter how hard things got, he would always have a smile for them.

Getting inside the room, Mew sat down and waited for his turn. A lot of guys tried auditioning for Tharn’s and Type’s character. He was watching from afar, seeing the peculiarities of each one. He also saw Gulf’s audition. He wanted to be Type, apparently. Mew didn’t know why, but he thought it suited him somehow. He was actually quite impressed with his face and attitude’s transformation. He went from a shy little guy, to angry and bad-mouthed in a blink of an eye. But for some reason, he seemed uncomfortable and tensed around the guys that were auditioning for Tharn. He seemed indifferent to other people’s actions.

It was finally his turn. He got up from where he was and made his way to the front of the table where MAME and the director were sited. He waied and presented himself.

\- Sawadee khrub. I’m Mew Suppasit Jongcheveevat, I’m here to audition for San’s role.

\- Can you do a scene with P’Gulf over there as Type? - MAME asked while looking at him in the eyes.

\- Like… the confrontation scene? - he had read San’s lines the night before. They had sent the script to P’Boss for him to study.

\- Yes. The scene in the restaurant. Did you study it?

\- Khrub. Not a problem.

Mew moved to where Gulf was waiting for him. He looked at the boy’s eyes when he got there and saw nothing but nervousness and kindness.

Wasn’t him uncomfortable, doing a scene with him?

It appeared he was ok because he waied at him the moment they were in front of each other.

\- Sawadee Phi - he said with a smile.

\- Sawadee - Mew answered after a minute.

\- What should we do? - he asked as he looked at the script the staff had given him.

\- Just as the script says. We need to have a confrontation. Type’s jealous but is reluctant to accept it, so you need to get mad at me. Do you need a minute?

\- I’m ok, Phi. Whenever you’re ready - he said excitedly.

\- Let’s do this.

*Action*

****Type ran out of the restaurant. He was mad. At himself, at Tharn and especially at that jerk… P’San.** **

****\- Dammit! - he said frustrated - He should’ve told me.** **

****Why couldn’t Tharn tell him about that kind of stuff? He was his boyfriend, for dear god!** **

****At that moment he heard someone behind him talk.** **

****\- Here you are? You ok? - P’San said with a smirk on his face.** **

****\- I’m fine - Type quickly said.** **

****\- What’s your relationship with Tharn?** **

****Was this guy even serious? Why did he care?** **

****\- Roommate - Type hesitantly said.** **

****\- Good - P’San said with satisfaction on his face - So, you’re just his roommate. Other than being his senior and his brother’s friend, do you know what else am I?** **

****Type just continued staring at him with a scowl. The older moved until he put his arm on Type’s shoulder.** **

****\- I was his first… and his only time - he finished smugly as he walked away.** **

****Type’s fists clenched. He had to be fucking kidding! Tharn was going to hear him when they got home!** **

*Cut*

Mew looked back at Gulf and was surprised by what he saw. The boy’s face was red with anger, the veins were out because of the force he was using at clenching his hands, and his eyes were glossy with content fury.

It was such a view.

He could hear the people on the table behind his back, talk. Ignoring them, Mew approached Gulf and talked to him.

\- Are you ok? - he said in a low voice.

The younger one took a deep breath and talk back.

\- Khrub Phi. Sometimes I get carried away by strong emotions like anger - he said with a smile. It seemed that he had calmed down.

\- Mew Suppasit - the director, P’Tee, called for him.

\- Khrub, Phi - he said as he approached the table.

\- We wanted to ask you something. Would you be interested in auditioning as Tharn?

Mew went silent at that. They wanted him to audition as the main character? Didn’t they know who he was?

\- Phi, can I ask you a question? - Mew started saying after the bomb they just had dropped on him.

\- Go ahead.

\- Do you know who am I?

MAME, P’Tee, and the rest of the people at that table took a moment to look at each other.

\- Yes, N’Mew, we know who you are and your story - MAME was the one who answered.

\- Then why…? - Mew couldn’t believe they were offering him that opportunity.

\- Because we saw in you talent and commitment to the work you do. I don’t care what happened in the past, Mew. That has nothing to do in the way you act. If I think you’re fitting to my character then I’ll cast you. Are you up for it?

He didn’t give it a second thought.

\- Yes. I am.

The staff gave him a script for Tharn’s character. It was a lovely scene. In it, Type and Tharn were already together, and Type had to kiss Tharn while he was working on his laptop. It was pure love and warmness.

Mew knew what it was for. It was a chemistry test. It was an important thing in this type of series. If your main characters didn’t have chemistry, then the series wasn’t going to be successful.

Mew’s heart sank a little bit. If the guys casting for Type knew about him, then they were probably going to be tense and awkward around him.

Except… maybe him.

His eyes looked for Gulf once again. He found him reading a script, probably the same one he had.

The casting session went as he expected it. He tried the scene with a bunch of Types, but none of them was relaxed enough to get a good shot.

Then it was Gulf’s turn.

They looked at each other in the eye and smiled.

\- Ready Phi? - he whispered.

\- I’m ready.

In the scene, Type was supposed to be on a bed, but as they were standing up, Mew put his head on Gulf’s shoulder and pretended to be on a laptop.

Almost immediately, Mew felt Gulf’s fingers in his hair. He slowly smiled and turned his head a little bit.

\- Having fun? - Mew said with a mocking voice.

\- Yes - Gulf said as he continued to play with his hair.

\- If you had fun - Mew said still smiling - keep doing it.

Gulf smiled a little bit and then he paused for a moment. He seemed hesitant to do the next part. They weren’t supposed to kiss for real, but Mew imagined they at least wanted some angle kiss or something.

Sensing his co-actor couldn’t do it, he got up from his shoulder and took his cheek with his hand, bringing Gulf’s face close to his. Gulf’s eyes were wide open. They looked at each other for a while until Mew realized the younger’s ears were bright red.

*Cut*

Mew let go Gulf’s face and looked at him, looking for discomfort or awkwardness. But he didn’t find any. He just looked a little shy.

\- Are you ok? Did I make you feel uncomfortable? - Mew asked worriedly.

\- No, Phi - he said with a smile - I’m just shy na.

\- Thank your guys, you can wait for the results outside - P’Tee said.

Mew waied and thank them for the opportunity, and went out to find his fans.

They greeted him with wide smiles.

\- P’Mew! - they all said when they saw him.

\- Hi guys.

\- How did it go? - one fan asked.

\- It was good. I did a scene as P’San and then they asked me to audition as Tharn as well.

His fans started to scream.

\- I knew it!

\- That’s amazing!

\- I knew you’d be perfect for that character!

\- Guys - Mew said - I just auditioned for it. It doesn’t mean I got the role.

\- Who did you audition with? - a fan on the back asked.

\- With all the guys that came to audition for Type.

\- Who was your favorite?

\- I felt comfortable with “0064”…

He hasn’t even finished the sentence when his fans started screaming again. He laughed awkwardly.

\- What? - he asked.

\- Gulf, P’Mew. His name is Gulf - a girl said with a knowing smile - Can you ask him to come here and meet us?

\- Ahhh… - Mew hesitated - Sure, let me find him.

Mew went looking for the boy. He found him sitting on the floor with his back against the wall, playing something on his phone.

\- Hey - he greeted.

\- Hi Phi - he greeted back with a smile.

\- So… umm… My fans want to meet you, is it ok if you come with me for a moment?

\- Sure Phi, I met them the other day. They are lovely - Gulf said laughing.

\- Thank you for treating them so well - Mew sincerely thank him.

\- Of course Phi.

Mew got to where his fans were with Gulf and said to them:

\- Here he is. Everyone, this is Gulf.

\- Hi P’Gulf - they all said.

\- Hi - the younger said with a bright smile while he waied.

\- How did P’Mew act, P’Gulf? - one fan asked him.

\- Phi’s acting is very good. And he’s handsome too.

Mew looked at him, feeling shy.

\- Can we take a picture of both of you? - another fan asked.

\- Of course - Gulf said as he moved closer to Mew for a picture.

\- Every applicant, please go inside the casting room! - the same girl from before screamed.

\- They’re calling Phi - Gulf said to him - Good luck.

\- Likewise.

They went into the room. And for the second time, Mew prayed.

But this time was for him to get the role.


	5. Workshop. First wall down: Contact.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \- I’m not a leper. It’s ok to touch me - he said smiling.
> 
> Oh shit! Mew was beyond fucked.
> 
> He felt the wall he build up so carefully just minutes ago fall down.
> 
> I’m so fucked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you like this chapter! 😁😁
> 
> Dc: This is a work of fiction based on true events.
> 
> Follow me on Twitter: @KlovesBl

**POV Mew**

It still felt like a dream.

He got selected. For Tharn’s role. The main character.

Mew had to pinch himself to prove he wasn’t dreaming.

This kind of thing didn’t happen to him. Not lately. But somehow, MAME and the crew saw something in him that made them give him a chance.

A chance he was going to protect with fangs and claws. He wouldn’t let the same thing happen twice. He was going to be professional and do what he had to do to make the series a success.

He still needed to talk to his co-actor.

That thought made him think about Gulf.

He was the one that was selected to be Type. And Mew would be lying if he said he didn’t felt his heart make a jump inside of him when he heard that.

_\- Who did you feel more comfortable with while acting Mew? - MAME had asked him before giving out the results._

_\- Umm.. - Mew thought about it. Most of the guys that auditioned with him, just made him feel judged and bad about himself… except one - N’Gulf khrub._

He didn’t know if that answer was why Gulf got the main as well. He didn’t think so, as Gulf turned out to be a really good actor from his perspective. Maybe they liked their chemistry.

The fact that Gulf seemed excited to work with him, instead of resigned, calmed his fears a little bit. One of the reasons why he didn’t audition for main roles anymore, was because finding a partner that felt comfortable with him was really difficult.

_\- Phi! P’Mew khrub! - Mew heard more than saw Gulf approaching him with a bright smile - Congrats! I heard you got Tharn’s role._

_\- Yes I did - Mew said a little more excited - and you got Type’s - MAME had told him before he left the room._

_\- I’m really excited to work with you, Phi - Gulf said almost bouncing in his feet._

_\- Really?_

_\- Khrub, Phi. I know you are really experienced in this industry, and I want to learn a lot from you - Gulf said innocently._

_Mew just looked at him. Was he for real? Mew had thought that Nong would at least google him or something._

_Did he really doesn't know about him? Or was he just trying to ignore it for the grace of his first big role?_

_\- Umm… - Mew didn’t know how to answer that._

_\- You somehow made me feel comfortable when we auditioned, and shy. Really shy. That didn’t happen with the other guys I auditioned with - Gulf had said while blushing a little bit - That’s why I told MAME I wanted to do this series with you._

_Mew held his breath for a moment. He couldn’t believe what this cute nong was saying to him. Did they really choose each other?_

_\- I’m excited to work with you too, N’Gulf. Let’s do our best so this series is a success - Mew said a little more calmed and focused._

Mew wasn’t going to let the same thing happen twice… Same thought. Now he was repeating himself.

For this job, he was going to put limits and draw lines between Gulf and himself. He was going to have to touch him, that’s obvious. They needed to be comfortable with each other enough to make the scenes believable and natural. But other than that, Mew wasn’t going to touch N’Gulf at all. He didn’t want Gulf thinking weird things. He was going to be extra careful with him, and everything would be fine.

Standing in his kitchen, trying to make tea, Mew was deep in his thoughts. He needed to put all his walls back up. The walls that had crumbled a bit after seeing Gulf smile sincerely at him.

Waiting for the water to heat up, Mew took out his phone from his back pocket and opened Twitter. He wanted to read the fan’s reactions to the news, about him getting the main role.

****“I can’t believe they picked him. I actually thought he would’ve learned his lesson”** **

****“Why would they do this to poor N’Gulf? He must be feeling really bad about this decision. I just hope he doesn’t do anything to him”** **

****“They should reconsider his pick. I don’t think he deserves another chance”** **

Heart on his throat, Mew felt discouraged. But he couldn’t be surprised, or even angry at them. What they were saying wasn’t anything he hadn’t thought before. He was terrified about seeing how Gulf would react when he read all this.

He continued reading until his water was hot enough for him to make the tea. It had been a while since he drank anything but water and tea. He used to enjoy drinking beer and wine in the comfort of his own house. But he hadn’t drunk alcohol in a long time.

Not since that day.

_“Have you ever thought about it, P’Mew?”_

Mew took his hands to his ears to quiet down the words. Even though he had tried to forget that day and its consequences, it was still hard. 

_Why can’t I forget? How long is this going to hunt me?_

He tried to slow down his breathing. He was pretty sure he was having a full panic attack. His throat closed, preventing the much-needed air to come into his lungs. His eyes watered as he tried once again to take a deep breath. He started to count backward in his head, hoping it would calm him down enough for him to take some air.

_10… 9… 8… 7… 6… 5… 4… 3… 2… 1…_

He did it a couple of times until he felt his throat open once again, allowing him to take a deep breath.

He slowly opened his eyes. They felt like they were burning and he could feel some moisture on his cheeks. He unclenched his fists, and looked at the palms of his hands. They looked colorless and they were trembling.

Mew was now used to having those once in a while. They had started a few months ago, after that night. He hadn’t told anyone about them. He still didn’t want his family or his friends to worry. Well… friend.

After the scandal, a lot of mutual friends took his co-star’s side, as the public did. They didn’t give him the chance to explain himself. They didn’t listen to his side of the story. They believed everything that person said about him and judged him.

Just like everybody else.

Only one of his friends tried to reach out. P’Jane.

Jane was a canadian girl he met in high school. She had come to live in Thailand when she was 17 when her parents died in a car accident. As she didn’t have any more family, a distant relative took her in and brought her to Thailand. They were in the same classroom and really hit it off. She was funny, intelligent, and really wise for her age. She quickly became his best friend. People often had confused them as lovers, and, as beautiful as she was, Mew had never thought about her that way. And Mew was pretty sure she hadn’t either.

_\- You have to call me P’Jane - she had said with a smile._

_\- Why? We’re the same age - Mew had whined._

_\- Your birthday is in February and mine’s in January. So suck it, I’m older than you!_

_\- For less than a month!_

Mew smiled a little bit, thinking about the girl that was like family to him.

His family had taken her in as she was part of it, and they became inseparable. Every time Mew had had a problem and needed advice, she was the one he came to. He trusted her with his life. More than his mom. More than his sister.

But… love makes us do things… and makes us stupid.

Jane never liked his co-star. She often used to say she didn’t trust his eyes.

_\- It’s weird Mew. I really don’t trust him._

_\- Why? He had done nothing to you - an irritated Mew had answered._

_\- His eyes don’t speak out the truth. He’s saying something, but his eyes are saying otherwise - she had said a little sad._

_\- I don’t know what you’re talking about. We are just friends. We work together._

_\- Oh, Mew… - she had looked at him, pity on her eyes -_ _I know you. You’re already too far gone._

As time had passed, and Mew had continued to work with him, he had slowly stopped talking to her. He didn’t want to hear her words. Those words that he once had trusted blindly. He didn’t want to let the doubt get in his mind.

They distanced themselves and talked to each other less and less every day.

After the scandal, she tried to reach out to him. She called, and messaged a lot of times. She left multiples voice messages, begging him to call her back. But he didn’t.

He was way too embarrassed and ashamed.

He didn’t want to hear the “I told you so” speech. So he hadn’t answer. And a month later, she had given up trying to reach him. Now, as much as he wanted to call her, he didn’t dare. But he needed her, her advice, now more than ever.

Mew reached for his phone once again, but as he was staring at Jane’s number deliberating if he should call her or not, another number popped up on the screen.

****N’Gulf calling…** **

Mew’s heart rate started to speed up. Gulf was calling him. He answered and put the phone near his ear.

\- Hello?

\- Sawadee khrub Phi - a cheerful Gulf answered back at him.

Mew couldn’t help smiling at hearing the happy voice of his co-actor. How could he be so happy all the damn time?

_\- P’Mew khrub! - Gulf had called him before he left the building._

_\- Yes?_

_\- Can I get your LINE ID? - he asked a little bit blushed._

_Mew had stood there, stunned by that Nong’s direct question._

_\- You know… to talk about the series and the workshops._

_\- Yes… sure. Here - Mew had taken his phone to put his ID on the nong's phone._

_\- Thanks, Phi! Is it ok if I call you before the first workshop?_

_\- Yes… It’s ok - Mew had said with a small nod._

Mew was still a little bit stunned by his bluntness. In the audition, Gulf had given him an air of antisocial attitude. Like a loner. He was sitting in a room with a bunch of his friends, but somehow he had looked lonely and in his own world.

But after all… we can be in a room full of people, and still feel lonely.

Somehow, the young boy felt comfortable with Mew. It seemed like Gulf could be himself around his Phi.

_\- I know Phi will protect me…_

That’s what Gulf said in the TEP interview they had a couple of weeks ago. He had been ultimately surprised. They had only been together for a couple of days, and he confidently said that in an interview.

\- Phi! - Gulf’s voice brought him out of his thoughts.

\- Yes! I’m here.

\- Were you daydreaming? - nong said in a mocking tone.

\- Yeah… what were you saying?

\- I was asking if you got the assignment P’Tee sent us.

\- The “Call me by your name” scene? - P’Tee had sent a script to P’Boss for him to study. He was supposed to act a scene of that movie with Gulf. 

\- Yes. That one.

\- Yes I got it yesterday. Why? Are you nervous about it? - Mew said worriedly.

\- Not at all - Gulf said lightly - I just wanted to know if you were aware. Let’s do our best at this Saturday’s workshop!

\- Sure thing Nong. See you Saturday.

\------------------------**------------------------

Workshops. Doing them once again.

Who would have thought?

Mew felt a thrill inside his all body. He hadn’t felt that in a long time. He was so ready to do this again.

He entered the building looking for the room where the workshops were being held. Inside the room, he immediately located his partner. He was sitting against a wall, once again alone, looking at his phone like it was the only thing in his world.

Mew directed himself to the table at a corner of the room to get something to eat. He left really early in the morning and didn’t have time to eat breakfast. As he was about to get a strawberry, a shadow stood by his side. He turned and was surprised to see his former friend and co-worker Mild.

_Did Mild get a role in this series?_

Mild had previously worked along with him in “What the Duck?”. They had quickly become friends and spent a lot of time together. Mew remembered Mild calling him when “that” happened, but Mew never picked it up. At that time, a lot of his friends had called to bash at him, and he assumed Mild was going to do the same. So Mew had ignored him.

\- Well, well, well… he lives - Mild said while looking at him.

\- Mild…

His face was deprived of emotions. Mew didn’t know what he was thinking about.

\- I called… you know - Mild said with a sad voice - I heard what happened. I knew there was no way you would do something like that. He was full of shit. I thought you might need a friend, but you just cut me out.

\- Mild… I’m sorry - Mew said feeling guilty. He had pushed all his real friends out of his life because he had been scared. Scared of not being trusted and being alone. But somehow, he had ended up alone anyway. Because of himself.

\- If it wasn’t for Jane, I would have never known how you were.

\- You’ve been talking to Jane? - another guilt wave shook his body.

\- Yes. She’s been asking P’Boss about you. When you didn’t pick up my calls, I reached out to her. But apparently, you had cut her out as well. She told me you probably just needed time, and that when you were ready you’ll call.

Jane had always been so in sync with him. She knows him better than anyone.

_Why didn’t I call back?_

\- You’ve been an asshole to her, you know? - Mild said when Mew stayed quiet.

He knew. He was aware.

\- I’ve been one to you too, apparently - Mew said a little sad.

\- Yeah… But I can take it. I’m ok with giving and receiving tough love. But her… you've hurt her.

Mew’s eyes teared up a bit. He had a lot to mend and a lot to work on.

\- For what is worth Mild, I am really sorry.

\- It’s ok P’Mew - Mild said while touching his shoulder - Just don’t do it again - he finished with a smile.

\---------------------------**-------------------------

\- I need both of you to sit there and hold hands for a while - P’Tee said to Mew and Gulf.

\- Khrub - both of the main actors responded.

They sat on the floor and took each other's hands. They needed to start feeling comfortable, as episode one’s filming was going to be soon.

\- Why are your hands sweaty P’Mew? - Gulf asked.

Mew was more nervous than he was letting see. He hadn’t touched a guy in months. And the last time he did it…

Yeah… that.

So, he was thinking, maybe his body was having a trauma reaction or something like that. His hands felt cold and they were trembling.

\- It’s ok Nong. It’s just a little hot in here - Mew said with half a smile on his face.

Gulf didn’t seem to believe him, but at least he didn’t call him out on it.

They spent minutes like that. Just holding hands and looking at each other. Sometimes Gulf would turn red and look away, and sometimes Mew would start smiling out of embarrassment. After half an hour, P’Tee told them to separate, and Mew got to his feet as fast as he could. Then, he walked away saying something about a bathroom.

He needed time to compose himself. He didn’t like Nong’s touch. It was just work. His heart was beating like a beast because he was nervous. He wasn’t going to let his touch get to him.

Putting his wall back up, Mew got out of the restroom.

Once again he located Gulf pretty quickly. Looking at him, he saw something that looked like annoyance in his eyes.

_Did I do something wrong?_

\- Now, you guys are going to act the scene I sent to you. All of you got a different scene from different movies. P’Mew and P’Gulf, if you please go first - P’Tee said.

He and Gulf went to the middle of the room and sat on the floor. The rest of the crew and cast moved to the walls and waited to see them act.

It was a simple scene. Elio and Oliver were on the ground talking, and then Elio kissed Oliver. It was simple but full of passion and lust. Which was one of the main things in Tharn and Type’s relationship.

He and Gulf started saying their lines. Mew had expected to have an angle kiss, as actors never kiss each other in workshops. But he was wrong.

Damn… he was so wrong.

All of the sudden, Gulf took the collar of his shirt and pulled him towards his face. Mew closed his eyes by reflect until he felt Gulf’s lips on his.

Then Mew opened his eyes and looked at Gulf’s closed ones.

Was this kid for real?

Mew could hear the mumbling and whispers around the room, but he concentrated on being Oliver. So he quickly returned the kiss, even though he didn’t go that far.

He separated himself from Gulf and opened his eyes. Nong was looking at him amused and with a confident smile.

\- I’m not a leper. It’s ok to touch me - he said smiling.

Oh shit! Mew was beyond fucked.

He felt the wall he build up so carefully just minutes ago fall down.

 _I’m so fucked._


	6. Is it ok to touch you?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \- Do you think it’s weird to touch another guy?
> 
> Ha?
> 
> Mew turned his face to his Nong and said:
> 
> \- No. What kind of question is that? I wouldn’t be doing a BL if I thought like that.
> 
> \- Then… - Gulf hesitated for a moment - It’s just that you don’t like touching me? Did I do something to make you feel uncomfortable? - he said in a low voice.
> 
> What?! 
> 
> // Gulf is taking the problem by the horns.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like this chapter! It took me a while to write but here it is.  
> Thanks for leaving kudos and commenting, always makes me happy 😍
> 
> Dc: a fictional story based on true events.

**POV Mew**

\- Did you talk to her? - Mew heard Mild say over the phone.

\- Not yet.

\- Then what are you waiting for? A miracle to happen? - Mild said sarcastically.

Yeah… that would be a good excuse.

Better than the fact that he was scared. Scared that he had hurt her too deeply and she wouldn’t forgive him.

\- I’m preparing a speech for her - he said mumbling.

\- What?! Are you kidding me? Do you think you can do this like when you do your essays??? - Mild almost yelled at him - Just call her and say sorry!

\- Alright! Jesus…

\- I’ll call you later, and you better have called her by then.

\- Yeah, yeah… Talk later.

Mew hung up the call and stared at his phone. He was really happy Mild came back to his life. He hadn’t realized how much he missed him until they got in touch again. His friend got a no-bullshit type of personality and that’s exactly what he needed right now in his life.

So meddlesome. But Mew was grateful for him.

Once again, Mew looked at the contact on his screen.

****P’Jane 😋** **

_\- Promise we will always talk if we get mad at each other - she had said one day at school._

_\- Why would we be mad at each other? - Mew had asked confused._

_\- Someday I’m sure we will. Because that’s how relations work. I just don’t want you to shut down and push everybody away. Promise me you’ll talk to me if someday we get into a fight._

_\- Ok, fine… I promise._

He had been one hell of a friend… right?

_Ok, Mew… man up for once. You’ve run for too long._

He hit the call button and waited.

One ring… two rings… three rings…

\- MewMew?

Mew held his breath as tears came into his eyes. He missed the way she said his nickname. As much as he hated it back in the day, now it sounded like music to his ears.

\- Hi… Jane - Mew said hesitantly.

Jane kept silent for a few moments. Mew thought he was too late. The wounds were too deep and he had lost her.

\- It’s P’Jane… you asshole - she finally said.

Mew started laughing as a tear escaped his hold. Somehow it wasn’t too late.

\- I missed you, sis - Mew whispered.

\- Me too MewMew - she took a minute to say - Please don’t do it again.

\- I won’t. I promise - he had learned his lesson. This time he would keep his promise no matter what.

\-----------------------**---------------------

\- You’re in a good mood today, Phi - Gulf said.

It was the last workshop before they film the episode one.

Mew was still a little apprehensive around Gulf since what he likes to call “The Kiss”. A kiss he couldn’t get out of his mind and his dreams, it didn’t matter what he does. It chase him every day and looking at his Nong’s eyes only made it worse.

He was supposed to be distancing himself from the cute Nong, but somehow every turn he made, Gulf was there with his beautiful smile.

\- You think so? - Mew answered.

He was in a good mood. He had spent the entire evening talking to P’Jane, making amends. She was still a little hurt, but she was more than willing to forgive him.

That was more than he deserved, but he was going to take it.

\- Khrub, Phi. Did something good happen?

\- I got a piece of my life back. A piece I thought I lost - Mew felt like he was being way too cryptic and Gulf wouldn’t understand it.

\- I’m happy for you P’Mew. This time, don’t let it go - Gulf said softly while looking at Mew’s eyes.

Mew looked at him surprised. How much did Gulf know about him?

\- Nong… you…

\- Ok! MewGulf I need you here with me now! - P’Tee interrupted him.

\- He’s calling us Phi - Gulf said while taking his hand.

Mew looked at their hands. It was still kind of weird for him. Ever since that first workshop, Gulf started to touch him every chance he got. They were simple touches. Sometimes he took his hand, sometimes he put his hand on his shoulder. Sometimes he would look at Mew, like waiting for him to do something.

It was driving him crazy. Maybe he was reading too much into it.

_\- Gulf, why did you kiss me? You know actors don’t actually kiss while rehearsing - Mew had asked him after the workshop was over._

_\- We’re going to kiss while filming anyway, so I thought it was better to get that out of the way so we wouldn’t be nervous about it. It’s done. So now we can relax. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I was going to do it, but I thought you wouldn’t mind - he had said smiling - Besides, you were being all weird with me after we finished the skinship exercise._

_\- Oh my god! You’re such a brat - Mew had said stunned._

_\- Well -Gulf had answered while shrugging - You’re not the first one to tell me that._

Reaching P’Tee, Mew and Gulf stood there, waiting for him to speak.

\- Today’s exercise is simple. I just want you to go around, touching each other. I need you to be comfortable enough for this Saturday’s episode - P’Tee took a breath and then continued - Your chemistry is actually pretty good right now, but Mew, somehow I think you still look a little bit tense.

Mew’s cheeks turned red from embarrassment. He actually thought he was doing a good job of hiding his reactions to Gulf’s touch.

\- Khrub, Phi. I’ll do my best - Mew said in a low tone of voice.

\- Gulf… can you go find a blanket or something? Please ask someone from the staff to give it to you - P’Tee said.

\- Khrub Phi - Gulf said, although he looked a bit confused about Tee’s request.

When Gulf left to complete his mission, Tee turned to face Mew once again.

\- I know what you’re worried about Mew, but this isn’t going to work if you are afraid. You need to talk to Gulf about it. Getting your partner’s trust is crucial for this series to be successful.

It was easier said than done. Trust was something he didn’t give easily. At least not now. Mew didn’t want to see the same judgment he had seen in everyone else, shine in Gulf’s beautiful eyes. He didn’t want the smile and the late-night calls to disappear.

\- Give it a chance Mew - Tee continued when Mew stayed quiet - Who knows? Maybe you’ll get surprised.

Mew knew today’s exercise was for him rather than for both of them. He needed to get his shit together.

\- I found a blanket! - Gulf said while running around like a child, waving a white blanket in his hand - What should we do with it?

\- Put it on the floor and sleep for a while with Mew - P’Tee said.

_Come again?_

\- We’re going to sleep? - Gulf said excited - My kind of day!

_Oh my god… somebody kill me._

Gulf once again took Mew’s hand in his and pulled him to a side of the studio. In there, he put the blanket on the floor and got in it.

\- Come on Phi! Let’s sleep - he said while turning to face Mew.

Mew lowered himself to the blanket and lay down. He stayed looking up, thinking of a way to talk to Gulf about his issues.

\- Phi… - Gulf whispered.

\- Umm… - Mew hummed letting Gulf know he heard him.

\- Do you think it’s weird to touch another guy?

_Ha?_

Mew turned his face to his Nong and said:

\- No. What kind of question is that? I wouldn’t be doing a BL if I thought like that.

\- Then… - Gulf hesitated for a moment - It’s just that you don’t like touching me? Did I do something to make you feel uncomfortable? - he said in a low voice.

_What?!_

Mew’s heart sank for a moment. How could this beautiful person actually think that? Has his insecurities and actions hurt him somehow?

\- No! - Mew rapidly said - No, no, don’t think that. This has nothing to do with you, Gulf.

\- Then what is it? Why do you always tense when I touch you? - Gulf said in a sad tone - Why are you always so fast to leave when we finish the workshops? Why do you look so uncomfortable when we do skinship exercises? If I’m not the problem, then what is it? - Gulf looked into Mew’s eyes.

_Why can’t I do things right lately?_

Mew turned his body so he was facing Gulf in the blanket.

\- It’s because of my own issues Gulf. It’s not you in any way.

\- Won’t you try to explain it to me?

\- How much do you know about me Gulf? - Mew asked with caution.

\- What? What does it have to do…?

\- Answer me. I have a point.

Gulf just looked at his face, like he was looking for something.

\- Fine. You’re Mew Suppasit and you’re an actor. You’re 28 years old. You like to sing and dance besides acting. You’re an engineer and working towards your master's degree. You have a sister and a dog named Chopper.

Mew just stared at him surprised.

\- What? - Gulf asked.

\- I didn’t know you knew so much about me. I’m kind of surprised.

\- Well… You are kind of famous - he said with red cheeks.

\- I wasn’t talking about my life facts, Gulf - Mew seriously said - I was talking about my works… actually my lack of them.

Gulf looked a little confused. Then, after a moment, his eyes lit up.

\- Are you talking about that scandal? Is this what this is about? - Gulf said kind of annoyed.

\- Well… yeah - Mew stared at the boy’s face. He looked angry.

\- That’s why you’re like this with me? Because of some bullshit, some guy said?

\- How do you know it was bullshit? - Mew asked.

_He couldn’t actually know._

\- Why won’t you touch me? - Gulf suddenly asked.

\- Umm… Because I don’t want you to think the same could happen to you. I’m not a predator no matter what people say. I don’t like the fact that you could feel uncomfortable with my touch because of that issue.

\- Exactly my point. You’re that kind of person P’Mew. Your touch had never made me feel bad or uncomfortable. In fact, you’re more of a gentleman than I am - his Nong said giggling.

Mew looked at him in awe. Was it ok just to be himself around this boy?

\- Then you don’t mind if I touch you?

_It couldn’t be that simple…_

Gulf smiled and moved closer to Mew. He settled himself between Mew’s arms. Then he looked up.

\- I don’t mind Phi. I know I can trust you. Let’s sleep now - then he turned off almost a second after saying that.

Mew just looked at the boy in his arms. P’Tee was right. He should have just talked to him from the beginning, instead of trying to fix everything alone.

Putting his face on Gulf’s hair, Mew smelled his shampoo. It soothed him somehow and was getting him sleepy. He tightened his hold on his Nong as he hugged him.

And for the first time in a long time, he slept like a baby.


	7. He has a what now?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kneeling beside the couch where Gulf was sleeping, Mew moved his hand through his co-actor’s hair. Mew loved Gulf’s hair. It was longer than his but somehow softer. And it smelled like honey. It was easier for him to touch Gulf now. Actually, sometimes it was Gulf who started the contact. And all those times were precious for Mew. It made him calm.
> 
> Gulf’s eyes started to move behind his eyelids as he was waking up. His pretty brown eyes opened and stared at Mew.
> 
> \- Phi - he said, his voice a bit rough because of the sleep - Is it time?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took me forever to write this chapter for some reason. Anyway don't hate me too much 😋
> 
> Comments are always appreciated.
> 
> Dc: This is a fictional story based on true events.

**POV Mew**

\- So now you can touch him without having a panic attack? - Mild said over the phone.

\- I didn’t have panic attac-

\- Just answer the god damned question!

\- Yes, Mild. I can touch him without having an epilepsy attack - Mew said to his friend.

After their little talk, Mew realized that Gulf was actually ok with him doing skinship. It made him be relaxed around him. It was easier to do it when he didn’t have to think about the potential consequences of his actions. And it was much smoother to act like Tharn.

He was really grateful for his partner.

It was actually a shock to know that Gulf already knew about his story. Mew had thought Gulf didn’t know, as he never treated him like a leper like everyone else had done.

_“Phi, don’t think about it. Let’s focus on now. We have to work together to make this series something we can be proud of”_

Sometimes Gulf seemed to be the older one in their relationship. Mew needed constant reassurance from him, to know if he was doing the right thing.

Other times, it was Gulf who came to him, asking for advice about acting methods or other work-related things.

\- I’m glad you guys talked. You were driving me crazy with your games - Mild took him out of his thoughts.

\- We weren’t…

\- Well, I’ll have to take my sweet personality away from you. I have other things to attend.

\- Sure Mild, talk to you later - Mew said, rolling his eyes. Sometimes he wondered why were they even friends.

Because Mild put up with his whiny self, that’s why.

The filming of episode one had gone really well. Tharn and Type hated their guts, so he and Gulf only had to do a bunch of fighting scenes.

Until that last scene.

_\- Cut! - had screamed P’Tee._

_Mew had got up from the top of Gulf’s body for the… he had lost count already._

_\- Gulf, you’re not supposed to kiss him back - P’Tee said once again._

_\- I know - Gulf responded - It’s just… it turns out that way._

_\- Type is drunk, Gulf - P’Tee explained again - He isn’t supposed to do anything._

_\- But I mean…P’MAME told me Type was attracted to Tharn since the first time he saw him, right? Wouldn’t it be obvious that deep inside, Type wants to react to Tharn? Unconsciously, Type recognized Tharn’s touch, so he reacts to him… That’s how I see it._

_Tee thought about what the boy was saying._

_\- Fine. But still no kissing back. Make Type touch Tharn a little, and that’s it, ok?_

_\- Khrub, Phi - Gulf answered._

_Mew returned to were Gulf was laying down. He was actually quite surprised with his level of character understanding. But his back hurt so freaking much, it was going to be difficult to act the scene again._

_\- I’m so sorry P’Mew, for making it difficult to you - Gulf said sheepishly._

_\- It’s ok, Gulf. I just had the staff put a hot pad in my back. We’re good to go._

_\- This time I’ll do it right. I promise - Gulf looked at him with remorse._

_\- Alright, let’s do this._

Mew smiled at the memory. His back still hurt for the long period of time he had to be doing a plank on top of Gulf. Just for one scene.

Kissing him, once again, had done something inside him. And he knew, he shouldn’t be feeling that way.

They might be friends, but that’s it. Nothing more. He wouldn’t dare let himself feel anything more than that.

\- What are you doing there?

Mew almost jumped out of his skin when he heard a voice behind him.

\- Jesus Christ! - Mew screamed.

\- Nop, just pretty old me. I didn’t know you could scream like a girl. Should have recorded it - P’Jane stood by the kitchen entrance looking amused.

\- Damn you, P’Jane! How did you get here? - Mew said trying to slow down his breathing.

\- I took what we call a T-A-X-I - she said really slowly, like talking to a toddler.

\- I mean, how did you get IN here? - Mew rectified himself.

\- Oh! You still use the same code as months ago. I just let myself in - she said smiling.

Jane had practically lived in his place months ago. She used to be worst than his own mom. She actually thought she was years older than him, instead of just a couple of weeks. But he loved her anyway.

\- Why are you here?

\- Aow! Are you throwing me out? - she asked, kinda hurt.

\- No! - Mew said quickly - I was just surprised. You haven’t come here in months.

\- Yeah, well, I didn’t know if I was welcome.

Guilt runs through Mew’s body once again. He should’ve just called her.

\- I’m sor-

\- Don’t apologize again, Mew. I knew you needed time. Sometimes we, as friends, have to let you go through a wall and make mistakes. We can give you advice and worry for you, but we can’t control your actions or feelings. I knew you loved him, and that’s why I left you alone. I prayed every day for me to be wrong about that guy. I didn’t want to be right, you know?

Mew felt tears come to his eyes. He didn’t deserve a friend like her. After all the shit they’ve gone through, she was still there, in his house, willing to forgive him.

Mew went to where she was standing, looking at him, and gave her a big hug.

\- I missed you, sis - he whispered in her hair.

\- I know, I missed you too - she tightened the hug - By the way, you look like shit.

Mew let out a loud laugh at her remark and let her go.

\- Well, thanks. I love you too.

\- I know, I’m irresistible - she winked at him - Now tell me what I’ve missed. Tell me about the new series and that handsome partner of yours.

_Oh my god, kill me now._

\---------------------------------------**------------------------------------

Mew was looking for Gulf in the set without succeeding.

They had to shoot an important scene for episode two, and Gulf was nowhere to be found. Mew left him in the makeup room with his phone, and now he was gone.

After a few minutes going around, Mew finally found him sleeping on a couch in the room next to where they were filming.

He had his round pillow and blue blanket with him. It still amazed Mew the fact that such a big guy could sleep this much. It couldn’t be normal, right? Gulf was always sleepy.

Mew thought about his own condition. He could hardly say something.

Kneeling beside the couch where Gulf was sleeping, Mew moved his hand through his co-actor’s hair. Mew loved Gulf’s hair. It was longer than his but somehow softer. And it smelled like honey. It was easier for him to touch Gulf now. Actually, sometimes it was Gulf who started the contact. And all those times were precious for Mew. It made him calm.

Gulf’s eyes started to move behind his eyelids as he was waking up. His pretty brown eyes opened and stared at Mew.

\- Phi - he said, his voice a bit rough because of the sleep - Is it time?

\- Yes, it is. Let’s go. We still have a scene schedule for today - Mew said in a low tone of voice as he continued to caress Gulf’s hair.

\- Khrub Phi - Gulf said while standing up.

The last scene of the day was an emotional one. Type was having a nightmare because of Tharn’s actions. Tharn touched him and that triggered him.

_Tharn you asshole._

But, Mew thought that people made mistakes. Without knowing the scars the boy had had inside of him, Tharn had thought he was teaching the bad-mouthed boy a lesson. Sometimes, internal scars were worse than physical ones.

That had been a weird scene to film, and one Mew didn’t want to think about. He didn’t want to think about Gulf’s thighs or how smooth his skin was.

_Oh… fuck my life._

Gulf located himself on the bed to start the scene. Mew took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and called Tharn inside of him.

_Asshole! I need you here._

**_**I’m here. And I’m sorry for the previous event.** _ **

Mew had read somewhere that, acting was like letting another person inside of you. You needed to talk, to understand that person. You needed to let that person take control of your body.

So that’s what Mew did. He let Tharn take control of his body. It was kinda weird, but it worked for him.

\- Action! - Tee screamed.

_Game on._

Type’s body started to move around the bed as he breathed heavily. He started saying words like “Let me go” and “Type don’t go there”.

A couple of minutes later, the staff gave him the signal and Mew walked through the door of their bedroom.

\- What’s the matter, Type? - he said as he watched the boy whine in the darkness.

**_**What’s wrong with him?** _ **

Moving close to the bed, he sat in Type’s bed and turned on the light in the nightstand.

\- Let me go - the boy was still saying while crying.

\- Type what’s wrong? - he started to feel worried about him.

**_**Why is he crying?** _ **

\- Help me, Tharn!

\- Type wake up! - he was shaking Type’s body, trying to get him to wake up.

Type just continued to cry, yelling for someone to help him.

**_**Fuck it.** _ **

Tharn took Type’s body into his arms and hugged him close. The boy hid his face in Tharn’s neck and kept crying. His body was trembling and his fists closed in Tharn’s shirt. The drummer started to caress Type’s back, trying to wake him up and to make him stop crying.

\- It’s ok, Type…It’s ok. I’m here. I’m here with you... It’s ok - Tharn said as he continued with his touch.

\- Cut!

**_**Am I done?** _ **

_Yes… for now._

Mew tried to move away from Gulf but the latter didn’t let go. His body was still trembling and his hands were clutched on his back.

\- Gulf?

Gulf just tightened his hold and hid his face in Mew’s neck.

\- I just need a moment - he said whispering.

Mew just sat there holding him against his body. Apparently, Gulf needed time to come back from strong feelings.

After a while, Gulf got up from his neck and looked at Mew with watery eyes. A few tears had escaped his hold and run down his face. Mew used his thumbs to wipe the tears away.

\- Feeling better? - he finally asked.

\- Yeah. Thanks, Phi - Gulf said with a little smile.

They got up from the bed. Mew went to where Tee was to see if the scene had turned out ok.

Gulf went to where his bag was and took his phone out. With a frown, he typed something on it and lifted his phone to his ear before leaving the set.

Mew was a little curious about what had happened for him to frown like that.

\- What happened to Gulf, na Phi? - he asked Tee.

\- Hmm? Gulf?

\- He called someone and left. He looked worried. Did something happen to his family? - Mew was starting to get worried.

\- Oh! Nah, probably he's fighting with his girlfriend again.

_Come again?_

\- His… what? - Mew was stunned.

\- Oh… he didn’t tell you? He has a girlfriend.


	8. Why are you being weird?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mew, once again, pulled back from Gulf and kept his distance. All the progress they made in the first few weeks was practically gone. Yes, Mew still touched him and made skinship with Gulf, but gone was the calls and messages, the little talks they had every now and then, the funny games they’d do in workshops, all gone.
> 
> And now, Gulf was starting to get upset.
> 
> \- I want to know if I did something wrong Phi. Won’t you tell me? - Gulf turned around and looked at Mew with sad eyes.
> 
> \- We’re fine Gulf. I’m just tired. My master is taking my sleep away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 8 is up!!!!🥰🥰
> 
> I really hope you liked it. 
> 
> Thanks for the Kudos and comments.
> 
> Dc: This is a fictional story based on real events.

**POV Mew**

\- Phi, are you mad at me?

\- No… what the hell are you talking about?

They were on the set for episode three. They were sitting on a couch in the room next to the filming place, Gulf sitting on Mew’s lap.

_\- We need some footage for "behind the scene" N’Mew - had said MAME a few minutes ago._

_\- What do you want me to do?_

_\- Do some skinship. Like in workshops. Nothing fancy, just be yourself._

_That was going to be a problem, considering the fact that Mew was avoiding Gulf like the plague._

\- P’Mew, you’ve been weird this whole week - Gulf was kinda sulking at that point. His lower lip a little more prominent.

\- We are ok Nong - Mew released a sigh - Nothing is wrong.

Mew thought, if he got Gulf to believe those words, maybe he would believe it himself.

Because it was a fact that something was off.

Mew, once again, pulled back from Gulf and kept his distance. All the progress they made in the first few weeks was practically gone. Yes, Mew still touched him and made skinship with Gulf, but gone was the calls and messages, the little talks they had every now and then, the funny games they’d do in workshops, all gone.

And now, Gulf was starting to get upset.

\- I want to know if I did something wrong Phi. Won’t you tell me? - Gulf turned around and looked at Mew with sad eyes.

\- We’re fine Gulf. I’m just tired. My master is taking my sleep away.

_And the nightmares._

Gulf didn’t seem convinced, but for the time he let it pass. He accommodated himself on Mew’s lap and let the older hug him tight.

\-----------------------------------**---------------------------------

\- Gulf, you need to show some hesitation. Type feels good, but he doesn’t want to feel good with Tharn. His body and mind are in a fight in the middle of the scene, and I need your face to show it - Tee was giving Gulf some tips for the bathroom scene.

Mew didn’t want to accept the fact that he was nervous. The scene wasn’t that complicated at all. He had done more steamy and mature scenes in the past. The problem was just the fact that he was about to kiss and touch Gulf. Again.

Every since Mew heard that Gulf had a girlfriend, his mind had been fuzzy. He shouldn’t care. He didn’t.

But why did Gulf hid that information from him?

Mew shouldn’t be angry after all. He still couldn’t completely trust the boy and there was a lot Gulf didn’t know about him. So how could he expect Gulf to open up and tell him things like that?

Besides the confusion and anger, Mew felt scared.

He didn’t want any misunderstanding to happen while filming the series.

He had a past, not a good one, and even though Gulf didn’t seem to care, Mew wasn’t sure his girlfriend would feel the same.

But, even though Mew was 29 years old, that didn’t mean he was mature and responsible all the time. And instead of talking face to face with Gulf, and solve the issue, he was running away from the younger.

Again.

Sometimes, Mew hated the way he was.

\- Are you ready, Phi? - Gulf was suddenly in front of him.

Mew got out of his thoughts and looked at his partner’s face. Gulf looked at him with a little smile, his eyes never judging him, always compassionate and understanding. He could tell the young boy was upset, but he was still trying.

Sometimes, Mew felt unfitting to be his Phi.

-Yes. Let’s do this - Mew said without looking at his face.

_Rise and shine._

**_**I’m here.** _ **

Mew prepared himself and breathed.

\- Action!

\-------------------------------------**---------------------------------

Mew got up from his bed, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. His world was blurred.

He tried to see outside his window. Reaching for his glasses, he put them on. His vision clear, he saw it was bright outside. So it had to be morning. He looked at his table clock and read the time.

11:17 AM.

Outside his room, somewhere in the house, he could hear music.

Mew let out a sigh and went to the bathroom. He brushed his teeth and took a quick shower. Finally bathed and dressed with some comfy clothes, he got out of his bedroom and went searching for the kitchen.

As he was getting close to the kitchen, Mew could hear a feminine voice singing and smell deliciousness coming out of the room.

Mew stood by the kitchen door and watched Jane doing something on his stove.

\- You didn’t have to come - Mew suddenly said.

Jane let out a girly squeal and turned around with a frown on her face.

\- You, asshole! You scared the living shit out of me!

Mew lifted an eyebrow and looked at her.

\- Is there a reason why you’re in my kitchen at 11 am on a Sunday?

Jane just let out a frustrated sigh.

\- Mild called me.

Mew made a grimace as he entered the kitchen and sat on a chair. Mild was sneaking information to his best friend.

_Great._

\- If you’re gonna lay it on me, at least feed me. I missed your cooking.

\- I know you did - Jane said with a smirk on her pretty face.

Jane finished her cooking and put a plate in front of Mew with eggs, bacon, and pancakes.

Mew immediately started to stuff food into his mouth.

\- Slow down, would you? The food is not going away - Jane said.

\- I’m eating it before you get mad at me for whatever reason you’re here, and take it away from me - Jane was a really good cook and he wanted his breakfast.

Jane just looked at him with a thoughtful stare.

Mew started to squirm under her sight.

\- What? - he finally said.

\- I don’t know, you tell me. What got your panties in a twist this week? I thought you were ok.

Mew continued eating as he thought about his answer.

He was upset that Gulf didn’t tell him about his girlfriend, which was stupid because the boy didn’t owe him any explanation about his personal life. But he still was a bit mad.

\- Nothing P’Jane - Mew finally said.

\- Wow, you called me Phi. All by yourself. Something must go really bad.

Mew rolled his eyes. He wasn’t in the mood for that talk at that moment.

\- I’m ok. Tell Mild everything is fine.

\- What happened with your cute partner?

Mew started coughing after hearing Jane's remark.

\- What…?

\- Mild said you fought with him or something like that. I wanna know.

Mew was going to kill his friend.

Mew had left the set the day before, right after they finished filming the bathroom scene. That fucking scene, that still hunted him even in his sleep.

_Well… at least I’m not dreaming about HIM anymore._

Mew didn’t want to think about how soft Gulf’s mouth had been, how smooth his skin was. They had touched and rubbed. Mew had drowned himself in the young man’s scent. Had had shills all over his body because of Gulf’s nails scratching his skin.

_“I told you… I’m not only good at talking”_

And that final take, Gulf’s expression had given him a lot of not so pure thoughts.

_\- Cut!_

_Mew had thrown the towel to the floor and started moving to the dressing room._

_\- Phi! - Gulf had called._

_But Mew had ignored him. He had needed to escape. He needed to feel composed again and not… like he was all over the place._

Mew didn’t want to think about how was he going to do all the remain love scenes. He was going to die by the end of the filming.

\- What’s wrong MewMew? - Jane gentled her expression.

Mew raised his eyes to look at her.

\- He has a girlfriend.

\- Ok… - Jane slowly said - And that’s bad because…?

\- He didn’t tell me. Why?

Jane looked into Mew’s eyes like she was trying to figure out what was all that about.

\- Maybe he’s waiting for the right time.

\- We’ve known each other for weeks. He could’ve told me.

\- Did you give him a reason to think he could open up about his life to you?

\- Yes… I mean… I think so?

Jane raised an eyebrow and stared at him.

Mew thought about his interactions with Gulf. All they talked about was games and the series. The only personal talk they had was when Gulf told him he knew about his scandal.

\- You tend to close up when someone asks you about your personal life - Jane said.

Before Mew could answer, there was a knock at the front door of his condo.

\- I’ll get that. Think about what I just told you if you don’t want me to take the food away.

Mew mumbled something and got back to his food.

A few minutes passed, and Mew could only hear voices coming from his front door. He got up and went to see who was at the door.

\- Who was…? - he cut his words.

Because in front of Jane and him was Gulf freaking Kanawut in the flesh.

\- Hi Phi… - Gulf said hesitant - I need to talk to you.


	9. What is this about? Second wall down: Status.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \- If it's that Phi-
> 
> \- It’s not that! - Mew rapidly interrupted him while rising his voice.
> 
> Gulf tensed for a moment before saying:
> 
> \- I don’t like your tone of voice.
> 
> \- Then what do you want, ha? - Mew was starting to get scared. He didn’t want to have that conversation. He wanted to run like he always did - I already told you everything is ok with us. What do you keep pushing the issue?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter turned out to be a little longer than I anticipated.
> 
> Enjoy everyone! 😋
> 
> Dc: This is a fictional story based on true events.

**POV Mew**

Mew stood there, frozen, looking at the face he thought he wouldn’t see in a few days.

\- Ahh…

While he was trying to find the words, Jane spoke out.

\- Are you gonna stay there looking dumb? Invite him in!

Mew snapped out of his state and said:

\- Yes. I’m sorry Nong. Please come in.

Gulf seemed hesitant, looking at where Jane was standing up, but in the end, he came inside the condo. They just stood there, looking awkward, without looking at each other. Jane looked from one to another.

\- I’m Jane, by the way - she said looking at Gulf - Nice meeting you kha.

That seemed to bring Gulf back to earth.

\- Nice meeting you too Phi. I’m Gulf Kanawut.

\- Yes, I imagined - she looked at Gulf for a moment, making the young man fidget - Ok… I’m just gonna go so you guys can talk. Nice finally meeting you dear - she said as she waied to Gulf.

\- Yes, thank you Phi - Gulf said as he waied as well.

While Jane was opening the door to leave, she turned around, and at Gulf’s back, she gestured to Mew.

< _Talk to him or else >_

Mew gulped and nodded to his best friend. Finally alone at the condo entrance, Mew moved to the inside.

\- Come this way, let’s talk in the living room.

Mew couldn’t see him, but he could _feel_ Gulf moving at his back following him.

How did he even get there?

When they got to the living room, Mew motioned to Gulf, urging him to sit down on the sofa. Mew sat a little apart from his co-star and waited for Gulf to say something. After all, he was the one that practically invaded his house. He must've wanted to say something to him. Right?

Gulf looked at the carpet and then to the wall, never looking at Mew’s face. Mew was starting to feel a little nervous.

\- Gulf - he finally said.

The young boy looked at him with questioning eyes.

\- How did you find my condo?

Gulf answered a little hesitant, like afraid of Mew’s reaction.

\- I asked P’Mild your address. He told me to come and talk to you. Then, I just got a cab.

_Mild Suttinut… just wait until I get to you!_

\- Talk about what? - Mew asked, even though he already knew what that was about.

Gulf seemed to find the strength to look at him in the eye. His stare was determined.

\- Why are you being so distant lately? I thought we were past that already - Gulf was genuinely confused.

Mew knew that doing what he was doing, he was being unprofessional and immature. But feelings were like that. We can’t control them and they just show up in the most unexpected ways.

\- I’m not distant Gulf, what do you mean? - Mew still played unaware.

\- You closed up so suddenly. We were doing just fine - said Gulf with distress - Is this about what we talked about the last time?

Mew was taken aback by what Gulf just said.

\- What?

\- You know… - Gulf was hesitant to say it - The scandal thing… - he finished in a low voice.

Mew’s heart rate started to speed up. He didn’t want to talk about that. Even less with this young man.

\- If it's that Phi-

\- It’s not that! - Mew rapidly interrupted him while rising his voice.

Gulf tensed for a moment before saying:

\- I don’t like your tone of voice.

\- Then what do you want, ha? - Mew was starting to get scared. He didn’t want to have that conversation. He wanted to run like he always did - I already told you everything is ok with us. What do you keep pushing the issue?!

\- Because I don’t like you being so distant from me! - Gulf was rising his voice as well.

\- Then you shouldn’t have lied to me!

Gulf looked surprised for a moment. His pretty chestnut lips parted.

\- You are one to talk - he said in a lower tone of voice.

\- What? - Mew looked at him stunned.

Gulf’s face changed to a scowl.

\- I’m sorry I interrupted you when I got here. I didn’t know you had someone here. If I’ve had know, I would’ve just left - Gulf got up from the sofa and started going to the front door - I’ll see you in the next workshop.

Mew stood there for a few seconds, trying to understand what Gulf just said.

_What? Someone?_

When it finally hit him. Jane.

He got up and went to where Gulf was putting his shoes on.

\- Did you mean Jane? - Mew said while taking his arm, preventing him from leaving his house.

\- Why didn’t you tell me you had a girlfriend? - Gulf looked disappointed - I thought we agreed to not having secrets between us.

Mew just looked at his face dumbfounded.

\- You’re kidding me, right? It’s you the one who kept something from me!

It was Gulf’s turn to look confused.

\- What? What are you talking about, na?

\- You don’t have the right to be upset when you have a girlfriend yourself!

Gulf stared at Mew, lost for words.

\- What…? Who told you that?

\- That’s not the point. You lied to me. I know it's a stupid thing to be upset about, but it’s the truth. I thought you were being honest with me.

Gulf just looked at him for a few minutes. Mew’s face was red from all the screaming and was out of breath. But still, he didn’t let go of Gulf’s arm.

\- I don’t have a girlfriend, Phi.

\- Quit lying Gulf.

\- I’m being honest - Gulf said with a serious tone of voice - So that’s why you were being so weird to me? Because of something someone told you that you didn’t have the decency to ratify with me? What were you gonna do then? Just sulk the entire time? Not talk to me?

Saying it that way, Mew felt a little embarrassed by his attitude. Gulf was right. He should have asked before behaving like a toddler. But he had been afraid… Mew was always afraid lately.

\- Gulf…

\- I’ll see you in workshops P’Mew - Gulf said while moving his arm out of Mew’s reach and leaving the condo.

Mew stood there, watching him leave before he could say something. Before he could apologize.

_Well… shit._

\-----------------------------**---------------------------

Mew walked into workshop a few days later. He hadn’t slept well since his little fight with his Nong. He had called and messaged Gulf a lot of times, but unlike previous time where the boy had quickly answered him, this time he was sent to voicemail and his messages had been left unanswered.

He quickly located his “soon to be dead” friend Mild, eating from the food table. He started going to where he was but was intercepted by P’MAME.

\- N’Mew can I talk to you?

Mew looked at Mild, who was watching his killing stare scared for his life. With one last look at his friend, Mew turned his attention to MAME.

\- Sawadee Phi - Mew waied her - Sure. What is this about?

\- Did something happen between you and N’Gulf?

Mew was taken aback by her question. How did she know?

\- We had a little altercation.

_A fancy way to say “I fucked up”._

\- Have you talked to him?

\- I was going to… Why?

\- He’s been sulking all morning. He doesn’t want to talk to anyone. Kaownah tried to talk to him, and he almost bit his head off - MAME looked worried - I don’t want to put pressure on you, but today is an important workshop. Episode four is one of the most important ones, and I can’t have you two sulking at each other.

Mew bowed embarrassed. Once again, they were having problems because of his issues.

\- I’ll talk to him Phi. I promise.

\- Ok. We’ll start in the afternoon. Please take the morning to solve whatever problem there is between you two.

\- Khrub, Phi.

Mew watched her go. He should really start acting professional, grow a pair, and talk to Gulf. He fucked up, he could see that now. But apologizing wasn’t always an easy thing to do.

Mew looked around, trying to find his co-star. He found him in a corner of the room, with a blue blanket on, seeing something on his phone. He had a scowl on his pretty face and an aura that said “Leave me alone”.

Mew had never seen Gulf in that state. Even though sleepy Gulf could be a little scary, people knew that it was just his way of saying he was tired. Now, it broke his heart to see that he was the reason his cute Nong was upset. Mew looked around once again and saw that someone, surely MAME, has asked everyone to leave the place presumably to leave them alone.

And he was thankful for that. It was easier if no one was around.

Cautiously, Mew started to approach Gulf. Nervous, he stood right in front of the young man.

\- Sawadee Gulf - Mew said softly.

\- Wadee - Gulf said without lifting his head.

Mew tried to think of a way to start the conversation.

\- How are you today?

Gulf just ignored him.

\- We have a lot of work today.

Gulf yawned and continued to stare at his phone.

\- I’m sorry - Mew finally said.

To that, Gulf stopped what he was doing and looked up at Mew.

\- I fucked up. I know that - Mew started saying his apology - I shouldn’t have got upset because you have a girlfriend. It’s not my business.

Gulf continued looking at him and calmly said:

\- That’s not why I’m upset Phi.

\- What?

\- I’m not upset because of that. Looking back now, I can understand why you got mad. I’m mad because you closed up. Instead of coming to talk to me and clear everything up, you avoided me. I thought you trusted me.

Trust. That word once again. How could he explain his resentment to that specific word?

\- I have trust issues Nong. You know my past. You know what happened. It made me doubtful. I question every single move you make.

Gulf looked deflated. He just stared at Mew’s eyes, looking for something. Mew didn’t know what.

\- If you can't trust me yet, then I’ll show you what you’ve been missing.

Mew stared at Gulf surprised by his answer. Was he forgiving him?

\- So, you forgive me? 

\- I will. But you have to stop putting me in that guy’s shadow. I’m not him.

Mew stared at him in wonder. He was right. Gulf wasn’t HIM. His head knew that, but his heart needed some time to catch up.

\- I know Nong.

\- And, for the record, I don’t have a girlfriend.

\- But… P’Tee - Mew said confused.

\- I ****had**** a girlfriend. When I told her I was going to audition for a BL series, she broke up with me saying she didn’t want her reputation to be stained by me.

\- What? - Mew was almost offended on his behalf.

\- It’s ok Phi, I didn’t take it by heart.

Mew now realized how much of a fool he had been acting. He could’ve avoided it just by talking to Gulf.

\- I’m really sorry. For the record, I don’t have a girlfriend either. Jane is more like a sister to me. A really annoying one, but I love her. There’s nothing between us.

Gulf’s eyes started to shine.

\- It’s fine Phi.

\- So… we’re good?

Gulf took his arm and pulled him to the blanket that was spread by the floor.

\- Let’s nap for a while - Gulf said smiling.

\- You just want to cuddle with me.

\- That’s a plus Phi.

Mew opened his arms, waiting for the weight that always crashed on him when they nap in workshops.

With his Nong in his arms, once again, Mew slept.

\-----------------------------**-------------------------- 

\- This is one of the most important scenes of the series. It’s the first time Type opened up to Tharn, and let him see him vulnerable - P’MAME was explaining that afternoon.

Mew understood this scene was crucial. They needed to really understand their characters to deliver the feelings P’MAME was asking from them.

\- Tharn needs to understand why Type is the way he’s - P’Tee added as he looked at both actors.

Mew and Gulf looked at each other. They needed to fully get the scene. The feelings, the aura, the situation.

\- Let’s try it out. - Tee said.

Mew tried to invoque his inner Tharn.

_Asshole… Come out._

**_**It’s time already?** _ **

_Yes._

He and Gulf sat on a blanket on the floor. The same blanket the had been napping on the whole morning.

\- Type, hug Tharn - Tee instructed. When Gulf complied, he read the script out loud - I hate you.

\- I hate you. I hate people like you - Gulf said his lines.

\- Now Tharn, touch Type’s head - Tee continued.

Mew lifted his hand to caress Gulf’s hair.

**_**I’m sorry I hurt you. I should have never touched you. My actions set you off. So, it’s ok if you hate me. You have the right to hate me.** _ **

Mew's eyes watered as he slowly started to understand Tharn’s feelings. He was feeling guilty. He thought that he wasn’t any different than the jerk who hurt Type. So, for him, it was ok if Type wanted to hate him.

Gulf grabbed Mew’s shirt tighter as he hid his head in his neck.

\- Tharn, now say “It’s ok to hate me” - Tee said.

\- It’s ok to hate me, Type - Mew said with a broken voice.

\- Type, move your head down a little and grab his shirt tightly - Tee instructed Gulf.

Gulf moved as Tee ask him to. At that point, Gulf was completely on Mew’s lap, rubbing his eyes on Mew’s shirt. Mew could feel the moisture coming down on his neck. Gulf was crying.

\- Ok - Tee announced.

Gulf pulled apart from Mew, just a bit, and looked down. Mew didn’t let go of his hands. He was kind of worried when he saw his Nong’s state.

Hugging him tightly, Mew caressed his back while talking nonsense to bring him back from the character.

\- It’s ok… I’m here… Gulf… come back na~

A tissue appeared out nowhere. Mew thank the staff person and gave it to Gulf. The young man started drying his eyes. Then, he looked up and stared at Mew.

\- Are you ok? - Mew asked him.

\- Yes… - then he smiled - Because I always have you to bring me back.


	10. Didn’t see that one coming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \- I’m not making the same mistake again Phi - Mew sounded determined.  
> \- I didn’t mean-  
> \- I know. I just want to say it.  
> \- Ok, Mew. I’m hanging up. But let me ask you something. Who are you trying to convince? You… or me?  
> \- …  
> \- See you soon Mew - and then Boss hung up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are, another chapter.
> 
> I really hope you like it! 😍
> 
> Dc: This is a fictional story based on true events.
> 
> Follow me on Twitter: @KlovesBl

**POV Mew**

\- Yes, mae, I’m eating well - Mew said over the phone while talking to P’Boss.

Boss called him at least once a day. Mew didn’t know he had gotten so bad in the last months that had gone by, that he needed to be babied like that.

\- Are you sleeping ok? - Boss asked.

Mew looked at the living room from the kitchen door. Gulf was on his sofa eating snacks while playing some videogame on his TV.

_\- P’Mew, can I go to your condo this week? - Gulf had asked the day before, after finishing their workshop._

_\- What?_

_\- Your condo. I want your help with my lines. Also, I need some guidance with some scenes - Gulf had looked at Mew with big puppy eyes._

_Mew had thought about it for a minute. Was it a good idea?_

_\- Yeah… sure - he had said doubtful - Are you free tomorrow?_

_\- Yes, Phi! - Gulf said happily - Tomorrow then. I’ll see you at 1 pm?_

_\- Isn’t it a bit late?_

_\- I want to sleep the morning Phi~_

_Mew had laughed at that. The boy couldn’t waste an opportunity to sleep._

_\- Ok. I’ll see you then._

And there they were, a day later. Gulf got into his condo and got the videogame going in matter of minutes.

_Practice my ass._

\- Are you listening, Mew? - P’Boss said over the phone.

That snapped Mew out of his thoughts.

\- Yes, Phi. I’m here. What did you ask?

\- Sleep. How have you been sleeping?

Mew thought about it for a second. His sleeping habits were all over the place, but they were getting better. He could sleep a least 5 hours a day.

It was an improvement.

Mew looked at the young man sitting on the couch with his feet up and crossed.

\- I’m getting better Phi. Yesterday I slept for 5 hours.

\- Mmm… it is getting better. And how’s the filming?

\- Everything is ok for now.

\- Do you get along with your co-actor?

The way P’Boss asked the question got Mew a little worked up.

\- I’m not making the same mistake again Phi - Mew sounded determined.

\- I didn’t mean-

\- I know. I just want to say it.

\- Ok, Mew. I’m hanging up. But let me ask you something. Who are you trying to convince? You… or me?

\- …

\- See you soon Mew - and then Boss hung up.

Boss’s last words got Mew a little restless. He was determined to not go through that issue ever again.

And besides… Gulf was straight and he was not interested.

\- P’Mew! - Gulf called from the living room.

Mew looked at him and saw his big brown eyes sparkling. His face had a big smile on it as he called out for his Phi.

\- Yes, Nong - Mew said as he moved to the couch and sat beside Gulf.

\- Aren’t you gonna do a level with me?

\- I thought we were going to practice our lines - Mew said laughing.

\- I know Phi - Gulf lower lip was prominent somehow - But I like it when we play together.

\- Just one level. We really need to work.

\- Yay! - Gulf said while lifting up his hands.

Mew shook his head as he smiled at his young co-actor. He could be such a baby sometimes.

They played for an hour until Mew said it was enough. Gulf sulked for a minute, but then complied at his Phi’s request. They sat face to face on the couch as they talked.

\- Even though Type is afraid, he still wants to try - Gulf was saying - But his trauma is in the way. He could get triggered.

\- Yeah, but he wants to know what does it feels to be with Tharn. If he didn’t, then he wouldn’t have suggested doing it - Mew kept quiet for a second - Why would he ask not to kiss though?

\- He wants to get some distance between them. Kissing is a very intimate act. You do it with someone you love or trust - Gulf looked up into Mew’s eyes.

Mew held his breath. Gulf’s bambi eyes were mesmerizing. They seemed to look deep into his heart and soul, and discover all of his secrets. Mew could stare into Gulf’s eyes all day.

Mew’s stare went to his lips. Those chestnut lips he knew and loved. Those lips he wanted to taste so badly one more time.

Before he realized, he was getting close to Gulf’s face, while still looking at his lips.

_“Have you ever tried, P’Mew?”_

Mew opened his eyes, as HIS voice rang in his ears. He had been in this position before. That fatal night he had lost it all.

Mew took his hands to his ears, trying to quiet down the voice.

_“You don’t have to be afraid…”_

_-_ I’m sorry… - Mew whispered.

Mew’s breathing started to quicken, and his eyes started to water. He didn’t want to be there. Not with HIM. He had made a mistake. He shouldn’t have believed HIM. HE had wanted fame and nothing more.

_“Do you like me, P’Mew?”_

_Shut the fuck up!_

Mew didn’t want to hear HIM.

His breathing went erratic as he started to hyperventilate.

_“P’Mew…”_

_-_ No! Go away! - he screamed.

\- P’MEW!!!

Hands covered his, on his ears, smaller ones.

\- P’Mew, please breathe with me - a voice was saying - One…

Mew tried to take a breath.

\- Two…

Mew did it again.

\- Three…

They did it until they got to number ten. When his breathing had slowed down a bit, Mew looked up, just to see a tearful face.

\- Are you here with me, P’Mew? - the face said softly in a low voice.

_I know this face. This is the face of someone important._

\- Come back to me, P’Mew. Don’t stay there alone.

Mew knew those bambi eyes.

_Gulf._

Gulf leaned forward until their foreheads were glued together. With his hands on top of Mew’s, he caressed his fingers.

\- Don’t listen P’Mew… just breathe for me…

Mew felt a little more lighter. His chest didn’t hurt as much as before. Slowly, Mew put down his hands and just looked at Gulf’s eyes silently.

Gulf lifted his hands to remove the rest of Mew’s tears from his face. Mew closed his eyes as he felt the tender movement.

\- It’s ok. I’m here Phi. I’ll bring you back, just as you always do for me - after saying that, Gulf moved forward and hugged Mew.

Mew was emotionally exhausted. He just had a freaking panic attack in front of the last person he had wanted to see him in that state.

But that didn’t mean he didn’t return his Nong’s hug.

\------------------------------------**----------------------------------

Mew was waiting in his dressing room a few days later. After the disaster from the other day, Mew had talked little to nothing with Gulf. He was embarrassed. He hadn’t wanted to show Gulf that pathetic part of him. The part of him that was broken beyond repair.

P’Tee entered the room with MAME on his side.

\- Morning Mew - Tee greeted.

\- Morning P’Tee, P’MAME - Mew waied at the both of them.

MAME and Tee looked at each other before MAME addressed to him.

\- Mew, Gulf said you’re not feeling your best today, so we decided to postpone the shooting of episode four. After all, it’s a really important episode and I need your 100%.

Mew looked at them dumbfounded.

\- What? I’m ok Phi. I can totally do it.

\- No offense Mew - Tee said - but you look like a mess. You should have some rest and take care of yourself. Thankfully, we are ahead of the program, so we can afford a little time for you to get better.

Mew didn’t know what to say. That was embarrassing. He had caused problems again.

\- Khrub, Phi. If you think is the best for the series I’ll take a rest.

\- It’s the best for you too, Mew. You look kinda sick. Please take care of yourself too. We care about you - P’MAME looked worried.

\- Khrub Phi. I promise I’ll take some rest - he bowed and got out of the room.

Mew was furious. How dare Gulf take that decision without talking to him?

He found his young co-actor in the other dressing room, alone, looking at something on his phone. His eyes lifted when Mew entered the room and closed the door after him.

\- Hey, P’…- he started saying with a smile, just to lose it when he saw Mew’s face.

Mew took a deep breath before talking to Gulf.

\- Why?

\- Why what Phi? - Gulf looked confused.

\- Why did you ask P’Tee and P’MAME to postpone the shooting?

Gulf looked down for a moment before answering.

\- I was really worried P’Mew, you look like you haven’t sleep at all.

\- That’s disrespecting me and my professionalism.

\- I didn’t mean it that way! - Gulf got up from the couch he was sitting.

\- Then why? I could’ve filmed today! - Mew was rising his voice.

\- I’m worried about you! I thought you needed a break and they accepted it. What’s the big deal?

\- Did you tell them about the other day?

Gulf stared at him open-mouthed.

\- Of course not!

\- Then why?! I’m fucking fine Gulf! You don’t think I can do this? Is that it? I’m a professional, I can do it in my sleep. Or is it that you don’t want to film the love…

Just as he was screaming to Gulf, and letting all of his insecurities out in the open, Gulf suddenly grasped his face and kissed him half sentence.

Mew just stood there, with his eyes wide open, without moving.

Gulf leaned back, still holding Mew’s face while breaking the kiss.

\- It’s because I like you… you asshole.


	11. Gulf's secrets (part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is my Tharn.
> 
> The Type inside of him was calling for that Tharn.
> 
> There was no way Gulf would be able to act with some other guy. It had to be him.
> 
> And they were selected.
> 
> And their journey had begun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting to know Gulf's thought in this story.  
> I hope you like this chapter.
> 
> Dc: this is a fictional story based on true events

**POV Gulf**

Gulf didn’t know how he got himself in that situation.

He has had such an uncomplicated life. He had always been a golden boy for his family. Had good grades, never got into trouble, loved and respected his family with all his heart, and on top of that, he was a hard worker.

He always got what he had put his head into.

He never thought about becoming famous. Gulf loved sports. Playing them and commenting on them. He once had the dream of becoming a football player, but that life was kind of hard, so he settled for being a commentator. He didn’t need much, just enough so he and his family could live in peace.

So when a person reached out to him at Siam when he was a teenager got him skeptical.

\- Hi there - the person had said - My name is Bester. I’m from a talent recruitment company.

Gulf, who had been there with some of his friends, had just looked at the strange person.

\- I’m not a weirdo or anything - Best had said quickly when he saw the boy’s expression - Here, have my card.

Best had given Gulf his presentation card. Gulf had thought it looked legit so he listened to what the man had to say.

That was the beginning of his career in the entertainment industry. He never actually thought he was particularly handsome or anything, but he was tall and that gave him jobs for modeling. After that, he started to appear in some music videos and that raised his popularity.

But Gulf was a simple and humble person. He just considered that a job. He still loved his friends and played with them from time to time. He took care of his family and cared for the little fanbase he had.

After years of doing little jobs here and there, Best suggested he try acting. That kind of weird Gulf out because he was not an actor. But he listened to his Phi, and took acting classes to improve his skill. After some time, he started going to auditions. Best told him to try BL series first. Even if it wasn’t the main character, they were extremely popular, and being in one could open some doors for him.

When he told his friends about it, some of them asked Gulf if he didn’t feel weird about acting in a BL story.

\- What if you have to kiss some dude? - one of them said.

\- Then, I’ll do it. If my character likes a guy then I’ll kiss a guy.

Sexuality wasn’t a big deal to Gulf. At 18, he got to the conclusion that he was asexual. Gulf didn’t feel attraction at all for anyone. He used to look at the porn videos his friends sent to him, and even though he could tell the girl was beautiful, he didn’t feel a thing. So later on, he started to think he was gay. But looking at gay porn made him feel the same… or not feel a thing.

Don’t get him wrong, he could still masturbate and have an orgasm. He just didn’t feel attracted to anybody at all.

So, when his friend Poom asked him to be her boyfriend he told her that bluntly.

\- I’m not attracted to you, Poom. Sorry.

She still told him to try.

\- Just let’s try it out. Be with me for a while, and when you find someone you’re attracted to, we end things. We can still be friends.

\- What do you need a boyfriend for?

\- My parents want to introduce me to this asshole. I’m not into it. Just help me, please. You love me, don’t you?

\- You know I do. But I can’t be with you sexually.

\- I don’t need that. Just being by my side is enough.

After time passed, he stayed with her because it was comfortable. He had a reason to reject other girls, and Poom was a great friend to him. Besides, it wasn’t like he actually liked someone.

Until Gulf saw him.

He was researching for an audition he had for a BL series when he stumbled with a series called “What the Duck?”. Everyone on YouTube said there was one of the steamier scenes in BL history in there.

_I’ve got to see that._

Gulf barely remembered the scene. All he could see was the actor playing Pree’s character. His face, his body… even his voice made his body react.

It was like something he hasn’t felt before in his life.

After that, Gulf started looking for information about him. Mew Suppasit. That was his name. He searched for his twitter and IG accounts. He didn’t dare follow him with his main account, because even if he wasn’t as famous as him, it would still look weird. So he created separated accounts for stalking purposes.

Gulf knew that he was going crazy with that behavior, but he couldn’t help it. Sometimes he would just stay in front of the computer, looking at his picture.

When the scandal happened, Gulf suffered along with him. He could only imagine, how Mew felt at that moment. Gulf felt frustrated by the fact that he couldn’t do anything to help him. So he just started sending him positive comments, hoping and praying Mew would read them and feel a little bit better.

It wasn’t fair, that he got into that mess. The guy just publicly threw Mew out in the open. It wasn’t cool. Gulf had thought that Mew deserved better.

But, Gulf was just a fan. The only thing he could do was loving him from afar, and give him support to let him know that he was not alone.

A few months later, Best told him about an audition for another BL series. After many turns down, Gulf was starting to give up acting.

\- I think this character is perfect for you - Best has said.

\- “TharnType the series” - Gulf read - You want me to audition for the main character? I’m just a newbie, P’Best. There is no way they’ll take me.

\- You are a really good actor, Gulf. I’ve seen you. Just, try this one.

\- Khrub Phi.

Gulf was reluctant to try that series. It was going to be a big deal. There was no way in the world they would pick him, a new actor, for the main character. But as Gulf read the story the more he felt Type really suited him. They had so much in common and he knew it would be easy to get inside that head.

Maybe he could try.

What made him take the decision was a tweet certain someone sent.

_“Maybe I’ll try it”_

Gulf couldn’t believe it. Mew was going to try this audition. There was a slight chance that he would be able to work with his idol. Even as a small character, he would be able to meet him… talk to him.

Not every day a person got the chance to meet his crush.

It was a chance of a lifetime.

Gulf took his chances and went to the audition. Best, Berm and a few friends went along with him. Gulf felt so overwhelmed the whole time. He didn’t like places with a lot of people and loud noises. Gulf would rather be left alone in his world, trying to calm himself enough to look for the face he had been waiting for.

And then he arrived.

He was alone, wearing an oversized shirt and ripped jeans. He had looked skinny. Gulf had looked at him worried. He hadn’t seen a lot of pictures of him since the scandal, but Gulf could tell he was tired. That made his heart, break into little pieces. He didn’t deserve that.

Without noticing it, Gulf had watched the actor talk to his fans. He was so gentle with them, always showing them a smile. But the moment no one was looking at him, that overpowering sadness would return to his eyes.

There had been a moment when Mew had looked up and found Gulf’s eyes. Gulf, totally embarrassed of being caught staring at him, had looked to the floor with heated cheeks.

 _Smooth Gulf, he must think you’re a weirdo._

Finally, Mew’s turn came for him to audition. Gulf was as excited as the rest of his fans. He really wanted this for him.

Gulf as number “0064”, had auditioned as Type, and surprisingly, he was picked as one of the actors for round two. He couldn’t believe it. They actually picked him. A newbie.

Waiting outside the audition room, Gulf sat on a stool and waited for Mew to come out. He really wanted to know his results. As he was waiting, suddenly two girls had approached him.

\- Sawadee kha - they had said happily.

\- Sawadee - Gulf had returned the greeting.

\- Sorry to come here like this, but we were watching you and we think you’re cute. I really hope your audition went well.

Gulf’s cheeks had taken a red color at that remark.

\- Thanks - he had said shyly.

\- So, we are mewlions, you know? We’re fans of Mew Suppasit.

That caught Gulf’s attention.

\- We were wondering… - they continued - Would you mind giving us your IG?

\- Sure - Gulf had been a little confused but had complied with the request.

\- Thanks, Phi! See you around.

At that moment, his idol had come out, saying he had auditioned for San and that they would call him.

Gulf had hoped deep in his heart that he would get a second call.

For the second day of the audition, Gulf had come alone and more relaxed. The only thing in his mind had been looking for a certain actor and try to talk to him.

_Did he get a second call?_

Gulf had been beyond happy when he found him, once again talking to his fans in a corner. He was called back. They gave him a chance.

At the audition, Gulf tried acting with a lot of Tharn’s aspirants, but as much as he wanted to feel something with them… he just didn’t. Attraction was something difficult to act. Either is there… or it isn’t.

Mew just sat on a chair, waiting for his turn.

When the moment came, Gulf had to order his heart to slow its beating because he was almost out of breath. He would look stupid in front of Mew.

They asked Mew to do a scene with him. He as Type and Mew as San.

Mew’s eyes when he approached him were hesitant and defensive. Like he was waiting for Gulf to snap at him. Gulf tried to send him the most calming smile he could come up with.

When they acted together, it was like nothing Gulf had felt before. It was so easy to be Type with him. He could call for those emotions and comfortably say the lines. It was a piece of cake.

But then they asked Mew to act with him as Tharn and Type.

And Gulf had been in heaven.

His body had reacted to his touch like crazy. His sensitive ears had turned red from his shyness. His stare had taken his breath away.

**_**This is my Tharn.** _ **

The Type inside of him was calling for that Tharn.

There was no way Gulf would be able to act with some other guy. It had to be him.

And they were selected.

And their journey had begun.


	12. Gulf's secrets (part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not all days did someone get the opportunity to work with the person you had admired for so long.  
> Gulf was on cloud nine with the possibility. He wanted to get closer to his Phi, help him, make him understand that not everything in his life was over.  
> But Gulf found bumps on the road.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally!!! This took me too long to write...  
> I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> Dc: this is a fictional story based on true events.

**POV Gulf**

It was like a dream come true.

Not all days did someone get the opportunity to work with the person you had admired for so long.

Gulf was on cloud nine with the possibility. He wanted to get closer to his Phi, help him, make him understand that not everything in his life was over.

But Gulf found bumps on the road.

Firstly, Mew seemed to be trying to keep his distance from him.

Even at the TEP interview, Mew had been reserved with their interactions. He touched Gulf when he needed to, and talked to him when asked. He even helped Gulf understand some parts of the interview, as he wasn’t that good at english. But there was no closeness. Even though the chemistry was there, they weren’t getting any closer.

Mew was kind, don’t get that wrong. He was kind and respectful, always taking care of his Nong one way or another. But he seemed to think about Gulf as only work. And that was something Gulf wasn’t happy about.

That’s why he said Mew would protect him in the TEP interview.

If Gulf showed him some trust from his part, maybe Mew would warm up to him a little faster. Poor Mew looked taken aback when Gulf said that. Like surprised. Like he didn’t actually believe Gulf would say that.

Gulf tried and tried to make Mew believe in his words. But somehow it didn’t seem to pay off.

After that, they went to the LINE TV Awards 2019.

Mew had talked to Gulf a lot, trying to reassure his Nong. Gulf had been nervous because he had never been to such a big event all by himself. Mew had had to go with his previous mates from “What the Duck?” and wouldn’t be able to accompany Gulf.

When Mew talked to him about it, he had looked resigned, and actually really nervous about it. Gulf had thought that the obvious reason was Mew didn’t want to see HIM.

That day had been really scary for Gulf. He had felt out of place and awkward. He wasn’t used to places with big crowds and loud noises.

Gulf hadn’t been close with any of the other cast members from TharnType at the time and had felt a little bit lost. But he had been worried as well. Worried for his P’Mew, wandering around with the guy that had hurt him.

But a smile had come to his face when he saw, a couple of hours later, Mew walking to him with a different set of clothes.

\- Did you miss me? - he had asked when he got to Gulf’s side.

\- A little bit - Gulf had answered.

Having Mew by his side had been the most amazing feeling. Gulf had felt safe and taken care of. Mew had been patient with his questions and had helped him in any way possible. Gulf had watched him all night, wondering if he saw or talked to that guy, and praying to the gods he didn’t. But Mew looked calm and focused, not sad or angry.

After that, Gulf had thought they had become a little bit closer to each other.

But no.

Mew was still keeping his distance.

Workshops came and they started having some skinship. It was important for them to be comfortable together because if they weren’t, the series wouldn’t be a success. But Mew was really careful with his touches, like expecting Gulf to be angry or scared of him. Their interactions had been awkward and not smooth at all.

Gulf had been fed up by the time they had to act the “Call me by your name” scene.

He didn’t plan it, he wasn’t going to do it.

But he had to show Mew that he didn’t mind being touched by him.

_Like taking off a band-aid. Right?_

Gulf had kissed him. And Gulf had felt all the chills going through his body. It hadn’t even been a good kiss, but it had been a kiss nonetheless.

_“I’m not a leper. It’s ok to touch me”_

Gulf saw, more than felt the surrender in Mew. He had finally reached him.

\--------------------------------**--------------------------------

Gulf was sitting against the wall, looking at his phone in the workshop. He was sleepy as hell because he had spent the night playing a new game on his phone. And a sleepy Gulf was a dangerous Gulf. The other cast members learned really fast not to disturb a sleepy Gulf while he was still waking up.

Only one person got to him in that state.

\- Nong, you need to have some breakfast.

Gulf looked up with a scowl and looked at Mew. Then, a sleepy smile appeared on his face.

\- Phiiii~

Mew was standing in front of him, holding a plate with pieces of fruits on it.

He took Gulf by the hand to make him get up. After that, he sat in the cushion Gulf had been previously on, and pulled him to his lap. As Gulf sighed and pressed his back to his Phi chest, Mew started feeding him pieces of fruits.

\- I know you don’t like strawberries, but the rest is good uh? - Mew said.

Gulf only nodded as he continued looking at his phone.

After a few minutes, the fruit was gone and Mew stayed there with Gulf on his lap as he tapped on his tummy. Gulf thought the action was very cute, and the fact that Mew didn’t even realize he was doing it made it even better.

But Gulf knew Mew was still a little bit hesitant about them touching more than needed. Gulf has spent hours thinking about that kiss. He didn’t know if it was the best way to approach Mew.

The rest of the workshop was them practically sleeping on a blanket.

Gulf was feeling apprehensive because of Mew’s withdraw. Did they take a step back? They were getting closer. Or so had Gulf thought.

_Did I go too far by kissing him? I thought he wouldn’t mind. I shouldn’t have done it. Now he’s uncomfortable around me. I don’t want that._

Gulf knew that was probably not it, but he could help thinking that way.

And being the blunt person he was, Gulf put out all of the insecurities he had about that particular subject.

\- Did I do something to make you feel uncomfortable?

Even though Gulf was talking about his own insecurities, Mew’s answer didn’t surprise Gulf at all.

\- It’s because of my own issues Gulf. It’s not you in any way - Mew’s eyes had clouded with pain and shame.

_If it wasn’t me… Then…_

\- Are you talking about the scandal? Is this what this is about?

Gulf was feeling frustrated. He wasn’t like HIM. He would never do such shit to a person. And the fact that Mew couldn’t see that hurt Gulf’s feelings a little bit.

But… Gulf needed to be patient with Mew.

Trust was something that took time to build… and just a second to destroy.

Gulf was determined to show Mew that he could trust him. And that he would never betray him.

\- You don’t mind if I touch you? - Mew was still insecure after all.

\- I don’t mind Phi - Gulf said as he hugged and wrapped himself around Mew - I know I can trust you.

Mew’s eyes made Gulf’s heart hurt. He was so broken inside, so scared. Gulf knew he needed to take it slow with him. He would show him. He would take care of him.

Gulf would love him.

Because it was true. He was inevitably in love with that sweet man.

Gulf hugged Mew and hid his face in his neck.

And Mew’s arms tightening around his body was the best feeling he had ever felt in his life.

\------------------------------**-----------------------------

\- Phi!!! Move next to me! - Gulf screamed through the microphone.

It was one of those days that they ended up playing together online, rather than trying to talk about the series. After Mew decided to take a step closer, they had realized they were equally crazy about videogames. Gulf hadn’t had let the opportunity pass and had invited Mew to his party.

But what he didn’t think about was… His mood while playing videogames.

\- Why do I feel like I’m being scolded? - Mew said amused.

\- Stop that! Go to the front line!

Gulf was a serious videogame player and liked to win. Like everyone did.

\- I’m coming Nong. Wait for a second

Gulf saw his character die and groaned.

\- Noooo, I’m dead!

Mew laugh over the microphone and made Gulf a little mad.

\- Are you laughing at me? - Gulf said with a dark tone.

\- I would never, Gulf. I’m dead too - Mew took a moment before talking again - We should really get back to work.

Gulf didn’t want to but knew it was time.

\- Yeah… I know. So…. Type…

\--------------------------------**----------------------------

\- Hi Gulf! Come on in - Poom said at her apartment’s door.

\- Hi Poom, how are you?

They haven’t seen each other in a while. She was always overseas working and Gulf was lately focused on the series.

\- I’m tired but good - she said as they sat on the living room’s couch and looked at each other.

A few minutes of silence went by before Gulf looked up and opened his mouth to talk, but his girlfriend was faster.

\- You found it, didn’t you? That’s why you’re here.

Gulf looked at her surprised.

\- I know you Gulf. You haven’t stopped talking about your P’Mew since you saw him. I’m always traveling, but I’m not blind.

Gulf’s cheeks became red at what she said. Was he so obvious?

\- And you’re ok with it? - Gulf asked her.

\- I knew our relationship had an expiration date Gulf - she smiled - You have my blessing. I hope this turns out good for you. You have a sweet heart and deserve to be happy.

Gulf’s eyes started to water. He didn’t love her the way she deserved, but he loved her anyway. She was his friend.

\- Will you still be around? - Gulf whispered.

She moved closer to him and hugged him.

\- Of course, I’ll be dear. We are friends, no matter what. I’m rooting for you.

\- I love you, you know that, right?

\- Of course, I do. Now go make that man fall for you.

\---------------------------**-------------------------

Gulf was still crying on Mew’s shoulder after they finished filming the nightmare scene in episode 2.

After he calmed down, he looked up to see Mew’s worried face.

\- Feeling better? - he asked.

\- Yeah. Thanks, Phi.

Gulf got up from the bed and went to his bag to look for tissues when he saw his phone light up.

It was a message from Poom.

****“Call me ASAP”** **

Gulf frowned and call his friend back.

“Gulf!” she answered happily.

\- Hi Poom. What’s wrong? - he was a bit worried.

“It’s all good honey. I just need a favor. Can you look after Minnie next week? I have a photo-shoot and I can leave her alone for such a long time”

Minnie was Poom’s cat. A bitch of a cat if Gulf may add. The thing never got along with him. Always scratching him every time she saw him.

\- Ahhh - Gulf hesitated.

“Please! I don’t have anyone else to call”

\- Ok Poom, but just a few days.

“Promise! I’ll call you later for details”

\- Ok, bye.


	13. Gulf's secrets (part 3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mew was pulling back again.  
> Gulf could feel it. But this time he didn’t have a clue of why he was doing that.  
> Gulf had tried talking to him, make him explain why he was withdrawing once again, but Mew kept saying everything was ok. And as oblivious as Gulf can sometimes be, he felt it.  
> \- We’re fine Gulf. I’m just tired. My master is taking my sleep away.  
> Even though Gulf knew that could very much be true, there was something else he felt… odd.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise!! Another chapter!
> 
> Follow me on Twitter: @KlovesBl

**POV Gulf**

Mew was pulling back again.

Gulf could feel it. But this time he didn’t have a clue of why he was doing that.

Gulf had tried talking to him, make him explain why he was withdrawing once again, but Mew kept saying everything was ok. And as oblivious as Gulf can sometimes be, he felt it.

\- We’re fine Gulf. I’m just tired. My master is taking my sleep away.

Even though Gulf knew that could very much be true, there was something else he felt… odd.

They had to film the bathroom scene. It was their first sex scene and Gulf was nervous as hell. He had never done anything like that before. He and Mew were pretty in sync back in the workshop, but with the later change of mood between them, Gulf had been feeling anxious.

They were sitting together on one of the set’s beds. Mew had to see the worried expression on Gulf’s face because, for the first time in many days, Mew started contact. Mew took one of his hands.

\- Everything will be fine Nong - Mew looked him in the eye - just remember what we practice. I’ll be there next to you, Tharn will be with you. Just summon the Type in you and let it roll.

Gulf took a big breath and let it out.

_Type?_

**_**Yes? What do you want?** _ **

Gulf internally rolled his eyes. Type was always in such a bad mood.

_I need you now._

**_**Roger that.** _ **

Gulf looked at Mew’s eyes and nodded.

_We can do this._

Gulf got up from the bed and stood in front of Mew.

\- Are you ready, Phi? - he smiled down at his Phi, trying to put all the calm he could into it.

-Yes. Let’s do this.

*Action*

\- I might give them back - Tharn said with his jackass smile - if you let me shower with you.

**_**What the…? You’ve got to be kidding me.** _ **

Even though Type’s body and heart seemed excited by the idea, his head didn’t agree.

\- What the hell are you saying?

Tharn’s body pushed him inside the bathroom and against a wall. He took off his shirt and Type couldn’t help look at his naked chest. Tharn was built and it was turning Type on.

_You like it._

**_**No, I don’t. I’m not gay!** _ **

Tharn touched him and kissed him. Type knew he could perfectly push him away and punch his stupid face, but for some reason, his body wouldn’t answer to him.

_For some reason? Just say you’re feeling it._

**_**Shut the fuck up!** _ **

Gulf wasn’t ashamed to say, he was enjoying the experience way too much. He knew he was supposed to be Type, but somehow Gulf came out as well.

Tharn got to his knees in front of him.

Gulf let the moment get into his head. A guy he was attracted to was giving him a blowjob, so of course it would feel good. But at the same time, he was reluctant because of his past. That dichotomy was the one that made Type’s body win over his head.

It was just too good.

Type squeezed his shoulder after he was done, making him go up to his feet once again.

\- I told you - he said - I’m not only good at talking.

*Cut*

Gulf didn’t have time to step out of his character before Mew was leaving the set.

\- Phi! - he called, but Mew ignored him.

That was the last straw.

Gulf was now more sad than angry. Why? Why was he doing that again?

He had thought they were past all that. Gulf had said that he didn’t mind being touched by him. Did he have a problem with him? If he did, why wouldn’t he talk to Gulf?

The next day, Gulf called Mild. He was taking matters into his own hands.

Mild told him, very mockingly, that he was fed up with their problems and to solve it right away. He gave him Mew’s address and wished him good luck.

Gulf took all the courage he had inside and went to his Phi’s condo.

But what he didn’t expect was finding a beautiful western girl, opening the door.

She was equally surprised of seeing him there. But she was kind and gentle with him as she got out of the condo.

_Is she Phi’s girlfriend?_

That would make sense. She was gorgeous. They would look amazing together.

The thought made his heart ache for a moment. If he had a girlfriend then that would mean he didn’t have a chance. But that didn’t matter. Just because he couldn’t be with Mew the way he wanted to, didn’t mean he wouldn’t support him and be by his side.

They argued a lot. Gulf needed to know the reason. Was it something he did? Was it his fault?

But it turned out… it was not.

\- Then you shouldn’t have lied to me! - Mew yelled.

Gulf was surprised by a moment. Lied? Gulf had never lied to his Phi. Anger started to build in him as he spoke again.

\- You are one to talk.

He didn’t have any right to say that when he didn’t tell Gulf about his amazing girlfriend.

\- You don’t have the right to be upset when you have a girlfriend yourself! - Mew had said.

Gulf was dumbfounded. How…? What? Who told him that?

Gulf was fully angry by the time he left his condo. He couldn’t believe it. Mew just heard something about him and believed it. Just like that. Without talking to him. Without making sure it was true.

Gulf heart broke again to the fact that his P’Mew didn’t trust him at all.

Tears of fury and frustration came to his eyes. How could Gulf make him believe his words and feelings?

He was angry. He was infuriated with Mew.

A few days later and Gulf was still angry and sad. It wasn’t a good combination of feelings. His mood was the worst anyone had ever seen in him and Gulf had the thought that he was scaring everyone.

But he didn’t care.

\- I’m sorry - Mew had said when they talked again.

And it didn’t matter how hurt he was, or how angry he had been, Gulf melted when he saw regret and shame in Mew’s eyes.

\- So you forgive me?

\- I will - Gulf said - But you have to stop putting me in that guy’s shadow. I’m not him.

And Gulf meant it. He wasn’t gonna pay for somebody else’s actions.

Gulf could finally breathe after they talked. He didn’t like being mad. Being mad took too much energy. He would rather just cuddle and sleep beside Mew.

But troubles kept coming their way.

Mew’s panic attack, while they were practicing, gave Gulf an idea of how affected he was by that guy’s actions. Gulf suffered alongside him. Every time Mew tried to take a breath but couldn’t, every tear that came down his cheek, Gulf felt it all.

So he wanted to give Mew some time to recover. Panic attacks could leave a person really tired emotionally and physically. Episode four was an important episode and they needed to be at their best.

P’Tee and P’MAME thought the same and allowed him to take Mew back home with him.

Gulf had thought Mew would appreciate the gesture, but he was so wrong.

\- I’m fucking fine Gulf - Mew screamed at him - You don’t think I can do this? Is that it? I’m a professional, I can do it in my sleep. Or is it that you don’t want to film the love…

Gulf couldn’t allow him to think that way. That was not what he intended. He just wanted to show him that he cared. That he loved him.

Gulf couldn’t hold it in anymore.

Before he could think twice, he shut Mew up by kissing him. Grabbing his face with his hands, Gulf kissed him like he had been dreaming for months.

\- It’s because I like you… you asshole.

Gulf had tears in his eyes from the emotion.

_Did I make a mistake?_

Mew just looked taken aback and his wide-open eyes looked all over Gulf’s face.

Suddenly his face paled and he pulled away, only to walk away from the room.

 _Well… fuck._


	14. I can't do this again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gulf:  
> What the hell had he been thinking?
> 
> How could he have done that?
> 
> Mew:  
> How did he get himself in that situation?
> 
> That wasn’t supposed to happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Our lovers are getting a little closer to each other 😍
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter.
> 
> Dc: This is a fictional story based on true events.  
> Follow me on Twitter: @KlovesBl

**POV Gulf**

Gulf was lying down in bed a couple of days later.

What the hell had he been thinking?

How could he have done that?

He knew, all too well, that he needed to take things slow with Mew. He was hurt and insecure. Gulf knew that because they talked about it when Mew had his panic attack in front of him.

_\- What happened P’Mew? - Gulf had asked, wanting to know if he somehow had hurt him._

_Mew was still recovering from the event, taking deep breaths trying to calm himself. He was still in Gulf’s arms, being hugged by the younger, closing his eyes as trying to focus on Gulf’s question._

_\- I have panic attacks from time to time. I don’t know what causes them, but they’re getting worse._

_Gulf couldn’t help getting tense._

_Was it his fault?_

_Like sensing Gulf’s change, Mew had pulled away from his Nong’s embrace._

_\- I know what you’re thinking, and you’re wrong. It has nothing to do with you. It’s all me._

_\- I’m not so sure about that P’Mew._

_He just had a major attack while talking to him. Wasn’t it obvious that it had something to do with Gulf?_

_\- How did they start? - Gulf had asked hesitantly._

_Mew had looked down before answering._

_\- They started a couple of months ago. After he… after that. I don’t know what triggers them or how to avoid them._

_That guy had really left a wreck behind. Mew was so broken it hurt seeing him like that._

_\- I’ll be fine Gulf. Don’t worry too much._

_\- P’Mew, I want to know what I can do to help - Gulf had needed to do something for his Phi. Otherwise, he would feel like a failure._

_Mew had looked up into his eyes… and softly smiled._

_\- You’re helping me Gulf. You don’t know it… but you’re._

Gulf cleaned the moisture that was coming out of his eyes. He was such an idiot. He tried so hard to take it slow, to slowly make Mew trust him before confessing his feelings. Now, everything was a mess.

They had least than 5 days before they needed to film episode 4. One of the most important episodes in the series. And they were like that.

Because of him.

Gulf turned around on the bed as he heard his phone ringing. Hoping it was his Phi, he quickly looked at the screen, only to disappoint himself.

****Poom calling…** **

With a sigh, he answered the call.

“Hello Gulfie”

\- Hi Poom.

His friend took a moment before asking.

“What happened?”

Gulf’s eyes started to water once again. How to tell her how badly he fucked things up?

\- I messed up Poom - he said with trembling voice - I knew it was a mistake, but I couldn’t help it.

“Calm down sweetie, tell me what happened”

Gulf told her everything, but the panic attack part and the cause of it. Gulf still thought it was something private of Mew and not his story to tell. 

_-_ He’s running away now Poom.

“Well… chase him”

_The hell?_

\- Excuse me?

“You heard me” she said in a ‘matter of fact’ tone.

\- He ran away Poom! I’m pretty sure he doesn’t want to see me! I just kissed him without asking him first.

“I’ve seen some videos Gulf. I’ve seen how he looks at you. He isn’t unaffected”

_He isn’t?_

\- That’s just acting for some BTS videos. It’s not real.

“Believe me, that kind of look you can’t act it out”

Gulf was starting to get a headache. His phone in his hand vibrated, announcing another call.

\- Poom I got to go, I have another call. It can be work-related - even though Gulf hoped it wasn’t.

“Ok baby. But please try to fix this, ok?”

\- I’ll try - Gulf hoped he could - Bye Poom.

“Bye dear”

Gulf hung up the call and looked at the other one on the screen.

****+66 **** *** calling…** **

_Who the hell is this?_

Confused, Gulf answered the call apprehensive.

\- Hello?

“Is this Gulf Kanawut’s phone?” a female voice asked.

\- Yes, this is him.

“I’m Jane. Mew’s friend”

\-------------------------------------**----------------------------------

**POV Mew**

Mew was sitting on the floor beside his bed, his head down between his knees.

How did he get himself in that situation?

That wasn’t supposed to happen.

He finally got a second chance after what happened a few months back, and he was ruining it. He had promised himself that he wouldn’t make the same mistake once again.

When did things change for him?

When did he start looking for him every time they had to meet?

When did he start seeing him as more than a friend?

When did his feelings change?

 _“_ _I don’t mind Phi. I know I can trust you. Let’s sleep now_ _”_

Trust.

Such a simple word that carried such a deep meaning.

Gulf said he trusted him. They had only met for a few days, but he was convinced Mew would protect him. He entrusted his body to the older, never caring for his past and the rumors.

But Mew as unable to trust him back.

And that’s what hurt him the most.

Gulf had never done anything to question his faithfulness, but there was still a voice in his head saying he shouldn't put that kind of power in anybody’s hands ever again.

Mew still heard HIS voice.

Mew looked up for a moment before resting the back of his head on his bed.

What should he do now?

They still needed to work together. Mew wasn’t giving the series up. And he still wanted Gulf in his life.

Maybe he was being selfish.

Mew sighed while looking at his white ceiling.

Why did Gulf even do that?

Mew didn’t want to believe he did it to make fun of him. That couldn’t be it.

_“I love how you look at me P’Mew”_

Mew took his hands to his ears, trying not to listen to that voice. He couldn’t have a panic attack at that moment.

_“Have you ever thought about it Phi? How soft my lips can be?”_

Mew’s breathing started to quicken as he continued trying to quiet down HIS voice. He didn’t want to hear HIM. He didn’t want to think about that night. He needed to calm himself down. Mew took one of his hands to his chest, feeling the pressure there. This one was the worst one he had ever had.

_“P’Mew, please breathe with me”_

Mew stopped his movements when, for the first time in a while, he heard somebody else in his head. He could feel soft hands caressing his while talking softly to his ear.

_“Are you here with me, P’Mew?”_

Mew slowly started to breathe a little better. His voice and touch still printed in his head and body. A calming sensation went through his entire body as he moved once again against his bed.

_“Come back to me, P’Mew. Don’t stay there alone”_

_Gulf._

Still trying to catch his breath, Mew moved himself to rest on top of his bed. He needed to sleep for a while.

\----------------------------------**-------------------------------

\- Mew - he heard someone call him.

Mew slowly tried to wake himself up. His vision was blurry and he couldn’t see anything but darkness outside his window.

Reaching for his glasses on the bedside table, Mew looked at the person that just talked to him.

\- P’Jane - he said surprised.

She stared at him with sad eyes, before taking one of her hands to his cheek.

\- You’ve been here for days now. Have you eaten?

Mew looked down a little ashamed. He never meant to make her worried for him.

\- I’m ok Jane. I just needed to sort some things out.

\- And did you?

\- What? - Mew asked confused.

\- Sorted them out.

Mew sighed. He still didn’t know what to do. But one thing was clear. He needed to talk to his Nong. They needed to clear some things out.

\- I’m still on it - Mew said while smiling a little bit.

\- Good, because someone is waiting for you.

\- Alai wa?

Mew looked up and found Gulf standing by his bedroom door, looking down to the floor.

_I'm not ready yet._

\- Mew - Jane called him.

He took his look away from the young man waiting by his door.

\- Just talk to him, na? He looks bad too.

_He looks bad?_

Mew looked at him again. But with the darkness of his room and his vision he couldn’t see very well. Slowly, he nodded to Jane.

She got up from the bed, walked to the door, and said something to Gulf. He quickly nodded before she took off.

Gulf stood there, looking like he didn’t know what to do next.

\- Come here Gulf - Mew finally said.

Gulf looked up for a moment, before slowly starting to walk to where he was.

\- Sit here - Mew said patting the side of his bed, next to him.

Gulf sat down quietly, still looking down.

Now that Mew could see him thanks to his bed light, he could see what Jane was talking about. Gulf looked like a mess. His hair wasn’t styled and his clothes were a little wrinkled. He seemed like he had lost a few pounds.

Throwing his issues out the window, Mew took one of Gulf’s hands in his.

Gulf looked up with a surprised expression on his face. Now that Mew could see his face, he could notice the dark circles in his eyes.

\- Why haven’t you taken care of yourself Gulf? - Mew said softly.

Gulf eyes started to water.

_Did I say something wrong?_

\- You’re one to talk - he said in a low voice.

Mew knew how he probably looked. They were just a mess.

\- I’m so sorry Phi - Gulf started saying, without looking at Mew’s face - I shouldn’t have done that to you. It was selfish-

\- Why did you do it Gulf? - Mew needed to know. He couldn’t fathom the possibility of Gulf making fun of him.

Gulf bit his lip with force, almost getting blood out of it.

\- Don’t do that - Mew said as he freed his chestnut lip with his thumb.

Gulf swallowed while looking anywhere but his Phi.

\- Don’t you know it, na Phi? - Gulf said while a tear came down his cheek - Don’t you see how much I love you?

Mew held his breath as the sentence got into his brain.

_Love me?_

\- I know I shouldn’t say this - Gulf continued - I know you’re nowhere near ready to deal with my feelings, but I can’t help it.

Mew’s body started shaking. He was right. Mew couldn’t deal with that. Did Gulf love him? That couldn’t be true.

\- You’re lying - Mew said agitated - You can’t love me. We’re mates. We just got close and you misunderstood what you’re feeling…

\- You can believe whatever you want Phi. But don’t belittle my feelings. I know how I feel. And even though I knew you wouldn’t believe me, I still wanted you to know - Gulf seemed mad at that point.

Gulf got up from the bed, ready to leave the room with an embarrassed expression.

\- Wait! - Mew yelled.

Gulf stopped but didn’t turn around, standing there with his back to Mew.

\- Don’t go like that. I can’t lose you too Gulf - Mew said, struggling with his words.

Gulf slowly turned around and saw Mew’s watery eyes. He moved until he was standing in front of the older.

\- Then what do you want to do? I told you how I feel, and you can’t believe it or even trust in what I’m saying.

\- I care about you too Gulf… It’s just - Mew's lips trembled - I can’t right now…

Tears streamed down Mew’s cheeks. He cared about his Nong too. Mew new that. But he couldn’t be in that position again. He couldn’t allow himself to be vulnerable again.

Never again.

\- If you can’t right now, then what about later?

Mew looked up and saw Gulf’s sad but determined eyes. Gulf softly took Mew's cheeks with his hands and wiped his tears away with his thumbs.

\- What?

\- If you can’t deal with it now, why not waiting? I’m not going anywhere and my feelings won’t move a centimeter. I know you still can’t trust me, but I’m gonna prove to you that I’m worthy of your trust. I’m gonna make you fall in love with me P’Mew.

Gulf moved forward and hugged his body. Warmness filled Mew everywhere. That same warmness he couldn’t find anywhere else, that took all the coldness he had been feeling for months away.

_I think I already am Gulf. And that scares the shit out of me._


	15. Getting carried away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \- Are you nervous Phi? - Gulf asked him on set.
> 
> They were about to film the love scene, and Mew had to tell, at least to himself, that he was nervous.
> 
> He hadn’t done a scene like this one in quite a while. Even though this one was a little softer than the one he had previously done in the past, it was a love scene with Gulf.
> 
> Mew was going to touch him, kiss him, caress him.
> 
> \- What if I get lost Phi? - Gulf seemed worried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter is up! I really hope you like it 😍
> 
> Dc: this is a fictional story based on true events.  
> Follow me on Twitter: @KlovesBl

**POV Mew**

Mew woke up, blinking to try to clear his sight.

_Ugh, dry contacts._

His eyes hurt and burned so much he wanted to pull them out. He lifted up a hand to try to remove them, but his hand was stocked under something heavy.

_What the hell…?_

Mew looked down at his chest and saw dark fluffy hair.

_Gulf._

Mew remembered. Gulf had gone to his condo, trying to fix things between them. They both had been a mess the entire time they weren’t together. That really should tell Mew something about his relationship with the young man.

Maybe he was already too deep in.

Mew lifted his other hand to start caressing the boy’s hair softly, trying not to wake him up. They had been so tired after talking. Neither of them had been sleeping well those days. And even though, Mew was kind of used to function with 3 hours of sleep, his Nong wasn’t. In fact, Gulf was barely a human when he was sleepy.

Mew had been ready to take all his new growing feelings deep inside him, and to lock them away. He wouldn’t allow himself to feel that way about a co-worker. Not again. There was too much on the line to lose if he did.

But once again, when he had decided to pull back, Gulf had come running back to him. Gulf wouldn’t allow him to hide. He wouldn’t allow Mew not to feel.

_\- Are you both better? - Jane had asked after they both finished crying like muffins. Gulf had asked to go to the bathroom to wash his face, so Mew took the time to call his friend._

_\- Yes, we are better Phi - Mew had answered - How did you find out? That him and I…_

_\- Were sulking at each other? - Jane had finished for him, kind of amused._

_\- Weren’t in talking terms._

_\- Bosser told me the other day at dinner and I-_

_\- Wait! Wait!! Wait - Mew had suddenly stopped her - Wait a damn minute! Dinner?_

_\- Not the point Mew. Anyway, he told me that you both had been looking kind of weird for days, but you always told him you were fine. Usually, he would have left your whiny ass alone, but this time Gulf was in bad condition as well._

_Mew had listened to her with guilt consuming his soul. He hadn’t known Gulf was suffering too. But again, sometimes we hurt people without knowing, trying to protect ourselves from getting hurt. Mew had been so consumed in his own misery to even see anything around him._

_\- He gave me Gulf’s number. I called him. I told him you weren’t eating and resting properly and that you guys should talk things out. He agreed pretty quickly, so I brought him to the condo._

_Mew was actually kind of thankful for his nosy friend. Being the way he was, Mew knew he would’ve called Gulf eventually, but talking face to face was so much better._

_\- Rhak Phi, na? - Mew said._

_\- Aow! Why was that for? - Jane had said surprised._

_\- Just take the damn love, would you?!_

_\- Kha, kha. So everything is alright now?_

_Mew had thought about it. Were they fine now?_

_\- I seriously don’t know P’Jane, but we are working through it - Mew had thought about the moment when Gulf entered his bedroom - By the way, what did you say to him when you left the condo?_

_\- Curious, huh?_

_\- Well… yeah._

_\- He looked a little hesitant and apprehensive so I gave him a little advice._

_\- Which was…?_

_\- “Even the most violent animal can be tamed with the touch of a caring hand”. Is a quote from one of my favorite books._

_\- So now I’m a violent animal? - Mew didn’t seem amused._

_\- I made my point. It worked, didn’t it?_

_Mew had been a little annoyed, but he had to say it did work._

_\- I leave you now Phi - Mew started to hang up._

_\- Wait! - Jane called him - Mew?_

_\- Yes, I’m still here._

_\- Will you do me a favor?_

_\- Anything._

_\- Give the pretty boy a chance. I really like him MewMew._

_Mew had hesitated before answering._

_\- He’s too precious to be in my world, Jane. My darkness will stain his light._

_\- Or maybe his light will dissipate the darkness that has surrounded you for months. I’ve seen his eyes. They are so different from HIS._

_Mew swallowed and took a deep breath. He remembered what she had said about HIM._

_“_ _His eyes don’t speak out the truth. He’s saying something, but his eyes are saying otherwise_ _”_

_\- Why are Gulf’s eyes different?_

_\- Because they never turn away from you, and when you are not there, they’re always looking for you._

Mew looked down at the sleeping figure spread all across his chest. His hair still smelled like honey and something that was undeniably Gulf. Mew felt at ease with him. Like he could finally breathe, after months of trying to live without crumbling apart.

Mew had meant what he said to Jane. He was way too shattered to even fathom being put together by someone like Gulf. He was too bright, too innocent, too naive, too young. All the shit that had been with him for months was going to make a hole in Gulf’s life.

And even though Mew was falling in love with Gulf, he wouldn’t allow himself to be with him. Not yet. Mew was going to protect him from himself.

Mew knew all his insecurities and issues would only break Gulf apart.

They had been too tired to even keep talking by the end of the discussion.

_\- Can we lay down for a bit, Phi? - Gulf had said after walking out of the bathroom - The room his spinning a bit._

_\- Gulf! - Mew had quickly hugged him - Are you ok?_

_\- I’m fine Phi… I’m just tired. Can we continue talking after a nap? - his voice sounded really weak._

Mew didn’t remember how, but they had ended up cuddling in the living room’s couch.

Gulf started to stir in Mew’s arms, and Mew rapidly stopped his caressing.

\- Hmm…? - Gulf looked so cute in Mew’s eyes. Like a little kitten waking up from a nap.

Gulf’s head moved up and then side to side. It seemed like he was trying to locate himself. Mew felt his body tense for a moment before he looked up at his face.

Then a bright smile split his sleepy face.

\- Phiii~

\- Hmm - Mew hummed - Did you sleep well?

\- Khrub, Phi - Gulf put his head back on Mew’s wide chest, and hugged his middle with his arms, coddling back to sleep.

\- Don’t fall asleep again Gulf - Mew once again put his hand in Gulf’s hair - It’s getting late. Aren’t you going back home?

\- Are you throwing me out, Phi? - Gulf said kinda joking, kinda hurt.

_Never._

\- No, I’m not Gulf. But I don’t want you on the streets late at night.

Gulf moved again to put his hands crossed on Mew’s chest and resting his head on top of them. He was watching Mew… really closely.

\- Then… Can I stay the night?

Mew stilled at that. Stay the night? Was he for real?

\- Emm…

\- Please Phi! I won’t be problem. I promise - Gulf looked at him with his big bambi eyes.

Mew thought about it. If Gulf stayed there that night, they would have to sleep in the same bed…

\- Phi, khrubbbb~ - Gulf said whinny.

_He knows what that tone does to me. Ugh! I can’t say no to that. It’s my weakness._

\- Fine, you can stay - Mew hoped he didn’t just make a mistake.

\- Yaaaayyyyyy - Gulf screamed lifting his arms up.

Mew smiled while shaking his head. Gulf could be such a kid sometimes.

\- Are you hungry?

\- A little Phi.

\- Let’s order dinner and watch a movie.

\- Khrub, Phi - Gulf said excitedly.

\---------------------------**-------------------------

Gulf was laying down, with his head on Mew’s lap while the older caressed his hair. Mew thought he was truly like a kitten, always looking for being caressed.

Mew was drinking a soda, and almost choked when he heard Gulf say:

\- Aren’t we going to practice the love scene from episode 4?

\- Alai wa?!

Gulf got up from where he was resting to look at his Phi’s face.

-I’m serious.

\- Shouldn't you be more worried about the crying scene?

\- We already did that on workshop, remember?

_Oh… right._

Gulf eyes were expectant while looking at him. Was he even looking forward to the practice?

\- What do you want to do?

\- Well - Gulf looked down at Mew’s lips - I wanna do what Type would do in that situation.

\- Beat the shit out of me?

\- Kiss you until you can’t remember the taste of anyone else.

Mew started coughing at that. Sometimes, Gulf’s boldness surprised him. As shy as the young man could be, he was such a brat when in confidence.

\- You told me you wouldn’t pressure me - Mew told him.

\- I’m not pressuring you, P’Mew - Gulf’s little smile made Mew’s heart skip a beat - I’m just giving you reasons for you to make a decision faster.

Mew looked at Gulf with wide eyes. He couldn’t believe he was being played by his Nong.

Gulf started to lean closer to Mew’s face until they were an inch apart.

\- It’s just practice, P’Mew. Nothing more.

Mew lifted a hand to brush the little hairs out of Gulf’s face softly.

\- I know Gulf. But the next time I kiss you, it won’t be with a practice or a scene as an excuse. The next time I kiss you for real, it can’t be as Tharn and Type. The next time I kiss you will be when I put my shit together and become someone deserving of you.

Gulf’s eyes were shiny as they looked at the man in front of him.

\- You’re deserving P’Mew. I believe that.

\- I know… But the point is, I have to believe it myself.

Gulf moved forward and hugged his Phi.

\- I’ll help you Phi. I’ll be here with you every step of the way. Nothing you do could drive me apart from you.

Mew hugged him tight and a somber thought crossed his mind.

_I don’t think I can believe that… Not yet._

_\--------------------------**-------------------------_

_-_ Are you nervous Phi? - Gulf asked him on set.

They were about to film the love scene, and Mew had to tell, at least to himself, that he was nervous.

He hadn’t done a scene like this one in quite a while. Even though this one was a little softer than the one he had previously done in the past, it was a love scene with Gulf.

Mew was going to touch him, kiss him, caress him.

\- What if I get lost Phi? - Gulf seemed worried.

\- Lost? What do you mean?

\- You know how I get lost in my character when there are strong emotions. Plus… - Gulf looked at him sheepishly - I’m gonna be touching my crush. I might have a reaction and somehow make you uncomfortable.

Mew couldn’t believe his ears. After all the time he spent worrying about making Gulf uncomfortable with his touch, because of his past, here the little Nong was thinking something similar.

\- I won’t be uncomfortable Gulf - he reassured his Nong - Actually, I think I’m flattered.

\- What if everyone sees it?

\- I’ll do my best to hide it. The shots are gonna be taken from the chest up. So don’t worry too much. Remember what we talked about, about Tharn and Type’s feelings, and just let go. Viewers will love it. I assure you.

_Asshole, you’re up._

**_**We’re gonna have so much fun today.** _ **

Gulf looked a little calmer by the time they started filming.

*Action*

\- Let me teach you - Tharn said looking at Type’s lips - This kind of stuff… is more than just go straight to it.

Type looked scared, nauseous, and nervous all at the same time.

**_**Does he even want this?** _ **

_Let’s find out._

Tharn pushed Type to the bed and got on top of him. Looking down at his beautiful lips, Tharn leaned down to kiss them.

\- No kissing - he rapidly said.

**_**Does he think this is “Pretty Woman” or what?** _ **

\- I’m not having sex with someone who won’t kiss me.

**_**You’re not running away this time.** _ **

_Take it easy. He’s nervous._

_-_ Dammit - Type said annoyed. Taking the back of Tharn’s head, he put his lips on top of his, just pressing them together hard.

\- Happy now? - Type said.

**_**Is he for real?** _ **

\- It’s not enough for me.

Tharn leaned down and kissed the lips he was so obsessed with since he saw them for the first time. Type kept still, not moving a muscle while his roommate feasted himself with his mouth.

Type finally seemed to surrender to the motion and started kissing back. His mouth was heaven to Tharn and it drove him crazy with lust. Tharn took a piece of ice from the glass he had previously put beside the bed. Putting it in his own mouth, he kissed Type again, pushing the small piece of ice to his mouth with his tongue.

Tharn took his undershirt off, revealing his wide chest and abs.

**_**Dude… look down.** _ **

_What?_

**_**That’s not my Type… I think it’s someone else.** _ **

Mew looked down at the person under him and saw raw lust in the boy’s eyes. They were on fire.

_Gulf._

Gulf was looking at him. This wasn’t Type. That raw need in his Nong’s eyes made him realized that at some point in the scene, Mew and Gulf substituted Tharn and Type.

_Show must go on._

Mew took Gulf’s hand in his and brought it to his chest. Gulf’s hand was trembling and his hot breath came in and out in short intakes. Gulf softly scratched his skin, on his way from Mew’s chest to his abs. He looked dazed, too lost in the moment.

Mew couldn’t take it anymore and started kissing the young man everywhere. Mew just unleashed his passion kissing his mouth, licking his neck, grabbing his face to keep him still. With his tongue, Mew explored Gulf’s mouth, relishing his sweet flavor. He couldn’t stop… he didn’t want to stop. Taking Gulf’s hip in his hand, Mew brought his lower half up to meet his. He was hard. Mew could feel it.

_This man is mine._

*Cut*

Mew pulled away from Gulf when he heard the call. Looking down at Gulf, Mew swallowed at the sight. He was all red, his lips were wet and puffy from his kisses, his eyes were dazed and slightly teary and he was breathing hard.

**_**Damn dude! Give me some tips!** _ **

_Shut the fuck up Tharn._

P’Tee came closer to them and said:

\- It was ok… but let’s tone it down a little bit ok? No tongue this time.

Mew went red at that. He was a little embarrassed by the fact that he had let himself get lost in the moment while filming. That didn’t happen before.

Mew looked down at Gulf, once again, only to see him a bit uncomfortable.

\- Nong… are you ok? - Mew asked worriedly.

\- I’m ok Phi… - he looked around and then whispered to him - I need to go to the bathroom.

Mew looked down to Gulf’s crotch to see a tend standing there.

Mew smiled at his Nong and said:

\- Let’s go Nong. I think I need to go too.

Gulf smiled back at him.

_I don’t think I’m gonna have any nightmares today._


	16. Jealousy. Third wall down: Possessiveness.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He was being childish.
> 
> Mew knew it. He was behaving like a kid. But he couldn’t help it.
> 
> He was mad.
> 
> At himself, at Gulf, and at that freaking girl… Poom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy this chapter 😁😁
> 
> Dc: This is a fictional story based on true events.  
> Follow me on Twitter: @KlovesBl

**POV Gulf**

_What the hell is going on?_

Gulf was beyond confused.

They had been fine for the last few days. They had bonded and talked until late at night almost every day. Gulf had had the feeling that he was getting closer to Mew, especially after filming episode four.

Mew had been with him all day, knowing how emotionally exhausting episode four’s scenes were for him. He had hugged him, had taken his hand in his, never been out of Gulf’s side for more than a few minutes.

_\- I hope you’ll do the same when my turn comes - Mew had said._

They had been spending more and more time together by themselves, without the company of other cast members. It had become a normal thing for Gulf to stay at Mew’s condo to sleep. They would play games, watch movies, practice their script together… and sometimes they just talked.

_Well… I talked._

Mew was kinda difficult to open up. Even though he had told Gulf some things about his life, he had drawn an invisible line between them. There were certain topics that Gulf knew was off-limit: like his past, the scandal, his family… stuff like that.

Gulf was hoping that opening up to him would make him relax around him for a bit.

But, two days ago something changed.

Mew wasn’t pulling back this time. Not like he previously had done.

Mew was sulking.

Yes… you heard it right.

Mew freaking Suppasit, the superstar of 28 years old, was sulking like a toddler.

And Gulf was beyond bemused.

Gulf hadn’t done anything that could explain Mew’s actual state. Or at least, he didn’t think so.

They had to film a scene from episode five, and Mew wasn’t talking to him. Hell, he wasn’t even looking in his general direction. They were at the mall waiting to do the scene. Mew’s lower lip was somehow prominent as he stood waiting for the rest of the crew to arrive.

\- Phi~ - Gulf said to him while grabbing his arm.

Mew kept looking at the script he had in his hand, never attending at Gulf’s call.

Gulf just gave up at some point. Mew was being a child, so it was best for Gulf if he just left him alone. Maybe in a while, he would be able to talk to his Phi again. Gulf took his script and sat down in a bench near the store where they were supposed to film… and sighed.

_It’s gonna be a long day._

\------------------------**-------------------------

**POV Mew**

He was being childish.

Mew knew it. He was behaving like a kid. But he couldn’t help it.

He was mad.

At himself, at Gulf, and at that freaking girl… Poom.

He was feeling restless since two days ago.

_\- Do you think we did a good job with the love scene? - Gulf had asked the other day._

_They had been in Mew’s living room, sitting on the couch, practicing some lines._

_\- I think so. We did our best after all._

_\- Yeah, but I think some tongue will be shown._

_Mew had almost choked on his soda when he heard that._

_\- Gulf!_

_\- What? - Gulf had looked at him innocently - You know I can’t help it. Your mouth is addicting._

_Gulf had looked at Mew’s mouth while saying that, and his eyes had gone onyx with excitement._

_\- Gulf, we agreed that you wouldn’t say things like that - he shouldn’t tempt Mew._

_\- Can’t I flirt with you?_

_\- Not at the moment._

_\- Too bad… because I’m not gonna stop doing it - Gulf had leaned forward and given Mew a little peck._

_Mew had opened his eyes wide and stared at his Nong. He couldn’t believe he just had done that._

_\- You… little brat! - Mew hadn’t known what to do._

_\- Guilty as charged - Gulf had smiled while looking at him blushing._

_\- Stop._

_\- Sure Phi._

_In the middle of their interaction, Gulf’s phone had gone off._

_\- Oh! It’s Poom._

_Mew had wondered who the hell was Poom._

_\- Hi Poom! What’s up? - Gulf answered with a smile on his face._

_Something ugly had twisted Mew’s guts. That kind of smile should be just for him._

_\- Yeah - Gulf had continued smiling brighter - Yes, I know. Thanks. Ok, talk later. Bye._

_\- So… Who’s Poom? - Mew had asked nonchalantly after Gulf had hung up._

_\- Oh! She’s my ex - Gulf had said, oblivious of Mew’s mood change._

_\- Hmm - Mew had hummed - You still in touch with her?_

_\- Yes. We’ve been friends for so many years, even before we got together._

_Mew’s mood had turned dark after hearing him talk about her so fondly._

Mew knew he was being ridiculous. There was no reason why he should feel so upset over the fact that Gulf was still in touch with his ex-girlfriend.

**_**Dude, just spell the words. You’re J.E.A.L.O.U.S** _ **

_What?! I’m not jealous. Why should I be? Gulf and I are nothing._

**_**Yeah… sure… and blue elephants exist.** _ **

Of course, he wasn’t jealous. Being jealous would mean he felt possessive over Gulf, which he didn’t. Possessiveness was a stupid and irrational feeling. Mew knew better than that.

\- We need to start filming - P’Tee said while approaching him - Have you practiced your lines yet?

\- I’m ready to go Phi.

\- Ok… let me find Gulf.

The filming went terrible. Gulf kept making mistakes and messing up his lines. It was obvious he was feeling upset and frustrated. They could get the scene right and were wasting everyone’s time and effort.

\- Cut, khrub - Tee said after several failed takes - Let’s take ten minutes. N’Gulf, please read your lines again, na?

\- Khrub Phi - Gulf said quietly.

Gulf moved once again to the bench he had been sitting on and took out his script.

\- Are you guys bickering again? - Mew heard Boat say while standing beside him.

\- No - Mew said dryly - What makes you think that?

\- Oh, I don’t know - Boat took his hand on his chin - How about the fact that you guys aren’t glued to each other. Or that you haven’t practiced your lines with him. Or that you have a permanent frown on your face since this morning. Dude, your eyebrows are gonna get stuck together if you keep frowning like that.

Mew looked at his young friend. Was he that obvious?

_Of course I’m obvious._

Mew stared at Gulf once again, sitting on the bench looking dejected.

_I should really grow up._

Moving forward to where Gulf was sitting, Mew sat beside him and took his script.

\- Come on, let’s practice the scene.

Gulf looked at him, like waiting for him to say something. When he didn’t get what he was looking for, his eyes clouded with disappointment.

\- Khrub Phi - he said looking down.

_Sometimes… I’m such an asshole. I hate that about myself._

\--------------------------**-------------------------

**POV Gulf**

Gulf had never felt so frustrated in his life.

He was a mess filming that day and hadn’t got the time to talk to Mew.

He needed to know what he could have possibly done to make Mew act that way with him. Gulf thought and thought, but nothing came to his mind.

After they took a break, he was finally able to make a good take with Mew. Gulf had felt somehow ashamed because he was making everyone’s work difficult.

_\- It’s ok N’Gulf - Tee had said to him after they finished - Everyone has bad days. We got the scene, and that’s enough._

Even though Tee didn’t seem upset with him, Gulf had profusely apologized to him and the crew for his mistakes.

Now he was decided to confront Mew.

_He’s going to tell me what got his panties in a twist even if I had to tie him down and tickle him until he tells me._

**_**Ohhh… kinky.** _ **

_Shut up Type!_

Gulf directed himself the little van the crew had taken along for them to change clothes. Mew was getting in when Gulf arrived. Gulf put his hands on Mew’s back and pushed him inside the van.

\- Alai…?! - Mew said while trying to turn around.

\- Keep moving P’Mew - Gulf said while entering the van and closing the door. He then proceeded to put the lock-in.

\- Gulf… - Mew said nervous - You’re kind of scaring me.

\- Am I? Good. Because now you’re going to tell me what the hell is your problem.

Mew looked taken aback by his bluntness.

\- Problem? - he said - I don’t any problem Gulf.

\- Stop lying. You’ve been avoiding talking to me for two days. And I’m sick of it. What was the reason this time, huh?

Mew looked down at his words. He seemed lost for words. His eyes moved from the seat to the ceiling, anywhere but Gulf.

Gulf disappointment turned into anger.

\- Fine. Be a child then. Talk to you later. Or not.

Gulf moved to the door and was preparing to get out when he heard Mew’s outburst at his back.

\- I’m jealous!

_Alai the fuck wa?_

Gulf slowly turned around and looked at Mew’s eyes.

\- What? - he asked.

\- I’m jealous, ok? Are you happy now?

Gulf shook his head trying to find some sense in that statement.

_Jealous? Jealous of what?_

\- Wha… Who… Huh? Jealous? Why are you jealous?

Mew looked down, a little embarrassed. It was obvious he didn’t like feeling that way.

Gulf looked at his Phi, and made a decision. He moved to Mew’s seat, and sat on his lap, putting his knees on either side of his legs.

\- Gulf! - Mew said surprised, putting his hands on Gulf’s waist.

\- Now you can’t run away from me. You’ll have to look at me or break your neck.

Mew stared at Gulf for a moment, before he swallowed, trying to find the words. Gulf took his hands to Mew’s hair and started caressing him, trying to calm him down, trying to make him talk to him.

\- P’Mew… - he said softly - What is it? Did I make you feel insecure somehow?

Mew looked forward, before putting his head on Gulf’s chest and hugging him tightly.

\- Phi… we talked about this. You have to tell me when you’re upset. You know how slow and oblivious I’m for this kind of thing. Talk to me, please - Gulf kissed the top of Mew’s hair, while he was still hidden on his chest.

\- I’m jealous of your ex - Mew’s muffled words came to Gulf, then he pulled back a little to look at Gulf’s face - I know I shouldn’t be. I told myself I have no right to be jealous of you. I know it's not fair to you. But there, I’ve said it. I’m jealous.

\- What? Of Poom? Why?

\- Because you smile so freaking cutely while talking to her - Mew said chewing out the words - I don’t like it - he finished pouting.

Gulf heard that surprised and then he, out of the sudden, started laughing.

\- Aow! - Mew said, kind of offended - I’m being serious.

\- I know Phi. But… that smile on my face was… because I was talking about you.

\- Huh?

_\- Hi Poom! What’s up? - Gulf answered._

_“Hi, Gulf! Where are you? Are you with Mew?”_

_\- Yeah_

_“Oh… you’re so whipped. You spend more time with him than with your family”_

_\- Yes, I know - Gulf had said while looking at Mew’s face._

_“I love to see you in love. It’s refreshing”_

_\- Thanks - Gulf liked feeling in love too._

_“Anyway, I’m not gonna interrupt your time with him any longer. I’ll call you later”_

_\- Ok, talk later._

_“Bye bye”_

_\- Bye._

\- Oh fuck me - Mew muttered while hiding his face on Gulf’s chest once again.

\- Hahaha, P’Mew~ - Gulf said, as he tried to make Mew look at him again - P’Mew, khrub~

\- Don’t look at me.

\- I think it’s cute, na, P’Mew. You were jealous of me - Gulf was on cloud nine - That means you have feelings for me.

Mew looked up at Gulf once again.

\- It was never about whether I have feelings for you or not, Gulf. It’s about whether I’m prepared to deal with them or not.

Gulf took Mew’s face in his hands.

\- I’m prepared to deal with what it takes to be with you.

\- I know. I know it here - Mew said as he guided Gulf’s hand to his heart - But here - he pointed his head - still needs some catching up. I’ll get there at some point.

Gulf moved down and kissed Mew’s forehead.

\- You don’t ever have to feel jealous of me, P’Mew.

\- Why?

\- Because everything I’m and have been, is only yours.

Mew hugged him, once again tight, like afraid Gulf might vanish in front of his eyes.

_I’ve been yours since the first time I saw you. You just don’t know it._


	17. My everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -NO! - Mew got up from his bed breathing heavily.  
> He took his hands to his hair, trying to calm down.  
> What has just happened?  
> With blurry eyes, Mew looked around and saw the familiar forms of his bedroom.  
> A nightmare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! How are you? 😀  
> This chapter was supposed to be up yesterday... but I had an accident and hurt my arm 😅  
> Anyway... it's here now!  
> Dc: This is a fictional story based on true events.  
> Follow me on Twitter: @KlovesBl

**POV Gulf**

They were currently having a break from filming.

MAME wanted them to rest fo the rest of the week. Maybe do some homework about the characters but nothing too stressful. Mew still needed to attend his classes. Gulf had taken some of his time off to gather with his friends and play football.

But that didn’t mean they didn’t saw each other at that time.

They called and talked almost every day. Gulf went to visit Mew’s condo a couple of times, and spent the afternoons with Mew. He knew Mew was tired and busy, but every time he tried to leave him alone and give him some space, Mew would call back saying that he needed to distress.

The fact that Mew talking to him was a relief method for him made Gulf extremely happy.

Gulf was positive about his relationship with Mew. He thought he was moving forward, little by little. It was taking time, but the things that were worth it usually do. Gulf was willing to wait until Mew felt the same way he did.

The only thing he didn’t like about their current status was the fact that he didn’t have the right to do a lot of things. Like asking Mew about things he didn’t want to share. Or telling him that he would help him no matter the cost when he felt like having a panic attack.

They were friends (kind of?), and Mew was a very private and closed person.

And Gulf always wanted to fix problems that weren’t his to fix in the first place.

Gulf was the type of person that sometimes wouldn’t know when he is crossing the line. He would get so into trying to help someone, the wouldn’t realize he is making the other person uncomfortable. Gulf was a problem-fixer, even when people didn’t want the problem fixed.

He was trying to change that with Mew. He needed to be cautious with him because he could lose all the progress he had made over the last weeks.

\- Do you think Tharn would have left Type? - Gulf asked while they were having lunch in a coffee shop.

\- When Type left to be with Puifai, you say?

\- Yes. He said later that he was going to break things off with Type.

\- Hmmm - Mew hummed as he thought - Tharn was feeling tired and hurt I guess. At that point in the story, Tharn was already in love with Type. He knew why Type was doing what he was doing. I guess he felt that, if being with him would make him feel scared, and he needed some sense of ‘normalcy” in his life, then it was better to let him go. Even if that broke his heart.

Gulf thought about it. It was difficult to put himself in Type’s shoes because he had never experienced such a big trauma.

Traumas were really difficult to explain. Everyone reacted differently to it. Some had PTSD, some had nightmares, some would be scared for the rest of their life… and some would become angry and bitter.

Gulf guessed Type belonged to the last group.

The screams, punches, and slurs were just a way to protect himself. Because he was scared.

\- I guess Type wanted to prove to himself that he was “normal” - Gulf said - He became overly attached to Tharn without even realizing, and that scared him.

\- But he hurt Tharn on purpose.

\- Sometimes that’s the only way we got to protect ourselves from being hurt - Gulf looked at Mew’s face.

After all, Mew was that way too.

Gulf understood that. Mew was scared. Because of his past. But Gulf just needed him to give him a chance. A chance to prove that he would never do a thing like that to him.

\- Yeah… well - Mew coughed - Let’s wrap it up here and go to the condo. What movie do you want to see?

\- Any movie is ok Phi, I just want to spend time with you - Gulf said smiling.

Mew turned red at that and got up from the table.

\- Umm, I’m going to the bathroom for a moment.

\- Khrub, Phi.

Mew moved in the bathroom’s direction, leaving a giggly Gulf waiting for him at the table.

As he was waiting for Mew to come out, Gulf looked at the phone Mew had left on the table. It was vibrating. A call was coming in.

Gulf moved a little forward and looked at the name on the screen.

****Jom calling…** **

Gulf sat straight again on his seat.

_Jom… isn’t that… Mew’s sister?_

Gulf remembered about an article he read some time ago talking about Mew’s family. He had a little sister named Jom.

_I’m sure he’ll call her when he gets out of the bathroom._

Five minutes after the call ended, a message came in. Gulf once again looked at the screen.

**_**Jom** _ **

**_**P’Mew, I’m in Bangkok. Won’t you come to see me? I wanna talk to you. Please.** _ **

Gulf felt a little guilty about having read the message, but he thought the tone his sister had used was a little odd.

Mew came out of the bathroom at that moment at looked at Gulf.

\- Should we go now? I already paid the check.

\- Phi! I told you I had this one - Gulf whined.

\- You need to be faster next time - Mew smile at him.

\- By the way, someone was calling you - Gulf said nonchalant, waiting to see Mew reaction.

\- Really? - Mew looked surprised.

Mew took his phone and looked at the screen. His smile disappeared when he saw who called him. Then he locked his phone and put a hand on his lower back.

\- Let’s go, na? - Mew said.

\- Aren’t you gonna call back?

\- Later. Let’s get going.

Gulf felt all the situation kind of odd, but once again, he wasn’t in any position to ask. He was just Mew’s friend.

\-------------------------------**---------------------------

**POV Mew**

_\- P’Mew… I love you - Gulf said while looking at his eyes._

_Mew’s heart felt warm at those words. Gulf had never told him directly how he felt. It was a beautiful and scary feeling._

_\- But I can’t be with you._

_\- What?_

_Gulf vanished from in front of him, just to appear a few meters away from him, holding a woman’s hand._

_\- It’s too much trouble to be with you. Being with a man wasn’t what I thought it would be._

_\- Gulf… wha-_

_\- Why be with you when I can be with a beautiful woman?_

_Mew’s heart dropped like a stone._

_\- But you told me…_

_\- You shouldn’t believe all of what people say. I’m too young to be chained by you. Bye Phi._

\--------------------**--------------------

 _-_ NO! - Mew got up from his bed breathing heavily.

He took his hands to his hair, trying to calm down.

_What has just happened?_

With blurry eyes, Mew looked around and saw the familiar forms of his bedroom.

_A nightmare._

He lay down once again, trying to catch his breath. It was the first time he had a nightmare not involving HIM.

But for some reason, now Gulf was the center of his nightmares and fears.

He had been restless since filming episode five and part of episode six. Gulf had to do quite a few scenes with N’Eye, and that made him feel upset. He could see them together. They looked good together.

Then, Mew had started to be obsessed with the fact that Gulf would be so much better with a pretty girl like Eye. Society was a bitch regarding sexuality that they didn’t categorize as “normal”. His life would be so much easier. He was already going to get shit because he was in a BL show, but if he was caught actually being in a relationship with a man…

He would be in hell.

_Just like I was a few months ago._

Mew didn’t want that. Less to someone he cared so much about like Gulf.

Mew got his glasses from the bedside table and went to his kitchen, trying to do some tea to help him fall asleep again. With the nightmare still fresh in his head, Mew sighed thinking it was going to be a long night.

As he was finishing doing his calming tea, his front door opened.

Mew got suddenly scared.

_Who is here at this hour?_

Only a few people knew the code to his door. Cautiously, Mew moved to his front door, only to see a wobbly Gulf standing there.

\- Gulf!

He was wearing a dress shirt with black jeans. He looked so handsome.

Gulf looked up when he heard the call, and smiled.

\- Phiiiii~ - he laughed a little “hehe” before moving forward to him.

Only he seemed like he couldn’t coordinate his movements and ended up tripping on his own feet.

Mew moved quickly to catch him. When he had him in his arms he whispered:

\- What is this? - he moved them enough for him to see Gulf’s red face - Are you drunk?

Gulf just giggled with his eyes closed.

\- A tiny tiny bit - while lifting his hand, showing Mew how much he had drunk.

\- Oh my god.

\- My friends invited me to a gathering, and as tomorrow we don’t have a schedule, I thought it wasn’t bad to drink a little.

\- A little? - Mew said sarcastically.

\- Phi~ - Gulf said as he put his head on Mew’s shoulder - The room is spinning.

Mew, worried, started taking Gulf to his bedroom.

\- This is unbelievable - Mew muted.

After he finally got his Nong on the bed, he then proceeded to take off his shoes and socks.

\- Are you undressing me Phi? - Gulf said without opening his eyes.

\- I’m just leaving you in boxers.

\- P’Mew is finally taking my clothes off, and I’m drunk.

\- Gulf!

\- What? It’s true. I won't probably remember anything tomorrow, what a shame.

Mew looked at Gulf once again.

\- I’m gonna find a cloth to clean you up.

After finishing and making sure Gulf was clean and comfortable, Mew got into bed next to him.

Gulf was breathing slowly.

Mew took one of his hands to Gulf’s cheek and caressed him with his thumb.

 _“_ _I’m prepared to deal with what it takes to be with you”_

Was he? Being with Mew took a lot of effort. He was clingy, and dependant, jealous, and had a bad temper when mad. Plus, he was older than him and a guy.

What could he possibly offer to such a sweet man?

A tear escaped Mew’s eyes. He wanted him. He wanted Gulf. He wanted that sweetness. He wanted those eyes that only looked at him. He wanted that smile and those little “hehe”s he’d do.

Mew tried to muffle a sob.

\- Are you crying P’Mew?

Mew looked up, just to see a sleepy pair of eyes watching him.

\- Come here - Gulf said while opening his arms.

Mew gave up and let the young man hug him. He put his head on Gulf’s chest and listened to his heartbeat.

\- I don’t know what to do, Gulf - Mew whispered - I’m so scared.

\- I’ll always be here when you feel scared Phi. Let me be your safe haven.

\- Do you want to be my safe haven?

\- I want to be your everything… just like you’re mine.

_“You can’t be my everything P’Mew! You can’t be the center of my world! I’m too young to commit to that!”_

Mew once again thought about how different they were. Gulf wasn’t like HIM at all.

Mew once again hugged him tight… praying for something.

Praying for Gulf to remember their talk… and praying for him to forget it.


	18. I can't be with you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \- I can’t be with you - Mew suddenly said, like wanting to get that out of the way before he regretted it.
> 
> Gulf turned his stare back at Mew’s face, looking sad.
> 
> \- Why?
> 
> \- Huh? - Mew said.
> 
> \- Why can’t you be with me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took so long! But it's here!
> 
> Dc: this is a fictional story based on true events  
> Follow me on Twitter: @KlovesBl

**POV Mew**

Mew was on a blanket in the workshop, checking his phone. Lay down with his head on Mew’s stomach was Gulf, taking a quick nap before practice started. Mew looked down at the young man and thought about the night he came drunk to his condo.

Mew had been vulnerable for the first time in a long time in front of someone, and that someone…

Didn’t remember it.

Mew didn’t know how to feel about that. He was half disappointed half relieved.

Taking a hand to Gulf’s hair, he started caressing him. Gulf rustled a little before settling down with a little snore once again.

_\- Morning P’Mew - Gulf had said coming out of the bedroom to the kitchen, where Mew was preparing breakfast._

_\- Morning Gulf._

_Gulf had entered the kitchen and had sat down in one of the chairs._

_\- How did I get here? Did you pick me up? - Gulf had looked confused._

_\- No - Mew had answered - You came by yourself._

_Gulf had looked surprised at that, and slightly embarrassed._

_\- Sorry, na, P’Mew. I didn’t mean to disturb you._

_\- It’s ok Nong. I prefer you come to this house when drunk than taking a cab or something in the middle of the night - Mew had stared at Gulf intensively - But next time just phone me to pick you up. I’ll take my car and go to you._

_\- I didn’t want to be a burden Phi - Gulf didn’t look him in the eye - I was supposed to go home, but somehow I ended up here… - he had suddenly seemed to remember something - Home! I didn’t call mom!_

_Gulf moved to get up, but Mew took his hand._

_\- I talked to Khun Mae and told her you were staying here - he had explained calmly._

_Gulf had seemed a little relieved._

_Mew looked at his tired Nong. He really didn’t remember anything from the night before? Not their conversation? Nothing?_

_\- Gulf - Mew had started saying - Do you… remember something?_

_\- Not really - Gulf had said sheepishly - When I drink I usually forget things. Why? Did I do something yesterday? Did I offend you somehow?_

_Mew looked at Gulf’s anxious face. He didn’t remember. Mew felt kind of empty at that thought._

_\- You didn’t do anything Nong. Pretty much fell asleep when I put you on the bed._

Gulf inability to remember their little conversation that night, made Mew feel a little restless. But at the same time, he felt relieved. He wasn’t ready to deal with the consequences of what he said.

Filming the first part of episode 6 had been a little eye-opening to him.

_“I can fall in love or flirt with anyone. It’s my life. You have no right to stop me. You don’t own me”_

Somehow, Type’s words really got to him. In their actual status, Mew had no right to do nothing regarding Gulf’s life. He could get jealous, or possessive, but he couldn’t do a thing about it.

Gulf said he wanted to be with him, but Mew didn’t think he was being serious.

_I mean… how serious a 21 year old kid can be?_

Gulf was starting his life and his career. He had so much to live and experiment before settling down. Mew, on the other hand, was bored with excitement already. He wanted stability. He wanted someone to talk when he was feeling down. Someone to share his victories with. Someone that loved him like no one else.

He wanted to be somebody’s whole world.

Mew knew he was emotionally demanding when in a relationship. A lot of the fault came because of hard-working parents. Mew loved them, but when he was a child, they were barely there. They worked hard to be able to provide for him and his sister, and Mew was beyond thankful for that. He just wished… they had been around a little more.

His grandmother had been everything to him. She took care of him while his parents worked. She had tried to fill that hole inside of him that asked for love and care. But it wasn’t the same after all. A parent's love is always important for a child. But Mew had adored his grandma anyways. She had always told him that she wanted to see him graduated from college.

He and his sister had been really close while growing up, as they had only had each other as a companion. Now… they barely talk to each other.

Mew had never had a long-term romantic relationship with anyone. Not a girl… not a guy. He was always busy. Busy trying to make his dreams come true. Busy trying to make his grandmother’s dream come true. It was difficult to sustain a relationship when you barely have time to properly sleep.

The only exception… had been HIM.

_Yeah… and that came out so well, didn’t it?_

Why would he even try again with Gulf?

His heart beats started to quicken really fast.

_No, no, no, no! I can’t have a panic attack here!_

Mew tried to moved Gulf off him, so he could get to the bathroom. His breathing was starting to get erratic, as he felt the first signs of an attack.

Gulf moved a little to his side and mumbled:

\- Phi? What’s wrong? Do we have to film? - then he hugged Mew’s middle - Let’s cuddle five more minutes - and then he immediately fell asleep again while pressing his face to Mew’s neck.

Mew watched the top of Gulf’s head in his chest and realized… the panic attack had retreated.

He once again caressed Gulf’s soft hair.

_What is it in you… that makes me feel so at ease?_

Gulf hugged him tighter in his sleep.

_“Let me be your safe haven”_

Gulf really was. Somehow he had managed to get inside his heart. It was a matter of if Mew was willing to let him stay there.

\-----------------------**----------------------

Mew was on the ride to Pagan Island trying to help Run do a vlog of the trip.

They were going to the island to film part of episode seven and the scenes from the special chapter. They were going to stay at a resort for two nights.

_Yaaaay… can’t wait._

He was going to sleep next to Gulf two nights in a row. It wasn’t that big of a deal to him, as Gulf usually slept at his condo, but at that moment Mew was having a big internal battle.

_What to do?_

He needed to make a decision about Gulf’s confession. It wasn’t fair to keep him waiting for him to get his shit together. But there was so much he needed to take into consideration, he needed to think.

So he was taking a moment away from Gulf. He needed to be alone for a while. That said, was the reason why Gulf was traveling in the back of the van alone, sleeping with his pillow and blue blanket.

_\- Are you mad at me Phi? - Gulf had asked before leaving for the island._

_\- No… why?_

_\- I don’t know, you seem… odd._

_\- I’m ok Nong. Nothing is wrong. I’m just… thinking. I need to think for a bit. About… a lot of stuff. I need some time by myself._

_\- Oh - somehow Gulf had seemed to understand - Khrub, Phi. Tell me then, when we can talk again._

Gulf didn’t seem sad or disappointed by his request. Just understanding. Mew never knew someone that could understand him so easily. It was kind of weird.

When they finally got to the island, Mew saw Gulf getting out of the van a little wobbly. He looked at him worried, seeing how pale Gulf’s face was. Mew wanted to go and ask him if he was ok, but he reconsidered. He had just asked Gulf some time for himself, he should just stick to his plan and go on.

Mew saw P’Best move to where Gulf was standing and give him something that looked like a pill.

_Was Gulf sick?_

Mew threw his plans out the window and went to where Gulf was.

\- Gulf - he said when he got to him - are you ok?

Gulf looked up, surprised, and softly said:

\- I’m ok Phi. I just got a little sick because of the movement. I don’t do road trips so well. I took a pill for travel sickness so I’m going to sleep for a while - he stopped his rambling and looked at Mew in the eye - Take this time to do your thinking P’Mew. I’ll be waiting.

Mew didn’t know what to say at that, so he just nodded.

A little unstable on his feet, Gulf went inside the resort. Presumably, he was going to ask MAME about their room.

After that, Mew went to take a walk around the beach. He loved the beach. The smell of the ocean was one he truly loved. It reminded him about the few times in his childhood when his all family was together. Those times when his parents took vacations and they went to the beach and played and enjoyed all day long.

Good times.

Mew missed being a kid. Fewer problems. Less stress. 

As he watched several couples walking at the beach, Mew thought what it would be like to be with Gulf that way. But then he realized… he would never be able to be with Gulf that way.

They were public figures. Mew, for good or bad, was kind of known in the country and he was sure Gulf would be too when TharnType was finally on air. Even though fans really liked to ship actors, things were different when they were actually in a romantic relationship. Society wasn’t that accepting, not yet. He of all people should know.

Besides that, Mew came with a lot of baggage. His panic attacks, his insecurities, his fears… his inability to trust again. He couldn’t throw all that to Gulf. He could inadvertently hurt Gulf. He had done it before. He could do it again.

Gulf was too young to commit to what Mew needed. He would be so much better with a nice girl.

Not with him.

\-------------------------**------------------------

\- Why are you even here? - N’Kaprao said to Mew.

They were at the Full Moon Party, waiting to film the scene with the foreigner. Mew had actually talked to him, wasn’t a bad guy at all.

Kaprao had been giving him shit for even being there. Mew wasn’t supposed to be there, as Tharn didn’t have any scene to do until the next day. But Run had sent him a rather cryptic message, that had made him go to the set.

**_**Run:** _ **

**_**You might want to come and collect your wife.** _ **

Mew had stared at the message confused, but had actually come. He hasn’t seen Gulf yet since that morning, but some people from the staff had told him that he was feeling better after he took a nap.

\- I’m here because Run told me to come.

\- Yeah… sure - Kaprao looked at him, skeptic.

\- I told you, I…

Mew words were cut off as he saw Gulf come from a little room behind the set.

_Oh… shit._

He was wearing some ripped blue jeans and a white shirt. The problem was, the shirt exposed more than it hid. Mew could see Gulf’s chest, painted with some fluorescent paint. He looked like lust in a bottle.

He looked sexy. He didn’t know sexy Gulf. Not like that.

\- What are you looking at? - Gulf said while looking at Mew’s wide eyes.

\- Chest… I mean…! Not your chest! But why is your chest…? - Mew tried to make sense but he obviously didn’t make it.

Gulf started to smile at Mew’s red face.

\- Do you like my look?

Mew took a moment to really see Gulf’s outfit.

\- Do you have to show that much?

\- Ohhhh… hubby is getting angry!! - Kaprao screamed.

\- Shut up Nong! - Mew said to him while Gulf laughed.

\- The staff said I need to look inviting. So they made this outfit for me.

\- I should paint my name somewhere… - Mew mumbled.

Gulf sent him a flirty look.

\- After we are done with the scene I’ll let you paint wherever you want - and then he turned around and went to Tee.

Mew looked at him, not believing what Gulf just said.

\- I guess you’re getting lucky tonight - Kaprao mocked.

A little ping of sadness hit Mew in his heart. He had made a decision.

\- I don’t think so Nong.

\----------------------**--------------------

\- What are we doing here Phi? - Gulf asked him.

After Gulf finished his scenes and removed all the paint from his body, Mew had asked him to go to the beach with him. The place was quiet, not a soul could be seen. The sound of the waves hitting the shore wasn’t of any consolation for Mew for the first time.

Maybe he made a mistake, doing this at the beach. He would remember this moment with sadness, every time he was at the beach. The place no longer will be a fun and comforting place to Mew.

\- I wanted to talk to you, alone.

Gulf seemed resigned like he knew what Mew was going to say.

\- Are you sure you want to do this here? - Gulf said while looking at the sea, pensive - I know how much you like the beach.

How did Gulf manage to be so in sync with him?

\- I can’t be with you - Mew suddenly said, like wanting to get that out of the way before he regretted it.

Gulf turned his stare back at Mew’s face, looking sad.

\- Why?

\- Huh? - Mew said.

\- Why can’t you be with me?

Mew hadn’t actually expected him to ask for reasons. Mew had wanted to do this as painless as he could.

For both of them.

\- You’re too young Nong. You should experiment before deciding to settle down. I’m not as young as you. I want stability.

\- Don’t make this an age issue. I might be young, but I’m not stupid. Turning my feelings into a number is offensive. I know what I want. I’m an introvert person and I don’t like excitement. I like things to be boring and stable - Gulf said calmly.

\- But you don’t know a lot of things Gulf. You’ve never been with a man before. It’s not as beautiful as everyone makes it look like. You would be a lot better with a nice girl.

\- Why? What’s the difference between being with a man or a woman? I want you because you are you. Not because you’re a man.

Mew was starting to get agitated. Nothing he said would make Gulf take a step back.

\- What do you want me to say? - Mew said, with a trembling voice.

\- The truth. You’re rejecting me. You owe me at least the true reason.

\- I’m scared! - Mew finally exploded - There you go! I’m freaking terrified! I can’t deal with a relationship now, I don’t think I’ll ever will! I care about you Gulf, I swear I do. But I can’t deal with this.

Gulf’s eyes seemed to water, but Mew was way too far away from him to see.

\- You’re not the only one that’s scared. I’m not as brave as you think. But I’m willing to take the risk. You should never let the fear of missing a shot keep you from playing the match - Gulf looked down, trying to recompose himself - I’ll do as you wish Phi. Just give me until tomorrow to adjust. I promise you, tomorrow everything will be the same. We will stay as brothers and will finish this series. But please, don’t cast me out of your life. I will rather be there as a brother than not be there at all.

With that said, Gulf quickly turned around and started walking back to the resort.

Mew had been frozen, listening to Gulf’s final words. But only a phrase stayed with him.

_“You should never let the fear of missing a shot keep you from playing the match”_

_Where have I heard that before?_

Mew quickly took his phone out of his back pocket and opened Twitter. With trembling hands, he opened the bookmark section. He had countless tweets he had saved from a particular account.

**_**“Good morning Phi! I hope you have a great day!”** _ **

**_**“How are you today? I hope everything is ok”** _ **

**_**“I know things might be difficult right now, but su su! I’m always here for you”** _ **

**_**“Another bad audition? Don’t worry Phi! Next one will be better”** _ **

**_**“Are you tired? Please go get some rest”** _ **

**_**“Today you looked amazing Phi!”** _ **

**_**“You’re so talented!! Don’t give up”** _ **

Mew looked for a tweet that account had sent him on a really bad day. It was right after the scandal.

**_**“I know things must be bad right now Phi, but please don’t give up. Your talent will be wasted if you just stop doing what you love. You’re not alone. You have us. You have me. Don’t let the fear of missing a shot keep you from playing the match”** _ **

Mew looked at the name of the account.

****GBall97.** **

_It can’t be._

There was no way that account belonged to Gulf.

Mew started running back to the resort. He needed to know. He wanted to know if that person that stood by him at far when he was at his lowest was him.

Mew got to their room and came in without knocking.

Gulf was sitting on the edge of his bed, his head down. He looked startled when Mew came in. His face was covered in tears and snot and his eyes were puffy and red.

\- Phi… - he said.

\- Was it you?

\- Huh? - Gulf said confused.

Mew moved to where Gulf was sitting and kneel in front of him.

\- On Twitter, was it you?

Gulf opened his eyes as his face started to turn red.

\- Eh… I…

\- GBall97, is that you?

\- I…

\- Please Gulf… just tell me.

Gulf eyes went everywhere but where Mew was kneeling. More tears came out of his eyes as he whispered.

\- I have loved you for years now Phi. This is not a crush. At first, it was. Just a big fascination for a handsome actor. But then I got to see you. You’re such a ray of sunshine P’Mew. Your smile, your laugh, your cuteness… I love everything about you. I tried my best to just be supportive from afar, but my feelings grew too fast. I became greedy. I became selfish. The day when TharnType’s audition results came out was the best day of my life. Kissing you was a dream come true. Hugging you like I always wanted, more after the scandal, was the best thing that could have happened to me. I know you’re scared Phi. I know that. I know why. I know you need to feel safe again, a peace I took away with my selfishness. I will give you that Phi… I just need a little time…

In the end a sob came free from Gulf’s mouth.

Mew took his body and dragged him to his. He hugged his Nong tight, as tight as he could.

How could he have thought his feelings were fleeting? The extension of Gulf’s feelings for him was bigger than he could have expected.

Mew had never been loved so profoundly.

Gulf was ugly crying at that point. Big sobs and hard breaths came out of him.

Mew felt all the walls that surrounded his heart crumble into pieces.

This is what he had been looking for.

Everything he had wanted came to him… in the form of a cute guy. A guy that understood him. A guy that made him feel complete. A guy that gave him peace. A guy that filled the hole he has always had in his chest.

Mew took Gulf’s face in his hands, trying to wipe the tears off his face. His Nong was a mess. Mew had hurt him again.

_Never again._

Mew kissed him softly. He kissed those beautiful chestnut lips, pouring all the feelings he had inside of him. He pulled away slowly, looking at those wet eyes.

\- I love you too Gulf.


	19. Our decision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \- What now? - Gulf was so afraid of the answer, but he needed to know.
> 
> \- I really don’t know Gulf - Mew looked as lost as Gulf felt - I’m scared shitless. I don’t know what to do. I know I promised you I would protect you, but I don’t know how to protect you from this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it took me forever to update but here it is... 😁
> 
> I hope you like this chapter.
> 
> Dc: this is a fictional story based on true events.  
> Follow me on Twitter: @KlovesBl

**POV Gulf**

Gulf had been restless all day ever since Mew had told him he needed some time to think. Gulf had known. Mew was going to make a decision about their relationship. His Phi had looked stressed and worried.

Gulf had somehow felt guilty. He was making Mew go through all that because he couldn’t contain his feelings. He had known he should have waited.

But it was pointless to think about the “what if”s. What was done, was done.

Now, Gulf had to deal with what was about to come.

Gulf had seen the fear in Mew’s face while they talked at the beach. It had been so obvious. Mew wasn’t ready to deal with feelings. Not after what happened to him a few months back. Gulf had thought about Mew’s condition when they met. He had been skinny, with big black circles under his eyes and a cautious stare.

But now, Gulf had put that fear in his eyes. Mew had been opening up to him after so many months working together. Gulf got too confident. It was clear now that he had made a mistake.

He had turned around and headed to their room, a defeated feeling in his heart. It was over. His dreams and desires were suddenly crushed. He had been preparing himself all day for that, but nothing could have prepared him for the emptiness that overtook him after talking with Mew.

_Now what?_

They were still going to have to work together, after all, they needed to finish TharnType. After that, events, promoting brands, interviews… all alongside Mew.

_Will I be able to put up with all that?_

**_**Yes.** _ **

_Why should I Type? It hurts._

**_**Better be a good friend and a brother than not be there at all. Didn’t you say that?** _ **

Gulf felt selfish. A few months back he had been satisfied with just seeing Mew in pictures and videos on his phone. Now he wanted all. He wanted his hugs and kisses. He wanted his bad temper and his smiles. He wanted to be his one and only… just like Mew was his.

Tears came down from his eyes as he thought about everything he had lost with his selfishness. Mew would be all awkward now with him. No more hugs. No more taking care of him.

The door had suddenly opened. A startled Gulf had look at Mew’s frantic eyes.

_What is he doing here? I thought I asked him for some time._

\- Phi… - Gulf tried to say through his closed throat.

\- Was it you? - he suddenly asked.

\- Huh?

Mew had moved to where he was seated on the edge of his bed and kneel in front of him.

\- On Twitter, was it you?

_What? It can’t be…_

There was no way Mew knew. What were the odds?

\- Eh… I… - Gulf stuttered

\- GBall97, is that you?

Gulf opened his eyes as wide as he could.

_Oh my god, he knows!_

\- I… - Gulf didn’t know what to answer. He felt his face starting to redden.

_Is he mad? Is he repulsed by me? Because I kind of stalked him before knowing him?_

\- Please Gulf… just tell me - Mew seemed desperate for an answer.

Gulf didn’t know what to say. Should he tell him the truth? He looked around the room, anywhere but his Phi’s eyes.

\- I have loved you for years now Phi. This is not a crush. At first, it was. Just a big fascination for a handsome actor. But then I got to see you. You’re such a ray of sunshine P’Mew. Your smile, your laugh, your cuteness… I love everything about you. I tried my best to just be supportive from afar, but my feelings grew too fast. I became greedy. I became selfish. The day when TharnType’s audition results came out was the best day of my life. Kissing you was a dream come true. Hugging you like I always wanted, more after the scandal, was the best thing that could have happened to me. I know you’re scared Phi. I know that. I know why. I know you need to feel safe again, a peace I took away with my selfishness. I will give you that Phi… I just need a little time…

_I need time to imagine my life without you in it._

Just the thought brought another round of tears into Gulf’s eyes. But he was willing to do it if it was what Mew wanted from him.

Suddenly, Mew took his body and held him in a tight embrace. Gulf held still without returning the hug, confused. Shouldn’t he be mad? Why was Mew hugging him?

As Gulf was preparing to speak, to explain his behavior to Mew, the older one took his face between his hands and softly kissed him on the lips. Gulf’s eyes opened as wide as possible while looking at a blurred version of Mew’s face. It wasn’t the most passionate kiss they have ever had, but the desperate way Mew held his face as he pressed his lips on Gulf’s made his heart ache.

Slowly, Mew pulled away, staring at Gulf’s eyes with sad ones.

\- I love you too, Gulf - he finally said.

Gulf suddenly felt lightheaded.

_What?_

\- What? - Gulf asked out loud.

There was no way he heard it right. He must be dreaming or simply delusional.

Mew wouldn’t say he love him just like that. There was no way.

\- You heard me. I love you too.

\- But… - Gulf was trying to understand - At the beach… you said…

\- I know what I said Gulf. And I still think being together is a bad idea, but I can’t hold it back. I love you - Mew’s eyes watered as he stared at him.

Mew loved him?

\- What changed? - Gulf asked.

\- I didn’t actually think your love was that serious Gulf. I’m ashamed to say that, but it’s the truth. I thought that maybe if I let you go, you would get over it and move on. Your life would be so much better without me in it. But… you were there. You were always there and I didn’t see it…

The last sentence confused Gulf, but Mew didn’t seem ready to explain it. He made a note to self about asking him about it later.

\- What now? - Gulf was so afraid of the answer, but he needed to know.

\- I really don’t know Gulf - Mew looked as lost as Gulf felt - I’m scared shitless. I don’t know what to do. I know I promised you I would protect you, but I don’t know how to protect you from this.

_Protect me?_

_-_ Protect me from what?

Mew took his cheek on the palm of his hand and caressed him softly.

\- Protect you from everything that might hurt you. The public, the industry, the society, the people we know, our family…, me… - Mew looked sad while saying the last word.

\- I’m not a kid P’Mew. I might be a little goofy, but I’m an adult. I’m willing to go through all that to be with you.

\- You don’t know what is like Gulf. Being the target of everyone’s hate. It’s suffocating. It’s like living in a world where you can’t breathe without someone pointing out that you did it wrongly. Judgment is a cruel way to go down.

Gulf could see the source of Mew’s fears. After everything he went through the last few months, it was obvious that he would be afraid of a repeat. But Gulf had actually thought Mew would be afraid for himself… but it turned out he was afraid for him.

Taking the hand Mew had put on his cheek in his, he moved his head to put a butterfly kiss on the palm of his hand.

\- Don’t you know how deep my feelings for you are? I’m not here with you for a summer fling. This is the real deal. You’re the only one for me. Let people judge us P’Mew, I don’t care. If you stay by my side, I feel like I can conquer the world - Gulf said while looking at Mew in the eye. He needed his Phi to know how sincere he was.

\- You’ll be better with a girl Gulf - Mew tried to fight.

\- I don’t care.

\- I’m not an easy person to be with. I might hurt you again.

\- I’ll try to be beside you to give you the chance to say sorry.

Mew took a breath at that and held it.

\- I’m being serious - he finally said while his chin trembled.

\- So am I - Gulf moved a little forward - Won’t you give me a chance P’Mew? Won’t you let me help you fix this?

\- Not everything can be fixed, Gulf. Don’t you know? When glass shatters there is no way to put the pieces back together to make it look like it used to. Sometimes it's better to not even try.

Gulf smiled at that and hugged his Phi’s cold body.

\- We all have cracks and scars Phi. We are all shattered somehow. But there is always a way to put the pieces back together even if they don’t look the same as before. You just have to find someone that is willing to fill the cracks for you.

Gulf heard the quiet sobs Mew’s body was releasing. That brought tears to Gulf’s eyes as well. So much pain, so much torment in such a young soul.

_I’ll help him be complete again._

\- Can I be that someone Phi? Can I help you and be by your side?

Mew didn’t say anything for a few minutes. Gulf started to move away with a heavy feeling in his heart before he felt Mew’s arms around him.

He waited for his Phi’s answer, and after a moment he got it.

A slow nod.

Yes.

Gulf heart flowed with hope and happiness.

\- So… are we together now? - Gulf said smiling.

Mew moved so he could see Gulf’s eyes once again.

\- I want to try Gulf. If there is someone I would be willing to try again, is you. But I can’t guarantee this will turn out good.

\- No one can guarantee that Phi. We are not doing this expecting failure. Every single person that starts a new relationship does it knowing that there might be a day when they aren’t together anymore. If you are lucky enough, you’ll find someone you can be with for the rest of your life. Relationships are like that. No one can predict the future. But I rather love and lost, than not have loved at all.

Mew’s chin trembled again as he tried to contain his feelings. Moving forward he kissed his Nong on the lips. Even though the last kiss was reassuring and sweet, this one was full of passion and repressed lust. Months and months of frustration came out in that kiss. Mew took Gulf’s waist and pulled him until his body was flushed against his own, his other hand taking the back of his nape preventing him from escaping.

Like Gulf was ever gonna escape that. He was finally in heaven.

Suddenly, Mew pulled away from the kiss, leaving a panting Gulf looking at him confused.

\- I’m sorry - Mew said while he tried to regulate his breathing - I know I started it, but I’m no ready.

Gulf looked at Mew, seeing regret in his eyes.

\- Will you sleep beside me, P’Mew? - he said smiling - Let me hug you tonight.

Mew lifted his head and looked at Gulf’s eyes.

Moving to Gulf’s bed, they lay down. Mew’s body was tense like he didn’t know how to move or what to do. Gulf felt warmth, seeing him suddenly so nervous around him.

Gulf moved until he was positioned at Mew’s back. Putting one hand around his middle, Gulf softly hugged him. Mew started to relax at Gulf’s soft caresses on his stomach until his breathing became regular. Gulf looked at the soft dark hair in front of him and buried his nose there, breathing his Phi in.

_I really hope this wasn’t all a dream._


	20. So... it's official?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \- Why aren’t you freaking out? - Gulf said, skeptic.  
> Mew moved his head up to look at Gulf, and a sleepy smile covered his face.  
> \- Should I?  
> \- I mean… I don’t want you to… I’m just wondering why haven’t you.  
> \- I’m ok Gulf. I’m here with you. That’s all that matters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YAY! Another chapter up! 😁😁😁😁
> 
> I hope you enjoy this one! Feedback is always appreciated.
> 
> Dc: This is a fictional story based on true events.  
> Follow me on Twitter: @KlovesBl

**POV Gulf**

The light passing through the curtains woke Gulf up. It was morning already, and he felt like he didn’t sleep at all.

Trying to clear his sight, Gulf saw nothing but dark hair in front of him.

Trying to make sense out of everything, Gulf tried to wake his mind up. Then he remembered the night before.

The beach. The rejection. The sadness. And finally, ultimate happiness.

_I love you too, Gulf._

His heart was full still. With a sweet smile on his face, Gulf moved his hand to Mew’s hair and started stroking it. He didn’t know how Mew did it, but his hair was always soft. It was inviting for him, he just wanted to caress it all the time.

Gulf started to acknowledge the situation he was in. Mew was hugging him from the front, with his head tucked on his throat. Gulf could feel his steady breathing on his skin, and it was giving him goosebumps. Mew’s arms were wrapped around his middle and his legs were tangled. It was a miracle they were able to sleep like that almost all night.

Gulf had woke up a couple of times in the middle of the night.

_\- No… no! - Mew had said in his sleep._

_Gulf had woke up because of the movement. Still sleepy, he had tried to find out why Mew was moving so much in the middle of the night._

_\- Please… - Mew said while a couple of tears went down his face - Don’t go…_

_Gulf had realized he had been having a nightmare. It wasn’t the first time Gulf was in the presence of one of those, as he had seen it a couple of times back when he slept at Mew’s condo, but they were never that violent. He would usually move and whisper some things, but he never cried._

_\- Shhhh… P’Mew - Gulf had taken his body into an embrace, trying to help him calm down - I’m right here, I’m not going anywhere…_

_Mew had calmed down a little after that. Gulf could still see dry tears on his cheeks after he had settled down._

_He had kissed Mew’s forehead softly, trying to not wake him up._

_\- I hope you don’t have another nightmare…_

It was still concerning for Gulf. Why did Mew have nightmares? Was it related to that guy? Was it like his panic attacks?

Gulf wanted to help him. He wanted deep in his heart to stop his suffering. But he didn’t actually know the extent of Mew’s hurt and issues. He had always been very careful with the limits. He had been a friend and co-worker, nothing more. Maybe now that they were together he could pry a little bit more.

_Because… we are together… right?_

Gulf liked to think they were. He got a yes from his Phi the day before. Well… a nod. Which was a yes… right?

But what concerned Gulf the most was the fact that Mew could regret making that decision when he woke up. Both of them were a mess the night before, and they still got a lot of talking to do.

_Will he regret it?_

Fear trapped Gulf’s heart. He couldn’t take it. If Mew tells him he didn’t mean to say yes, Gulf was going to crumble apart in front of him. Still caressing his hair, Gulf tried to calm down. They had a busy day ahead and it was pointless to suffer at that moment. They just needed to talk clearly. That was all.

As he was about to wake Mew up, the room’s door opened and Run came in.

\- MewGulf people are… - he stopped in his tracks and looked at them.

Gulf held his breath and waited for his reaction. He didn’t actually mind, but he knew Mew would lose his shit if anyone found out about them.

Suddenly, Run rolled his eyes.

\- Really? You guys are cuddling at this hour? Don’t you have a JOB to do? Jesus Christ! Stop your lovey-dovey shit and come to breakfast. We got a lot to do today - after he said that, he turned around and left their room.

Gulf just looked at the closed door… amused.

_I guess there is nothing to be worried about._

After all, it wasn’t weird to see them cuddling form time to time, even in front of the whole staff. Gulf turned around when he felt Mew’s body starting to move.

Gulf looked down and he saw Mew’s dark eyes staring at him with a sleepy expression.

\- Hey… - Gulf said, keeping his tone low, trying not to disturb the peace they were in at the moment.

\- Hey there… - Mew answered.

\- How did you sleep?

\- Good. Better than a lot of days - Mew said while tightening the hug.

_So, last night with the nightmares… was better for him?_

Gulf needed to ask him about it, but not at that moment.

\- Why aren’t you freaking out? - Gulf said, skeptic.

Mew moved his head up to look at Gulf, and a sleepy smile covered his face.

\- Should I?

\- I mean… I don’t want you to… I’m just wondering why haven’t you.

\- I’m ok Gulf. I’m here with you. That’s all that matters.

But Gulf needed a little more than that. He wanted reassurance. He wanted confirmation.

\- Are we together P’Mew? - he finally had the courage to ask.

\- Of course we are together.

\- Like a couple together?

Mew sniffed kissed his throat and mumbled:

\- Do you still want us to be together?

Moving his hand to Mew’s cheek, Gulf stroked his skin with his thumb.

\- More than anything in the world.

Mew smiled brightly after that.

\- Then we’re together Nong. But beware of this, no one can know. I’m not willing to risk it when it comes to you. Please tell me you understand that?

\- I understand Phi. I’m ok with that.

Gulf couldn’t feel happier than at that moment. Mew accepted him and they were officially together.

\- Let’s get up Phi. We got a lot to do today. And I’m sure the next one coming in is gonna be either P’MAME or P’Tee.

Gulf tried to move away from Mew’s embrace, but his Phi did not let him.

\- I want a morning kiss - he suddenly said.

\- Alai?

Mew started to move forward, aiming his lips with his eyes, but Gulf moved his head right before their lips collided.

\- I have morning breath - Gulf said.

Mew, with renovated strength, moved to put himself on top of Gulf’s body. Without letting his Nong catch a breath, he kisses him. Gulf eyes went completely wide at the action. Not only was Mew kissing him, but he was also devouring him. His tongue went in and out of his mouth with every single movement of his.

A soft moan left Gulf’s mouth and he moved his arms to wrap them around Mew’s neck and bringing him closer to his body. After a couple of minutes, Mew pulled away, leaving Gulf stunned with his erratic breathing.

\- You never have a bad breath. I’ve told you before - he said with a big smile on his face.

Gulf could feel his face getting red to the tip of his ears. Looking for revenge, Gulf started tickling Mew, knowing how ticklish his body was.

\- Hahahahahahaha - Mew started wiggle to get away from Gulf’s attack. Gulf put himself on top of his Phi while he continued to tickle him.

\- Don’t mess with me Phi!!! - he screamed.

\- Ok! Ok! I s-surrender!! - Mew tried to say between his laughs.

Gulf stopped his attack and just laid on top of Mew.

\- I love waking up like this - Mew suddenly said.

As Gulf was going to answer him, MAME came through the door.

\- Alai? You guys aren’t ready yet?! Come on! Chop chop! We got to work to do! - said that, she turned around and left.

Mew and Gulf looked at each other before starting laughing.

\- We should get going - Mew said.

\- Yeah, before the whole staff comes here to wake us up.

As Mew got up and went to the bathroom, Gulf couldn’t help but feel happy.

Just like that.

He was happy.

\---------------------------------**--------------------------------

**POV Mew**

\- We need to do one more take - P’Tee was explaining to them - N’Gulf are you going to be ok?

\- I’m sure I’ll be fine. It’s just pealing some prawns - Gulf said.

Mew wasn’t so sure about that. Everyone in the crew knew Gulf was allergic to prawns. He was still worried about Gulf touching those prawns.

They were seated in a beautiful little restaurant, with an amazing view. Tharn and Type were having a meal, so that’s why there were about to eat at that moment. Mew was actually a little relieved that he didn’t have to eat spicy food for that scene. He, the same as Tharn, didn’t like spices that much.

\- Let’s do this scene, na Phi - Gulf said.

\- Ok - Mew finally gave up.

_Ok Tharn… you’re up._

**_**No more spicy food, right?** _ **

_Not this time._

*Action*

-Here, eat up - Type said while offering him a piece of peeled prawn - There’s a lot on store for you.

Tharn was feeling a little sulky. He had to eat that infernal meal and had been feeling bad since the night before.

**_**Worse, we couldn’t even have sex.** _ **

_Priorities… right?_

\- Seriously, your dad is trying yo kill me - Tharn was convinced of that.

\- Come on, you haven’t truly reached the south if you don’t try southern food - Type answered mockingly.

\- If I have to eat your dad’s curry from hell… - Tharn started saying - I’d rather not reach the south at all.

**_**Dude** _ **

_What now?_

**_**Why are Type’s hands so big all of the sudden?** _ **

\- Stop! Stop! - Mew suddenly yelled.

He rapidly took one of Gulf’s hands in his.

\- His hands are swelling - he said worried while looking at Gulf’s red and big hands.

*Cut!* someone yelled.

\- I think I’m not fine - Gulf said looking sheepish.

\- No kidding.

\- We need to postpone this scene - P’Tee finally said - You brought your medicine, N’Gulf?

\- Khrub Phi - Gulf said.

\- Go take a break. Please come back when you’re feeling better. Meanwhile, I need someone to do the close-ups of peeling prawns.

\- I’ll go with Gulf, Phi - Mew said.

\- Ok khrub Mew. Come back when his hands don’t look like sausages.

\-------------------------**-------------------------

Mew could feel someone tracing his face with a finger. Trying to take the sleepiness away from his mind, he started to open his eyes.

_Ugh, dry contacts…_

Trying to focus, he found himself looking at Gulf’s face.

After Gulf took his medicine, he had been sleepy, so Mew had suggested they take a nap while waiting for his fingers to turn back to normal.

\- Hey… - Gulf said with a sleepy voice while his finger still moved around Mew’s face.

\- What are you doing? - Mew let him be.

\- Looking at your features. You’re so handsome… - he said.

\- I’m not that handsome - Mew joked.

\- I love everything about your face - his finger moved to Mew’s eyes and he closed them - I love your eyes. I love the way they look at me, like you want to give your whole world to me. I love when they look at me like you could eat me at that moment - he moved to Mew’s nose - I love your nose. I love it when you give me sniff kisses, because they makes me warm - he then moved to his lips - And I love your mouth. I love the words that come out of this. I love your smile and the little pout you do sometimes. I love your kisses. They tell me everything I know you’re feeling but aren’t ready to say out loud.

Mew’s heart filled with love for that young man. He was so mature, his love so pure. How could he had ever thought his feelings were just a crush?

\- You’re such a charmer - Mew said a little shy.

Gulf smiled and proceeded to hug him tight.

\- I love you so much - his Nong said.

At that moment Tee came into the room.

\- Are you better N’Gulf?

\- Khrub Phi - Gulf answered while sitting up on the bed.

\- Good, because we have a love scene to do, and I need your 100%. We’ll do the rest of the day shoots tomorrow.

\- Khrub.

\-----------------------------**-----------------------------

\- We have to do this in one take - Tee was doing a briefing to the couple - If there is one mistake, then we are going to have to start again.

Mew felt Gulf tensed beside him. He had to be nervous, after all, this was the first time they had to do that kind of take.

\- It’ll be fine - he whispered to his Nong ear.

\- Let’s do a run-through before doing the scene - Tee suggested.

They started to mimic their kissing in front of the bed looking at each other.

\- This is not going to work - Mew said - I can’t see very well where is my blocking.

\- Let’s just kiss for real Phi - Gulf suggested.

Mew opened his eyes wide when he heard that.

\- Would you mind, Mew? - Tee said impatiently.

\- Ehh… no. Of course not.

As they started the run-through, Mew moved forward and pressed his lips against Gulf’s. He tasted so sweet, as he had eaten a candy before filming, thing he knew wasn’t true because he didn’t see him eat anything.

\- Move your head to his neck Mew - Tee instructed.

Mew complied, and buried his face on Gulf’s neck. There, he took a deep breath. He loved Gulf’s smell. Honey. He always smelled like honey. He took his time to place a little kiss there, making Gulf’s skin get goosebumps while he wrapped his long arms around Mew’s neck.

\- Good, good. Now Mew, you have to lift him up and take him to that dresser.

_Alai wa?_

\- Lift him? He’s big as hell! That would look super weird - Mew said.

\- Not if Gulf wraps his legs around your waist - Tee pointed out.

_Fuck me._

It was going to be difficult for Mew to NOT get a hard-on in that scene. That would be embarrassing as hell.

\- I’m doing it Phi - Gulf said before jumping and wrapping his legs around Mew’s middle.

Holding him like a big baby, Mew moved him to the dresser and let him seated on top of it. Then he moved his body to be between Gulf’s legs.

\- At some point you need to take Mew’s shirt off - Tee said to Gulf.

\- When we get to this point, you mean? - Gulf took the hem of Mew’s shirt and made a move mimicking taking it off - Is this my cue to take it off?

\- Yeah, seems like that - Tee said. After a couple of moments, he rectified - I think it would be better if you take it off while kissing in the first part.

\- Khrub Phi.

\- Let’s move to the part on the bed. You have to lift him again Mew.

\- I’m going to end up with backache! - Mew said joking.

\- I’m not that heavy Phi! - Gulf whined.

Mew just laughed at that before lifting him again, feeling Gulf’s legs wrap again around his waist. At that point he could feel Gulf’s hard-on against his abs.

\- Move backward Mew, until you feel the bed. It’s like three steps.

\- Then I sit with him on top of me? - Mew asked.

\- Yes. Put your hands under his t-shirt, but don’t take it off.

After that Mew laid down on the bed with Gulf on top of him.

\- I like this - Gulf said mockingly.

\- I bet you do - Mew said sarcastically.

\- Move upwards Mew - Tee instructed.

Gulf moved his head to hide it in Mew’s neck. He could feel the heat of his breath on his skin, and it was making him troubled. He was starting to get a reaction to all the touching and that was a big problem. To get things worst, Gulf then moved his face down his chest and abs, leaving little kisses behind him. Then, he went back up and stared at his face.

\- Now Gulf says the line. Look at him first. Give him the signal - Tee said to Mew - Now flip him. Help him.

Mew moved his hand to the lower part of Gulf’s back to help him lay down on the bed. Then he got on top of him, doing a plank.

\- Something like this? - Mew asked.

\- Yes. Now take the tank top off - Tee instructed.

Mew took the hem of his tank top to simulate him taking it off but not actually doing it.

\- Now bend down.

He got on top of Gulf once again and left a kiss on his cheek. Gulf looked at him and smiled.

\- That’s pretty good guys.

Mew laid flushed on top of Gulf, waiting for his excitement to go away before they had to actually film.

\- P’Mew, are you ok? - Gulf asked with laughter on his voice.

\- Little devil - Mew said - I’m fine. I just need a couple of minutes.

\- I need them too.

\- I know. Why do you think I’m on top of you like this?

Both of them laughed while waiting.

When they were a little calmer, they got up from the bed and went to the staff to retouch their make-up.

\- Shit! - Mew suddenly said - My nose is bleeding!

Mew laid down on Gulf’s lap, while his Nong held a cloth with ice in it to his face. A tissue came out of his nostril, holding his nosebleed back.

People were videotaping them, and laughing at poor Mew.

\- You’re such a kid sometimes Phi - Gulf mocked at him.

\- You’re too hot for me to handle.

\- Isn’t it the scene the one that is too hot to handle?

Mew looked up at his Nong and said:

\- No… I said it right the first time.


	21. I can't believe we did that

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \- Do you think you’re ready MewMew? - Jane had asked.
> 
> \- I don’t know that for a fact. But I do know how Gulf makes me feel.
> 
> \- How is that?
> 
> \- He makes me feel like I can finally breathe again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Been a while since I updated I know. But I've been sick and had to wait to feel better to write.  
> I hope you like the chapter nonetheless.
> 
> Dc: this is a fictional story based on true events.  
> Follow me on Twitter: @KlovesBl.

**POV Mew**

\- So… you asked him for some time?? - the amused tone of voice Jane was using put Mew’s nerves to the ceiling.

\- I know it sounds dumb… - Mew started saying.

\- I’m sorry for saying this Mew… but it doesn’t sound dumb, you sound like a jerk.

\- Aow!

Mew and Gulf had done all their scenes at Pagan Island really quickly. As a reward, they had got to spend time together visiting the island as tourists. They went to the beach together and had one hell of a time. No cameras, no director, no script… just them.

At night, they had talked… about nothing important. Mew had realized how little he actually knew about Gulf. Simple things like when were his first kiss or his favorite color. He had been a little depressed about it. Made him feel like the worst boyfriend ever. But Gulf hadn’t care.

_\- You know me P’Mew… you know the things that matter. The rest will come with time._

There was so much at stake, and that filled Mew’s heart with fear.

What would people think?

What would their friends think? Mild? Boat?

What would their families think?

Being with Gulf had brought nothing but happiness to Mew’s life… but it had brought fear as well.

He had needed to think for a bit. Re-valuate his decisions. And that’s what he told Gulf.

_\- Are you regretting being with me? - he had asked with sad eyes._

_\- No! - Mew had taken his hand - Never. I just need to clear my head. I promise you I will call you._

Four days had passed since that particular conversation, and even though they had exchanged some messages over LINE, they haven’t talk yet.

\- What? I’m your friend, so I have to call you on your shit when you’re being an asshole. Well, guess what? You’re being an asshole - Jane said.

Mew knew she was right. But that didn’t mean he liked that fact.

\- Gulf understood where I was coming from.

\- Because that boy is too sweet to you. You have been together for… what? A week? And you’re asking him for time already?

\- When you put it like that… - Mew sighed - I just wanted to get rid of this odd feeling I have. I don’t want to hurt him.

\- And what do you think you’re doing now? He must be out of his mind, worried for you.

Mew had to give it to her. He was being a jerk to his boyfriend.

Boyfriend.

He never actually thought he would be referring to Gulf like that. Or anyone, for that matters.

Being in a relationship gave Mew a restless feeling. And he didn’t know why. But Jane was right, it wasn’t fair to Gulf to just wait for him to put his shit together alone.

\- I know - he finally caved - You’re right.

\- I’m always right - Jane said with a superior stare.

\- Fuck you.

\- Not interested.

He was gonna kill her someday.

\- I called him this morning, he’s gonna spend the night here - he said to Jane while moving to the kitchen to find some water.

He was in the process of taking some water out of a bottle glass when he heard the next words coming out of his sister’s mouth.

\- Do you have condoms and lube?

\- *cough* *cough* - Mew almost choked with the water - ALAI WA?

\- Don’t play a saint with me, young man. Your health and Gulf’s are important.

\- We just started dating!!

\- So what? When it happens it happens - she said while shrugging.

Sex was another thing he had in his head constantly, and not for the right reasons.

The thought of being intimate with Gulf didn’t bother him at all. In fact, he was ready for it, but there was so much in the way he needed to clear first.

It was going to be Gulf’s first time with a man, or so he thought.

That alone put a lot of pressure on Mew, he was starting to feel stressed about it.

What if he didn’t do a good job?

What if Gulf didn’t like it? After all, he had a girlfriend before.

What if Gulf didn’t get excited when he saw him naked?

And worst of all… Mew could get a flashback.

Mew hadn’t been intimate with anyone since HIM and they didn’t even have sex, not once. But some things did happen and just thinking of the consequences of that particular night…

It would be the worst to have a panic attack in the middle of trying to be with Gulf.

He didn’t deserve that.

\- You know what? I think it’s time for you to go - Mew finally said to Jane.

\- Oh… throwing me out I see…

\- See it like you want to see it. Just go away.

\- Fine. I’ll go. But don’t think this conversation is over - she said with a dangerous stare.

\- Wouldn’t dare.

After Jane was gone, Mew started doing preparations for that night’s dinner. He wanted to prepare fried pork with basil. Gulf’s favorite dish. Mew had called Jane for a recipe when she had suddenly decided to come to his condo to talk to him.

Meddling woman.

But Mew knew she was just worried about him. Mew was worried too. But he had come to realize that he would rather feel that way than not being with Gulf at all.

_\- Do you think you’re ready MewMew? - Jane had asked._

_\- I don’t know that for a fact. But I do know how Gulf makes me feel._

_\- How is that?_

_\- He makes me feel like I can finally breathe again._

_\- Then why are you staying away? - she was genuinely confused._

_\- Because he’ll want answers… answers I’m not ready to give._

_\- He’ll know when to back off. Give your guy some credit for the love of god!_

Mew’s thoughts were interrupted by the sounds of the numbers being put at his condo’s door.

\- P’Mew? - came the question.

\- In the kitchen.

Gulf head popped from the kitchen door. After seeing him, a bright smile stared to cover his all face.

Mew loved that smile.

\- P’Mew~ - he said with his baby voice.

Gulf moved to where Mew was standing, fully intending to hug Mew, but he stopped before reaching his goal.

\- Emm… - Gulf stood there in the middle of the kitchen, fidgeting without knowing what to do.

_He’s hesitating. Because of me_

_I’m an idiot._

Mew moved forward, taking his boyfriend’s body into a tight embrace. Gulf fidgeted for a moment, not knowing what to do with his hands before returning the hug. Mew hide his face on the crook of Gulf’s neck before talking.

\- I’m sorry.

\- What for? - Gulf seemed actually surprised.

\- For asking for some time. It wasn’t because of you, I swear.

Gulf hand found Mew’s hair and started stroking it softly.

\- I know Phi. I know this is not easy for you - Gulf said quietly, still caressing Mew’s hair - I just hope one day when you’re feeling restless about something, you come to me for support instead of going through it alone.

Mew tighten the hug, while tears started to form at the back of his eyes. Gulf was right. They were together now. That meant Mew wasn’t alone anymore. He didn’t have to deal with all the problems by himself.

\- I know Gulf. I will be better. I promise.

\- I don’t need you to be better. I just want you to let me carry the burdens with you. I’m stronger than I look Phi.

Even if Gulf said that Mew was still afraid of him finding out about his past.

Will he be disappointed at him?

Will he be disgusted by him?

Will it make him see him differently?

So many questions. The fear for the answers consumed Mew’s heart.

Mew guided Gulf to the table in the center of the kitchen to sit down.

\- I will share everything with you, I promise. I just want to enjoy this time with you before…

\- Before what? - Gulf asked.

\- Before you decide I’m not worth it - Mew finished in a low tone of voice.

Gulf leaned forward and kissed him softly.

\- That’s not gonna happen. Don’t you see P’Mew? It’s too late for me to back off - Gulf whispered against his lips before kissing him again.

Gulf went to pull back when Mew grabbed him by the back of his neck.

\- Do you mean it? - Mew asked.

\- Totally - Gulf murmured before brushing his lips over Mew’s once again.

Then he gave him another kiss and another. Every kiss grew a little deeper than the last one. By the time Gulf came out for air, Mew had his arm wrapped around Gulf’s waist and was pulling them to their feet. Mew’s eyes stared at Gulf’s, looking for something, and then his mouth slammed down on his boyfriend’s and took complete control of the encounter.

Passion made them lose control over what was happening. Mew’s big hands skimmed Gulf’s ass before giving them a gentle squeeze, and then he was lifting him. He set his young boyfriend on the table and used his body to maneuver him so Gulf was laying flat on his back.

Mew’s mouth continued to consume Gulf’s, making them feel like they were the only people in the whole world. Mew grabbed both of Gulf’s hands and pinned them to the table and held him still, as his mouth still plundered Gulf’s. When Mew tried to pull back, Gulf’s mouth tried to follow him, but with Mew holding him down, it was impossible for him to do so. Mew should have been afraid of the level of passion he was showing to his boyfriend, but at that moment he couldn’t care less.

_If there was a reason not to do this… now I can’t remember it._

Mew’s dick was already hard and pressing painfully against his sports pants. Maybe he needed to stop.

_This is getting out of hands._

But his passion fogged brain couldn’t find it to release Gulf’s hands. And when Gulf whispered “Please P’Mew”, he was completely gone.

\----------------------------------------**-------------------------------------

**POV Gulf**

_I need him._

Gulf had never felt that way before in his life. Sexual experiences were lacking while going through puberty. Better explained… he was still a virgin.

Not a thing that bothered him or anything like that, but it made him feel a little nervous.

What if he made a mistake and Mew backed off?

What if he ridiculed himself with his lack of experience?

He didn’t want to disappoint Mew.

But all that jumped out the window the moment Mew had kissed him. It had felt so good. And at the moment Gulf needed relief, and even though he knew where the encounter was leading, he knew without a doubt that the only one who could give him what he needed was Mew.

Mew leaned down to kiss him and transferred both his wrists to one hand above Gulf’s head. His tongue continued to play with Gulf’s as his long fingers traced down his chest to his abdomen to finally settle on his groin. Gulf tried to prolong the contact, but Mew moved his hand to his belly to push the hem of his shirt up.

Gulf let out a loud moan as Mew’s hand made contact with his sensitive skin. His mouth left Gulf’s to leave a trail of kisses down his cheek to his neck while his hand pushed his shirt higher.

Gulf struggled to pull his hands free, not because he was afraid, but because he was desperate to touch his boyfriend. He finally cried out in relief when Mew’s hand rubbed over his dick.

\- Don’t stop - Gulf begged.

\- Shhh… I’m going to take care of you - Mew said against his mouth and then he was kissing him again.

Gulf felt his fingers fumble with the zipper of his pants for a moment and then his veiny hand plunged into his underwear in one soft move. Gulf screamed with pleasure when his hand encircled his dick. Electricity went through his body when Mew started stroking him. Between Mew’s kissed and his hand’s movement, Gulf couldn’t even say anything before his orgasm slammed into him without warning.

The pleasure had been like anything he had ever felt. Gulf had jerked off over the years, but nothing could compare with the experience he just had. He hadn’t had any control over his body. He had been Mew’s and Mew’s only. He felt tears prick his eyes as Mew whispered “You’re so beautiful”, and then he was laying a chaste kiss on his lips.

The entire thing hadn’t lasted more than a couple of minutes, but it felt like hours before Gulf was able to come back to his senses.

\- Are you ok? - Mew asked, releasing his hands as he ran his fingers through Gulf’s hair. His other hand was still on his pants.

Gulf managed to nod, still too overwhelmed to speak, and then he was kissing Mew again. He kept the kiss brief as Mew was looking down at him with some unknown feeling in his eyes.

\- Are YOU ok? - Gulf asked.

Mew copied his nod as he started to pull back, pulling Gulf into a sitting position. Gulf couldn’t tell what Mew was thinking, but he didn’t miss the big bulge in his pants. Guilt went through him as he reached for it, but Mew stopped him by grabbing his hand.

\- But you didn’t… - Gulf said awkwardly.

Mew studied him for a moment before lifting his hand to his mouth. He tenderly kissed the back of it before releasing it.

\- This was for you only.

Gulf managed to nod. He couldn’t trust himself to speak.

_He can be such a gentleman._

_-_ Do you want to clean yourself before helping me make dinner? - Mew said.

\- Yes - Gulf answered.

Gulf got off the table and pecked Mew’s lips before heading to the bathroom with a smile on his face.

_I can’t believe that happened._

\-------------------------------**------------------------------

Gulf startled awake when he felt Mew’s body jerk beside him.

\- No! - he murmured, voice heavy - No! Stop!

\- P'Mew? - Gulf whispered. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and sat up the best he could.

He was trapped between Mew’s arms. After dinner, they had gone to Mew’s bedroom to watch a movie and they had felt asleep. Mew had been awfully quiet, but he had assured Gulf he was fine.

\- Hey - Gulf placed his hand on his chest - P'Mew, wake up.

Mew’s body began to twitch. He mumbled incoherent words.

_Another nightmare… a bad one._

\- P'Mew!

Teeth clenched, a scream tore out of his throat. Panic started to fill Gulf’s body.

\- P'Mew! - he yelled again, getting to his knees with some difficulty. He took Mew’s shoulders and shook him, trying to wake him up.

\- Wake up! P'Mew, wake up!

With a gasp, his eyes flew open and he sat up. He stared upfront like he was looking at nothing.

\- Hey - Gulf whispered - Are you ok?

Mew’s body twisted, and Gulf watched in horror as he rolled off to his side and vomited onto the floor.

\- Oh my god!

Gulf started rubbing his back, trying to soothe him while he gagged. He held his hair away from his face.

\- It’s ok Phi. I’m here - Gulf repeated those words over and over again.

_Shit… what do I do now?_


	22. Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \- Hey… - Gulf whispered - Are you ok?
> 
> Gulf climbed over Mew and sat on the bed next to him. He put his hand on his cheek as Mew’s eyes looked at him. His breathing had slowed down a little, but Gulf could still see the fear in his eyes.
> 
> \- What happened P’Mew? What was the nightmare about? - Gulf finally asked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I hurt myself writing this chapter.
> 
> dc: This is a fictional story based on true events.  
> Follow me on Twitter: @KlovesBl

**POV Gulf**

Watching Mew in that state drove Gulf to an almost panic attack.

He had never seen Mew like that.

He thought about getting a bucket, but he didn’t want to leave Mew alone. What if he started chocking? Was he even awake? Gulf didn’t know. Gulf could feel his heartbeat pounding through Mew’s back as he softly caressed him. Trying to get his hair out of the way, Gulf noticed Mew’s skin was soaked in sweat. Gulf just listened as the vomiting ended and just as Gulf was starting to get to his feet to help him, Mew started sobbing.

\- Oh… P’Mew… - Gulf whispered not knowing what to do.

Gulf got onto the bed once again and hugged Mew’s body from behind the best he could.

\- It’s ok Phi… I’m here. You’re here. Nothing can hurt you anymore… - Gulf kissed Mew’s soaked shoulder and the back of his neck as tears flowed his eyes.

_What’s the extent of his pain?_

Gulf felt heartbroken for him, and angry. Angry at anyone that had hurt that amazing man.

_Were all his nightmares like this? Was he always like this? Going through it alone?_

Mew started trying to pull away from him and ducked his head. He wanted to hide from Gulf.

\- Let’s get a shower, ok? - Gulf said softly while grabbing Mew’s arm, trying to get him to get up - A shower will make you feel better.

Mew hung his head and looked at the floor where he had puked minutes ago.

\- I will clean that, don’t worry - Gulf said - It’s ok. It doesn’t bother me.

Gulf got Mew up from the bed and threw an arm around his shoulders, helping him walk to the bathroom. His body was still shaking. Gulf was feeling sad, angry, and confused.

_Keep it together Gulf. He needs you._

When they got to the bathroom, Gulf turned the lights on and helped Mew to get out of his pajamas. Mew didn’t say a thing. He just stared blankly to his front. He went to the sink and brushed his teeth in silence. Gulf just watched him, holding back the tears.

Gulf went to the shower and got the water running, waiting until the water turned warm. When the water got to the perfect temperature, Gulf moved to Mew’s back and kiss his back.

\- The water’s ready. Will you be ok alone? - he asked.

Mew nodded slowly.

\- The floor… - Mew rasped.

\- I’ll take care of that. Don’t worry.

Mew nodded again and stepped inside the shower. He went silent again.

Gulf took the clothes from the floor and put them in the laundry basket. He went to the kitchen and looked for supplies to clean the bedroom floor. The cleanup wasn’t bad, he did it in a few minutes. He knew how ashamed Mew had been with that, so Gulf wanted the puke gone by the time he got out of the bathroom.

After he was done, he went to the bathroom again. The shower was still running.

\- P’Mew? - Gulf stepped inside and pulled the curtain back a bit to peer inside - Are you ok?

Mew was standing under the water, just letting it run over his head. Gulf could still see his body tremble, and he held back the urge to go to him and hug him.

\- Are you finished? - Gulf asked.

\- I need a towel - Mew finally spoke again.

Gulf turned and looked for a towel in a little closet beside the sink.

\- Here - Gulf said while he gave the soft cloth to Mew.

After Mew got out of the shower, Gulf tried to check on him. He couldn’t tell if he was still crying because of the water.

\- Let’s lie down - Gulf suggested. He needed to hug Mew one way or another.

\- The floor?

\- I took care of that.

Gulf took his hand, knowing Mew was probably embarrassed because of the cleanup.

\- It wasn’t a big deal Phi.

Gulf led him to the bedroom. Mew took some clothes out of a dresser before putting them on. Gulf started moving to leave with the towel when Mew’s hand caught his arm.

\- Don’t leave - Mew said panicked.

_Is he afraid I’m leaving him?_

\- I’m not leaving Phi. I’m gonna put this towel in the laundry basket and I’ll be back.

Mew nodded stiffly and collapsed his body on the bed.

When Gulf returned to the bedroom, Mew was laying on his side, looking to nowhere. His head moved when Gulf entered the room.

\- Hey… - Gulf whispered - Are you ok?

Gulf climbed over Mew and sat on the bed next to him. He put his hand on his cheek as Mew’s eyes looked at him. His breathing had slowed down a little, but Gulf could still see the fear in his eyes.

\- What happened P’Mew? What was the nightmare about? - Gulf finally asked.

Gulf wanted so badly to take all his pain away, but he knew he couldn’t unless Mew told him about his past.

Mew closed his eyes, not daring to look at him.

_Let me in._

\- You can tell me anything Phi, it won’t change how I feel. It won’t make me go away.

Mew’s gaze settled in Gulf as he sucked in a breath.

Gulf bent down and kiss his head.

\- Please… I wanna help. Tell me, I won’t leave you…

\- You’ll leave me - Mew finally rasped - When you know what I did, you’ll leave me.

Gulf leaned back to peer at his face.

\- I won’t Phi. I promise. The only way I would leave your side… is if you tell me to.

Mew took a deep breath before starting speaking.

\- I was an idiot. I was dumb - Mew started saying - I felt mesmerized by HIM since the first time I saw him. We hit it off quite quickly. Having to do such intimates scenes, it was obvious that we had to get close in order to make them credible.

Gulf felt a wave of jealousy hit him, but he remained quiet. He didn’t want Mew to stop talking.

\- He was always so flirty around me. I told myself not to fall for those actions, that they were only fanservice, nothing more. But the actions got bolder and bolder, and my mind started to believe he actually loved me and wanted to be with me. As our ship was getting more popular, so was our relationship. But I never crossed the line, I knew the limits. Is not easy to be different in this industry.

Mew stopped talking. Gulf knew who he was referring to. And he also knew that story, didn’t have a happy ending.

\- One night, we had to stay late to practice for a fan meeting. We were the only ones in the building - Mew’s body started shaking again, so Gulf moved so he was hugging him - He was extra flirty that day for some reason. He wanted a drink, saying he was nervous about the meeting, so we bought beer. After that, everything in my mind is a blur. I remember us on a couch, touching and kissing. I remember the heat. But my mind didn’t clear until his manager walked on us jacking each other off.

Gulf gasped. He didn’t know what to say.

\- His manager was so upset. Started yelling stuff. “Fags”. “Homos”. “Deviants”. You name it. He said them all. The guy took HIM away and that was the last time I saw him - Mew had started crying at that point and it was breaking Gulf’s heart.

\- I called and messaged him for four days, asking if he was ok. He never answered. A week later I saw it. He posted a video on SNS.

Gulf knew what video he was talking about. It was all over the internet. Gulf kissed his temple, encouraging him to keep talking.

\- He said he was annoyed by me. That I was too clingy and wanted more than he could offer. That I treated him badly. And that I… that I… - Mew couldn’t finish it.

_That you assaulted him._

Gulf knew that video by heart. But he had never believed those words. Mew would never do such a thing.

\- You didn’t - Gulf reassured him.

\- How could you know when I don’t even know it myself?!?! I don’t remember well what happened! I remember wanting him so badly. I could have done it Gulf!

If he continued like that he was going to get another panic attack, so Gulf kept him talking.

 _-_ Finish your story Phi… - Gulf said while caressing his hair.

\- People believed him. My friends. The cast. People in the industry. Fans. They started calling me names. “Predator”. “Abuser”. Names like that were thrown at me every day. I tried to call him once again, asking for an explanation, but his manager picked up and told me to never reach him again. What if I did it, Gulf? What if it was true? What if I hurt him that night?

Mew had lived all those months, thinking so badly about himself when he didn’t even have a proof of it. Gulf knew then the reason why he didn’t defend himself when the scandal happened.

He believed it.

He had believed everything that was said about him.

\- Listen to me P’Mew - Gulf started saying carefully - There is no way you could have done that. You’re not a predator. Do you hear me? I’ve been following you for a long time now. I know you. I’ve worked alongside you. I’ve been with you this whole time.

\- I didn’t ask yesterday… - Mew suddenly said.

\- What? - Gulf was confused.

\- Yesterday. In the kitchen. I didn’t ask you first. I assaulted you too.

Anger flowed inside Gulf’s body.

\- THE HELL YOU DID!!! You didn’t assault me!! What the hell Phi!! - Gulf took Mew’s face with his hands - Listen to me. Yesterday was the most amazing moment of my life. It was the first time I’ve ever felt that way. And I was with the person I love. So you are not allowed to turn that amazing moment into something ugly. YOU DID NOT ASSAULT ME.

Mew started crying again.

\- Why would you believe me when even my parents didn’t? - he whispered.

_Alai wa?_

\- What? - Gulf said dumbfounded.

\- They never said it out loud, but I know. I see it in their eyes every time I go back home. They always got this hesitant look on their face. Like they are wondering if I did it or not.

Gulf felt so sad for him.

\- They didn’t trust me - Mew said in a low voice.

Trust. Once again that word. It seemed to be the primal issue in Mew’s head.

\- But you had people that did believe you. P’Boss. P’Jane. P’Mild. Those people believed in you and they still do. You have fans that support you and didn’t believe a word that person said - Gulf said - You got me P’Mew. I know you, sometimes better than yourself. Believe me, when I say, there is no way you could have done that.

The air drained out of Gulf’s lungs. He trapped a whimper inside his mouth and took Mew into a tight embrace as he began to sob. He clung to Gulf.

Gulf tried to stay strong for him. For his hurt and pain. He had never wanted to scream so much in his life. Why did that happen to him? Why did no one protect him?

\- Shhh… it’s ok Phi. I love you - Gulf said while stroking his hair.

His arms flexed around Gulf and held him tighter.

Gulf kept rubbing his back, kept kissing him. Kept saying how much he loved him. That went on for minutes until Mew fell asleep.

Gulf hoped that after venting all that out, Mew would feel a little better and started trusting him

_I will protect you Phi. From now on, I will heal you. You’ll learn to trust again._


	23. Helping you heal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \- N’Mew - P’Tee yelled - You’re supposed to say words, remember?
> 
> Gulf smiled while watching at Mew. He knew what his Phi was thinking, and he felt flattered. He was willing to feel hot and sweaty if his Phi was going to look at him like that.
> 
> Apparently, this outfit CAN seduce a man.
> 
> \- N’MEW!
> 
> \- Khrub? - Mew looked over to an annoyed Tee before doing a wai - I’m sorry, na. I’m sorry.
> 
> \- Let’s take it from the top - P’Tee said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, I could do this chapter. MewGulf didn't let me do anything these days 😓😓
> 
> Dc: this is a fictional story based on true events.
> 
> Follow me on Twitter: @KlovesBl

**POV Mew**

Hours passed since Mew had fallen asleep in Gulf’s arms. He had been so scared.

He had wanted to move forward in his relationship with Gulf. But he hadn’t actually wanted to get to what had happened in the kitchen.

Once again, he couldn’t control his feelings. He couldn’t control his passion.

He had tried not to freak out after they were done, but fear and insecurity crawled deep within his body as the hours passed. They had eaten, practiced some of their lines, and finally went to sleep.

He had rolled on the bed for hours, trying to fall asleep, trying to not wake Gulf up who was softly snoring by his side.

_It will all be ok. I’m ok._

Then the nightmare had hit.

**_**Mew saw himself inside the TharnType workshop practice room. He saw nothing but mirrors everywhere. Mirrors where it should be walls. Just seeing himself standing there in the middle of the room.** _ **

_“What am I doing here?”_

**_**Confused, Mew looked ahead just to see HIM looking back from inside the mirror.** _ **

_“What?”_

_“I love how you look at me P’Mew”_ **_**HE said.** _ **

_“I don’t. Not anymore”_ **_**Mew answered.** _ **

_“Do you like me, P’Mew?”_

_“No, I don’t”_

_“Have you ever thought about it Phi? How soft my lips can be?”_

**_**Mew stood there, quietly shaking. He didn’t remember those actual words coming out of HIS mouth. Why? Why did he keep hearing them?** _ **

_“I have nothing to do with you anymore”_

**_**HE smiled while looking at Mew.** _ **

_“That’s not true”_ **_**HE said.** _ **

_“What?”_ **_**Mew was confused by HIS words.** _ **

_“I still own a part of you that Gulf will never claim. I still haven’t left your heart”_

_“That’s not true. I love Gulf”_ **_**Mew was certain of that.** _ **

_“You did the same with him yesterday. The same thing you did to me. He will leave you for that. Just as I did”_

_“He told me he wouldn’t”_ **_**Mew with a heavy feeling in his heart.** _ **

_“But you didn’t believe him… did you?”_

_“Stop! Leave me alone!”_

**_**Mew turned around to see Gulf standing in front of him.** _ **

_“How could you do that to me? I trusted you”_ **_**Gulf said.** _ **

_‘Gulf… I didn't mean to… I didn’t want to hurt you”_ **_**Mew felt a tear slip away from his hold and run down his cheek.** _ **

_“You’re destined to hurt him. Like you hurt me. Like when Jom got hurt…”_ **_**HE whispered in his ear.** _ **

_“ENOUGH!”_ **_**Mew screamed.** _ **

Mew had woken up, and all his deep insecurities and fears had threatened to choke him. Why couldn’t he let it go? Why was he afraid? Gulf had shown to him his love and devotion so many times. Why couldn’t he trust him back?

Why couldn’t he be normal for Gulf?

Why couldn’t he trust himself for once?

\------------------------------------**-----------------------------------

The morning sun woke Mew up. He had slept a bit after crying on Gulf the night before. He had slept out of pure exhaustion. Moving a hand to his side, Mew tried looking for the warm body that used to sleep beside him almost every night. It was funny how they were almost living together.

Mew found nothing but cold sheets. Not even the warmness of his body remained.

Mew, panicked, sat on the bed. Did Gulf leave without telling him anything? Did he scare him out? Was Gulf finally leaving him too?

Looking for his glasses on the nightstand, Mew was ready to go out and look for him when he saw Gulf’s phone on the other nightstand, along with his wallet.

_He’s still here._

Mew took his hands to his face, breathing hard.

\- Hey… - Gulf suddenly said from the bedroom door, holding a mug with something hot on it.

Mew just watched him come closer to where he was, and sit on the edge of the bed beside him.

\- You sleep any? - Gulf asked.

\- A little - Mew said, while embarrassment closed his throat.

Gulf pushed Mew’s hair back and ran his fingers through it. Mew’s eyes closed briefly in bliss before he opened them again at what Gulf said.

\- You thought I left, didn’t you?

Mew looked up and stared at Gulf’s eyes. There were understanding and a bit of hurt reflected there.

\- I’m sorry - Mew said regretful - I know I shouldn’t think like that. It’s just… my mind just goes there, you know? It’s like, I expect the worst of every situation. And you don’t deserve that at all.

\- It’s ok, na Phi. You’ll eventually stop doing that. I’ll make sure of that - Gulf said while he continued his caresses - Do you want some lemon tea?

Mew took the mug from his hands and took a sip of the tea. The warm liquid did great for his throat, dry because of all the crying he had done the night before.

As Gulf was going to speak again, Mew’s phone went off.

****P’Boss calling…** **

\- I have to take this - Mew said apologetic - Hi, Phi - he said over the phone.

\- Mew, remember you have filming today? P’MAME will wait for you at four in the afternoon - Boss said.

\- I know, Phi. Will you be there?

\- Yes, I will. I’ll come by your condo and pick you up. Is that ok?

Mew looked at Gulf while covering the phone.

\- How will you get to the set today?

\- P’Best is gonna pick me up, so I have to go home first.

Mew took the phone to his ear again.

\- Khrub Phi. I’ll wait for you.

\- Ok, see you later Mew.

Mew hung up the call and looked at the time on the screen.

11:26 AM.

They still had time.

\- Go take a bath P’Mew. I’ll wait for you in the kitchen. I’ll reheat the breakfast I bought.

\- You bought breakfast?

\- What? Did you actually think I cooked it? - Gulf said mockingly - You do like your condo, right? You don’t want it to burn to the ground, right?

\- You’re exaggerating - Mew said as he got out of the bed.

Feeling fresh and clean out of the bathroom, Mew went to the kitchen to find Gulf with his back to him, doing something on the counter. Mew moved and softly hugged Gulf by the waist from behind.

\- What are you doing? - Mew asked while kissing his neck.

\- Putting your food on a plate, what do you think I’m doing? - Gulf tilted his head a bit lo help Mew place kisses on his skin.

Mew just stood there, hugging Gulf’s body like it was his everything.

\- Are you feeling clingy this morning? - Gulf said with a chuckle.

_“You’re so clingy, P’Mew”_

Mew’s body tensed before he took a step back, releasing Gulf.

\- Why do you do that sometimes? - Gulf said while turning around.

\- What do you mean?

\- Your body just tensed. Did I say something wrong?

\- No. It’s not you in any way.

They stared at each other for a few minutes before Gulf spoke.

\- We need to talk but eat first.

Mew felt fear creep to his heart.

\- It’s nothing like that P’Mew - Gulf said after he saw the look on Mew’s face - I just want us to talk for a bit. Nothing more. Eat first.

With a heavy feeling, Mew tried to eat, even though the hunger had left him a moment ago.

\----------------------------**---------------------------

**POV Gulf**

Gulf and Mew sat on the living room couch staring at each other. Mew looked like he was waiting for condemnation from Gulf. And a little bit scared.

\- About what we talked last night… - Gulf started.

\- It’s ok if it made you change your mind. It’s ok if you see me differently - Mew said while looking at the floor.

Gulf looked at the dejected man in front of him before climbing on top of him, straddling his legs. Gulf pushed him softly against the back of the couch while he took Mew’s face with his hands.

\- How am I looking at you? - Gulf said while caressing his cheeks - Am I looking at you any different right now?

Mew stared into his eyes, breathing fast. Gulf wanted so badly to tell him with words, but he knew Mew needed proof, so he stayed silent and waited for him. Then, Mew reached out and took the back of his neck, held there, and pressed their foreheads together. Mew kept staring, but his breathing was slowing, still heavy, but calmer. He was seeing what Gulf knew was in his eyes.

\- I thought you would leave… - Mew whispered.

\- I won’t - Gulf cut in, finishing the sentence.

Mew closed his eyes before saying:

\- I wanna kiss you.

Gulf kissed the corner of his mouth and then his cheek.

\- I don’t feel broken when I kiss you - Mew said.

Gulf held his breath at those words. Those words meant something. Those words told him, he was doing something right with Mew.

He wasn’t screwing it up.

\- I wanna talk to you about something I did this morning - Gulf told him.

\- What about? - Mew seemed confused.

Gulf pulled back a little and grabbed a white paper from his back pocket before giving it to Mew.

\- What’s this? - Mew asked, looking at the paper.

\- People you can talk to if you want, and I think you should - Gulf looked at Mew’s eyes - They can help you, P’Mew. The nightmares, the panic attacks… I don’t want you having them ever again. I wanna help you heal. This is me getting you there.

\- I don’t like talking to people about this - Mew said, which was something Gulf already knew.

\- I know, and I know I’ll be hard. If you don’t want to do this, I’ll understand. But I really think you should at least give it a try. These people are trained to heal. And you’re still hurting.

Mew looked back at the list, rubbing his mouth as he read.

\- I can go with you if you want - Gulf said while taking one of his hands - Or pick one and I’ll check it out first. I don’t care. But no one will see you unless you want them to, Phi. No one gets to you without going through me, and even though I’ve spent the morning doing background checks and checking references, I didn’t get the opportunity to meet them face to face. You just give me a name and I’ll do all that.

Mew’s eyes got intense and then he folded the paper in half, stuffing it inside his back pocket.

Gulf smiled while it happened because that meant Mew was going to consider his proposal. And he couldn’t be happier than at that moment.

\--------------------------------**-----------------------------

\- Have you seen P’Mew? - Gulf asked as he was getting dressed for that day’s scene.

Removing his shirt, he looked at the oversized shirt hanging in front of him. It was ridiculous. Was that a way to seduce a man? Really? Wearing a shirt like it was a dress?

But, they told him to put it on, so he was going to put it on.

\- Yes dear. He already arrived and it’s getting his make up done - the woman who was in charge of his preparation answered.

Gulf moved inside the bathroom to finish putting on the clothes. He put the oversized shirt on and a pair of boxers. He thought he looked nice in the mirror, but he was hot as hell.

And not in a good way.

There was no air conditioning at the set, and the shirt had long sleeves. He was dying.

\- N’Gulf, are you done? We need you at the set.

\- I’m coming out - Gulf yelled.

_Well… here goes nothing._

**_**We’re gonna have so much fun.** _ **

Gulf rolled his eyes at his horny of a partner.

\- N’Gulf, I need you to come out of the bathroom and stand there - P’Tee told him, showing Gulf where his mark was.

\- Khrub Phi.

\- N’Mew is gonna do the first kissing part here, and then move it to the bed - P’Tee instructed.

**_**I like the sound of that.** _ **

_Shut up Type!_

\- Is that ok?

\- Khrub Phi - Gulf said, reviewing his lines before going to the bathroom.

*Action*

Type got out of the bathroom, wearing nothing but an oversized shirt and some boxers. He had been missing his asshole of a boyfriend and wanted to do something he couldn’t resist. He wanted sex.

**_**Not that I’ll ever say it out loud.** _ **

_Sure Type…_

Waking to the living room, he stopped when he saw Tharn by the entrance door, watching him with surprise, lust, and appreciation.

\- You’re late - Type said.

**_**Is he supposed to be standing there looking like an idiot?** _ **

_Hmm… no._

_*_ Cut*

\- N’Mew - P’Tee yelled - You’re supposed to say words, remember?

Gulf smiled while watching at Mew. He knew what his Phi was thinking, and he felt flattered. He was willing to feel hot and sweaty if his Phi was going to look at him like that.

_Apparently, this outfit CAN seduce a man._

\- N’MEW!

\- Khrub? - Mew looked over to an annoyed Tee before doing a wai - I’m sorry, na. I’m sorry.

\- Let’s take it from the top - P’Tee said.

Gulf looked at Mew feeling slutty, while Mew’s stare promised retribution. Gulf felt goosebumps all over his skin because of that stare.

_This is gonna be fun._

_\-----------------------------------**-------------------------------------_

**POV Mew**

\- CUT! - P’Tee yelled for the 5th time.

Mew and Gulf were on the bed, kissing each other. They had been kissing each other for 5 takes and their lips were swollen and red.

\- Guys, the rating!!! Remember the rating?? Can you tone it down for a while? - Tee’s forehead vein was about to burst.

Mew looked down at Gulf, breathing heavily. His arms were burning and his back hurt. But he couldn’t control himself. Gulf just looked way to edible in that outfit.

It was setting him off.

\- I’m sorry khrub - he said to Tee.

Gulf mischievous eyes looked back at him. The teaser. He knew what he was doing to Mew.

\- One more time. Please make this the last one - Tee pleaded.

\- Khrub - both of them said.

\--------------------------**------------------------

\- Where are we going? - Gulf asked him for the second time.

After 6 takes, they had finally been able to make a decent non 18+ rated scene. Mew had immediately taken Gulf’s hand in his, said something about the makeup, taking him to the dressing room.

After they arrive at the room, Mew made sure no one was there.

\- What’s wrong? What are we… Hmg? - Mew didn’t let him finish the sentence before he pushed his lips on Gulf’s. With a moan, Gulf opened his mouth, welcoming Mew’s tongue inside. Mew moved his hand down to his thighs, urging his boyfriend to jump and wrap his long sexy legs around his waist. Moving forward, Mew pressed his Nong’s back to the wall while he continued plunging his sinful mouth.

\- Did you have fun, huh? Making me go crazy like that? - Mew said.

Gulf smiled and grabbed a bit of Mew’s hair from the back of his nape.

\- It’s fun making you lose control like this.

_Brat._

Kissing Gulf once again, Mew moved him to a table standing in the middle of the room and settled him there. Caressing his thigh, Mew’s hand move forward and forward until it was inside Gulf’s boxers, giving the smooth skin a little squeeze. Gulf moaned inside his mouth before pulling Mew’s hair.

\- WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!

Both Mew and Gulf pulled apart before turning their heads to the dress room’s door.

Standing there… was Best, looking utterly shocked.

_Oh… fuck._


	24. The feeling of being taken cared of

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \- I can deal with that kind of hate, ‘cause I know it’s not true. Are you willing to deal with this by my side P’Mew?
> 
> Mew, who hasn’t spoken at the moment, looked at his eyes.
> 
> \- If you’re willing to be brave for me, then I’ll do the same for you. I want to fight for this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A new chapter is here!! 😍😍  
> I hope you enjoy it.
> 
> Dc: this is a fictional story based on true events.  
> Follow me on Twitter: @KlovesBl

**POV Gulf**

Mew and Gulf were seated on a couch in the dressing room, watching Best pace back and forward in front of them.

Boss was there too, seated on a chair, looking pale.

Apparently, Boss and Best were looking for them together, and when Best had screamed, Boss had barged into the room. The secret was out.

At least to their managers.

It wasn’t a big deal to Gulf. He didn’t care if people knew, the problem was his boyfriend. He still remembered his warning when they got together.

_“Then we’re together Nong. But beware of this, no one can know. I’m not willing to risk it when it comes to you. Please tell me you understand that?”_

Knowing the story now, Gulf could understand where the fear was coming from.

_If this makes Mew take a step back I’m gonna kill Best._

That was Mew’s worst nightmare, repeating itself. Gulf took a look at his Phi, only to see him staring at the floor with a blank expression on his face.

\- How long? - Best finally asked.

Both, Mew and Gulf looked at him.

\- How long has this been going on? - he specified.

\- A couple of days - Gulf answered. It was crazy how much had happened in only a week.

\- Great. So it’s new - Best said - That way you can break it off with no big drama.

Gulf felt Mew tensed beside him. Trying to calm him down, Gulf took his hand and gave it a little squeeze.

\- I’m sorry P’Best… that’s not happening - Gulf said as calmly as he could.

\- You can’t do this Gulf! - everyone jumped at the sudden outburst - You can’t put your career on the line. This will make everything complicated!

Gulf stood up and got closer to Best. He wasn’t going to let anyone break them apart. He was going to show Mew he wasn’t like HIM.

\- You’re getting something wrong here P’Best - Gulf started saying slowly - I’m not asking for permission. I know what I’m getting into. I’m not stupid. I’m a grown man that can certainly make decisions about his love life.

\- I can’t believe you’re foolish as to do this. Right when you’re starting in this industry!

\- I respect you P’Best, and I will always be thankful for this opportunity, but we love each other. Do you really think I would do this if I wasn’t certain of my feelings?

\- How about him?! Huh?! Are you certain of his feelings? This is something he does! He has done it before! This could destroy you!

_Oh, hell no._

\- I’m not allowing you to talk about him like that! - Gulf was mad at that point - If you think this could destroy me then I’ll give up acting!

\- N’Gulf - he heard the soft words coming out of Bosser, who hadn’t said a thing the whole time.

Gulf looked at him breathing hard, trying to calm down.

\- I think you should take a moment and look at Mew - he finally said.

Gulf turned around and looked at his boyfriend. Mew’s body was shaking and he was pale as a paper. His hands were clenched, almost white because of the force he was using.

Gulf’s heart sank.

_I was so adamant of showing him I’m not like HIM, I forgot his fears._

Gulf knew Mew was scared of being an obstacle in his life. He knew that. He couldn’t give up his career, he wouldn’t. They were going to finish the series together.

Gulf moved to where Mew was seating and took one of his hands. Mew looked up, tears in his eyes, and stared at him.

\- I’m sorry - Gulf whispered to his boyfriend. Then, he turned to face Best - I’m not giving my acting career up P’Best, but I’m not leaving P’Mew either. So, you can help us find a way to make this work, or you can go through that door. The choice is yours.

Best started pacing once again around the room, muttering things under his breath. Boss got up from his chair and stood in front of the couple.

\- I knew something was up - he said. Both of the actors looked at him surprised - Come on! It was kind of obvious. But I’m happy for both of you guys. Mew had come a long way since a few months ago. He finally sleeping again, eating, and being himself. For that, I have to thank you N’Gulf. But beware of what you’re getting into. The road will be difficult. Even though BL series are famous here, that doesn’t mean society approves them. And, with Mew’s past, hate is going to come either you want it or not.

Gulf knew all that. But he was willing to go through all that. Being with Mew was worth it.

\- And remember N’Gulf had a girlfriend and was supposedly straight. That’s gonna be something the fans are going to bring up for a long time. They are gonna blame Mew for making him “gay”.

Gulf looked at Mew. His eyes showed worry and anguish. He was looking concerned and scared.

Gulf took his hand and intertwined their fingers. Mew looked at his face surprised.

\- I can deal with that kind of hate, ‘cause I know it’s not true. Are you willing to deal with this by my side P’Mew?

Mew, who hasn’t spoken at the moment, looked at his eyes.

\- If you’re willing to be brave for me, then I’ll do the same for you. I want to fight for this.

Best stopped pacing, and took a deep breath.

\- Fine. Since you’re not willing to listen, here is what we are going to do - he sat on the chair Boss was previously in - When filming ends, you guys are going to have some events to attend as a ship couple. I need you to be yourself.

\- What? - Mew and Gulf said at the same time.

\- Hear me out. I need you to act like you always do. Show your love to the world. Hugs, kisses on the cheek, whatever you want to do. That way, we won’t confirm nor deny the status of your relationship. Your fans will fall in love with you love and you can be as mushy with each other as you want without being suspicious. You’re pretty much like that already, so it won’t be weird.

\- That’s a great idea - Boss said - That way, fans can get used to your love. And when or if you decide to go public, it won’t be much of a surprise to them.

Mew and Gulf nodded. Gulf thought about it and it was a great idea. They could give little hints here and there, making the fans question if they were together or not. It could be good for the series as well.

\- I still think this will bite you in the ass - Best added.

\- Sure P’Best. Think what you wanna think - Gulf said smiling.

\- I’m really happy for you Mew - Boss said - I think he’s a keeper - he pointed at Gulf.

Gulf blushed at that and looked at Mew once again.

His eyes still looked at bit hunted, but there was something else there.

Hope.

\------------------------------**---------------------------

**POV Mew**

After talking to their managers, Mew went back to his condo with Boss. Gulf had wanted to come with him, but Best rapidly had reminded him about his weekly family dinner at his parents’ house. Apparently, Gulf had to go home at least once a week to have dinner with his family, it was something his mom insisted on.

There had been a time when Mew had done that as well. But, he stopped doing it a few years back.

Boss parked the car in front of his condo and turned off the engine.

\- Well… that was an interesting evening - Boss said mockingly.

\- I’m sorry P’Boss - Mew apologized - I should have told you.

\- Mew, you had your reasons. I know you, and if you didn’t do it was because something was holding you back.

\- I was afraid.

\- Of what?

\- Of exactly what happened with P’Best. I thought you would be against it - Mew looked at his hands - I didn’t want anyone voicing out my fears out loud. What P’Best said today wasn’t something I haven’t thought myself more than once.

\- I can understand why you’re scared Mew, but give your guy some credit.

\- Alai?

\- Gulf is rather naive and innocent, but he’s not an idiot. And these problems stopped being just yours when you got together with him. Talk this with him instead of trying to hide it. Not everything is lost.

\- Khrub Phi… - Mew said in a low tone of voice.

\- I’m happy for you, you know? - Boss said after a moment of silence - I can see the old you is back. I've missed him.

Mew thought about it. Gulf had made him smile and be happy again, and he hadn’t felt like that for a long while. He’s excited for his new project. He’s feeling happy and accomplished when he works on his master. He’s being himself.

\- I know Phi.

\- Talk to you tomorrow, ok?

\- Khrub. Good night Phi.

Mew got off the car and went to his condo. Going inside he realized how lonely and dark it looked when Gulf wasn’t around. He had stayed so many times to sleep, it felt like they were living together. Moving to the kitchen, Mew went to the fridge to get some water when he saw a bottle with a post-it on it. Mew recognized Gulf’s writing.

**_**I got you this ginger tea when you were deliciously asleep. Drink it, it’s good for your health.** _ **

**_**G.** _ **

Gulf always found ways to take care of him. It was the little details the ones he loved the most.

And that somehow made him feel inadequate for Gulf.

In his past relationships, Mew was always the giver. He gave and gave until he had nothing else to give. He gave himself away just to have his love thrown back at his face. But with Gulf, he felt like he was only taking from him.

What had he done for Gulf?

_Absolutely nothing._

He was still needy and with so many issues he had to fix. But he was going to change that. He was going to work on himself. He was going to be a better boyfriend for Gulf. He deserved nothing less, after seeing how far Gulf was willing to go for him and their love.

Moving along, he went to his bathroom to take a shower. He wanted to wash his depression away somehow. After he was done, he stood in front of the mirror and looked at his reflection. The eye bags were still there, but they were lighter. He was sleeping a lot better since Gulf started sleeping over.

Gulf made him better. Gulf made him want to be better.

He wanted to fight. He wanted this relationship with him to work out. Because Gulf was worth it. Their love was worth it.

Mew turned around, leaned against the vanity, and looked at the door. Gulf was standing there, staring at him quietly.

\- Hey… - he finally said.

Mew didn’t answer as he continued to watch Gulf.

\- I finished dinner and came here. I thought you could use the company. I know I do.

Mew moved forward at his boyfriend and bent his head, sealing his mouth over his, pushing him against a wall. Gulf greeted his seeking tongue with fervor and followed it back into his own mouth. Mew grabbed his hands and pressed them against the wall next to Gulf’s head. He laced their fingers together as he pressed his body against him. Gulf was at his mercy, right where he wanted him to be.

He couldn’t register anything about the room but Gulf’s mouth on his, his body, his smell.

A moan fell from Gulf’s lips when he felt Mew’s groin brush his.

Passion exploded inside Mew’s body and he clasped Gulf’s face with his hands, taking complete control of the kiss. Gulf wrapped his fingers around his wrists, holding onto him.

When they were both forced to come up for air, Mew hung there, his forehead pressed to Gulf’s. They were breathing hard.

\- You stood up for me - Mew finally said.

\- Huh? - Gulf sounded confused.

\- You stood up for me, for us. You told P’Best you weren’t leaving me.

\- I told you Phi. I’m not going anywhere. You are stuck with me - Gulf let out a little hehe after that sentence.

\- I was so scared Gulf - Mew released a sigh.

\- I know Phi. But we are going to make this work. You’ll see.

\- I don’t think anyone had done it before.

\- Then we will be the first ones. Don’t lose hope.

Hope.

That’s what Gulf had brought into his life. Just when he was ready to give up, Gulf came and gave him the freedom to feel hope.

\- Yeah… we can be the first ones. As long as I’m with you.


	25. As the days go by...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You want what?” Poom had said over the line.
> 
> \- I wanna have sex with him – Gulf had replied.
> 
> “You’re having trouble convincing him?”
> 
> \- He’s so stubborn. I don’t know what to do.
> 
> “Gulfie, do what you do best”
> 
> \- Alai wa?
> 
> “Tell him directly”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, I finished it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!😅😅😅😅😅😅
> 
> Dc: this is a fictional story based on true events.  
> Follow me on Twitter: @KlovesBl

**POV Gulf**

Days went by in a blur and Gulf spent almost every day at Mew’s condo.

They were taking things slow, as Gulf thought it would be better for Mew. Their relationship was getting better and better with each passing day. Since the moment they confronted Best and Boss, a renewed feeling was born in the dynamic of how Mew behaved with Gulf.

Mew started seeing someone about his nightmares and panic attacks. As Gulf promised, he did a background check and found references about that person before allowing Mew to go. The first day, Gulf went with him.

_\- What if she thinks badly of me? – Mew asked Gulf before entering the clinic – What if she recognizes me and sells the story to the media?_

_Mew panicked eyes had looked at Gulf’s. He knew his Phi was scared. He didn’t want to be judged._

_\- Phi, listen to me – Gulf said – She can’t reveal anything to anyone if you don’t want to. Not even me._

_Mew started to calm down after hearing Gulf’s comforting words._

_\- She’s not there to judge you. She’s there to help you get through this. I talked to her and checked her. She seemed nice, but just say a word and all this is over._

_Mew, hesitantly, had looked to the clinic again, deciding what to do._

_\- But Phi… I want her to help you. I don’t want you having attacks again – Gulf finished taking Mew’s hand in his discreetly, after all, they were outside._

He had been through two sessions and Gulf could already see an improvement. Mew always seemed lighter when he got out of the clinic like a heavy weight had dropped off his shoulders.

They had continued filming the series. They were halfway through it and as Tharn and Type were getting to their critical point, Mew and Gulf couldn’t be better. They were cuddly and in love as always, even though some of the tension they felt through their characters did impact their lives.

Gulf could still remember when they filmed episode 8. Seeing Mew’s hurt face as he said the phrase “Let’s break up” had hit him deeply. Type was supposed to feel anger and frustration, but all Gulf could feel was sadness.

_*Cut*_

_Gulf had dropped to the floor after finishing the scene and had let a droplet fall down his cheek._

_Mew had come running from the bathroom and kneel in front of him, taking his face with his hands._

_\- Gulf… what’s wrong?_

_\- I’m sorry… I didn’t mean it… I’m sorry… Don’t leave me… - his face had wrinkled as more tears followed the first one._

_Mew had hugged Gulf tightly, whispering nonsense into his ear._

_\- It’s ok… take your time… I’m right here… I love you…_

Gulf had felt really restless after every confrontation scene. Gulf wasn’t a violent person, but Type seemed to solve everything that way. It was logical if you thought about it. Everyone coped in different ways. Type’s defense mechanism was hurting before getting hurt.

But at the same time, Gulf had enjoyed their love scenes. The last episode they had filmed, episode 9, had been an interesting one.

_\- It’s you – Tharn said while looking at Type in the eye – My most cherished instrument._

**_I’m totally gonna fuck him._ **

_Type had moved to sit on Tharn’s hips, straddling him. He could feel his boyfriend starting to react under him._

**_So, he isn’t that tired… is he?_ **

_\- Type! – Tharn tried to stop him._

_Taking the blanket to cover them both entirely, Type moved ahead until his face was close to Tharn’s._

_Gulf had gone out of character after that and had started kissing Mew’s neck softly._

_\- Type… - Mew remembered his line, looking at Gulf’s eyes when he moved backward, promising retribution – You want to do it now?_

_\- Be still – Gulf smiled mischievously, before planting a peck on his boyfriend’s lips._

_Mew had taken the hem of Gulf’s shirt and caressed the exposed skin of his back, moving his hand lower and lower. Gulf had let out a sigh and looked at him annoyed._

_“Two can play this game” his stare seemed to say._

_Gulf loved playful Mew. He adored him._

As they had promised Best and Boss, they had behaved the same way they always do around people. No one at the set was even remotely suspicious of them. Mew hugged him and squished him every moment while they were filming. Nothing had changed about that.

They had tried to go out on dates too. Most of them, to restaurants to eat. Gulf loved to eat, and Mew seemed to enjoy watching him eat. He even had taken Gulf to a place where spicy food was served. He knew Mew didn’t like spicy food, but he had endured it because of him. As a thank you, the next time they went out to eat, Gulf had taken him to eat sushi, knowing how much his boyfriend liked it.

They had spent a lot of time when their friends too. Mild and Jane used to hang out on Mew’s condo once in a while, and even though at first Gulf was a bit hesitant with Jane, he had quickly warmed up to the beautiful and kind girl.

Gulf had invited Mew to a family dinner as well. That time, they had had their first quarrel.

_\- I don’t think is a good idea – Mew had said._

_\- Why? – Gulf had been genuinely confused – It’s just dinner._

_\- Dinner with your parents and sister. I think it will be a bit awkward._

_\- You already know them. Mom goes to set every once in a while._

_\- I know but is not the same._ _I’ll feel like I’m lying to them this time._

_\- Then… let’s tell them – Gulf simply said._

_\- No! – Mew had screamed, panicked eyes looking at him._

_\- Why not? Where are together and we love each other. I want my parents to know I’m happy._

_\- Nong, please… I’m not ready._

_\- Do as you please. I do have to go, though._

_Gulf had gone to his dinner fuming, leaving a sad Mew in his living room. As he had gone through his meal, he had thought about Mew’s words. Gulf might be ready to shout to the world that he loved an amazing and caring man, but Mew wasn’t. And at that moment, thinking it after he had cooled down, he could see why._

_When he got home, Mew had been where Gulf had left him, his head hung down between his knees. He had gotten up after seeing Gulf had arrived and automatically had hugged him._

_\- I’m sorry! I’m so sorry… Please don’t leave me – Mew’s body had been shaking._

_Gulf had wanted to punch himself for not controlling his temper better. But at the same time, he admitted he needed to be able to express his anger to Mew, without feeling like he back stepped Mew’s recovery._

_\- I’m not leaving P’Mew – Gulf had threaded his fingers through his hair – I was just upset. I’m sorry I acted like that. I should have taken your fears and concerns into account._

_Mew had continued to hug him tightly._

_\- But you can’t think I’ll leave you every time we have a fight – Gulf continued – We will fight, all couples do, and I need to know I don’t have to walk on eggshells with you when we do. Believe in my words when I say I won’t leave you alone._

_\- I know – Mew had pulled back and looked at him in the eye – I’m getting there, I promise._

Their second quarrel had been about his friend Poom.

Gulf still talked a lot to her. She was the closest friend he had and wanted to keep it that way.

But he didn’t count on Mew’s jealous side.

_\- I don’t like it when you talk to her – Mew had said pouting._

_\- What? Why? She’s a friend._

_\- She’s an ex. That’s different._

_\- Why? Can’t you be friends with your ex?_

_\- Why can’t you understand me? – Mew had been really mad at that point – Would you like me going around with an ex?_

_\- Well… no._

_\- See?!_

_\- But this is different._

_\- How? – Mew had seemed to be challenging him._

_\- Poom and I were never actually together._

_Mew had looked at him with his mouth open in surprise._

_\- Alai wa?_

_\- Poom and I, we were just faking it. She needed an excuse for her parents to stop setting her up with assholes, and I needed an excuse for girls to leave me alone. It was a win-win situation._

_Mew had stared at him dumbfounded before covering himself with the blanket completely._

_\- P’Mew – Gulf had called trying to get him to come out – P’Meeeewwwwww khrub~_

_\- I’m so embarrassed._

_\- It’s ok Phi. I like it when you are jealous hehe – Gulf had said smiling, hugging the bump on the bed that was Mew’s body._

Even though Mew had been busy with his master and the series, he always seemed to have time to spend with Gulf. Gulf liked to accompany Mew when he was studying or doing an assignment. Those moments when Mew sat on the living room’s floor with his laptop, while Gulf watched TV were his favorite. His thinking face was so hot; Gulf was having a bad time trying to keep his hands to himself.

All that left them with one particular problem.

Sex.

They’ve been together for more than a month now, but Mew didn’t seem to want to do more than kissing or touching a little. And after the fiasco that the first encounter was, Gulf didn’t want to push him either. But he was getting to his limit.

Feeling that way made Gulf feel so strange. He had never felt that way in his life, and the fire that went through his body every time Mew got out of the bathroom looking delicious was consuming him.

He was sexually frustrated.

_There… I’ve said it._

**_Tell me something I don’t know._ **

He needed to do something about it, without scaring Mew off.

But he didn’t know what the hell he was doing.

_\- Don’t add that yet – Mew had said in the kitchen one day, snatching the plate of fish from Gulf’s hands – You need to add more butter._

_\- Do it yourself then._

_Gulf had smiled as he saw his boyfriend searching for more butter to add to the pan. He leaned against the counter as he ate a piece of cupcake. He usually didn’t like sweet things, but Mew had gotten him a bacon-flavored one and it was delicious. The sugary goodness melted in his tongue and he had barely suppressed a moan._

_\- If you keep doing that, I’m gonna burn this thing – Mew had said, watching him hungrily._

_\- I don’t know what do you mean._

_Mew didn’t appear to be listening as his eyes moved to his mouth. Gulf had taken another bite of the cupcake, licking the frosting away from his lips._

_Mew had snapped._

_\- Fuck._

_He had dropped the entire block of butter in the pan as his mouth crashed on Gulf’s. He groaned when Mew’s tongue swept between his lips. Mew took him by the waist and pulled him against his body._

_Gulf dropped the rest of his cupcake to the floor._

_Mew’s hand started sliding over Gulf’s ass, making him gasped when Mew suddenly lifted him and settled him on the counter. Next, he pulled Gulf’s legs around his waist. Mew’s hands roamed up Gulf’s body, sliding his shirt up in the process. His mouth slid down Gulf’s neck, over his chest on his abdomen. He seemed to have a thing for his tummy. After that, his mouth returned to Gulf’s, making him moan at how good it felt. Gulf reached for the hem of Mew’s shirt, wanting to feel his skin, but before he could lift it, a cloud of heavy black smoke filled the kitchen making them jerk apart._

_\- Shit! – Mew said as he reached for the pan. The butter had gone completely black and had started to crust along the sides of the pan._

_They were both breathing hard by the time everything was ok. Gulf had wanted to continue what they were doing._

_\- We need to clean all this – Mew said looking around him._

_\- Yeah… - Gulf had agreed disappointed – Sure._

He was still trying to find a way to bring the subject to his boyfriend, without freaking him out.

After days of thinking, he finally decided he needed help.

“You want what?” Poom had said over the line.

\- I wanna have sex with him – Gulf had replied.

“Oh my god. And you’re telling me because…?”

\- I need help.

“You don’t want me explaining the mechanics of gay sex to you, do you?” she said mockingly.

\- What?! No! – Gulf screamed while heat pooled in his cheeks – I want you to help me convince him.

“You’re having trouble convincing him?”

\- He’s so stubborn. I don’t know what to do.

“Gulfie, do what you do best”

\- Alai wa?

“Tell him directly”

Gulf had thought about it. She was right. He was a direct type of person. That’s how he solved his problems, he didn’t like going around trying to find a solution. He had been careful because of Mew, but he was frustrated and tired of the issue.

That afternoon, after having dinner, Mew and Gulf were sitting on the couch drinking soda while they watched the new Marvel movie. Mew seemed to be crazy about them. Resting his head on Mew’s chest, Gulf saw Mew bring the soda can to his lips.

\- Are you ever gonna have sex with me?

*cough* *cough* *cough*

Mew moved forward, trying to breathe. Then he turned around and looked at his boyfriend.

\- Alai wa?!


	26. First times

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \- Talk to me P’Mew, tell me what are you thinking – Gulf asked.
> 
> \- I’m scared – he finally whispered.
> 
> \- Of what?
> 
> \- I’m scared of messing this up. I don’t know if you have done this before with a man, but it’s your first time, so it’s a big deal for me. What if you don’t like it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning ‼  
> +18 scene coming up. Read with caution.
> 
> Dc: this is a fictional story based on true events.  
> Follow me on Twitter: @KlovesBl

**POV Gulf**

*cough* *cough* *cough*

\- Alai wa? – Mew’s shocked face brought a giggle out of Gulf.

\- You heard me – Gulf said while pulling from where he was resting to look at Mew’s face – When are we gonna have sex?

\- Shit – Mew seemed like he couldn’t believe what he was hearing – You serious right now?

\- Like a heart attack.

Mew’s eyes looked everywhere but Gulf. He couldn’t define his feelings.

Was he mad?

Was he afraid? Nervous?

\- Talk to me P’Mew, tell me what are you thinking – Gulf asked.

\- I’m scared – he finally whispered.

\- Of what?

\- I’m scared of messing this up. I don’t know if you have done this before with a man, but it’s your first time, so it’s a big deal for me. What if you don’t like it?

\- But you want to do it? – Gulf carefully asked.

Mew then, looked at him hungrily.

\- I want to… - Mew took one of Gulf’s hands and placed it on his crotch – My god… I want to so bad Gulf.

Gulf could feel the response of Mew’s body on his hand.

_That’s a relief._

\- But what if I do something that scares you or makes you feel uncomfortable? – Mew said.

\- You won’t – Gulf said with conviction – Do you know how I know that?

Mew shook his head.

\- Because I trust you.

Mew’s eyes watered for a moment.

Gulf got up from where he was and straddled Mew’s legs, sitting on top of them. He kissed Mew hungrily while his Phi’s fingers were pressed into his thighs. He had been thinking about it for a long time, craving his boyfriend’s touch, but hesitant to say it out loud. But now, all he cared about was that he was finally going be Mew’s. And from the way he was returning his kisses, he knew in his gut Mew was ready too.

But besides Mew’s body reaction, his mind seemed to hesitate. He pulled his mouth from Gulf’s and tried to catch his breath.

\- Tell me what to do, Gulf – he said.

Gulf took a moment to stare at those eyes he loved so much. Those eyes looked at him with love, lust, and hunger. He brushed his mouth over Mew’s.

\- Just love me.

\------------------------------**---------------------------

**POV Mew**

Mew’s heart swelled in his chest with so many emotions.

He did love Gulf. And that was a scary thought. What he felt for Gulf was a thousand times more powerful than anything he had felt before, even HIM, and while he wanted to believe that Gulf would never hurt him like that, his heart would not recover from losing him.

He kissed Gulf, climbing to his feet. He reached down and wrapped his fingers around his thighs, making him wrap them around his waist. Their body was flush while they kiss. Then, he started walking to his bedroom, trying not to kill them on the way there.

Gulf giggled when Mew hit his foot with the table.

\- You ok? – Gulf said smiling.

\- Brat.

Reaching the bedroom, Mew dropped Gulf to the floor and pulled him back in his arms. This time, Gulf controlled the kiss while his warm hands sought out his lower back.

\- Off – Gulf murmured as he gave Mew’s shirt a tug.

Mew reached behind him to pull his shirt off. Before he even finished the move, Gulf’s mouth was on his chest. The sensation of his tongue running through his chest almost sent him to his knees.

\- Fuck – he groaned as he covered the back of his head with his hand.

He had never felt anything like that before.

\- Gulf… - he whispered.

Gulf’s mouth searched out his and kissed him soundly. Mew pulled back for a moment.

\- Gulf if I do something you don’t like…

\- You won’t – he interrupted.

That level of trust humbled him. Mew dragged him forward and kiss him again, tightening his fingers on his hair. Mew eased his head back to trail kisses down his jawline, over his throat. Gulf’s hands slid down his hips and over the front of his thighs. Mew wanted Gulf to reach that hard place, but he seemed to enjoy teasing him.

Mew growled his name and Gulf let out a small laugh, then his fingers closed over his dick. Even with his pants separating his hand from his skin, the contact made Mew moan. Gulf rubbed his hand up and down his shaft as he continued to press kisses to his mouth.

Mew reached for Gulf’s shirt and practically dragged off his body. That action forced Gulf to stop kissing him, but his hand kept up the movement. Mew dragged him forward and took his mouth once again. Gulf stopped rubbing him through his pants enough to work the zipper free.

Mew lifted Gulf up, enough so he could toss him onto his back on the bed. As his weight came down on top of his Nong and his mouth covered his, he breathed “Gulf” before kissing him again. Gulf ground his hips desperately against his. Mew moved his hand down to his boyfriend’s ass and brought his lower half flushed against his.

They both moaned loudly.

The deep, hungry kisses that Mew had been giving Gulf, were replaced with soft butterfly kisses.

\- You are so amazing – Mew whispered.

\- Mew…

\- What?

\- Love me.

Before Gulf even finished saying that, Mew’s mouth was on his and his fingers started stripping his jeans off Gulf’s body, then his own. It took only seconds before their flesh came into contact.

\- Wrap your legs around me – Mew demanded as he linked his left hand with Gulf’s right and held it above his head.

Mew’s right hand reached beneath his backside and gripped him hard. Mew held him in place as he began grinding their dicks together. The friction had Mew seeing stars.

\- Phi! – Gulf screamed wrapping his free arm around Mew’s back.

Mew slipped a finger between Gulf’s crease and brushed a finger over his opening.

\- I need you – Mew said.

\- Nightstand – Gulf croaked.

Mew stopped his movements for a moment and stared at his boyfriend.

\- Really? – Mew said dumbfounded, reaching for his nightstand.

In there he found condoms and lube.

He looked back at the now blushing young man.

\- Care to explain? – Mew asked.

\- Hopeful wishing? – Gulf answered hesitantly.

Mew laughed, not believing his young boyfriend had actually gone to the pharmacy and bought condoms and lube.

\- Tell me you didn’t buy them.

\- Actually… P’Boss did.

_That’s actually worst._

\- I think I just went soft – Mew complained.

\- Oh… I can help with that – Gulf said.

Gulf grabbed his face and kissed him stupid. Mew pressed all his weight back down on him as Gulf tried to stifle his chuckles. Mew could have watched the joy on his face all day long.

Mew opened the lube he retrieved from the nightstand and squirted some on his finger.

\- Relax for me – Mew said.

Gulf nodded and wrapped his legs higher up Mew’s waist. Mew kissed him passionately, hoping that would calm down some of his nerves. He slid a hand down and sought out his crease, probing his entrance. Gulf tensed up a bit, out of the newness of the feeling Mew thought, but he kept kissing him until Gulf let out a moan and relaxed again. Only when Gulf whispered his name did Mew pushed his finger forward.

\- Ah!

Mew began to move his finger in and out of him at an amazingly slow rate.

\- P’Mew! I’m almost…

By the time Mew managed to push in two fingers, Gulf was a moaning mess. His face was red and sweaty, and his pupils were blown. Mew got a condom and put it on, getting more lube on it.

Gulf’s fingers closed over his upper arms. Mew’s shaking hand guided his shaft to his entrance and began to push inside.

\- Gulf…

\---------------------------**------------------------

**POV Gulf**

It hurt.

He wasn’t going to lie, it hurt.

But at the same time he felt that kind of fullness, he hadn’t felt before.

He wouldn’t stop it for anything in the world.

\- Gulf… - Mew groaned as his arm curled around the side of his face and his fingers gripped his hair. Gulf was equally wrapped around him. His arms were at his back, and his ankles locked together above his ass.

Mew rocked into him over and over, kindly and hesitant, trying to not make it hurtful for him. His mouth closed over Gulf’s and he did his best to kiss him back, but he was in a sensory overload. It was too much.

\- Phi… please… - Gulf begged.

\- Shhh… I have you.

Mew slid back into him again, repeating the move over and over. Gulf wanted it to go on forever at the same time he needed it to end. The slow glides soon turned into hard ones, deep thrusts that made him see stars.

\- Gulf, talk to me – Mew said. Gulf could hear the fear in his voice and he knew why it was there.

\- It’s good, Phi. Don’t stop.

Mew’s mouth came crashing down on his. Getting near his ecstasy, Gulf buried his face in Mew’s neck. Mew thrust into Gulf hard once, twice and then he was coming. Waves of pleasure crashed over his body. Mew’s hoarse shout washed over Gulf as he thrust one last time.

Mew collapsed on top of Gulf, tired. Gulf did his best to hug him, but his body wouldn’t respond. He turned his head and kissed the shell of his Phi’s ear and then his neck.

\- I’m dead – Mew muted.

Gulf laughed and caressed his sweaty back. Mew got up and held his weight with his arms.

\- Hey – he said while brushing the damp hairs out of Gulf’s face.

\- Hey back – Gulf said.

\- So… how was it?

\- Really? Feeling cocky? – Gulf raised an eyebrow.

\- Honest question – Mew said smiling, but Gulf could still see a little nervousness in his eyes.

Gulf moved his hand up, caressing his boyfriend’s face.

\- It was perfect P’Mew… just like you.

\------------------------------**---------------------------

\- We need to do this scene guys – P’Tee was saying to them a few days later.

Filming the last episodes was the most difficult thing ever, even harder than the first ones. The tension between Tharn and Type was building and they were getting into the main drama of their story.

\- Khrub Phi – Mew and Gulf said.

\- Build your emotions. We’ll be ready in 20 minutes – Tee said before leaving them alone in the dressing room.

Almost immediately, Mew grabbed Gulf and sat him on his lap, hugging him from behind and putting his forehead on his back.

\- Are you feeling ok? – Mew asked.

Mew had been worried for him since that first time together. Gulf had a little bit of a fever the next day, and Mew had been overly concerned for him.

_\- This is my fault, isn’t it? – he had said._

_\- Sure… your dick did this to me._

_\- Gulf!_

_\- Phi I’m ok. This is normal, or so I’ve read. I took a pill and now what I really want is for you to cuddle and sleep with me._

Gulf had assured him many times he was fine, but he still kept asking from time to time.

\- I’m fine Phi. Nervous for this next scene I guess.

Type just saw the love of his life being caring with his ex-boyfriend.

Gulf though about how perspectives can be tricky. He knew the story and what had actually happened, but Type didn’t.

\- You’ll do fine. You’re an amazing actor.

\- Thanks Phi – warm feeling flowed in his body at the praise – I hope we never fight like them.

Someone knocked at the door before coming into the room.

\- P’Tee is asking for you – said one of the cameramen.

\- Khrub, we’ll be there – Mew answered.

\----------------------------**-------------------------

\- I’ll let you say it one more time – Type said, holding back his anger – Who did you meet?

**_Do you think I’m stupid?_ **

_Calm down Type._

The hesitant look on Tharn’s face told him everything he needed to know.

**_He lied to me._ **

\- I met Tar – Tharn finally said – He’s my ex-bandmate's brother.

**_Still lying to me?_ **

Type moved forward and took Tharn’s shirt in his fist.

\- And why don’t you tell me too? – he said fuming – That that kid is your ex-boyfriend.

Tharn looked at his boyfriend surprised, lost for words.

\- You must be shocked I know about him. Because I’m not a moron! You think I didn’t know you were lying? You think I didn’t know you were acting suspiciously? So how was it? Did he taste as good as when you were together? – Type wanted to hurt him, as much as he was hurting at that moment – Was it satisfying? You hadn’t seen him for a year.

\- Type! – Tharn yelled.

\- What? What do you want to say? What did I say wrong? That kid was crying for your attention.

**_Please say something… Anything._ **

\- Or are you going to tell me P’Tharn who screws around couldn’t get it up?

**_Deny it. Tell me I’m wrong._ **

Tharn took Type’s hand in his with a pleading stare.

\- It’s not what you think. There’s nothing going on.

**_All cheaters say the same._ **

Type pulled his hands away from Tharn’s.

\- Do you expect me to believe someone who’s been lying to me?

**_Tell me I’m wrong…_ **

\- Cat got your tongue? Argue with me. Answer me.

**_Why won’t you deny it?_ **

\- I’m sorry – Tharn finally said, taking Type’s hand again – But I didn’t sleep with him.

**_I know that._ **

Type pulled his hand away once again.

\- Yeah, I believe you. You couldn’t have slept with him. Because you couldn’t cum in such a short time. But does he still affect you?

**_Please… I’m begging you. Say no._ **

Tharn kept quiet as his stare went down to the floor.

\- Answer me! Does he affect you? – **_why won’t you say anything?_** – Just deny it and I’ll believe everything you say.

**_I’ll believe it. I love you. Just tell me I’m wrong. Tell me that kid is an old story._ **

\- Answer me!

Tharn took his hand to Type’s shoulders, taking a moment before saying:

\- I love you with all my heart, Type – Tharn’s eyes was shiny with tears.

**_That’s not what I asked._ **

Type pulled away from him again.

\- Do you expect me to believe someone who can’t answer a simple question?

\- But I didn’t do anything. I swear I’ll never meet Tar again.

\- I don’t want to hear that kid’s name in this room.

\- Type… - Tharn said while trying to hug him.

\- Let go of me – Type pushed him away and going for the condo’s door.

\- Where are you going?

\- None of your goddamn business!

*Cut*

Gulf tried to breathe through all the emotions going in his chest. Betrayal. Sadness. Anger. All mixed up with his own feelings. He couldn’t separate them. Sitting on the floor, he waited for the arms he needed and wanted around him at that moment.

\- I’m here… Shhh… just breathe – Gulf heard Mew’s voice in his ear.

\- I’m ok Phi… I’m fine.

Gulf pulled back from the embrace and looked at Mew, catching a tear from his face with his hand.

\- Are you ok?

Mew hid his face on Gulf’s neck and let out a shredded sigh.

\- Now, I’m perfect.

\-------------------------------**-----------------------------

POV Mew

Few days later, Mew was at his condo doing some assignments for his master. He was waiting for Gulf to arrive so they could go out for lunch. It was weird that they both had a free day, so they wanted to enjoy it to the max.

Mew still couldn’t believe the amazing gift Gulf had given to him. That first time together was beyond amazing. It was like those moments you read on romance books. Gulf had given himself totally to him, heart, and body. Just as Mew gave himself away to him.

_It’s too late to back down… Not that I want to._

Gulf had to go to his condo to look for some clothes. He said he would be back in an hour or two. Time enough for Mew to finish his homework.

Filming had been going great for them, even though the scenes were heavy and gloomy most of the time. But they have pulled it through.

Standing up and going to the kitchen to find something to drink, Mew heard the bell go off.

_Weird… Gulf knows the passcode…_

Maybe he wanted to play a prank on him.

Smiling, thinking about his young boyfriend, Mew opened the door. Seeing the person standing there, his smile immediately vanished.

\- What the hell are you doing here?


	27. Clearing the past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \- Why now? – Mew asked.
> 
> HE looked up with a surprised stare.
> 
> \- What?
> 
> \- Why are you apologizing now? It’s been months.
> 
> Mew couldn’t help but be skeptical over this “apology”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter yay!!! ❤❤
> 
> Thanks for all the kudos and comments, I really appreciate them 🧡
> 
> Dc: this is a fictional story based on true events.  
> Follow me on Twitter: @KlovesBl

**POV Mew**

Mew had thought he would never see that face again.

But once again, life had proved him wrong.

In front of him was that face he once upon a time had loved to see.

\- Hi… P’Mew – HE said.

Mew looked at HIM, dumbfounded. He couldn’t actually believe HE would have the guts to actually appear in his life again.

\- I’m going to ask you again? – Mew said slowly – What… are you doing here?

HE had the decency to look ashamed. Looking down to the floor, then back to Mew’s face HE said:

\- I need to talk to you.

Mew thought about leaving HIM there, standing at his door. Closing the door to HIS face, just like HE did many months ago when Mew had tried to reach him. But Mew wasn’t petty or resentful. That was not who he was.

Maybe, months ago, he would have done it. Maybe, when the pain had been fresh Mew would have done it.

But now, Mew couldn’t do it. He looked at the dark circles in HIS eyes and the poor way HE was dressed and felt pity. Nothing more, nothing less.

\- Come in. Just for a moment. I’m expecting someone.

Mew went to the living room, with HIM behind him quiet.

HE sat on the couch, looking dejected. Mew went to the kitchen and grabbed a glass of water and gave it to HIM, the sat across the couch on an armchair.

\- Why are you here? – Mew asked again.

HE started fidgeting, holding the glass of water tightly in his hands.

\- I came to say sorry – HE finally said.

Mew looked at HIM surprised.

_Sorry? Now you’re sorry?_

\- Why now? – Mew asked.

HE looked up with a surprised stare.

\- What?

\- Why are you apologizing now? It’s been months.

Mew couldn’t help but be skeptical over this “apology”.

\- When THAT happened, I was terrified. My manager caught us and was spitting tons of shit against us. He told me that it would ruin me. That being with you would mean the end of my career. I couldn’t risk it.

Mew could understand that. It was logical. HE had been afraid of losing everything HE had worked for just for him.

But that just meant one thing.

\- You could’ve just talked to me; you know? – Mew said slowly – You just went silent after that happened.

\- My manager took my phone away from me. He told me not to contact you again.

That made sense. Mew had always wondered why he hadn’t been able to contact HIM after the scandal. Mew had just assumed HE had blocked his number.

\- There are so many things you could have done to get in touch with me.

\- I know. I was afraid of losing my work.

\- And why did it have to be one thing or the other? We could’ve worked it together.

\- You know how this industry works P’Mew. There was no point in fight.

_“I’m not giving my acting career up P’Best, but I’m not leaving P’Mew either. So, you can help us find a way to make this work, or you can go through that door. The choice is yours”_

\- You’re wrong – Mew was certain now – It was just that my feelings weren’t reason enough for you to fight.

HE looked down once again, closing HIS eyes.

_Gulf believes I’m worth fighting for._

\- Did you even like me? You were always sending me such mixed signal. I never really knew if you loved me the way I did – Mew said.

\- I did like you Phi, a lot – HE said, still looking down – But you were asking for things I wasn’t able to give you. You were so clingy and needy. You were looking for a “forever” when I just wanted a “for a while”. I’m still young P’Mew, I didn’t want to be tied up like that. That day, I wanted us to talk about it… then that happened.

Mew just stared at HIM.

_\- P’Mew… where do you see yourself in 5 years – Gulf had asked the other day on the bed._

_\- Mmmmm… in 5 years I’ll be in my thirties._

_\- Old man – Gulf has mocked._

_\- Hey! I’m still young thank you very much – Mew had been a bit offended._

_\- Ma ma ma… don’t be mad. Answer me._

_\- What about you? Where do you see yourself?_

_-Me? – Gulf had thought about it – I want to be a famous actor and be able to support my parents. I want to give back all the love and care they gave me when I was a kid. I want to help my sister with her shop. I want to inspire younger generations of actors._

_Mew had been mesmerized by the young man but been a bit sad at the same time. Apparently, Gulf’s future didn’t include him._

_\- Do you think we should live alone P’Mew? Won’t our parents feel sad?_

_Mew had looked at Gulf._

_\- I’m part of your future too?_

_Gulf had smiled softly._

_\- P’Mew… you’re my favorite part of it._

\- Then… what about that video? You said that I… that I… - Mew couldn’t finish – Did I? – he asked, his eyes shiny.

HE looked at Mew, regret on his face.

\- My manager told me to do it. He said it was the only way to part thing with you without bringing any suspicion to our fans. I didn’t want to. I was weak. I wanted to save my career… even if I had to bring down yours – HE finished, looking down again – You didn’t assault me P’Mew. We were drunk, but I was fully aware of what was happening. I wanted it.

At that moment, a heavy weight left his shoulders, and that dark cloud that used to fog his head went away. All those months, all that time he spent doubting himself suddenly was pointless.

_When did I even start doubting myself?_

Mew didn’t assault HIM. He felt relieved.

_“There is no way you could have done that. You’re not a predator. Do you hear me? I’ve been following you for a long time now. I know you. I’ve worked alongside you. I’ve been with you this whole time”_

Gulf had believed in him. Even when Mew himself didn’t.

\- Why are you doing this now? – Mew asked.

\- Huh?

\- After all these months I doubt your conscience brought you to my doorstep. Why did you come here?

HE looked at Mew surprised and a little embarrassed.

\- I need help.

\- Alai wa?

\- I’m broke – HE started crying – After the scandal, no one gave me a job. My dad broke his leg, so he couldn’t work either. I’m basically a pariah in the industry.

\- And what exactly do you want my help with?

\- Let’s do sponsorship or a live together. That’ll be enough for me.

Mew thought about it. Simply said… he didn’t want to. HE had brought this upon himself with that video.

Mew wasn’t being petty… but he believed karma always did its thing.

\- I can’t.

\- Why? – HE seemed desperate.

\- I have a new project now, and a new partner. Doing a job with you would be bad for the new series. And I wouldn’t disrespect the people that gave me a chance when no one else did.

\- It is because of him, isn’t it? – HE said with a grimace.

\- Excuse me?

\- That little boyfriend of yours.

\- I don’t think that is any of your business – Mew said, starting to get angry.

\- You know I can cause a lot of problems if I want to. To you and to him.

Mew, fully mad at that moment.

\- Get out of here! And don’t you dare do a thing to Gulf. I will fight you if I have to!

HE got up from the couch and went to the door. Turning around HE said:

\- For what is worth… I’m sorry – and then he left the condo.

Mew stood there, breathing heavily. He had wanted to hear those words so many times. But now that he got them he felt… empty. And a bit mad.

_The nerve on this guy!_

Mew couldn’t think of a single reason why he had loved HIM in the past.

But thinking about it, he had maybe never been actually in love. Now that he was in love with Gulf, Mew could see the difference. He was never loved either. HE never loved him.

Only Gulf had shown him the feeling of being taken care of. The feeling of someone believing in you, when you didn’t believe in yourself. The feeling of someone being by your side when you felt like drowning in the darkness.

The feeling of being loved.

That pressure he always used to have in his chest was gone. His mind felt peace.

He couldn’t wait for Gulf to come back and tell him everything.

\-------------------------**------------------------ 

Three hours later, Mew was still waiting for Gulf to arrive.

He had done some cleaning, finished his assignments, done laundry, and cooked some lunch. And Gulf was still nowhere to be found. He was supposed to go to his condo and pick up some clothes. What took him so long?

_Maybe he went to another place after that._

Mew took his phone and called him.

**“The number you’re calling is…”**

Mew looked at his phone frowning.

_His phone is turned off?_

Mew called again. This time the call connected, but after a few moments, he was sent to voicemail.

\- Hey… call me back when you get this ok? I’m a bit worried.

Mew left his phone on the living room table as he started a movie to spend the time. It was one of those comedy movies Gulf liked so much. Mew chuckled at the fact that a lot of things changed in his condo after Gulf started sleeping over.

_We should probably move in together… although that would be too obvious._

As the movie was starting, his phone went off. Mew quickly grabbed it, thinking it was Gulf.

\- Hello?

\- Mew! Oh my god! Mew – P’Boss said agitated on the other side of the line.

\- P’Boss? What’s wrong? – Mew had a bad feeling.

\- Haven’t you read the news? Open the link I just sent you.

Mew put Boss on hold to open the link his manager had sent him through LINE.

**“Problems from the past… Getting solved?”**

The headline didn’t say anything to Mew… until he saw down to the picture.

In there, was a picture of HIM exiting his condo. It had probably been taken that afternoon. He put Boss on the line again.

\- Phi! – Mew said.

\- Tell me what happened Mew – P’Boss urged him.

\- It was nothing Phi! HE came asking for a favor, I said no and HE left. Nothing more I swear.

Boss got quiet for a second before saying:

\- Let’s stay silent for this. We can’t bring bad publicity to the series. If HE does a statement or anything then we’ll talk.

\- Khrub Phi. I’m sorry for this – Mew said.

\- It’s ok Mew. This isn’t your fault.

Boss had never blamed him for anything. And he still didn’t do it.

\- Talk later Phi.

Mew hung up the call. Did HE do it on purpose? Was HIS plan all along to get that picture?

Suddenly a scary thought got to Mew.

_What if Gulf saw the picture?_

Rapidly, Mew called his boyfriend once again.

**“The number you’re calling…”**

Again.

Mew called and called but couldn’t get in touch with Gulf.

He got dressed and got out of his condo. He needed to find Gulf and explain everything to him. That it wasn’t what it looked like. That he would never hurt him like that.

Getting to the exit of his condo, the guard on the lobby approached him quickly.

\- Khun Mew! – the guard yelled – Khun Mew!

Mew stopped for a moment, ready to tell him he didn’t have time when he saw Gulf’s bag on one of the guard’s hands.

\- Why do you have that? – Mew asked.

\- That’s why I came. Khun Gulf dropped it here – the guard gave the bag to Mew.

\- What?

\- Khun Gulf came through the door a few hours ago, his phone beeped and when he looked at it he dropped the bag on the floor and run through the door.

Mew’s heart sank.

_Did he see the picture and that’s why he left?_

Mew came back to his condo and left the bag on the couch.

_What to do now?_

He took his phone out and messaged the group chat with the people from the series.

_Mew: Has anyone seen Gulf today?_

_Mild: No… you were going to get together today right?_

_MAME: I haven’t talked to him today._

_Tong: I haven’t seen him._

_Boat: Have you tried calling him?_

_Mew: I’ll try again. Thanks guys._

Mew tried calling him again but every single call went straight to voicemail.

Mew took his car keys and went to Gulf’s condo. He didn’t know where else to look. On the way there he called his friend Jane.

“Hey, baby Mew! What’s up?”

\- P’Jane has Gulf called you? – Mew asked.

“Gulf… no. Not today. Why?”

\- Nothing Phi. If he calls please call me.

“Did something happen Mew?” Jane sounded worried.

\- I don’t know for sure. I’ll tell you later. Just call me if he calls you.

“Ok. But you better call me later”

Mew reached Gulf’s condo, but as much as he knocked and pounded the door, Gulf never came out.

He didn’t know what to do.

_What if he left me?_

What would he do if Gulf actually left him?

His breathing started to speed up as Mew tried to catch his breath. His palms started to get sweaty.

_I can’t lose him._

Mew slid to the floor and sat against Gulf’s door, bringing his knees up, trying to hold back the tears. One fuck up. One fuck up, and he was done. Gulf left him.

But as the thought was created in his mind, Gulf sweet voice came through.

_“Please… I wanna help. Tell me, I won’t leave you…”_

Mew’s breathing slowed down.

_“You’ll leave me” Mew had rasped “When you know what I did, you’ll leave me”_

_“I won’t Phi. I promise. The only way I would leave your side… is if you tell me to”_

Mew dried his tears.

_“Believe in my words when I say I won’t leave you alone”_

Gulf’s voice was loud in his head. Louder than any other had been. His heart started beating fast.

_I’ll wait. I’ll wait for him to come back to me._


	28. Five letter word

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hello? N’Gulf?” Boss picked up at the second ring.
> 
> \- P’Boss! Do you know where Mew is? – Gulf didn’t waste any time.
> 
> “What do you mean where Mew is? Where were you? Mew has been looking for you everywhere!” an agitated Boss told him.
> 
> \- Yes I see that now. I had a problem. I’ll tell you later. Now I’m going to Mew’s condo to talk to him.
> 
> “Didn’t you see the news?” Boss asked him.
> 
> \- News? – Gulf was confused – What news?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, it's your writer here.  
> These past few days have been rough on everyone. The world is going through so much right now.   
> I hope you can find some comfort in this writing. Writing is my way of destressing. It's my way of escaping the real world... at least for a while.  
> Thanks.
> 
> TW // accident.

**POV Gulf**

**A few hours earlier…**

Gulf was at his condo, picking up some clothes and putting them in a bag. He had been practically living at Mew’s condo at that point. He had spent almost every night in his boyfriend’s arms. He couldn’t be happier. Gulf smiled as he thought about Mew. He had been making some big improvements with his nightmares, and thankfully, he hadn’t had another panic attack.

And then… there was the sex part.

_No. Not sex… making love._

That had been how Mew had called what they shared.

_\- How are you feeling now? – Gulf had asked while being on the bed with him. He needed to check on his boyfriend as the last time they did something like that, it had had repercussions Gulf didn’t want to think about._

_Mew had looked at him while hugging his body tightly, face to face._

_\- I’m feeling amazing… - Mew had whispered – Thank you._

_\- What are you thanking me for? – Gulf had said confused._

_\- For gifting me this moment – Mew had answered – This was the best moment of my life._

_\- How can you say that? – Gulf was skeptical – I’m sure there has been a lot of other moments more relevant than this one._

_Mew had moved until he was on top of Gulf’s body, holding himself with his arms._

_\- I don’t think you understand how big of a deal this was for me. I’ve had sex before Gulf. But what we shared can’t even compare to that._

_\- Why?_

_\- You gave yourself to me, as I did to you. What we did was beyond just having sex. We made love. I was showing all my love to you and I was receiving yours. Having sex is just about physical pleasure. Making love is about fulfilling your mind, heart and soul with someone else. Every gesture, every caress, every touch, every glance, I felt it all. They filled my heart with happiness._

Gulf could only smile at the memory. How serious he had appeared, his eyes shiny with emotion. Like there was more he had wanted to say but couldn’t find the words to do it.

At some point, Gulf had realized that he was somehow helping Mew heal. It had been his intention all this time, but actually seeing him heal was something different. And as much as Gulf didn’t want to accept it… Mew had helped him too.

You can’t miss something you’ve never had.

Gulf never thought he would feel this need for someone else. He had been so lonely for such a long time. Then Mew came along in his life, and Gulf had contented himself with cheering him from afar as a fan. But when he met him, got to talk to him, to be with him all day, Gulf realized that just watching from afar wasn’t enough.

He needed Mew, just like he needed air to breathe.

Mew had filled that hole in his life, that Mew-shaped hole in his heart that had been bleeding and wishing for a tender touch.

His tender touch.

Now Gulf felt happy. Just like that. He was content.

And somehow that was scary.

The happier you are… the hardest the fall is.

But as scared as Gulf felt, he felt encouraged too. He knew he wasn’t alone in the fight. Mew was there beside him.

Taking the last piece of clothes and putting them in the bag, Gulf closed the closet door. On the front of the door, a full-body mirror hung there. Gulf looked at himself. His eyes were shiny and his mouth had a smile he hadn’t been aware he was doing. Mew made him feel like that.

His eyes focused on his neck for a moment. His hand reached to the side of it, looking at the make-up he had to put there to cover the purple marks his boyfriend had done to him the night before. Gulf let out a chuckle as he remembered his conversation that morning in the bathroom.

­ _\- What the…? P’MEW! – Gulf had screamed as he looked at his neck._

_\- What? What happened? – Mew had come running to the bathroom when he heard Gulf’s scream._

_\- What the hell is this?! – Gulf asked, pointing at the mark – Did you do a hickey on me?!_

_Mew had looked at his neck and his expression had turned into a smug one._

_\- Don’t give me that look Suppasit! We have a schedule tomorrow. What am I going to do?_

_\- Ma ma ma – Mew had approached his young lover – We can put some foundation on it. No one will know._

_\- Can you not put marks on my neck from now on?_

_\- Can I put them somewhere else? – Mew had said raising his eyebrows._

_\- P’MEW!_

Gulf shook his head at the memory. His Phi was a lost cause. But, Gulf loved that teasing and carefree version of his boyfriend.

He seemed freed.

Gulf looked at the hour, realizing he still had some time left before returning to Mew’s condo.

\- I can go back now. There nothing else to do – Gulf muted to himself.

He grabbed his bag and walked out the door.

\------------------**-----------------

Gulf got out of the taxi and walked to the condo’s front door.

The trip had been a quick one, with no problems whatsoever.

As he was getting there earlier than what he had expected, Gulf was hoping he could surprise his boyfriend… maybe share some quality time together.

In bed.

**_Look at you… learning I see._ **

_Shut up Type! No one is hornier than you._

**_Sure dude… sure._ **

As Gulf was entering the building, his phone beeped with a new LINE message.

**Gulf... this is Poom’s mom. Honey, please don’t freak out.**

**Poom just had an accident. Can you come to this location?**

**Sent location.**

Gulf looked at the words, shocked. Poom had an accident?

Gulf dropped the bag he had on the floor and started running out to the main avenue, trying to find a taxi. He heard the lobby guard scream something, but the pressure in his ears didn’t let him hear.

_What if something happened to her? Is she ok?_

As he got into a taxi and told the man where to go, he started calling Poom mom’s number.

“Hello?” an elderly woman answered.

\- Aunty? – Gulf said agitated – What happened?

“Poom had an accident Gulf. I’m sorry I called you but… my husband is on a work trip and I’m alone here…” she seemed very upset “I didn’t know who else to call” she finished releasing a sob.

\- I’m on my way aunty, don’t worry.

Gulf felt fear freeze his bones. Poom was his best friend and was like a sister to him. He loved her no matter what. He couldn’t lose her. She had been beside him all those years, silently supporting him.

She had cheered him when he told her he was in love with Mew. She had helped him every step of the way.

Gulf arrived at the hospital and immediately found the information counter.

\- Hi – he said – I’m looking for-

\- Gulf? – he heard someone said at his back.

Gulf turned around and saw Poom’s mother standing there. Her eyes were red, probably for crying too much, and her hands were shaking. Gulf placed himself in front of her and put his hands on her shoulders.

\- Aunty… How is she? – Gulf was almost afraid to ask.

\- They are doing surgery on her now… - her lips started to wobble – They won’t tell me anything until is finished.

\- Ok... – Gulf took a breath – Let us sit down, na?

Gulf helped the shaking woman to sit down in one of the waiting room chairs. His mind was already playing games with him.

_What if she doesn’t make it? What if she dies?_

Gulf tried to calm himself. He needed to be strong for Poom’s mom.

\- What happened? – Gulf asked.

\- She was crossing the street when a car hit her – she answered quietly.

\- What about the driver?

\- He’s at the police station. Apparently, he was texting someone while driving and didn’t see her.

Gulf felt himself getting angry. Why did people do something like that?

A phone rang in the middle of the room.

\- I remind, please turn your phone’s into silent mode. Do not disturb the silence in the room – a nurse said.

Gulf took his phone out and without turning the screen on, turned his phone into silent mode.

\------------------**------------------

A couple of hours later, a doctor came out to the waiting room and asked for Poom’s family and friends.

\- We’re here – Poom’s mom said.

\- Sawadee khrub – Gulf waied the doctor.

\- Sawadee – the doctor returned the gesture – She’s ok. Her tibia was broken in two different places, so the surgery was for that. We also need to check her from time to time for a concussion.

\- Can we see her? – she asked.

\- Give us a couple of minutes to settle her in the room and I’ll come to find you, ok? – the kind doctor said.

Gulf felt like all his strength abandoned him and he sat on the chair trying to take his breath.

_She’s ok._

\- N’Gulf kha? – Poom’s mom called him.

\- Khrub?

\- Why don’t you go home and rest? You’ve been here with me for hours.

\- I’ll wait to see her and then I’ll go, aunty. Tomorrow I have work that I can’t miss, but I’ll come in the afternoon.

Work.

Mew.

Gulf jumped up from his chair and looked at the startled woman.

\- Oh my god! What time is it? – he said frantically.

\- It’s almost seven in the afternoon – she said worriedly.

_Fuck!_

\- Aunty I have to go now. I’ll come back tomorrow, na? Call me if anything happens.

\- Kha, N’Gulf. I’ll call you later.

\- Thank you – Gulf waied the woman before leaving the hospital.

Taking his phone out of his pocket he saw a bunch of notifications. A lot were from Twitter, others from LINE, and a lot of missed calls.

From Mew.

From Mild.

From Bosser.

From Jane.

He had forgotten he had put his phone in silent mode. And he didn’t call Mew to let him know what was happening.

_Gulf… you’re such an idiot._

Mew must have been out of his mind worried. Gulf had said he would be back at four in the afternoon and it was already so late.

Gulf reached the hospital entrance and tried calling Mew, when he realized he didn’t have reception there.

_What the hell?_

\- No reception? – Gulf said to himself.

\- Oh dear – the nurse at the front desk told him – We have a really bad reception here. We are still trying to fix that, but the reception comes and goes.

\- Khrub. Thanks.

So that meant, Mew would have been twice as worried if his phone seemed turned off at some moments.

Gulf left the hospital and found a taxi. He gave the driver Mew’s condo address while trying to call his boyfriend.

**“The number you’re calling…”**

Gulf hung up, frowning at his phone. Mew’s phone was turned off?

He tried again.

**“The number you’re calling…”**

Gulf’s heart sank.

_Is he mad at me?_

Gulf then tried to call Bosser.

“Hello? N’Gulf?” Boss picked up at the second ring.

\- P’Boss! Do you know where Mew is? – Gulf didn’t waste any time.

“What do you mean where Mew is? Where were you? Mew has been looking for you everywhere!” an agitated Boss told him.

\- Yes I see that now. I had a problem. I’ll tell you later. Now I’m going to Mew’s condo to talk to him.

“Didn’t you see the news?” Boss asked him.

\- News? – Gulf was confused – What news?

“Open the link I’m about to send you. I’ll keep trying to reach Mew. If I find him, I’ll call you”

\- Khrub, thank you P’Boss.

Gulf hung up the call with P’Boss and continued trying to reach Mew. His phone beeped with a message and Gulf opened the link Boss sent him.

\- What in the world…?

There was an article from a gossip blog with a picture in the beginning. In the picture was clearly HIM coming out of Mew’s condo building. The picture was from afar, and HE seemed upset.

Anger flowed inside Gulf. How dare HE go to Mew’s condo after everything HE had done?

But then another thought came to Gulf’s mind.

_Is Mew ok? He didn’t get another panic attack, right?_

Gulf was going to hunt HIM if he made Mew take a step back in his recovery.

He reached the condo and got out of the taxi. He went through the entrance when the lobby guard called for him.

\- Khun Gulf!

_Not now. I need to talk to Mew._

Gulf turned around and waited for the man to reach him.

\- Khun Gulf, Khun Mew has been looking for you.

\- Do you know where he is? – Gulf anxiously asked.

\- He came asking if I’ve seen you. I told him that you came, looked at something on your phone and went running through the door. After that, he went out and hasn’t come back.

\- When was all this? – Gulf asked.

\- A few hours ago.

Gulf waied the guard and went to Mew’s condo. He got in and called for his boyfriend, but only silence answered.

_Where are you?_

Gulf was starting to feel anguished with all the situation.

_Did HE say something to Mew and made him want to hide?_

But as the thought came into his head, he remembered what the guard had said.

_“He came asking if I’ve seen you. I told him that you came, **looked at something on your phone** and went running through the door. After that, he went out and hasn’t come back”_

Gulf’s heart sank.

_My phone._

_Did Mew think I saw the news and run away from him?_

His heartbeat sped up just thinking about his boyfriend. He had misunderstood everything.

_Oh my god. Why today of all days?_

Gulf quickly thought about who to call. He finally decided on Jane.

“Gulf! Oh my god! Where have you been?” Jane answered.

\- I’ll tell you later P’Jane. I need to find Mew.

“Mew? What about him? He called me a few hours ago”

\- His phone is turned off and he is not at his condo – tears of frustration started to pool in Gulf’s eyes.

“Turned off? He called me to ask if I had seen you. He was looking for you”

\- I know Phi. But I think he misunderstood something, I need to find him – Gulf couldn’t stand knowing Mew was somewhere thinking Gulf had left him.

“Well, think. Where would Mew go if he was looking for you?”

Gulf tried to calm himself and think.

\- Just as I tried to look for him at his condo, he might’ve gone to mine.

“Start there, Gulf. Call me if you find him”

\- Khrub Phi.

Gulf got out of the condo and tried to catch a taxi once more, this time to go to his own condo.

_Please be there._

Reaching his building, Gulf rapidly paid the man and got out of the taxi. He went running to the stairs, going up to his floor.

_Please…_

When he got to his condo, Gulf saw him, sitting on the floor with his back against his door. His head was between his knees and had his arms around them.

\- P’Mew… - Gulf said.

Mew seemed to hear him, because he raised his head, revealing two puffy and red eyes.

\- P’Mew! – Gulf went running and got to the floor in front of him.

\- P’Mew! I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to… - all the tension Gulf had accumulated for hours just exploded at that moment, seeing his boyfriend in front of him.

Gulf started crying. Crying with relief. Crying with regret.

Mew moved one of his hands, place it on top of Gulf’s head, and started stroking it.

\- I knew you would come back to me… - Mew said with a raspy voice.

\- What…? – Gulf said between sobs.

\- I was here, thinking while waiting for you. I started to have a panic attack, you know? Usually, I just hear HIS voice, telling me not to trust. Telling me how broken I am. How much of a failure I am.

Gulf kept quiet, tears still going down his cheeks.

\- But then I heard you – Mew said while looking into Gulf’s eyes – And your voice is so fucking loud.

\- Phi… - Gulf didn’t want to interrupt his words.

\- I don’t feel shattered anymore Gulf – Mew suddenly said.

Gulf was confused for a moment, but then he remembered one of their conversations.

_“Not everything can be fixed, Gulf. Don’t you know? When glass shatters there is no way to put the pieces back together to make it look like it used to. Sometimes it's better to not even try”_

\- Did you find a piece, Phi? – Gulf asked him.

\- More like I got rid of one – Mew said with a watery chuckle.

Gulf could only imagine Mew was talking about HIM.

\- Somehow I knew you would find me. I knew you wouldn’t leave me.

Gulf held his breath.

\- I need to tell you some things, and I think you do too, but before that, I wanted to tell you this.

Mew took Gulf’s face with his hands and glued their foreheads together.

\- I trust you, Gulf – Gulf eyes opened wide at that – And that’s bigger for me than an “I love you”.

Gulf hugged him while crying. He couldn’t believe it.

\- Phi… *sniff* I love you Phi… So much – Gulf said while crying.

He didn’t have a panic attack.

He didn’t believe Gulf had left him.

He trusted Gulf.

_Finally, he trusts me…_


	29. Feeling broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \- What happened Gulf? – Mew asked, genuinely confused.
> 
> \- Poom had a car accident.
> 
> Mew, alarmed, got up from the bed.
> 
> \- Alai wa?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Your writer here! ❤
> 
> I thought a lot about writing the scene from episode 11. It's such a powerful and complicated scene that I thought I wouldn't do it justice. But somehow, I convinced myself to just do my take on it.  
> This is how it turned out.  
> I'm not 100% satisfied with it, but it was just how it turned out. I hope you enjoy it nonetheless.
> 
> Dc: This is a fictional story based on true events.  
> Follow me on Twitter: @KlovesBl

**POV Gulf**

Gulf had never felt such desperation.

Desperation to prove his own feelings. To prove Mew’s feelings. Words weren’t enough anymore. Only actions could fulfill his heart.

Mew and he had spent so much time, just sitting there on the floor, caressing each other, confirming that the other one was there. Whispering warm and loving words into each other’s ears, just to prove that they were together, that nothing could pull them apart. Gulf had been a crying mess, his happiness palpable as he cried.

But suddenly, that hadn’t been enough anymore.

Mew had pulled him onto his lap so Gulf was straddling him. And then they had kissed. A passionate kiss that made them feel everything they couldn’t say out loud. Gulf poured everything he was feeling into the kiss. Everything had been so overwhelming.

Gulf had gone from worry to sad, to unbelievable happy in just a few minutes.

He needed Mew now more than ever.

Their kisses had tasted salty because of the tears. Both of their tears.

Mew’s hands were gentle on either side of his face, his lips soft and seeking. Even though they were almost the same size, Gulf always felt protected between Mew’s arms. Gulf let out a sigh, and Mew grabbed his boyfriend’s ears to slash his mouth over his.

\- Open for me – Mew said, flicking his tongue against his mouth.

Mew’s hands slid down until they were resting on his boyfriend’s thighs and Gulf could feel his hardening shaft pressed against his belly. But all of Gulf’s focus was on the sweetness of Mew’s mouth. His tongue dipped between Mew’s lips for the briefest of moments and teased him over and over until his Phi met him and intertwined their tongues.

Gulf heard a deep groan but he didn’t know who let it out. Mew’s fingers dug into his thighs, then his veiny hands were sliding carefully up his back. Gulf held his face as their mouth continued to dance together. When Gulf retreated his tongue, Mew’s followed.

Gulf moaned when Mew started exploring his mouth. He took over the kiss and he kissed him without hesitation nor finesse.

\- Gulf… - he breathed when they both came up for air. The awe in his voice made tears come back to Gulf’s eyes.

\- I know Phi… - Gulf answered – More.

\- Let’s go inside the condo.

Gulf had actually forgotten that they were sitting outside his condo’s door, making out in the hallway for everyone to see.

\- Khrub, Phi. Let’s get inside – Gulf agreed as he caressed his boyfriend's cheek.

He didn’t want to let go.

_Never._

\-------------------------**----------------------

**POV Mew**

After their loving activities, as they rested on the bed, Mew and Gulf talked about what had happened that day.

Their naked bodies were tangled together, with Gulf resting his head on Mew’s muscular chest. Mew was caressing his Nong’s back with a hand while Gulf softly placed kisses on any piece of exposed skin he could find.

\- What happened Gulf? – Mew asked, genuinely confused.

\- Poom had a car accident.

Mew, alarmed, got up from the bed.

\- Alai wa?!

Gulf pulled him back onto the bed and caressed his chest, trying to calm him down.

\- Her mom called me when I was arriving at your building. I was so scared, Phi – Gulf said shuddering. Mew hold him tighter, trying to send him some warm feelings – My mind just went black when I heard “accident”. My only thought was to get to the hospital and see with my own two eyes that she was alive.

Mew could only imagine feeling like that. Gulf had told him how important that girl was in his life. If he ever had a call telling him that Jane had been in a car accident…

He couldn’t even imagine how he would react.

\- I’m so sorry I didn’t call you… - Gulf kept speaking, explaining himself – It just… I couldn’t think… I wanted to be strong for Poom’s mom, I was holding on… - tears started to come out of his eyes.

\- Shhhhh… - Mew hugged him, hiding Gulf’s face on his neck – I understand. I’m not mad at you.

\- I never wanted you to even think *sob* I left you… - Gulf was starting to get upset.

Mew took his boyfriend's face with his hands and softly started to dry up the tears on his face.

\- I understand Gulf… Don’t blame yourself… It only hurts me to see you cry.

Gulf cried for a little while before calming down.

\- How is she though? – Mew asked him.

\- They did surgery on her leg and has a possible concussion. I wanna go tomorrow after work to see her – Gulf then looked up at his boyfriend – Would you go with me?

\- Of course, I wouldn’t let you go alone.

Gulf kissed his neck before whispering a “Thank you”.

\- What happened today, Phi? Why was HE in your condo building? – Gulf sat on the bed and looked at him – Did HE do something to you?

Mew smiled hearing the murdering voice of his boyfriend. Gulf could be a calm and rather introvert person, but he could bring his claws out whenever his precious ones were in any kind of danger.

Mew pulled him into a hug once again.

\- HE came asking for help. HE’s broke. HE also apologized to me for what happened a few months ago.

\- I’m gonna kill HIM – Gulf incorporated once again – The audacity! How dare HE come back after MONTHS to ask for forgiveness and help! – Gulf seemed ready to actually go and kill HIM.

Mew hugged him again, stopping his movements.

\- For once I didn’t care, Gulf.

\- What? – Gulf asked confused.

\- I felt… nothing. Not gratitude, not accomplishment. Nothing. HE was sitting there, telling me all the things I dreamt about HIM saying and all I could think about was you.

\- Me?

\- Your love did heal me, Gulf. If HE had come to me before I met you, I wouldn’t have been strong enough to deal with it. I wouldn’t have resisted helping him because I thought I loved him.

\- You thought?

\- I realized… I didn’t actually love him. What I felt for him wasn’t love. I only learned what love feels like when I met you – Mew took Gulf’s cheek in his hand and caressed it with his thumb – You taught me love isn’t selfish. Love is commitment and trust. Is feeling you could conquer the world if I have you by my side. I feel humbled and blessed that you chose to love me when I was just a shell of a man.

Gulf’s shinny eyes watched his boyfriend in wonder. Mew had come such a long way from the guy he had met that day at the audition.

\- I love you so much, Phi. I wish we could switch bodies just for a day so you could feel how much I do love you – Gulf whispered.

Mew glued their foreheads together.

\- I feel it every time you look at me.

\---------------------**--------------------

\- Her mom will be there? – Mew asked as he and Gulf wandered on the hospital’s hallway.

They had gone to set to do some scenes for episode 11, but as they did the first take for the break-up scene, MAME and Tee had decided they needed to do more study before doing the scene correctly.

_Mew had been drying his tears when MAME had approached him._

_\- N’Mew, can I talk to you?_

_\- Khrub, Phi._

_\- The take was done beautifully. I could feel Tharn’s heartbreak but there is something missing._

_\- Missing? – Mew said confused – What do you mean Phi?_

_\- Tharn isn’t just heartbroken in that scene Nong, it’s not as simple as that. Tharn believes Type is his all world. Remember these break-up things are a recurrent thing in his life. Type was supposed to be his last, but somehow he ended up driving him away too. His all world fell apart when Type walked out that door. I need you to pour all that into the scene. I’ll give you both a week to keep studying both Tharn and Type’s feelings in this scene. We’ll do another take later. I want you to call me if you need help._

_\- Khrub, Phi. I won’t let you down._

Mew had thought he had done a good job doing the scene, but apparently, he still needed something else to convince MAME.

\- Yes, aunty is inside the room – Gulf answered.

\- Poom knows about us, right? – Mew said – Does her mom know too?

\- No, she doesn’t. I only told Poom.

Gulf and Mew got inside the hospital room, where Poom’s mom was sitting next to the bed.

\- Sawadee khrub aunty – Gulf waied the older person.

\- Sawadee – Mew imitated the greeting.

\- Sawadee kha – she greeted back – N’Gulf, thanks for coming.

\- Khrub, aunty. This is my friend Mew Suppasit. We work together – Gulf introduced him.

\- Sawadee N’Mew. Thanks for coming too.

They both stood next to Poom’s bed, watching his fragile body covered with tubes.

\- How is she aunty? – Gulf asked, taking one of Poom’s hands in his.

\- She woke up last night for a moment, but then went back to unconsciousness – she said sadly – They’re still monitoring her for concussions.

\- I’m sure she’ll be fine, she’s a fighter – Gulf said.

Mew’s phone then vibrated in his pocket.

\- I’ll go out for a moment – Mew whispered to Gulf.

\- Ok.

Mew waied Poom’s mom before going outside the room. He reached for his phone in his pocket before looking at the screen.

**P’Boss calling…**

\- Khrub, P’Boss?

“Mew, where are you?”

\- I came to the hospital with Gulf – they had called Bosser the night before and explained to him what had happened.

“Is his friend ok?”

\- She’s hanging in there.

“The issue with the picture wasn’t as big as we thought”

\- What do you mean Phi?

“Some old fans commented, but nothing big happened. It helped that it was just a picture of HIM walking out of the condo and that you weren’t around. For now, if HE contacts you again, ignore him”

\- I will, Phi… - Mew answered, thoughtful.

“Is there something on your mind?”

\- Something has been bugging me all night, Phi.

“What is it?”

\- He referred to Gulf as my “little boyfriend”. How? No one besides you, P’Best, Poom, and Jane knows it, not even our family.

“He might just have said it in a mocking way. Pictures and videos from the workshops are all over the internet”

\- Maybe… - Mew didn’t sound convinced.

Gulf came out of the room at that moment.

\- I need to go Phi. Talk later.

“Ok Mew, Bye”

Mew walked to Gulf.

\- Should we go? – he asked his boyfriend.

\- Let’s go home, Phi. We still have some studying to do – Gulf said tiredly.

\- Let’s go, na.

As they were crossing the exit, Mew’s phone vibrated again. He took it out and looked at the screen.

**Jom calling…**

Mew hit the power button and slipped his phone back into his pocket.

\- Who was it, Phi? – Gulf asked.

\- No one.

\-----------------**---------------

A week later, Gulf and Mew were once again about to do the break-up scene for a second time. Mew couldn’t afford to do it wrongly again. He couldn’t make the team wait for him to do it right. There were still other scenes that needed to be filmed.

He had spent the week studying his character more deeply. He read the book and talked to MAME for hours, trying to understand Tharn’s feelings enough for him to totally break during the scene. He talked a lot with Gulf as well, trying to help him convey Type’s feelings during that moment. He wasn’t confident he could pull it off, but he was more than willing of doing his best try.

_\- Build your feelings, N’Mew. We’ll start when you’re ready – P’Tee had said a few moments ago._

Mew had taken his contacts off, as he needed to cry a lot for that scene. Crying with contacts on was a bit uncomfortable.

Mew sat on the floor, while the staff moved from one location to another, putting lights and making the set up ready for the scene.

_Tharn… it’s time._

**_I don’t want to do this._ **

_I know… but we have to._

Mew closed his eyes and tried to bring his inner Tharn back to life. His boyfriend had just caught him in a compromising position and had told him he wanted to break up.

Break-up. The word Tharn hated the most. He hated the feeling of being betrayed. The feeling of being all alone once again.

But this time he wasn’t betrayed. It was his fault. His fault for lying, for not had come clean with the love of his life. It was his fault that Type had cried. He didn’t scream, he didn’t throw punches… he had cried, looking at him with a hurt stare.

Mew opened his eyes and looked at Gulf, sitting on an armchair looking down. Mew got up from the floor and went to his boyfriend grabbing his hand. Mew sat on one of the arms of the chair, holding Gulf’s hand tightly.

Gulf squeezed his hand back. He was calling Type as well.

_What if one day I lose Gulf?_

His heart broke just with the thought. Gulf was his everything. The only person in his life that loved him without limits. The only person that understood him better than anyone.

If one day Gulf was gone… He would break into smaller pieces that would never find a way to pull back together

Mew pulled his glasses off his face and quietly said:

\- I’m ready.

\----------------------**---------------------

\- But I won’t take it anymore! – Type said while freeing himself from Tharn’s embrace.

He turned around, facing him.

\- This time, it’s a setup. But which of your exes will come crying to you next time?

**_I’m begging you…_ **

\- First, P’San was messing with my head. Now your old flame keeps bothering me. So who’s it going to be next time? Do you want me to lose my goddamn mind?

Type’s hurt eyes stared back at Tharn’s. His shiny eyes seemed to tell him to just let him go.

\- But I haven’t done anything.

**_I lied to you… that’s what I did._ **

\- That’s why I’m telling you… I can’t take it anymore. I don’t want to be a joke anymore.

Type didn’t identify himself as gay, after all, he was with Tharn because he loved him. Why did he have to fight so damn much for the one he loved?

\- Look at me. I’m a man. Do you think I want to be like this? To constantly get jealous? To keep telling everyone you’re mine? I’m fed up. Each day… I hate myself more and more.

**_Being with me… made him feel like that?_ **

\- And if we have to break up someday isn’t it better to do it now? Before we get in deeper. Before I lose myself more than I already have. Please let me go.

**_I have no right to hold him back._ **

\- Type… - Tharn’s voice trembled as he said his loved one’s name – I love you.

**_That’s all I can say… Isn’t it enough?_ **

Tharn did what he never thought he would do. He got to his knees and held Type’s hands in his.

**_If being with me made you feel like that… I’ll change my ways._ **

\- Please give me another chance – Tharn cried – Please give me one more chance. I promise… I won’t hurt you anymore. I won’t make you cry. So please don’t leave me. Don’t break up with me.

**_Let me fix it… this was all my fault._ **

\- Don’t break up with me – Tharn sobbed.

\- Don’t do this, Tharn – Type said – Don’t make me give up everything.

**_I’m really losing him._ **

Tharn hugged Type’s middle, desperate to make him stay.

\- Type… I will eat spicy food. I will eat raw food. I won’t be picky anymore. I will wake up early to wake you up every morning. I will learn how to cook for you. But please don’t leave me.

**_I don’t know how to live without you anymore._ **

\- Don’t break up with me Type – Tharn sobbed against Type’s hip.

Type cried above him. His face wrinkled with pain.

\- Everything I do… - he said slowly – I do it for you, Tharn.

Type then took Tharn’s hands and put them away from his body. Tharn sat on the floor, lifeless.

**_It’s useless._ **

Type got to his knees in front of Tharn. Tharn looked at him one more time, defeat in his eyes as Type took a hand to his cheek. Tharn could barely see anything through the tears.

**_If being with me makes him miserable… then I’ll let him go._ **

Type got up and went to the door. Tharn wouldn't dare stop him. It was better that way. Type had been miserable while being with him. This had been all his fault. If he hadn’t lied. If he hadn’t let Tar get him to feel pity for him.

**_I deserve this._ **

He brought this upon himself.

**_But I love him. I can’t live without him by my side._ **

Tharn sobbed on the floor, completely broken. Only silence accompanied him while his broken sobs sounded across the room.

*Cut*

**_Type, please come back._ **

\- Type… - he sobbed, hugging himself on the floor – Don’t leave me.

Mew got up from the floor, trying to get a hold of himself. He couldn’t separate himself from Tharn. It hurt. It felt like he was dying.

\- I can’t breathe… - he said.

Suddenly, a warm body collapsed against his. He knew that body. That was the body he held every night in his sleep. The body that gave him comfort and pleasure.

\- Shhhhh P’Mew… - he said in his ear.

\- Don’t… - Mew sobbed – Don’t go… don’t leave me.

**_Come back to me._ **

\- P’Mew… take a deep breath.

He continued to cry and cry, hugging his loved one’s body, tightly, like afraid he would evaporate in the air.

_Tharn… calm down. Go to sleep now._

**_But he left!_ **

_We’ll get him back… I promise._

Mew heard someone talk to Gulf beside them. Somehow a tissue was in his hand. He hugged Gulf tighter, not wanting to let go.

\- It’s ok, Phi… I’m here.

Mew eventually calmed down, enough to identify his own feelings from Tharn’s. He kissed Gulf’s neck for a moment, before releasing him.

Gulf looked at his eyes, searching for him.

\- I’m here Nong… - Mew said – I’m back.

Gulf took his hand and gave him a squeeze.

_Thanks for being here._


	30. Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gulf knew that Mew had grown apart from his parents, resulting in them having to work constantly and not have time for their kids. Besides, the gap had grown bigger when the scandal had happened and Mew had felt that his parents didn’t actually trust him.
> 
> But he didn’t understand the deal with his sister.
> 
> He had told Gulf that, once upon a time, he and his sister were close to each other.
> 
> What happened?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter is up! ❤
> 
> Thanks always for your support, kudos and comments. They fill my heart with warmth.
> 
> Dc: this is a fictional story based on true events.  
> Follow me on Twitter: @KlovesBl

**POV Gulf**

After filming episode 11’s break-up scene, Gulf was still in a weird mood. Type’s sadness and frustrations were still tingling on his skin.

But that was nothing, compared to the way Mew was probably feeling.

The drive back to the condo was quiet. Mew was still a bit gloomy and spent the whole trip looking out the window. Gulf could only drive and check on him every once in a while.

Gulf could understand the reasons why Mew was still in that state, even though he was out of character.

Mew hated losing someone he loved more than anything in the world… just like Tharn did.

Mew had told him countless times how scared he was of Gulf leaving him alone.

It took a lot of reassurance and promises from him, to convince Mew that there was no way Gulf would leave him alone.

Unless Mew asked it himself.

Gulf didn’t know how exactly Mew had done it to break himself apart like that, but he had to be deeply in touch with his inner Tharn to be able to act that way.

For Gulf, on the other way, it had been easy to connect with Type’s feelings. Being able to do anything for his lover, even if it costs him his own happiness, was something Gulf could relate with. Seeing his boyfriend’s face stained with tears and snot and not being able to do something to make it better, was literally hell on earth for him.

The only thing Gulf could do was to wait outside set, covering his mouth with his hand to not let out a whimper, until his boyfriend’s sobs were over. Silence surrounded the set while Mew cried, wishing for his boyfriend’s return.

After the scene was done, Gulf had not wasted time in going back in and hug his lover, trying to console him. He had been feeling sad himself, but bringing his boyfriend back from that sad place had been more important.

Even MAME had been worried about Mew at some point. Mew just kept crying and crying, clinging to Gulf, like afraid he would leave again.

When Gulf and Mew arrived at the condo, Gulf turned the car off and turned to face his Phi.

\- Phi? – he hesitantly asked – Are you ok?

Mew flinched like he had been sleeping and just had woken up because of Gulf’s voice.

\- Yes… - he said with a low voice – Let’s go inside.

Gulf hesitated for a moment, before getting out of the car and make his way up the condo with Mew by his side. He looked at him every now and then, trying to decipher his boyfriend’s mood.

They got inside the condo, and Mew just stood there for a moment, watching the floor while he took his shoes off.

Gulf looked at him concerned, not knowing what to say or do to make him talk to him.

\- Are you hungry, Phi? – Gulf took his shoes off as well, and turned around to face Mew – We can-

His words were cut by a pull in his right arm. With a ‘hump’, Gulf found himself flushed against Mew’s body. When he tried to pull a bit back to look at his face, Mew’s mouth came down to his. A surprised moan left Gulf’s mouth before he closed his eyes and started kissing back. Mew’s hands were on his face, his movements desperate and rough. Gulf could only go with the flow, letting Mew take what he needed from him to feel better.

Gulf’s hands found his Phi’s face, caressing it softly, trying to calm down the turmoil of feelings he had inside.

Mew moved them until Gulf’s back hit the wall at the entrance. He continued kissing him until they had to come out to breathe.

Taking in big gasps of air, Gulf looked at his boyfriend’s eyes.

They were still filled with sadness, pain, and despair.

_Tharn is still there._

\- I need you… - Mew said whispering.

Gulf smiled while his hand moved to Mew’s hair.

\- Take whatever you need from me, Phi – Gulf said – I’m yours.

\----------------**---------------

**POV Mew**

Lying in bed, Mew was hugging Gulf while hiding his face on the crook of his Nong’s neck.

Finally, his feeling had subsided. He had felt restless since he finished the scene, a heavy feeling inside his chest. Tharn’s and his emotions had been intertwined, not knowing which ones were his and which ones were Tharn’s.

The only thought in his head the whole trip had been:

_I need to make him mine._

_I need to hold him tight, tight enough he won’t walk away again._

Gulf’s quick surrender had calmed a lot of the raging feelings that had been flowing out of him. Seeing him, confidently giving himself to Mew, had reminded him that the events that happened that afternoon were all an act.

Gulf was there with him… he wasn’t going away.

\- Do you feel better, Phi? – Gulf asked.

Mew moved from his hiding place to look up at his cute boyfriend.

\- Yes, I do. I’m sorry I was in such a weird mood.

\- It’s ok, Phi. I’m glad I could help.

Gulf did help. His passion and pure love had helped him in more ways than he could think of.

\- I have to go pick up Minnie tomorrow afternoon. Poom’s mom is gonna stay at the hospital all night – Gulf said.

\- Minnie? – Mew asked.

\- That’s Poom’s cat. Someone has to take care of her. Can I bring her here tomorrow? It’ll be until I can take her to my parent’s so P’Grace can look out for her.

\- Sure… bring her here… - Mew said, thoughtful – How is Poom by the way?

Gulf let out a sigh.

\- They said her brain activity is good. They are just waiting for her to wake up – Gulf seemed sad.

Mew moved up from where he was… and hugged his Nong.

\- She’ll be fine, Gulf. Don’t think ahead. I’m sure nothing will happen to her.

Gulf hands held him tightly.

\- I hope so too, Phi. I miss her.

They laid there, hugging each other, Mew trying to give some reassurance to his Nong.

\- Do you like cats, Phi? – Gulf suddenly asked.

\- Hmmm… I do. But I prefer dogs. I have a pomeranian named Chopper.

\- I know, Phi – Gulf said smiling.

\- Oh, true. You’re my stalker fan – Mew said laughing softly.

\- Hey! I’m not a stalker. I’m just really compromised in supporting you – Gulf tried to tickle Mew.

\- Ok! Ok! – Mew moved away from his hands – Not a stalker!

\- But where is Chopper? I always wondered. Doesn’t he live with you?

Mew felt a ping of sadness while thinking about his precious pet.

\- He did. He used to live with me. I’m ashamed to say this, but a few months back I wasn’t even able to take care of myself, let alone a pet. I sent him to my family’s house so he was taken care of until I got my shit together.

\- Well… now I think you’re better – Gulf said slowly – Can’t you bring him back?

Just the thought of bringing his little fluff ball back with him sent him a wave of happiness all over his body.

But… there was a problem.

_I really don’t wanna go home._

\- I’ll think about it Nong. We are still pretty busy with work so I’m afraid that he would spend the days alone here.

\- I think between us two, we can manage it. I can see how much you miss him. Will you at least think about it?

Leave it to his Nong to find out his feelings even with him saying them out loud.

\- I’ll think about it, I promise.

\----------------**---------------

**POV Gulf**

\- How do you stand him? – Jane was saying to Gulf.

They had had a day off, and Mew had suggested they went to eat out with Jane. It had been a while since Gulf had seen her and he had missed her as well.

The had gone to visit Poom continually, whenever they had the chance. They had helped Poom’s mom with everything they could until her husband got back from his trip. She had profusely thanked them, stating she couldn’t have done it all on her own.

Poom had woken up a couple of days later, really confused, but alive and well.

Gulf had cried when he had found out. He had run to the hospital with Mew on his tracks, waiting to see his best friend once again.

_\- You’re such a cry baby – Poom had joked._

_\- Don’t do that again! Do you hear me? Look everywhere next time you want to cross the streets!_

_\- I know… I know… I’m sorry I made you worried Gulfie._

Mew and her had surprisingly hit it off quite quickly. Mew saw that she was no threat to him or his relationship, and had relaxed around her, enough to be himself with her.

That warmed Gulf’s heart.

\- What do you mean ‘how does he stand me’? – Mew asked.

P’Boss took his drink to his mouth to hide a smile.

Jane had appeared to their appointment with Bosser by her side, saying he was lonely and needed to go out more.

\- You can be difficult at times – Jane said rolling her eyes.

\- Aren’t you supposed to be on my side?

\- I’m on your side. I’m trying to make Gulf tell me all the things he thinks are your flaws so I can defend you.

\- Jeez, thanks – Mew said sarcastically.

Jane and Mew then turned to look at Gulf, expectantly.

\- I can’t complain – Gulf answered.

_There, better for everyone._

Mew smiled at him.

\- Mmmm… interesting – Jane said thoughtful, then she turned to Mew again – Jom is back in town, Mew. Did you see her already?

Gulf felt Mew tense beside him.

That was something that remained a mystery to Gulf.

Mew’s relationship with his family.

Gulf knew that Mew had grown apart from his parents, resulting in them having to work constantly and not have time for their kids. Besides, the gap had grown bigger when the scandal had happened and Mew had felt that his parents didn’t actually trust him.

But he didn’t understand the deal with his sister.

He had told Gulf that, once upon a time, he and his sister were close to each other.

_What happened?_

Even though Mew was such much better now than he was a few months ago, thanks to Gulf and the therapy he had been doing, he still had this family-shaped hole in his heart. Gulf could sense it.

He wanted to help, but every time he had tried to bring the issue in a conversation, Mew quickly changed the topic. Gulf didn't want to upset him any longer. Gulf was willing to wait until Mew told him himself.

\- I’ve been really busy lately. Maybe after we finish shooting TharnType – Mew rigidly answered her.

Gulf could see how uncomfortable Mew was with the topic, so he tried to change it.

\- We only have to film episode 12’s scenes and we are done – Gulf said cheerfully.

\- That’s great! Time does pass really quickly.

\- I’m going to the bathroom for a moment – Boss said, getting up from their table.

Mew, Gulf and Jane waited there for a few minutes, finishing their meal.

\- So… I wanted to tell you something Mew – Jane suddenly said.

\- Hmm? – Mew asked, without looking up from his plate.

\- The deal is… P’Boss and I are dating.

*cough* *cough* *cough*

Gulf rapidly hit Mew’s back, afraid he would choke.

\- Alai wa?? – Mew asked after getting a deep breath.

\- I’m back… Are we leaving? – P’Boss returned from the bathroom.

\- Wait a sec-

\- Yes! We can leave now. Let’s let them have some quality time together – Jane quickly said, not letting Mew speak.

\- But-

\- Bye Mew! Bye Gulf! – Jane said, almost dragging Bosser out of the restaurant.

\- Wha- wher- how!? – Mew was still in shock, even after they left.

\- I don’t know, Phi. I think they look good together – Gulf laughed quietly.

\- What? Why did I have to find out like this?

\- Look the brighter side, at least you didn’t find out because you caught them making out on a table – Gulf said with significant meaning in his eyes.

Mew kept quiet for a moment, before sighing.

\- That’s true.

\--------------**-------------

They got home after the ‘suddenly become date’ afternoon. Mew had been ranting all day about how Jane didn’t tell him about her and Bosser.

Gulf had only quietly listened to him while rolling his eyes occasionally.

They had the rest of the afternoon free, so they decided to play some games. It had been a while since they took their time and just played together. With the filming, the events, Mew’s master… days were all packed and they barely had time for themselves and their hobbies.

They had quarreled like they always did when they played videogames. Gulf was a little bit too serious about videogames. Luckily, Mew didn’t care, and usually just laughed at Gulf antics of trying to win a round of his favorite game.

Late in the evening, after eating they were lying on the couch, cuddled, watching a movie while eating butter popcorn. They were Gulf’s favorites, even though he always complained afterward when a pimple showed up on his face. But Gulf wanted butter popcorn, so Mew had bought him butter popcorn.

\- Let me go to the bathroom real quick – Mew said while pausing the movie.

\- Are you sure you wanna move?

Gulf was practically on top of Mew, while they were lying on the couch in front of the TV.

\- As much as I love your proximity, my bladder doesn’t feel the same way.

Gulf pouted for a moment, before getting off Mew.

\- Come back quickly, I wanna know what happened.

\- Yes, sir – Mew laughed.

Mew was gone for a few minutes when Gulf heard the doorbell in the distance.

_Who could it be? It’s really late._

Gulf got up from the couch and went to open the door. Standing there, was a young man, shorter than him but really handsome.

\- Hi… Can I help you? – Gulf politely said.

\- Umm… - the man hesitated – Is this Mew Suppasit’s condo?

\- Yes, it is. He’s just in the bathroom – the man seemed nervous being there.

\- Hey, Gulf! Was that the doorbell I just heard…? – Mew’s voice went south when he stood behind Gulf and stared at the person on the door.

\- Hi Mew.

\- Boom… what are you doing here?


	31. Let me help you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He knew prying into their conversation was not a nice thing to do, but he didn’t like Mew’s expression when he saw Boom at the door. He didn’t know the guy at all, but if he said or did something to upset Mew, he was going to have to answer to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter is finally up! ❤❤
> 
> TW// 🔞 content
> 
> Thanks always for your comments and kudos, they mean a lot.
> 
> Dc: This is a fictional story based on true events  
> Follow me on Twitter: @KlovesBl

**POV Gulf**

They had been just sitting in the living room for minutes now.

Mew had been utterly surprised when he saw who was at the door. This Boom guy seemed to know him very well, or so Gulf thought. But, it didn’t seem to be any animosity between the two men. They were just really awkward with each other.

Gulf had given them some privacy, thinking Boom wouldn’t talk if Gulf was around. It was understandable, after all, the guy didn’t know him at all.

Gulf had gone to the kitchen, stalling for a few minutes, to give them time. He was preparing some tea and a snack for them, paying attention to the living room, waiting for them to start talking.

He knew prying into their conversation was not a nice thing to do, but he didn’t like Mew’s expression when he saw Boom at the door. He didn’t know the guy at all, but if he said or did something to upset Mew, he was going to have to answer to him.

Gulf took all the time he could to prepare the snacks and went to where his boyfriend and Boom were still sitting, still quiet.

\- I brought some tea for you guys – Gulf broke the silence. Then he turned around and looked at Mew – I’m gonna be in the bedroom, call if you need something.

Mew looked at him thankfully and nodded.

Gulf smiled at his boyfriend and waied Boom.

As he was walking to their bedroom, Gulf heard his boyfriend start the conversation.

\- Why are you here Boom?

Gulf stopped in his tracks and waited for an answer.

\- I needed to talk to you – Boom finally answered – And I knew you wouldn’t pick up the phone if I called.

Gulf pressed his back on the hallway wall, waiting for someone to enlighten him. Gulf was getting tired of waiting. Waiting for Mew to tell him what was wrong with him. Waiting to know the reason behind those calls he always rejected. Waiting for Mew to open up to him.

Gulf was confident Mew trusted him. Mew had said it himself. So, if he wasn’t able to talk about the matter, was because he wasn’t ready to do it. Gulf didn’t want to pressure him.

\- You should’ve taken the hint – Mew said.

Gulf was surprised by the hollow tone of voice his boyfriend was using. He didn’t like it one bit.

\- She wants to see you – Boom just said.

Gulf took that moment to turn his head to the living room and look the expression on Mew’s face when he heard that. The number of emotions he could see in his boyfriend’s face was overwhelming. There was longing, regret, fear, and pain.

Gulf’s heart hurt because of it.

Thinking he had pried too much already, Gulf made his way to the bedroom. He sat on the bed, thinking about what he just heard.

_Who’s this Boom guy?_

If there was something Gulf didn’t know much about his boyfriend was his relationship with his family. He knew the basics, of course, but there was more than meets the eye. Mew tended to change the topic when Gulf asked about it. Gulf had wanted to give him time, give him space, let him be the one that comes to him and tells him everything.

But maybe now that wasn’t enough.

It was in Gulf’s blood the need to fix whatever was hurting Mew. He knew his boyfriend would probably be mad at him, but Gulf was willing to go through that if in the end, he could help him. 

Gulf took out his phone and looked for a specific person in his contact list, then pressed call.

He waited, and after two rings he heard a “Hello?”.

\- Hi Phi. Sorry for calling you so late… but I need to ask you something.

\--------------------------------**-------------------------------

The next day Gulf went to his appointment. They met in a coffee shop near her workplace. Mew had had to go to his university to finish some paper he needed to submit for his degree, so that gave Gulf a few hours to find some answers for himself.

\- Do you want something to drink? – Jane asked him.

\- I’ll have an iced coffee, Phi – Gulf answered.

After they ordered their drinks, they sat there for a few minutes. Jane was clearly waiting for Gulf to arrange his thoughts.

\- Phi… - Gulf started to say.

\- Hmm? – Jane hummed.

\- Do you know a guy named Boom?

Jane opened her eyes wide, stunned. She seemed surprised that that name had come out of Gulf’s mouth. She clearly knew who he was.

\- How do you know Boom? Did Mew introduce you to him? – she asked.

\- He came by the condo yesterday… - Gulf looked down at his drink – They talked, but I wasn’t there. I didn’t want to make things uncomfortable for them.

\- But you’re still worried – Jane said.

Gulf just nodded.

He was beyond worried.

\- Mew wouldn’t tell me who that guy was. He had this hunted look on his face when he finished talking to him. But there is nothing I can do if he doesn’t talk to me – Gulf felt frustrated with the situation.

Jane took her time, looking at Gulf’s face, probably deliberating on what to tell him.

\- Boom is Mew’s sister's boyfriend – she finally said.

Gulf looked up, letting out a surprised gasp.

\- Jom?

\- Do you know her? – Jane asked him.

\- I know of her… - Gulf corrected her – Never met before, though. She had called Mew a couple of times… but Mew always sends her to voicemail.

Jane looked outside the window for a moment before talking.

\- Jom was everything to Mew while growing up, you know? Even though I only got to meet them when I and Mew were teenagers, I could see how much they loved each other. Mew’s parents were always busy working, so they took care of each other constantly. It was endearing to see – Jane took a moment and looked at Gulf – When I was 23, I went back to Canada to make a master degree. It took me over a year. When I left, they were as they always were, everything was normal. When I came back, things had changed. Mew was living alone in a condo and Jom had left for Europe with Boom to finish college. When I asked him what happened, he just told me she and Boom were together and wanted time for themselves. But things weren’t the same. Like… I could feel something changed.

\- What happened?

\- I don’t know either Gulf. The only person that can answer that question for you is Mew himself – Jane eyes were sad – I know there is more to that story. But I can’t make him tell me. Jom wouldn’t say anything either.

\- You’ve seen her?

\- She came back a few weeks ago from Europe. She finished her degree. I talked to her the other day.

Gulf sat there for a few minutes, lost in thoughts.

\- Gulf – Jane called him.

Gulf looked up at her.

\- If there is someone that can help Mew with this… is you. Only you can heal his broken heart. Only you can make him complete again.

\- I don’t know what to do… - his voice came out so tiny, fear creeping over his heart – What if the only thing I do is making things worse for him?

Jane took the hand Gulf had on the table.

\- You would never do that. You love him. I can see it – she squeezed his hand – Give that man his family back, na?

Gulf’s watery eyes looked at Jane, with renewed confidence.

\- I’ll do what I can, Phi.

\-----------------------**---------------------

After talking with Jane, Gulf came back to Mew’s condo. He kept thinking about what to do, all the trip from the coffee shop to the condo.

How to address the issue to Mew without upsetting him?

He didn’t know what to do, but he was convinced he had to do something. He couldn’t stand seeing his boyfriend look so down and hunted.

He got out of the taxi and after he paid the driver, he went to the condo. When he pushed the door’s code and got inside, he noticed Mew sitting on the living room’s couch, looking at something on his phone.

\- Aow? You’re already here? – Gulf said surprised. He thought it would take his boyfriend a little more time to finish his assignment.

\- Yeah… got here a while ago – Mew said without looking up.

Gulf left his bag on the floor and sat beside Mew on the couch.

\- How was your day? – Mew asked nonchalantly.

\- Good. I went to see Mild – Gulf said.

\- Hmm, really? – Mew looked at Gulf – Because Mild went out with Boat today, it’s all over his social media.

Gulf tensed and closed his eyes.

_Fuck me._

\- Where were you today? – Mew sounded mad at that point.

Gulf let out a defeated breath.

\- I went to see P’Jane.

\- Ohhh… - Mew nodded – And what for?

Gulf hesitated about what to answer, but he already had been caught lying, so he just told him the truth.

\- I went to ask her about your family and Jom – Gulf finally answered.

\- Damn it, Gulf! – Mew got up from the couch and walked around the room agitated.

\- Don’t yell at me, you know I don’t like it – Gulf said as calmly as he could.

\- Why are you pushing this matter, huh?! I told you I didn’t want to talk about it!

\- Precisely! – Gulf raised his voice too, upset – You won’t tell me a thing! Do you want me to just see you struggle and do nothing about it? I can’t!

\- I’m asking you to! This is not something that concerns you.

_Ouch._

That hit Gulf like a rock thrown to his heart.

\- Not my concern? – Gulf asked carefully - Am I your friend?

\- What?

\- Answer me.

\- No.

\- Am I your co-worker?

\- No.

\- Am I your brother?

Mew took a moment before he answered.

\- No.

\- Who am I, then?

\- You’re… - Mew looked at him – My boyfriend.

\- Right. I’m your boyfriend. The person that loves you more than anybody else in this world. The person who has been by your side when you have needed it. The person you said you trust.

Mew seemed to have calmed a bit. His eyes were watery.

\- Are you asking me to just watch you hurt and not do something about it? – Gulf continued – I’m sorry, but I can’t. I’m not that cold-blooded. When I see you hurting I need to do something to fix it… - Gulf voice cracked for a moment – I’m sorry my worries made you feel pressured. I won’t do it again.

Without waiting for Mew to say something, Gulf turned around and went to the bedroom. He needed some time alone. He needed to think and reflect on his actions. He took a towel and some clothes and went to the bathroom to take a shower.

Under the warm water, Gulf let out some tears of frustration. He wasn’t exactly mad at Mew. He was upset and frustrated. He knew Mew was scared, but he didn’t know why. Gulf took a deep breath and tried to calm his raging feelings.

_I need to calm down and try to talk to him again._

He was so deep in his thoughts that he didn’t hear when the curtain was pulled apart and a very naked Mew came inside the shower. He just felt his naked body pressed against his back while he hugged him tightly around his middle. Mew pressed butterfly kissed around his neck while his hands caressed his tummy.

\- I’m sorry… - Mew whispered, his voice full with regret.

Gulf swallowed and sniffled for a moment, waiting for his boyfriend to talk. He didn’t move, and rested his arms on his side, not returning Mew’s attentions.

\- I’m so scared of what you may think about me if I tell you – Mew hid his head on the crook of Gulf’s neck – Wouldn’t you try to figure things out by yourself if you felt like this?

Gulf thought about it for a moment.

\- Probably, I would. But the question is: would you be able to just ignore it? – Gulf said.

Mew stilled for a moment before answering.

\- No… I wouldn’t. I would try to help you in any way I can.

\- That’s how I felt. I can see this is hurting you Phi. And whatever thing hurts you, it hurts me too.

Mew just hid his face on his neck, tightening the hug. Gulf could feel him trembling. He lifted his hands to where Mew's were and squeezed them, unable to stay mad at him.

\- Let me help you, Phi. I have strong shoulders too; I can help you carry whatever problems you have.

Mew took a moment, and then slowly nodded. Gulf let out a relieved smile and turned around in his arms. Taking his face with his hands, Gulf stared at his boyfriend’s eyes.

\- Stop being afraid of whatever you think is gonna send me running to the hills. Is not going to happen – Gulf caressed Mew’s cheeks – I’m so not gonna let all my effort go to the toilet. Do you know how long it took me to be with you?

Mew let out a trembling laugh.

\- I’m glad this time you chose to come after me instead of worrying all by yourself if I was gonna leave you because of a fight.

\- The only thing inside my head was getting to you – Mew looked down – I’m sorry I said it was not your concern. Of course, it is.

\- Shhh… it’s ok Phi.

Gulf mouth crashed down to his boyfriend’s. Mew had shaved that morning, so his face was smooth with no stubble at all. Gulf kind of missed it, he liked it when his stubble scratched his face. Mew took control of the kiss and Gulf let out a groan inside his mouth.

\- Lube? Condom? – Mew asked.

\- Where the shampoo is.

Mew pulled him under the spray and kissed him hard. His tongue met Gulf’s, and his hands wandered over his body. His tummy contracted and hardened beneath his fingers, and then he went lower to Gulf’s ass.

Gulf lifted a hand to look for a condom and put it on his boyfriend, trying to do things quickly, no able to wait any longer. Mew had taken his time stretching Gulf for their activities while Gulf had been looking out for the condom.

\- Wrap your legs around me – Mew said, coming out like an order.

With the help of Mew’s veiny hands around his thighs, Gulf did as he said. He moved them until Gulf’s back is against the tile wall. When Gulf’s legs were around his back, Mew held him up with one hand, while the other reached for his shaft and in one swift and glorious motion, Gulf’s tight heat surrounded him.

\- This has to be fast. Not only I’m close, but you’re also really heavy – Mew teased.

Gulf laughed, and the movement made Mew moan.

Mew’s head fell to his shoulder as his hips moved in short and shallow thrusts. He closed his eyes, probably wanting to make the moment last longer. Gulf took himself in his hand and moved it up and down, repeating the motion over and over.

Mew’s hips moved forward and picked up the pace.

\- This angle… - Gulf whimpered – I’m gonna…

Gulf was cut off by his orgasm ripping through him. His ass tightened on Mew, and he grunted as he chased his own release. Gulf grabbed Mew’s shoulder for leverage as his boyfriend pounded into him with everything he got. When Mew finally stilled, he let out a loud groan.

They just stood there, without moving, breathing hard.

\- I think I pulled something – Mew said.

\- If you end up injured because of this, remember it was your idea – Gulf told him laughing.

\- I know…

Mew pulled out of Gulf’s body and let him stand on the floor.

\- Let’s finish cleaning up. We still need to talk – Gulf said.

Mew looked at Gulf’s eyes before saying:

\- I know.


	32. What happened to Jom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally, the story of what happened with Jom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ‼PLEASE READ BEFORE GETTING INTO THE CHAPTER‼
> 
> TW: Harassment, self-harming.
> 
> This is probably the most difficult chapter I've ever written.
> 
> I took my time to think about this particular storyline. I always had in mind doing something for Mew-Jom. Mew's trust issues can't just be because of HIM and his little devil things. Mew's problems with his family are more profound than we think.
> 
> I knew after starting this story that I wanted to include a self-harming line. This particular topic hits me personally, as I saw my best friend go through this for years. Self-harming is a coping mechanism. It can have a lot of triggers, but the most common one is to deal with stress and emotional pain. The people that do this, most of the time are suffering. My best friend did it as a way to deal with stress. All the things she got going on in her life were too much for her. I was the one that found out, even before her family, and the one that helped her find someone to help her deal with it. I stood by her for months, trying to help. 
> 
> Today, she's much better. She found healthier ways to deal with stress. 
> 
> This won't be the last chapter where I talk about it. I won't go into detail, but there will be mentions of it.
> 
> I took my time thinking if I should include this in this story. I talked to my friends (and readers) Mar @RanaWaanjai, Jess @KookieTime8 and Stef @mewguIfie about my worries. I thought this particular topic would be too much for my readers. All three of them told me different things, but the essence was the same.
> 
> "Stay true to your writing"
> 
> Thanks to all of them for listening to me when I needed you to. And for always support my story. I love you all ❤
> 
> Beyond this ass long note, I hope you enjoy the chapter. If the topic is too much for you, please skip it.
> 
> @KlovesBl

**POV Mew**

After they left the bathroom, all dried up, Mew started to feel like he was meeting his final moments with Gulf. He felt like there was no way Gulf would look at him the same way after Mew told him what had happened with his sister, and his involvement in it.

It was raining outside, matching the gloomy mood they were wrapped up in. Thunders could be heard in the distance, making Mew snap every now and then.

\- I can’t do this face to face – Mew muttered.

Gulf hesitated and then reached behind him to turn the lights off.

\- Come here – he murmured as he reached for Mew’s hand.

Mew kicked off his shoes and followed his boyfriend as he lay down on the bed. Mew settled his back against Gulf’s front and breathed in a sigh of relief when Gulf’s arms came around him in a familiar hold.

They lay there for a while as the storm quieted. Lighting occasionally illuminated the room. Gulf didn’t rush him, for which Mew was grateful. Mew tried to work up all the courage he had in him, to be just half as brave as Gulf said he was. Shame curled through him as he sucked in oxygen and found the words he needed to say.

\- I’ve known I wanted to work in the entertainment industry since I was a teenager. I’ve always loved music and movies. They were so fascinating to me. The thought of reaching so many people through my work motivated me to keep trying – Mew thought about his beginning, how much he struggled – It wasn’t until I was 21 that I found someone that helped me get into this world. His name was Amp.

Mew remember the day like it was yesterday, how the man had found him around Siam and gave him his card to contact him if he wanted to work as a model.

\- He was really nice to me. He told me I had a future because of my good looks. So I started working as a model almost immediately. I appeared in little commercials and spots, nothing fancy but I was over the moon. I felt so happy about it. The feeling of being in front of a camera was intoxicating. I knew pretty soon that’s what I wanted to do with my life.

Mew went silent for a second, trying to hold back his feelings. Gulf, silent until that moment, tightened his hold around Mew.

\- What happened? – Gulf whispered.

\- I worked with Amp for 2 years. He was my manager before I met P’Boss. He was like the older brother I never had. I’ve always had to be the responsible one, the mature one, always taking care of everyone else. It felt nice to let go for a while and leaned to someone.

Mew started shaking after saying the last sentence. He was about to enter the ugly and bad of that particular story, and he hoped Gulf could find it in him to forgive him for his mistakes.

\-------------------**------------------

**POV Gulf**

Gulf tried to prepare himself for whatever Mew was about to tell him. It had to be something really bad if it affected Mew that way. Gulf found himself holding him tighter and dropping his face to the back of his neck.

\- I’m here – he said against his skin.

Mew took a deep breath before speaking again.

\- Me and Jom have always been really close to each other. We used to be glued by the hip while growing up. She was always such a good kid, she was calm and sweet, never got in trouble. After I started working, I noticed she became more reserved. Her smiles dimmed, never actually reaching her eyes. She barely talked to me, as much as I tried it was useless. She was always out of the house, with friends, at school, never home when I was around. I tried to talk to her so many times… “I’m fine” that’s what she always said. I actually started to despise that word. “Fine”, she wasn’t fine and I knew it. But I just thought it was because she was missing our parents, or because she missed our time together as I was always too busy with work. One day, I came back from work a little early. I had a photoshoot that day, but the cameraman had a problem and we got to finish earlier.

Gulf’s stomach dropped out because he could feel something bad was coming.

\- I got inside the house – Mew’s voice broke as he sucked in a sob – It was empty when I walked in, but I could hear voices coming from upstairs. One of them was coming from my sister Jom, the other one was the voice of a man I thought I could trust.

Mew began sucking in deep breaths of air. Gulf turned him around so he was facing him and pulled him to his chest.

\- It’s ok. Breathe. You’re here with me – tears blurred Gulf’s vision, just for seeing Mew like that. Mew nodded before starting speaking again.

\- I walked inside Jom’s room. Amp had his hands wrapped around her wrists and she was fighting him to let her go. At first, I couldn’t believe what my eyes were seeing. Amp was supposed to be my friend, my brother. He wouldn’t do that to my sister. But the more I took in the scene in front of me the more I got angry. I don’t remember much about what happened next. I remember Jom yelling at me to stop, and suddenly Boom was there pulling me away from Amp. Apparently, Jom called him before Amp got to my house.

Disgust filtered through Gulf’s every cell and nerve. He was beyond horrified by what Mew was telling him. But his boyfriend needed him to be strong for him. He reached his hair and started to caress it.

\- Finish it – Gulf told him.

\- Boom called the police. They came to the house and took Amp away. He was mad and screaming he was gonna sue me. He told me I would regret it.

\- Did he?

Mew shook his head.

\----------------**----------------

**POV Mew**

It was getting harder and harder to keep going with the story.

\- He didn’t have a case. I just sat there on my sister’s bedroom floor, thinking about what had happened. Jom just looked at me with sad eyes.

_\- Since when? – Mew had asked her._

_Jom eyes had filled with tears, but she didn’t let them fall._

_\- It started a year ago after the new semester started._

_Mew had closed his eyes. A year. A fucking year._

_\- Did he ever…?_

_\- No – Jom quickly cut him – He didn’t. He just… tried really hard to make me go out with him. He used to tell me he could give you hardships if I kept refusing. I know how hard you worked for your dream Phi… I didn’t want that gone._

_\- You’re telling me, he has been harassing you for a year, and you never told me because of my work?_

_Mew’s heart broke at the thought. He was the worst big brother ever._

_\- I… - Jom was barely holding it together._

_\- Did you actually think my job was more important to me than you?_

_Mew looked down in despair and saw, for the first time in a long time, Jom’s exposed arms. The sleeves of her shirt were rolled up, probably from the struggle of the fight. Jom had been using long sleeve shirts almost every day for a while, even on the hottest days._

_Mew, slowly, took her arm in his hand. She tried to take it away from his hold, but it was too late. Mew had already seen the light straight lines on her arms._

_Mew looked up at her and saw shame and pain in her eyes._

_\- What is this? – he had asked._

Mew was brought back from the memory by Gulf’s words.

\- So that Amp guy had been harassing her for a while?

Mew nodded.

\- She was in such pain, Gulf – Mew’s lip wobbled – She went through that because she didn’t want me to lose my dream. I sat across her every day at breakfast and watched her empty eyes without doing a thing. I thought she was stressed with college admissions, I thought she missed me or our parents, but I never thought she was suffering like that.

\- You couldn’t have known Phi. She hid it from you.

\- She cut herself – Mew let out in a painful whisper.

Gulf held a breath at that.

\- What?

\- She was I such despair, she needed to let it out somehow, and that’s the way she found. She told me physical pain was much bearable than emotional one. I found light scars on her arms. You can’t almost see them unless you pay close attention to them. But they are there, they are proof of my sister’s pain – Mew let out a gut-wrenching sob and started to cry.

Gulf just held him the best he could. He kissed his temple, his face, everywhere he could reach. He whispered how much he loved him, how much he cared for him.

Mew didn’t deserve that. It had been all his fault.

\- I’m the worst brother ever – Mew said between sobs.

Gulf tried to move them on the bed.

\- Move toward the headboard – Gulf told him.

Mew did as he said. He leaned his back against the headboard and stretched his legs out in front of him. He was expecting Gulf to do the same thing next to him, but he surprised him when he carefully straddled his lap. His knees came to rest next to Mew’s hips and his arms wrapped around his neck. He then pressed his forehead against his.

In any other scenario, the position would have turned Mew on, but sex was the very last thing on his mind, and he knew it wasn’t on Gulf’s either.

No, Gulf picked the position for a reason. Maybe, because he knew Mew needed him to be as close to him as possible.

\- Why don’t you want to see her now?

Mew took a moment to digest the question. That was a rather complicated question to answer.

\- I feel guilty. A man I brought into her life made her miserable enough to make her… do that – he couldn’t say it again – I should have known. I should have talked to her.

\- You’re not a mind reader Phi.

\- Still.

\- That’s not the only reason, right?

Mew looked at Gulf surprised.

_How does he know?_

\- You feel like you can’t trust her now, am I right? – Gulf continued.

Tears fell to Mew’s cheeks once again.

\- She didn’t come to you when that happened, so you feel betrayed by her too.

\- I’m the worst – Mew cried.

Gulf moved forward and hugged him.

\- No Phi. You’re a human – Gulf kissed his neck – Feelings aren’t rational most of the time.

\- She went through that and all I can think is why didn’t she trust me. I’m selfish.

\- But you feel guilty for feeling like that, right?

How was Gulf doing that?

\- You’re not selfish P’Mew. You’re the most selfless person I know.

\-----------------**---------------

**POV Gulf**

Gulf’s heart was breaking for his poor boyfriend.

_So much suffering, so much pain…_

He could still remember a line from TharnType.

_Too many heartbreaks can kill you._

His Phi was the strongest man he had ever met. Gulf could see why Mew had so many problems trusting people. It wasn’t just HIM. It was so much more.

Now, Mew not wanting to go back home made a lot of sense.

\- What happened after all that?

Mew took a moment to compose himself.

\- We got a restraining order against Amp. He had a bunch of connections, so he didn’t do time in jail. But he got fired from the agency.

\- Good – Gulf said.

\- Jom started doing therapy after all happened. She told me it was helping her deal with the compulsion. She also found Boom.

\- Her boyfriend?

\- Boom has been my friend since high school. Apparently, he has always had a thing for my sister but never did something about it, fearing my reaction. After everything happened, he finally did something about it.

\- How do you feel about that?

\- I’m glad. Boom is a great man, and he genuinely cares about my sister. He helped her deal with all her issues.

Gulf pulled back and watched Mew’s eyes.

\- Won’t you go talk to her?

Mew’s eyes clouded with regret and longing.

\- I can’t right now, Gulf.

Gulf moved forward and pecked his boyfriend’s lips. They were soft and a bit salty from his tears.

\- Whenever you feel ready, I’ll go with you.

\- I can believe you’re still here – Mew looked down.

Gulf smiled and took Mew’s cheek in his hand.

\- Loving you doesn’t mean I only love the good parts of you P’Mew. Loving you means to accept everything about you. Good and bad – Mew wrinkled his face – You’re so strong Phi. The strongest person I know.

\- Don’t say that – Mew whispered.

\- But it’s true. There is no way I would be able to trust someone ever again if I’ve gone through what you went through. But somehow you trust me.

Mew closed his eyes and leaned forward, pressing their foreheads together once again.

\- You made it pretty easy for me, Gulf. And I’m beyond grateful I got to meet you.


	33. Goodbye TharnType

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was finally the last filming day. They had done all the final scenes, wrapping everything up. Tharn and Type would have a wonderful, uneventful, life together.
> 
> Mew had been feeling some type of way since that morning.
> 
> He was kind of sad. He felt down about letting Tharn go. That role had meant so much for him.
> 
> A second chance. At acting. At love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, another chapter is up. It had taken me a long time to do because:  
> 1\. I was on vacation  
> 2\. I'm still having side effects because of the medication.
> 
> But I wanted to make an update, otherwise, you guys would forget about me 😅
> 
> I'm sorry about the heavy ass chapter last time, I tried to make this one as light and fluffy as I could 😊  
> Enjoy!
> 
> Dc: This is a fictional story based on true events.  
> Follow me on Twitter: @KlovesBl

**POV Gulf**

Days went by in a flash for Gulf. Guess it is true what they say.

Time flies when you’re happy.

Their days were amazingly happy. They were almost finishing filming the series, with only a few scenes to complete.

_Mew was summoning his inner Tharn for the scene where he comes back home after breaking up with Type. It was a difficult scene to do, after all, Tharn was heartbroken and sad. Mew had told Gulf that he hated doing scenes like that one._

_“I don’t like remembering the feeling of being broken” he had told Gulf._

_He had said that even though those feelings weren’t his but Tharn’s, he could still remember feeling the same way not so long ago._

_But he was a professional, and he would do the scene._

_Gulf had come along with him as moral support, even though he didn’t have any scenes to film that day. He had known Mew would probably need him, so he wanted to be able to give him some comfort._

_Seeing him cry once again had been painful for Gulf. His inner Type was crying as well, devastated for his boyfriend’s suffering. The sobs had been audible and loud, making everyone understand the level of pain he was into._

_After the scene was over, Gulf rapidly went to where Mew was kneeling on the floor and took his arm, waiting for him to get up. He couldn’t wait to hug him; to tell him everything was ok… that they were ok._

_The hug Mew gave him that day, was one of the tightest, most desperate ones. Like he wanted to make sure, Gulf wasn’t going anywhere._

But that wasn’t the only difficult scene left to film. Gulf could still remember that particular scene that took almost two days to film. They were exhausted, physically, and emotionally, but somehow they pull it through. They had each other for comfort, as the scene was heavy with a lot of mixed emotions for Tharn as well as for Type. They had to stop every now and then to adjust Gulf’s make up. Kaownah had to use a bit of pressure while strangling him, making his skin go red. Mew had been beyond worried while seeing his neck, despite Gulf assuring him he was alright.

_Mew had been hiding his face on the crook of Gulf’s neck while hugging him when Gulf heard someone say:_

_\- What are you doing? – P’Vee had asked._

_Gulf had kept caressing Mew’s back, soothing him down._

_\- He was sad – Gulf had answered._

_\- So you comforted him, right?_

_\- Yes_

_They had been left alone after that, leaving Gulf taking some strength from his boyfriend’s scent and feel. His inner Type had been calm, like sensing the ending of his and Tharn’s miserable stage._

But as complicated as the scene might have been, the most difficult thing for Gulf had been trying not to cry while seeing Mew happy tears for Type’s love confession.

_\- I never said I love you? – Type had asked._

_\- You never did – Tharn had confirmed._

_\- Then consider I already said it._

_\- Come on, Type. Don’t cheat – Tharn had whined – Say it again, naaaaa._

_Tharn had looked at him with lost puppy eyes before repeating:_

_\- Naaaaa?_

_\- Listen carefully, I won’t repeat._

_Type had reached for Tharn’s face, pulling him until their foreheads were pressed together._

_\- I love you… you asshole Tharn – Type had said with a smile._

_The most amazing smile covered Tharn’s face after hearing that. He reached for Type by the waist and pulled him closer, taking his cheek with his veiny hand._

_At some point, his smile turned into a grimace as he released a sob._

_\- Crybaby – Type couldn’t help but tease._

_Mew cried for a few minutes, making Gulf watch his damp face with a little smile. Gulf recognized his boyfriend over the acting, making him think that maybe Mew got his feelings a little mixed up again._

_\- Why are you crying? – Gulf asked with a smile, realizing later, that Type wasn’t supposed to say that._

Now, they only needed to wait for the special guests, Saint and Mean, to film the final scenes for the series and they would be done. The thought made Gulf a little sad, not being able to work again with the people that had taught him so much, and who he now considered family.

_Not being able to act with P’Mew again._

TharnType had been his first big role. Now, Type was a part of him. It had been the reason why Gulf met Mew, and for that, he would always be thankful. Mew was the best thing that had happened in Gulf’s life, even better than being in the entertainment industry.

\- You ok? – Mew said while sitting on the floor, with his glasses on. He had been doing some assignments for his master while resting his back against the couch. Gulf had been keeping him company, watching a movie on the TV.

Well… trying to watch a movie.

Having his boyfriend so close to him, wearing those damn glasses that somehow made him look so sexy, was distracting Gulf from the movie.

\- Yeah… why wouldn’t I be? – Gulf answered, looking at his worried eyes.

\- You’ve been kinda zoning out for a while.

\- Thinking about how much we got left before TharnType is over.

\- Mmmm… - Mew hummed – But after we finish filming we still have to promote.

\- I know. My worry is, if people will know what we mean to each other – Gulf hadn’t said his worries out loud before. As strong as he tried to be around his managers at the time, the truth was that he was scared.

\- Didn’t we agreed to not deny it? We won’t agree or deny our relationship.

\- I know – Gulf smiled at his boyfriend – It’s just me being silly. Don’t mind me.

Mew left his laptop on the floor next to him before getting up and sit beside Gulf on the couch. Gulf stared at him, waiting to see what he would do. Mew took one of Gulf’s hands in his, giving it a squeeze before talking.

\- None of your worries are silly. I would rather you talk to me about them than stress all by yourself because of them.

Gulf smiled and moved forward to sit on Mew’s lap, waiting for his boyfriend’s arms to circle his waist.

\- I know Phi. We’ll cross that door when we reach it.

\- No matter what Gulf, I’m always here next to you. Remember that.

\- Right back at ya, Phi.

\------------------------------**------------------------------

**POV Mew**

It was finally the last filming day. They had done all the final scenes, wrapping everything up. Tharn and Type would have a wonderful, uneventful, life together.

Mew had been feeling some type of way since that morning.

He was kind of sad. He felt down about letting Tharn go. That role had meant so much for him.

A second chance. At acting. At love.

He had so much to thank so many people. Especially Gulf, for just being him. For saving him from the dark hole he had been into since the last year.

Thanks to that role, Mew felt like a new person.

He hoped that fans would love the series as much as he loved filming it. He had done his best, and hopefully, that was enough.

Seeing everyone picking equipment up the floor and putting everything away for the last time, made Mew’s eyes water for a moment. It was later at night already, after a very tiring day. His feelings were all over the place, making him unable to breathe properly for a second.

Suddenly, two arms hugged him, encircling him with his warmth.

\- It’s ok Phi… I know – Gulf whispered in his ear.

_He’s here with me. I’m not the only one feeling like this._

Somehow, Mew thought he and Gulf needed a proper goodbye, as well as Tharn and Type. Reaching for his boyfriend, Mew hugged him back, tightly, while closing his eyes.

_Thank you, Tharn you asshole. Thanks for giving me the chance to live like you._

**_Anytime friend. Be happy with your guy. Bye._ **

Mew swallowed as he parted ways with someone that had been a part of him for the last few months. Someone, that had taught him a lot of things. Mew had learned from his mistakes, and from all the good he did.

Gulf rested his forehead against Mew’s shoulder. He was probably saying goodbye to Type as well.

\- Thank you, Type, for everything – Mew said on Gulf’s ear.

Gulf just hugged him a little bit tighter before saying:

\- Thank you, for loving a person like me.

Leaving behind the characters that had changed both of their life, Mew and Gulf held each other tightly, not wanting to let go.

\-----------------------------**----------------------------

**POV Gulf**

It had been a very emotional day. Saying goodbye to Tharn and Type had left him drained and tired. But, they had a celebration with the crew and his fellow actors, so there he was, in a bar, partying for finally finishing the filming stage.

\- I can’t believe it has been already so much time – Mild was saying while drinking his beer.

Gulf nodded. It was crazy. Just some months ago, he had been just a model, aspiring to be an actor one day, dreaming about meeting Mew. Now he had done a series and Mew…

Gulf looked at his boyfriend. He was standing next to the pool table, talking to Kaownah and Boat. Something they said made Mew laugh, because he laughed loudly, covering his mouth with his hand.

_My boyfriend is so hot… damn._

\- Earth to Gulf – Mild said while knocking his head.

\- Ouch, P’Mild!

\- Stop staring at him like he’s a piece of ham or something.

\- What?! I wasn’t… Never mind – it was useless to fight drunk Mild.

Gulf took a gulp of his beer before eating a chip.

The night went by really quickly. Gulf didn’t drink a lot, because he didn’t like feeling sick in the morning. He had fun and talked to his friends, waiting for the moment when he could go home with Mew.

Home.

Since when Mew’s condo had become his home?

_They said home is where the heart is, and Mew is definitely my whole heart._

\--------------------**------------------

**POV Mew**

_I can’t believe I’m actually doing this._

Mew was trembling as he looked at the stage at the back of the bar. He had been thinking about what to do for Gulf, to thank him for everything he had done for him. Gulf was such an amazing person, he deserved a grand gesture, something that let him know just how much it meant to Mew him being in his life. He had been practicing a lot, hoping he wouldn’t screw it up in front of everyone.

_I wanna thank him for saving me._

As the band ended the god-smacking cover they were playing, Mew went over to the lead singer of the band and whispered something to him.

The singer shook his head, smiling.

\- Sure dude.

The singer went to the others while Mew adjusted the microphone in front of him to accommodate it to his height.

An instant later, Mew cringed as a spotlight was turned to him. His throat dry with embarrassment and fear, he met Gulf’s confused gaze.

\- I want to thank someone. So I practiced this song – Mew looked at Gulf once again, so he wouldn’t doubt Mew was talking about him.

He went into the opening cords of “Savin’ Me” from Nickelback. As he reached the chorus, Mew dared to look back into his boyfriend’s eyes.

_Show me what is like_

_To be the last one standing._

_And teach me wrong from right_

_And I’ll show you what I can be_

_Say it for me, say it to me_

_And I’ll leave this life behind me_

_Say it if it’s worth saving me._

_Hurry… I’m fallin’._

The more he sang, the more he thought he had made a mistake. Gulf might think it was sappy and lame. Everyone was going to laugh at him.

The song ended and the spotlight was turned off. Mew set his guitar on the stand and jumped down from the stage. He searched the crowd, looking for Gulf, but he didn’t find him. Dejected, he went backstage to try to find him.

_Is he mad at me?_

Just as he was passing by the bathroom, a hand reached for his arm and pulled him into the room. Brown bambi eyes stared at him, shiny with unshed tears.

\- I’m sorry if I em-

Gulf launched himself forward and shut him up with a kiss. Mew closed his eyes, relishing his taste.

\- I loved it – Gulf said when they separated – And I love you.

Mew relaxed in his boyfriend's arms.

\- I thought I screw it up.

\- It is sappy as hell – Gulf smiled – But I love your sappy side as well.

\- Do you think people could tell?

\- They are too drunk to even realize where they are standing – Gulf let out a little laugh.

\- Right.

\- Let’s go home.

\- Huh? Already?

\- I have to thank you for your performance.

\- You don’t have to Gulf.

Gulf moved forward and whispered in his ear.

\- I’m gonna make it worth your time – and then he licked the shell of Mew’s ear.

Mew had never in his life, moved so fast.

\- Let’s go now.

The last thing he heard before leaving the place, was Gulf’s laugh behind him.

\---------------------**-------------------

**POV Gulf**

Gulf needed to do something.

As the debut day for TharnType was approaching, something as important was also coming soon.

Mew’s master's graduation.

His boyfriend had been working nonstop, trying to finish his thesis. That, with the fact that they had to promote the series, was making Mew exhausted. There were times when he just got home, had a bath, and went to sleep. There were days he didn’t even get to talk to Gulf at all. There were days he didn’t get to sleep because he needed to finish something related to his master.

Gulf was silently trying to do his best to help and support him. He felt beyond proud of Mew, accomplishing something that was his as well as his grandma’s dream.

But, there was an issue.

Gulf had asked him the other night about his family going to the graduation ceremony.

_\- I guess my parents are going – Mew had said while looking at his laptop._

_They were on their bed, as Gulf was getting ready to sleep when the question had popped out._

_\- I mean… they have to, right? They are your parents after all._

_\- Yes. Sure, they’ll come._

_\- What about Jom?_

_Mew had stopped his typing to release a sigh._

_\- I don’t know._

_\- Don’t you want her to come? – Gulf had asked._

_Mew thought about it for a second._

_\- It would just be awkward, Gulf. I’m ok with just my parents going._

Gulf could still remember the sad expression on his boyfriend’s face while saying that. He knew deep down, Mew wanted his sister there to celebrate with him. Gulf had seen Mew often staring at his phone, like trying to find it in him to give his sister a call, but never really getting to do it.

Gulf was hesitating on getting involved in that. It was Jom and Mew’s problem, not his. But he also knew that Mew would regret it the rest of his life if his sister wasn’t there on his special day.

Mind set on an objective, Gulf pulled out his phone and made a call.

“Hello?”

\- P’Jane, I need a phone number.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Mew sang at the bar: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_JQiEs32SqQ
> 
> I hope you liked my sappy chapter 😅😅


	34. You're his legend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He had been nervous already because it was his boyfriend’s graduation, but now he was even more nervous because…
> 
> He did a thing.
> 
> A thing he didn’t know if it could backfire.
> 
> But, he had to try. He was sick of watching Mew sigh all over the condo while staring at his phone like the damn thing could give him the answers to all his problems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!!!! I'm back!!! 😍
> 
> I'm so sowyyyy I didn't update this for so long!! 😣😣😣
> 
> But I'm here and this story is going on. Please don't leave me, na? *on my knees begging*
> 
> Anyway, enjoy this little chapter.
> 
> DC: This is a fictional story based on true events.
> 
> Follow me on Twitter: @KlovesBl

**POV Gulf**

Gulf felt like millions and millions of butterflies were flying around in his stomach.

_Well… maybe a whole zoo._

The amazing day had finally come. Mew was graduating from his master. All the hours he had seen his boyfriend in front of his laptop, reading and reading articles and papers, staying awake all night while Gulf slept by his side… all that effort had paid off. Mew had worked so hard to accomplish this, to the point of actually getting sick because of the tiredness.

_\- I’m okay, Gulf – a sleepy Mew had said to him from the bed, where he was laying down – I just need to take a break, that’s all. I need to finish the paper._

_\- That’s not gonna happen, P’Mew. I found you asleep in the kitchen!!! – Gulf had been out all morning because he had had classes, then he had gone to the grocery store and had come back to Mew’s condo, only to find him asleep in the kitchen table, papers everywhere – You are going to sleep now, and that’s final!_

_\- Ugh… You’re worse than my mom – Mew had muttered._

_\- What did you just say?_

_\- Nothing, I’m asleep – Mew had said while letting out the fakest snore ever._

_\- Thought so._

Gulf couldn’t help but feel proud of Mew. He knew how much this meant to his boyfriend and to his family. Mew was fulfilling his grandma’s wishes and that was everything to Mew.

Gulf hadn’t lost the chance to let Mew how proud and happy he was for him. Mew had looked at him with a soft stare and hugged him really tight.

_“You’re one of the reasons why this is possible. Thank you so much, Yai Nong”_

Yai Nong. The name had come as a joke one day at work. It had made him feel loved, taken care of, light and soft beside Mew.

They were filming the MV for “Hold me Tight”, which was going to be one of the OST for TharnType the Series. Mew was given the task of singing the song acoustically, as Tharn sang it on the series to Type. Mew had been worried for some time about it, thinking that maybe, he wasn’t as good as a singer to actually do it.

_\- What if I do it wrongly? – Mew had asked him._

_\- I know you won’t, I’ve heard you sing before P’Mew, your voice is amazing._

_\- And if I sing out of pitch? Everyone will laugh at me._

_Gulf had known how much this meant to him. It was Mew’s dream to become a singer. He had always loved music, and being able to express himself through lyrics. If he didn’t do the song right, he would probably feel like he wasn’t up to pursue singing as a career._

_Gulf had taken his face in his hand and pecked his lips quickly._

_\- Everything will be okay, Phi. I know it will because I wouldn’t expect anything less from you. Look at me while you’re singing. Don’t look anywhere else, it’s just me listening to you in your condo._

Gulf had heard his boyfriend sing that day. And every single word had been like a warming balm to his heart. His eyes didn’t move from Gulf the whole time he was recording, like wanting to make sure Gulf knew the song was meant for him… not for Type.

**_“I want you to be my last,_ **

**_The person who shares every single breath with”_ **

Gulf knew Mew had really meant it… everything he sang that day was meant to him.

**_“Whatever is happening, please trust me_ **

**_No matter how hard it is, we will pass through it together”_ **

The fact that Mew had sung that particular line, with so much sincerity in his eyes, had made Gulf want to bawl. He felt loved.

_\- How was it? – Mew had asked nervously after his first try._

_\- Mmmm… - Gulf had taken his index finger to his chin while mimicking being deep in thoughts – I think it was quite majestic._

_\- Majestic? So… are you supposed to address me as Khun Suppasit? – Mew had asked mocking him._

_Gulf had gotten up from the couch he was sitting on. The platform the couch was on, made him be even taller than Mew, a whole head taller._

_\- Yes, you will be now my Khun P’Mew – Gulf had said smiling at him, looking down._

_\- Then you’ll be my Yai Nong – Mew had said while he hugged Gulf’s middle and rested his head on his chest._

_Gulf had felt his cheeks warm with heat. Yai Nong?_

_\- So P’Mew called Gulf as Yai Nong, didn’t you? – MAME had said suddenly from behind them._

_Gulf had turned his head around and saw her recording the conversation. He had smiled at her and said:_

_\- Yes, and I called P’Mew as Khun Phi – then he had looked down at Mew who was watching him with big puppy eyes._

_\- Khun Phi~ - Gulf had said again._

_\- Yai Nong~ - Mew had answered in the same tone of voice, smiling happily at him._

_The interaction had made Gulf unusually shy, and he had done nothing but laugh the shyness away._

_\- No one called me like this except P’Mew… - Gulf had said to MAME._

_\- It’s because Khun Yai Nong is too long~ - Mew had said._

_\- Usually, people call me like: “Hey Nong! Come here”_

_\- Yai Nong, Yai Nong, Yai Nong~ - MAME had sung._

_Mew had kept looking at Gulf with that love-struck stare while poking his chin with his nose, making Gulf blush uncontrollably._

_\- Gulf is so embarrassed now, haha – Mew had said._

_\- A little bit… - Gulf had said while making silly faces down to his boyfriend._

_\- Yai Nong… - Mew had said one more time, softly._

_\- Khun Phi… - Gulf had answered the same way._

_They had continued to look at each other just like that, lost in their own world._

Back to the present, Gulf was feeling nervous. He had been nervous already because it was his boyfriend’s graduation, but now he was even more nervous because…

He did a thing.

A thing he didn’t know if it could backfire.

But, he had to try. He was sick of watching Mew sigh all over the condo while staring at his phone like the damn thing could give him the answers to all his problems.

\- Gulf… Are you okay? – Mew asked while putting on his tie, watching him from the mirror’s reflection.

Gulf had been sitting on the bed, lost in thoughts while waiting for his boyfriend to finish getting dressed. He was being casual with his clothes, as he wasn’t the one graduating that day, choosing to wear a white shirt and some jeans.

\- Yeah… why? – had he been acting weird?

\- You seemed… out of it – Mew said while turning around from the mirror.

Mew was wearing a black suit that later would be covered by the graduation gown.

\- You look hot – Gulf blurted out.

Mew chuckled for a moment while moving to where Gulf was sitting.

\- Well, thank you so much. I’m glad you approve it – he said while leaning down to peck his boyfriend’s lips.

\- Sorry. That came out of nowhere. I’m just a bit worried.

\- Why? – Mew asked, genuinely confused.

\- I’m meeting your family today. Even though they don’t know the nature of our relationship, I still want to make a good impression.

Mew looked at him for a few moments, before sitting beside him on the bed and taking his clenched hands into his.

\- Yai Nong… they will love you. How could they not? Everything about you is so lovable – Mew took his hands to his lips and gave them a kiss – Everything will be fine, I promise.

Gulf took a deep breath and prayed his boyfriend was right.

_I really hope that, Phi. Please don’t hate me after today._

\-----------------------**---------------------

**POV Mew.**

It was hot as hell.

_It shouldn’t be this hot in October, right?_

He was wearing long sleeves and a gown and was sweating like a pig.

But he had to endure it for another couple of hours. Gulf hadn’t arrived yet. They had left the condo together, but Gulf had said they shouldn’t arrive at the same time to avoid gossips. Mew had sulked and groaned at that, but Best and Boss had said it was the best idea.

Reluctant, he had given his boyfriend a kiss, telling him to hurry up.

\- Son! – Mew heard from behind him.

Turning around, his heart started to beat really intently when he saw his parents walking to him. He had missed them terribly, every single day.

Mew hadn’t seen them much after the scandal. He had been too ashamed of himself to actually stand in front of his parents. He had only wanted for them to be proud of him. And he embarrassed them instead.

Nonetheless, he was beyond happy to see that they were there with him on his special day.

\- Mom… - Mew said when they got to him.

\- Son… how are you? – Mew’s mom hugged him, as best as she could with her small structure – I’ve missed you so much… - she said with tears in her eyes.

Mew, who had been just standing there without moving while his mom hugged him, snapped out of it and returned the hug. He looked over her shoulder to his dad, who was looking at them with a soft stare.

\- I’m sorry – Mew whispered to them.

\- Don’t apologize, dear. We should apologize to you, for whatever reason made you believe we didn’t love you as much as we always have – his mom said sadly while caressing his hair in a soothing motion – We were waiting for you to be ready to come back to us.

Mew pulled back from the hug and took her hands in his.

\- I thought… you guys were embarrassed of me – Mew said in a tiny voice – Because of the scandal…

\- We weren’t, Mew – his mom looked at him in the eye – We might have thought for a moment that maybe you had made a mistake, but that doesn’t mean we were ashamed of you.

Mew’s eyes started to water.

\- I was weak. In my own pain I only saw what I thought you would feel about me and the situation – Mew looked at his father – I should have talked to you, been honest.

\- We love you no matter what, honey. We are sorry we didn’t defend you like we should’ve done, but don’t doubt our love for you – she took a moment while her eyes watered – We now know you didn’t do a thing, my son wouldn’t have done it.

Mew’s dad took a step forward and put his hand on Mew’s shoulder, giving it a warm squeeze.

\- We love you, and we are so proud of you. Never doubt that. We have always loved you unconditionally.

\- I should’ve been a better son… a better brother – Mew said heartbroken.

\- You are the best big brother Jom could ask for, and the best son for both of us – his dad said.

Mew looked at both their eyes and saw nothing but love and content.

_I was such a fool. I should’ve come home earlier. Should have been brave enough to face them. I shouldn’t have lost so much time._

Mew heard behind him a chorus of screams coming from the entrance where his fans were sitting. He turned around and saw his boyfriend greeting everyone by making a wai, his always polite boyfriend. Gulf looked up and his eyes locked. Sending him a little wave, Gulf smiled at him.

\- Is that your partner? – Mew’s mom suddenly asked.

\- Huh? – Mew turned to her again, confused.

\- He’s your new partner, right? – his mom said again – Nong Gulf?

\- You know him? – Mew asked surprised.

\- I know of him. I follow him on Instagram.

\- Mom!

\- What? I was following your recent works – his mom said unapologetically.

_Did she see all their videos too?_

\- I ship you two.

\- Mom! – Mew yelled again.

Mew’s dad started laughing from behind his mom.

\- Don’t argue with your mom, son – he said.

Mew looked at Gulf again and saw him standing awkwardly at the entrance, waiting for him for sure.

\- He’s the one, isn’t he? – his mom suddenly said.

Mew looked down at her and she gave him a knowing smile. Mew had told her a long time ago that gender wasn’t an issue for him while finding someone to be with. She had always been really supportive of him and his decision.

\- Yes, mom. He’s my legend.

\------------------**-----------------

**POV Gulf**

Gulf had never felt so tired in his life.

He had been standing all day, without catching a breath, in that hot day. He had tried to be as helpful as he could.

He had never felt as proud as he was the moment he saw Mew walk to the podium and get his diploma. He had heard the name Suppasit Jongcheveevat through the speakers and his heart had filled with love and proudness.

After that, Mew had wanted to spend some time with his fans.

Gulf had tried to stay in the background as much as he could, giving his fans time with his idol. He had come to wipe the sweat away from his brow, to refresh him with a tiny fan, helping in any way he could. After all, it was Mew’s special day.

Gulf was sitting under a little tree, enjoying a moment to rest his tired legs when he felt someone sitting right beside him. Gulf had had his eyes closed, so he almost jumped out of his skin when he saw Mew’s mom sitting next to him.

\- Hi! – Gulf suddenly said – Hi… again… Khun Mae… Hi! I’m Gulf – he said stuttering while making a respectful wai.

\- Hi, dear – she waied back – How are you?

\- I’m okay, never been better – Gulf almost hit himself for how dumb he must’ve seemed.

\- I’ve come here to say thank you – she said.

Gulf, taken aback, looked at her confused.

\- Thank you? Why?

Mew’s mom looked at his son, who was standing in front of him talking to his fans and taking pictures with them.

\- Mew is happier than he has ever been. He looks like he's shining. I know a big part of the reason is you.

\- It’s not like that… - Gulf started to say, but Mew’s mom shut him with a knowing stare.

\- He told me how many times you’ve told him to talk to us… to Jom. He told me how you didn’t judge him when you guys met. How easy it was to work with you. How much you have supported his decisions and work.

Gulf gulped the emotion he had stuck in his throat.

\- Anyone would have done the same. He has helped me so much too.

\- I don’t think anyone would have done it for him – Mew’s mom looked at him – You’re special to him. He told me you’re his legend.

Gulf looked at her confused.

\- Legend? What do you mean?

\- That’s something Mew has to tell you himself – she said smiling.

Gulf was still thinking about it when he heard a commotion in front of him. Mew was standing frozen looking at something at his right. A young woman and a man he recognized as Boom was standing there.

\- Oh… Shit – Gulf whispered, not caring that he just had sworn in front of Mew’s mom.


	35. Why are you even here?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It had been a hot minute since he last saw her.
> 
> They had been inseparable while growing up, and losing contact with her had been one of the things he regretted most in his life. He had let his ignorance get between them.
> 
> If he only had paid attention to the little details.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yayyyyyy! Happy 1000 kudos!!! 😍😍
> 
> OMG, I can't even believe it. Thank you for all the support you always give me... For the comments and kudos you leave in every chapter. I love you all so much 😭
> 
> //TW: mention of self harming
> 
> Dc: this is a fictional story based on true events.  
> Follow me on Twitter: @KlovesBl

**POV Mew**

It had been a hot minute since he last saw her.

They had been inseparable while growing up, and losing contact with her had been one of the things he regretted most in his life. He had let his ignorance get between them.

If he only had paid attention to the little details.

If he only had been a better brother to her she wouldn’t have suffered so much.

Mew had stood frozen, looking at her face. All those years and she hadn’t changed a bit. She was still as beautiful as she was when she left for Europe. She had looked hesitant and shy, looking back at him.

Their mom was the one who got on the move and made the decision to take them all to a coffee shop near his college, to give them some time to talk. He had seen his mom apologizing to his fans, asking them for some time for him and reassuring them that he would be back. A confused Mew had looked at Gulf, trying to find some comfort in him, but Gulf had looked back at him with guilt and an apology.

_He was the one who called her._

Sudden anger had gone through his body. Mew had specifically told him not to do it.

Sitting now, in front of Jom, watching her fidget and move nervously, Mew wondered what to say.

\- How have you been? – she finally asked.

Mew looked up from his drink and stared at her.

\- Good – Mew answered.

\- Good – Jom nodded and took a sip from her ice coffee.

Mew looked past his sister to see his boyfriend, Boom, and his family sitting together at a table. Gulf was looking at him, worry clouding his eyes.

\- Did Gulf told you to come? – Mew asked her.

Jom looked back at him.

\- No.

Mew sat straight back in surprise.

\- No? – he asked.

\- No, he didn’t – Jom elaborated – He did call me. I don’t know where he got my number though. He told me today was your graduation day and that you would be here. I asked him if he was asking me to come, and he said that it was my decision. But he didn’t want me to regret for the rest of my life the fact that I couldn’t be here for my big brother on his special day.

Mew thought about it. He had been sad all morning and for some reason had felt like something was missing. His parents, friends, fans, and Gulf were here, but they didn’t really understand how important this master was for him… for his grandma. Only Jom understood because she felt the same as him.

\- He’s a good guy, you know? – Jom suddenly said.

\- What? – Mew snapped out of his thought.

\- N’Gulf I mean. He’s sweet, and even I can tell how much he cares about you. Please don’t be mad at him.

\- …

\- I should’ve taken the hint when you didn’t answer my calls, but I guess I didn’t want to give up.

Mew watched in horror how Jom’s eyes started to water.

\- Do you still hate me? – she suddenly whispered, her eyes cast down, a shimmer of tears brightening them.

Shame lanced through him and he stood and sat beside her to gather her into his arms.

\- No – he whispered, he felt her hot tears sting his neck and more guilt washed over him – I love you so much, Jom. More than anything. Nothing will ever change that, okay? – Mew felt her nod against his neck – Do you remember when you told me years ago that you needed to work some things through?

She pulled back from him and nodded.

\- I need you to give me that now… time – he said as he gripped her upper arms – I’ll work through my problems as well, to get to the point where my feelings won’t hurt you anymore.

He never wanted the way he felt to hurt her heart any further. He needed to work through the guilt, shame, and anger all by himself. He needed to find a way to heal the broken trust that was hanging around them both.

\- Okay – she acknowledged – Whenever you’re ready – she said as she dried her tears and sat back.

\- How are you doing? – Mew asked hesitantly – With…

\- The compulsion? – she finished for him, thinking about it for a bit – It’s better. My doctor says I’m doing really good. I haven’t done it again in 2 years now. It’s hard some days but I’m working through it – she smiled – Boom helped me a lot.

Mew looked back at where Boom and Gulf were sitting.

\- Is he good to you?

\- The best – her smile went only bigger while talking about her boyfriend – He loves me, no matter what, and doesn’t judge me.

\- Good. Then he can live – Mew said.

Jom chuckled a little.

\- Is he good to you? – she suddenly asked.

\- Huh? – Mew looked back at her surprised.

\- N’Gulf – she clarified, and then laughed at Mew’s expression – Come on! It’s so obvious he loves you. No one would get past your anger to actually call me to tell me where you were going to be because he didn’t want you to regret not having me here today.

_She’s right._

\- He’s the best – Mew whispered.

\- I’m glad – she said smiling – No one deserves to be loved like that but you. I like my brother-in-law.

\- Jom! Not you too… - Mew groaned.

She chuckled once again.

\- I will leave you then. And I will give you the time you’re asking for. Can we… - she hesitated for a moment – Can we like… maybe call each other once in a while?

Mew patted her soft hair.

\- Of course. I’ll make sure I pick it up this time – he reached forward and hugged her – Thank you, for being the brave one and coming here.

\- Thanks for loving me – she said hugging him back.

Mew sat there, trying to take everything in. His talk with his sister, the fact that his boyfriend had done something like that behind his back. His parents being there with him, and not hating him…

He was overwhelmed.

He saw Jom get up from her chair and walk to where Boom and Gulf were sitting, just to see her pull his boyfriend up and give him a hug. Gulf stood there awkwardly, not knowing what to do. He hesitantly put his hands on her shoulders as panic clouded his eyes. The interaction lasted a few moments before she pulled back and whispered something to him. Gulf opened his eyes wide and nodded to her with a solemn stare.

Jom said goodbye to their parents and hand in hand with Boom, they left the coffee shop, not without waving her hand at Mew, who was still sitting at the same table. He waved back and stared out the window, wondering how to feel.

\-----------------**---------------

**POV Gulf**

_Oh my god… I’m so dead._

Gulf was sweating. He didn’t know how Mew reacted to Jom coming here. He didn’t know how Mew felt when he found out that it was him who had called his sister.

_“Good luck”_

Was the last thing Jane had told him the day before when he had called her asking for Jom’s number.

Now, Gulf was preparing himself to face Mew’s wrath.

\- He’ll see that you did it for him – Mew’s mom told him.

Gulf pulled his stare back at the older woman and tried to smile at her.

\- I hope – he said with a nervous chuckle – I didn’t want him to regret not having her here with him.

Mew’s mom smiled softly at him.

\- Thanks for caring so much for him – she reached for Gulf’s hands on top of the table – And thanks for making our family whole again.

\- I didn’t… 

\- Yes, you did, son – Mew’s dad intervened – Mew’s better than when we last saw him. He talked to us and to Jom. He’s trying again. And is all thanks to you.

Gulf swallowed the bump of emotion that was stuck in his throat.

\- He did it all by himself. I just supported him.

\- That was everything to him, I’m sure – Mew’s mom told him – We have to go now. Will you guys stay here for a while longer?

\- Yes. We are going to spend some time with the fans and then we will head home.

\- Kha – she said – Then, next time Mew comes back home, come with him. We’ll introduce you to Chopper.

Gulf let out a smile.

\- I would love that.

After Mew’s parents left, Gulf sat there looking at Mew's neck. He was still sitting there, looking through the window. Getting all the courage he could find, Gulf got up and went to Mew’s table.

\- Phi… - Gulf faltered.

Mew looked up at him, a blank expression on his face before he got up from the chair and grabbed Gulf’s wrist. He pulled him to the back of the coffee shop to the bathroom.

\- Phi… what…? – Gulf stuttered confused.

They entered the room, and after making sure no one was there, Mew pulled him to an empty stall and pushed him against the wall. Mew took his hand to his cheek and tilted his head a little before covering Gulf’s mouth with his. Gulf savored the kiss as he let Mew explore his mouth. Gulf still had his hands pressed against the wall at his back, but he was returning the kiss. His mouth was equally gentle and seeking. It didn’t take long before their bodies began to take over and Mew was pulling him closer. Gulf finally reached for Mew’s neck and threaded his fingers through his hair, moaning as Mew kept kissing him.

They were breathing hard when they pulled apart. Their lips were red and swollen, but they didn’t care.

\- Are you mad at me? – Gulf asked in a tiny voice.

\- Yes – Mew said, making Gulf tense – Because I kiss all the people I’m pissed with.

\- Phi~! – Gulf smacked his shoulder – I was serious.

Mew softened his stared and pressed his forehead with Gulf’s.

\- I know… - Mew said – I won’t lie to you. I was mad for like 10 minutes. But after I talked to her I realized… I should have listened to you. I’m glad she came – Mew tool a moment and close his eyes – Thanks… for knowing that I needed it even if I didn’t know it myself.

Gulf let out a smile and took Mew’s face with his hands.

\- That’s what I do.

\---------------**--------------

**POV Mew**

They were finally heading home.

Mew was destroyed. Emotionally and physically. He wanted to cuddle with Gulf on their bed and forget about the world. He wanted to sleep next to his boyfriend and relax.

It had been one hell of a day.

But he was happy.

Mew had seen all his friends, including Mild who still annoyed the hell out of him with all his suspicions about him being with Gulf. But Mew was still able to divert every single one as best as he could.

At least he thought he did.

Gulf and he had had a wonderful time with their fans. TharnType’s premiere was just a few days away, and he couldn’t be more excited and more nervous at the same time. He just hoped everything went okay with the series. It was his comeback and his second chance. He couldn’t mess it up.

_\- Congratulations P’Mew! – the fans screamed at him while he posed for some pictures._

_It was heartwarming to see them again. He had missed them terribly. Between filming and his master, he hadn’t had the time to spend with them and he felt guilty about it._

_\- N’Gulf, pose with Phi, na? – one fan told Gulf, who was watching from a corner._

_Gulf looked at her surprised, before moving to where Mew was standing. He smiled at Mew and looked to their fans._

_\- Thank you so much for all your support – Gulf waied at them respectfully. Mew looked at his cute boyfriend and stood behind him, putting his hands on top of his, forming a double wai._

_\- Thank you so much – Mew repeated – Please look forward to TharnType the series this October 7 th on One31._

_Everyone screamed excitedly._

_\- Phi… can you pose with N’Gulf? Like on the video where you picked him up – a blushing fan asked._

_Mew and Gulf looked at each other._

_\- Should we, Phi? – Gulf whispered._

_\- Why not?_

_Mew stood in front of Gulf and grabbed the bottom of his ass with his arms and picked him up. In this position, Gulf seemed a lot taller than him, so his boyfriend just looked down at him smiling. He put his arms around his neck and whispered:_

_\- This is kinda embarrassing – he let out a shy chuckle._

_\- I love lifting you up. You seem so tiny beside me – Mew smiled up at him – Thanks for being here._

_\- I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way._

Reaching Mew’s condo, Mew turned off the engine. He let out a tired sigh and looked at his boyfriend. Gulf was napping against the window with his mouth a bit open.

_Cute._

\- Yai Nong… - Mew touched his little ears softly – Wake up. We arrived.

Gulf stirred and let out a groan.

\- I’m sleepy~ - he pouted.

\- You’ll be able to sleep once we get inside. Come on.

Gulf sighed and got out of the car. Mew let out a little laugh and got out as well. While reaching the entrance of their building, Mew heard his name being called.

\- P’Mew!

Mew quickly turned around and stopped in his tracks when he saw who was the one calling him.

\- What the hell are you doing here? – Mew said.

HE was standing there, fidgeting on his feet, trying to look everywhere but Mew. After a few moments, he looked up and saw Gulf staring at him.

\- Can we talk… alone? – HE asked.

Mew swallowed and looked at Gulf, who was standing next to him with a serious look on his face.

\- Yai Nong… - he waited for Gulf to look at him – Can you give us a moment?

Gulf stared at him for a few minutes and nodded slowly. Before leaving he looked at HIM one more time.

\- Can we go to your condo? – HE asked.

\- No – Mew quickly answered – You want to talk? Fine. Do it here and do it quickly.

HE swallowed and took a deep breath before walking until he was standing in front of Mew.

\- Congratulations on your graduation – HE said softly.

\- Thanks – Mew politely answered.

After a few moments of silence, HE with tears in his eyes said:

\- I miss you.

Mew, once again, felt nothing. The words that would’ve destroyed or healed him some time ago, meant nothing to him now.

\- So.

\- So?

\- Yes. Did you come all the way here to tell me that? – Mew said.

\- You can’t tell me you don’t feel a thing for me anymore – HE said, upset.

\- What is this about, huh? You walked out of my life by yourself. Why doing this now?

\- Because I love you.

\- You don’t know what love is like. If you knew you would understand that you don’t love me… you never did.

Mew turned around to dismiss HIM and going to the building entrance when he felt a hand pull him. Suddenly, a pair of lips were pressed against his. Lips that weren’t Gulf’s.

He stood there shocked, not moving at all.

_I don’t want this._

One moment HE was kissing him, and another he was forcefully pulled away from his body.

\- WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?

Mew saw stunned, how Gulf pushed HIM away from him.

\- Didn’t you do enough? Didn’t you destroy enough of him? How can a person be so SELFISH!

HE looked taken aback and confused about what just had happened.

\- Who are you to meddle in this? – HE asked.

\- I’m his friend and co-worker. I look out for him.

\- Aren’t you, his fuck buddy too? – HE said with a snarl.

Gulf suddenly reached to his shirt and twisted it in his fist.

\- Listen very carefully to my words… If I ever see you sniffing around him again, I’ll do whatever I can to finally cast you out of his life.

HE must’ve seen something in Gulf’s eyes because he just stared at him shocked and silently.

Gulf pulled him closer and whispered to HIM:

\- Thank you so much for letting him go. I’ll make sure to give him everything you couldn’t as his fuck whatever you were to him.

Gulf let HIM go and walked back to the entrance, taking Mew’s arm with his hand and bringing him along. The entire way to the condo was made in silence. Mew watched Gulf’s serious face all the way up to where they live. When they finally reached the condo, Gulf spoke.

\- Who the hell does HE thinks HE is?!?! – Gulf screamed to no one – Coming here! The audacity! I should have-

Mew took his arms and pulled Gulf to his body, sealing his words with a kiss. The kiss was desperate and with a tint of fear. He took his mouth savagely, not letting him go so easily.

\- I love you – Mew said when they pulled apart, in panic.

Even though Mew was doing better thanks to Gulf and the doctor he was seeing, sometimes old fears came across him and took over his body. Now, was one of those moments. He had never seen Gulf so mad in all the time they had known each other, and the thought of Gulf leaving him because of that encounter clouded Mew’s mind.

Gulf looked at his eyes, stunned, before softening his stare.

\- I know, Khun Phi… I’m not mad at you… Even though I still want you to go and brush your teeth, I can't believe you just kiss me right after HE did.

Just like that, with a few words, all the fear he had accumulated inside disappeared.

\- Isn’t it better if you just disinfect my lips?

Gulf smiled.

\- If that’s the case then… come here.


	36. The first episode

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It all had been a nightmare.
> 
> He had been so excited for the premiere, his second chance, his final chance to make everything right…
> 
> Why did it turn out like that?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I'm back.
> 
> TW// 18+ content
> 
> Writing this chapter was really bittersweet for me. Those moments at the beginning of the first season were like a battlefield. And it still saddens me thinking about what happened to him. The hate and backlash were relentless, even though he didn't do a thing wrong.  
> The book fair was a bittersweet memory as well. He seemed down that day, probably because of everything that was going on on the internet at the time. 
> 
> Please do not take seriously what I wrote here. I'm just portraying what I, an outsider, saw those days. The only ones who know how they felt and what actually happened are them.
> 
> Dc: This is a fictional story based on true events.  
> Follow me on Twitter: @KlovesBl

**POV Mew**

Being that close, Mew and Gulf shared the same breath, and they were both breathing hard.

\- Gulf… - Mew’s hand went over Gulf’s head, pushing the bedroom door closed while pinning him against it.

His mouth sought his, like two magnets finding each other. Gulf’s back hit the door with the force of their encounter. Their tongues tangled, and there was no hesitance on either part. Gulf tasted so good, better than Mew remembered. With his hips, Mew pushed up against Gulf’s, feeling him getting hard.

Mew’s body instinctively rocked into him while they continued the kiss. His hands wandered shamelessly all over Gulf’s body. Mew gripped his hair and tilted his head back while his lips trailed down his neck. His free hand found its way to the button and zipper of his pants.

\- P’Mew…

\- Can’t talk now.

A growl got stuck at the back of Mew’s throat. He needed this.

He kissed Gulf again and pulled him off the door. Without breaking their lips apart, Mew dragged him over to the bed. The voice inside Mew was telling him he was being too passionate, that he needed to slow things down. It had been a while since Mew felt that kind of fear and panic go through his body. Just the thought of Gulf misunderstanding something and leaving him was enough to put him on his knees.

He pushed Gulf down and landed on top of him, their mouths moving in sync. It had been a while since they got the time to do things like that. Mew blamed his master and the work they were doing to promote the series. It wasn’t enough, not with Gulf.

Gulf’s stomach muscles contracted as Mew moved his hand between them. He got a grip on his hardness, making Gulf throw his head back on the mattress. They were hanging half off the bed, but Mew couldn’t bring himself to move them farther up.

Gulf’s moans were intoxicating, and Mew felt himself getting lost in everything Gulf was doing.

Instead of pulling away, Mew moved down his body, sinking to the floor on his knees. He barely got his pants and boxers down his thighs before he engulfed his hardness with his mouth, taking him to the back of his throat.

\- Shit! - Gulf hissed.

Mew’s tongue landed on him and circled around the tip. Mew would’ve loved to take his time to savor Gulf’s taste and the soft moans coming of him, but he was way too desperate to actually take his time.

Gulf reached for Mew’s cheek and his thumb run across the soft skin.

Mew relaxed his jaw and continued his movement, trying to make his boyfriend go crazy. When the first spurts hit his tongue, Mew did his best to take everything in, even the last drop until Gulf’s body melted into the mattress.

\- So good… - Gulf murmured.

Mew climbed up his body until they were face to face.

\- Are you up for more…? - Mew teased him.

Gulf let out a little chuckle and hugged his boyfriend’s back.

\- Bring it on.

\----------------------**---------------------

**POV Gulf**

As they were laying down on their bed after finishing their activities, Gulf remembered something from that day.

_“You’re special to him. He told me you’re his legend”_

He hadn’t had the chance to give that a thought, with everything that had happened with Jom and HIM coming around, but at that moment the confusion hit him again like a rock.

He looked up from where he was resting on Mew’s naked chest and stared at his boyfriend’s face.

\- Phi… - Gulf said.

\- Mmm? 

\- What is a legend?

Mew’s body went perfectly still after hearing his question.

\- Huh? - Mew said moving nervously - Where did you hear that?

Gulf looked at him suspiciously.

\- Your mom told me you said I’m your legend.

Mew looked away from him and murmured something like: “For fuck’s sake mom…”

Gulf smiled and said:

\- Well?

Mew swallowed nervously and looked at everywhere but Gulf while two red spots appeared on his cheeks.

\- Do you know what my biggest fear was while growing up? - Mew asked slowly, and when Gulf shook his head he continued - Being alone. Days went by when I was little and in that big house, it seemed like I was the only person living there. For some reason, being alone became my little personal hell - Mew took a deep breath - I used to have nightmares of growing old alone in that big house, so, my grandma made up a story to settle my fears down.

\- A story? - Gulf asked.

\- She used to tell me there was a legend in our family, where every single one of us would have one person that would mean everything to us. And that we would love and protect that person for the rest of our lives, no one else would do - Mew looked down at Gulf with a soft smile - She told me she had been lucky enough to find her legend in my grandpa, and that my father had found it in my mom, so one day I would find it too for sure and I would never be alone again.

Gulf held his breath for a moment.

_Why am I getting emotional with a kid’s story?_

\- I’m your legend then? - Gulf said, trying to hold back his tears.

Mew caressed his cheek with care and love.

\- Of course you’re, Gulf. Don’t ever doubt that. I will protect you, no matter what I have to do.

Gulf took his hand to where Mew had his on his cheek.

\- I would prefer we protect each other, together.

Mew pressed their foreheads together.

\- I love you so much.

\- Hmm… - Gulf hummed - So do I.

\-------------------**------------------

**POV Mew**

It all had been a nightmare.

He had been so excited for the premiere, his second chance, his final chance to make everything right…

Why did it turn out like that?

A few days after his graduation, Mew had had the chance to finally rest, take some time to sleep, and relax after all the all-nighters he had had to pull off.

Also, he had spent a lot of quality time with his boyfriend.

And by quality time, I mean the fucked around like rabbits.

The day had finally come, that October 7th everyone was waiting for. He hadn’t been able to wait for the episode to come to air. He wanted the project to be successful, he wanted that for him, for Gulf, for Tee, for everyone that had worked so hard to bring the series to life.

They had been scheduled to film a reaction for episode one’s premiere. He had been so tired and sleepy, and he had known Gulf had felt the same. They had kept their activities in their bedroom for too long and because of that, they had been yawning all over the interview.

The staff had been telling some questions coming from the fans while waiting for the episode to start.

_\- Someone asked which part of each other you think is cute – the girl reading the comments had said – Which part of Mew’s body does Gulf think is cute? And which part of Gulf’s body does Mew think is cute?_

_Gulf had turned to watch Mew, who was stretching himself on the couch._

_\- If everyone watches the trailer, they’ll think that Tharn thinks Type’s ankles are cute – Mew had said, not wanting to answer the question directly._

_He loved every part of his Nong’s body, but that was something he wasn’t going to say on a live._

_\- Ankles? – Gulf had asked confused._

_Mew smiled at his forgetful boyfriend._

_\- The scene where I kissed your ankle._

_\- But Gulf hasn’t answered the question yet – the girl had said._

_\- Which part is cute…? – Gulf had murmured while watching Mew intently, thoughtful._

_Mew had watched him with a little smile, wondering what his boyfriend would say about it. Trying to look handsome, Mew had done a little pose to impress Gulf._

_\- Your eyes – Gulf had finally said._

_\- Why? – Mew had asked smiling, genuinely wanting to know._

_\- They seem to have something when I look at them._

_What? Lust? Adoration? Care? Love?_

_\- Do my eyes have something? – Mew had asked._

_\- Yes._

The live had been quite fun, even though they had been tired and sleepy. Every moment he spent with Gulf was held dearly in Mew’s heart. The butterflies in his stomach had been wild that night while waiting for the episode to start. So many things could go wrong, and that would mean the end of his acting career.

But Mew hadn’t been worried just for him, he had been worried for Gulf as well.

TharnType was his boyfriend’s first lead role, and Mew had prayed for everything to go well for him. Mew had been worried for the antis, still out there waiting for a moment to attack him and bring him down. But this time, they would bring down Gulf along with him as well.

_\- I like this question, it’s like from a reporter – the girl had said._

_A reporter?_

_\- Is there any chance that you two will develop your relationship from now on – she had said with a smile._

_Mew and Gulf had laughed nervously._

_Mew had looked to the corner of the room, watching Bester and Boss look at him with a knowing stare, like saying “Be careful with what you say”_

_It had been a trick question._

_\- It really is like from a reporter – Gulf had said, still laughing – They really asked that._

_Mew had been still looking at Bosser, while his manager made a zip motion over his lips._

_\- I’m afraid I won’t answer this question – Mew finally had said while laughing._

_\- Please don’t ask me this question – Gulf had echoed._

That was something that concerned Mew the most. Their relationship. The things weren’t going to be the same after the series aired. They would get more and more attention, and every single detail of what they did and said would be looked at under a microscope.

Mew and Gulf had watched the first episode together. All the moments he had experienced while filming those scenes had come to his mind while watching. All his hard work had been there on the screen for everyone to see. The episode trended on Twitter and it was on everyone’s mouth.

Mew had thought everything had been okay when he went to sleep that night.

\--------------**-------------

**POV Gulf**

There were a lot of things Gulf could do to protect Mew’s heart and soul.

But at the same time, there were a lot of things he couldn’t do.

Watching Mew fall apart after the premiere for the first episode was heartbreaking for him. And frustrating. Because there wasn’t much he could do to make it better. Mew had counted on with his antis trying to bring drama into the premiere. He had been ready for that.

_\- I know they will hate no matter what I do – Mew had said – So I won’t take them into consideration. I’d rather just focus on the good things._

But as strong as his Phi could be, he wasn’t ready for the mass hate he got after the first episode.

The production had known that the firsts scenes from the series were going to be rather controversial. And they had been ready to explain the reason behind those scenes in the storyline on the Book Fair on the 12th.

But they didn’t see the hate thrown at Mew coming.

People started to talk about him, bringing his past to the light once again. Mew got his past mistakes thrown to his face. Antis and a lot of people started blocking his profile on Twitter and were urging others to do the same, calling him rapist, abuser, and many other names.

But this time it was worse. They were mistaking Tharn’s actions as Mew’s. The final scene from the episode made a whole revolution on the internet.

_“I’m Mew, I’m not Tharn. Please, don’t hate me”_

A desperate try to make everything a little better from Mew. He had spent so much time reading all the things people were saying about him.

_\- Why do they hate me like that, Yai Nong? – Mew had said while laying down on their bed, holding onto Gulf tightly – I didn’t do anything wrong this time. I was just acting._

_\- They just want to find a reason to hate you, Phi. Don’t mind their words, na?_

_Gulf’s frustration had reached maximum levels. He hadn’t known what to do or say in order to make his boyfriend feel better. He had had to bite his lip to keep the sob that was threatening to go out from his mouth._

_He just had held him, as tightly as he could, letting him know Gulf was still there with him._

The production had different meetings, deliberating carefully on how to operate after the first backlash. They had to take things and explain them slowly so that people would know that it hadn’t been their intention to make them feel bad.

The Book Fair was their first event after the premiere. The crew, the production, and the actors were there to interact with fans. Gulf knew his boyfriend had been really excited about the event, but that excitement had died with the recent events.

The actors and Gulf tried to make things better for him, but as much as Mew tried to act like everything was okay with him, the sadness didn’t leave his eyes the whole day. He seemed tired, and wary, not knowing how to act and what to say. Gulf spent the day by his side, cheering him on and comforting him when he felt like he couldn’t go on.

\- Are you okay, Phi? – Gulf asked him before he was about to go on stage.

\- As good as I can be – Mew answered, tiredly.

They both did their best that day. Thanks to their friends, Gulf was able to encourage his boyfriend a bit. At least, he didn’t look as devastated as he did a few days back.

Maybe things would get better after the Fair.

Gulf could only hope so.

\----------------**---------------

**POV Mew**

A week later things had calmed down a bit.

The second episode had raised controversy as well, but it wasn’t as bad as the first one. The attacks had decreased and Mew had finally felt a little bit better. Gulf had been by his side the whole time, not wanting to leave him alone with his thoughts.

He had left him that day, only because he had dinner with his family and Mew had insisted he should go.

_"Call me if something happens" his boyfriend had said._

Things were finally calming down.

Or so he thought.

What did that quote say? When you’re feeling happy, check again because something was wrong?

Mew was cleaning his condo when his phone beeped from his bedroom.

He left the vacuum in the living room and went to find his phone. A message from Boss was displayed on the lock screen, making his heart beat faster with fear.

**Bosser:**

**Dear god, Mew. This is bad.**

In the next message was a link to a news blog. Mew opened it with shaking fingers and let out a surprised breath after reading the headline.

**“Gulf Kanawut physically threatening Mew Suppasit’s old partner”**

After that was a picture of Gulf twisting HIS shirt in front of Mew’s condo from his graduation day.

\- Oh fuck…

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know how many chapters it will have... But I hope to update regularly.
> 
> Everyone please stay safe in your houses.
> 
> Follow me on Twitter: @KlovesBl


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